[After Monica gets a disastrous haircut.]
Ross:
How's Monica?
Phoebe:
She's calmed down a bit. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
Ross:
How's the hair?
Phoebe:
I'm not gonna lie to you Ross. It doesn't look good.
Chandler:
Can we see her?
Phoebe:
No, your hair looks too good. I think it would only upset her.
Rachel:
Oh.
Phoebe:
Ross, you can go on in.
Joey:
Just tell him Joey sent you. He'll know what it means.
Chandler:
Gee, I don't know. Do you think he'll be able to crack your code?
Monica:
Oh my god. How cute is the new eye doctor?
Rachel:
So cute I'm thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.
Rachel:
I use my breasts to get other people's attention.
Rachel:
Guess what, GUESS WHAT?!
Chandler:
The fifth dentist finally caved and now they ALL recommend Trident?
Ross:
I don't know what I'm gonna do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare!
Chandler:
Oh, I know, this must be so hard. "Oh no, two women love me! They're both gorgeous and sexy! My wallet's too
small for my fifties AND MY DIAMOND SHOES ARE TOO TIGHT!"
Ross:
Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian!
Susan: Well,
you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.
[Monica
is holding dozens of tiny bottles of liquor.]
Fun Bobby: I
think you might have a drinking problem.
Monica:
Oh, you mean these? There are just... uh... these are for cuts and scrapes.
[Ross
has traded in his "Snuggles" for a more manly laundry detergent.]
Rachel:
What's that?
Ross:
Uberweiss! It's strong, it's German, it's extra-tough!
[Ross
is wearing a white suit.]
Monica:
I like it even better on you than on Colonel Sanders.
Ross:
Look, I just came here to tell you guys something.
Rachel:
Oh! Was it how you invented the cotton gin?
Emily: Ross! Come
look! There's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Ross
on the phone: I gotta go! There's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Monica:
He had to go. There was a deer just outside, eating fruit from the orchard.
Joey:
And look! A phone in the bathroom!
Monica:
Joey, don't ever call me from that phone.
Joey:
Want some jam?
Chandler:
No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard.
Monica:
I'm dating a guy whose pool I once peed in.
Richard: I didn't
need to know that.
Phoebe:
No, I definitely don't like the name Ross.
Ross:
What a weird way to kick me when I'm down.
Phoebe:
Well it's just that something like this would never happen to, like, The Hulk.
Rachel:
You caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Ross:
Then I'll use the gentle cycle.
Rachel:
You don't just flit off to Vermont as soon as you meet someone!
Monica:
You flitted off to Vail as soon as you met Barry.
Rachel:
For once, could you not just remember every little thing?
[Describing
her friends.]
Monica:
Married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, married a gay ice dancer, threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire, live
in a box!
Phoebe:
We can be guys! Come on, let us be guys!
Chandler:
You don't want to be guys, you'd be all hairy and you wouldn't live as long.
[
has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms.]
Chandler:
Condoms?
Joey:
We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler:
And condoms are the way to do that?
[Monica
looks fat in an old home movie.]
Monica:
The camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler:
So how many cameras are actually on you?
Joey:
What? You made a bet! A bet is a bet! You bet on a bet, and if you lose you lose the bet!
Monica:
Mom and Dad have always liked you better!
Ross:
Hey! I married a lesbian to make you look good!
[Monica's
reunion with an old high school friend.]
Monica:
Oh my God. Do you still live with your parents?
Chip: Yeah.
But I can stay out as late as I want.
Monica:
So Chip, what do you do?
Chip: What do
you mean? You know where I work.
Monica:
You mean you still work at the movie theater?
Chip: Yeah.
I can get you free posters for your room!
Monica:
No thanks, I'm set!
Mrs. Geller: Oh
my goodness, there's an unattractive nude man playing a cello in that building!
Rachel:
Well, just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument.
Nurse: There are
too many people in here. So if you aren't an ex-husband, or a lesbian life-partner, please leave.
Chandler:
Do you have to be *Carol*'s lesbian life-partner or can you be anyone's?
[About
Ross' new baby]
Rachel:
I can't believe one of us has one of these.
Chandler:
I know. I still am one of these.
Rachel:
If she wanted to be more like me, why couldn't she just copy my hairstyle or something?
[Doing
a crossword puzzle.]
Ross:
Heating device.
Phoebe:
Radiator.
Ross:
Five letters.
Phoebe:
Rdatr.
Ross:
Monica categorizes her towels. How many categories are there?
Joey:
Everyday use...
Chandler:
Fancy...
Joey:
Guest...
Chandler:
Fancy Guest...
Ross:
Two seconds!
Joey:
Uh, uh... Eleven!
Ross:
Amazing. Eleven is correct!
Ross:
No Phoebe! You don't want to see what's under there!
Phoebe:
Oh my God... the foster puppets!
Ross:
You know how at the end of the day, you throw your jacket over a chair?
Joey:
Yeah?
Ross:
Well at her place, instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage.
Chandler
dancing and singing: She's going to call me back, she's going to call me back!
Monica:
Don't you still have to pee?
Chandler:
That's why I'm dancing!
[Joey
gets caught using Charlton Heston's dressing room shower.]
Charlton Heston:
Put some pants on, kid, so I can kick your butt.
Monica:
Whoa! Where you going in those pants? 1982?
Chandler:
Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
Ross:
No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there.
Joey:
She thinks she's the greatest actress since... since... sliced bread!
Chandler
to : How do you not fall down more?
[Carol
is nursing Ben.]
Ross:
This is the most beautiful, natural thing in the world.
Joey:
Yeah, but there's a baby sucking on it!
Ross:
So, uh, what did the insurance company say?
Chandler:
Oh, they said uh, "You don´t have insurance here so stop calling us."
Joey
watching Carol nursing Ben: If you blow into one side, does the other get bigger?
Rachel:
I've never asked a guy out before.
Phoebe:
You've never asked a guy out?
Rachel:
No. Have you?
Phoebe:
Thousands of times! That doesn't make me sound too good, does it?
Chandler:
Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't
have a dream.
Ross:
Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech.
Chandler:
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. ...Did I say that out loud?
Joey:
Monica, I'm telling you this guy is perfect for you!
Monica:
Forget it. Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.
Joey:
Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.
Monica:
Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing.
Chandler:
How do you find clothes that fit?
Chandler:
Gum would be perfection.
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