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Blast From the Past
Fan fiction and fond (mostly) memories
of soap days gone by


If You Only Knew


Part Two: Now I Know

If You Only Knew
My Love for You Was True

Kay stood frozen as Miguel's dark eyes slowly raked over her body from head to toe. She knew she should make a move to cover herself, but her feet wouldn't take the commands her brain was sending. In fact, her feet seemed to be rooted to the floor. Miguel finally raised his head and locked his eyes with hers. She was shocked at the emotion she saw in them. He wanted her. She could see it in his eyes. Miguel actually wanted her.

Another song came on the radio, but she didn't pay it any mind. She was too busy watching Miguel as he slowly started walking toward her. She sucked in a deep breath as he stopped just an inch shy of her body and raised his hands to cup her face. She closed her eyes as the pad of his thumbs brushed away her tears. Miguel had never touched her like this before. She'd seen him touch Charity this way, but had only dreamed of him touching her like this. Was she dreaming now? Was she asleep and dreaming that Miguel was here?

She opened her eyes to look at him, but then saw his face leaning toward hers and she closed them again. If she was dreaming, and Miguel really wasn't leaning toward her about to kiss her, then she did not want to wake up. His lips brushed hers lightly, but she felt the effect down to the tips of her toes. She had been dreaming of this moment for years and now here it was... it had to be a dream, she thought. It had to be, because in reality Miguel would never be kissing her.

She raised a hand to his chest and when she felt his hardened muscles underneath her fingers, she gasped then moaned as Miguel placed a hand on the back of her neck and angled his mouth to better fit hers. She was definitely not dreaming, she thought as his tongue traced her bottom lip, he was there. He was really kissing her. She parted her lips then grasped his shoulders tightly as his tongue glided over her bottom lip and started to mate with hers. She had never been kissed like this, she thought, not even in her dreams had kissing Miguel been this good.

After a few more seconds, Miguel broke the kiss and pulled away. They both had to work to steady their breathing. When she finally found the courage to open her eyes, she found Miguel staring at her intently, almost as if he'd never seen her before. She wasn't sure he had, but it was certainly clear that he did now.

Miguel stared into Kay's chocolate brown eyes, eyes still a little puffy from crying, and felt a tug in his heart. So many emotions was running through him right now, he wasn't sure what to say or do. He knew he had to say something, but looking at her now... he couldn't seem to find the words. He felt as if he'd been sucker punched. His heart was still racing and he wasn't entirely sure his legs would continue to hold him. That was partially why he still held Kay in his arms. The other reason was she just felt too good to let go. Her skin felt so silky, so soft... and it felt so very right to touch her.

"Kay." He whispered removing his hand from the back of her head and placing it on the side of her neck, letting his thumb lightly rub her cheek. "Sweet Kay."

She leaned her head into his palm then sucked in a breath as his thumb ran over her lips, still swollen from his kiss. Her eyes darkened and he knew she wanted him to kiss her again. He wanted it to and that was why he leaned toward her and replaced his thumb with his lips. She moaned the minute his lips touched hers and the sound when straight to his heart. He could smell her sweet perfume and it intoxicated him. He was fast becoming drunk... drunk on kissing Kay. Kissing Kay, he thought. He was kissing Kay.

He pushed her away from him and he saw the surprise light her eyes. God, how could he have kissed her? He'd only come up to see if she was okay. He never meant to touch her... to kiss her. But hearing her say she loved him then seeing her in that gown, if it could be called a gown, was enough to make his temperature rise and his brain short-circuit. He'd taken advantage, he thought in disgust. He'd taken advantage of her heartache.

He lowered his eyes to the floor then stepped back away from her. Once he was a safe distance away, he raised his eyes to her face. He saw the tears start to well again and he prayed she didn't let them fall. He couldn't take seeing her cry again. "I'm sorry, Kay. You were upset and I -"

"It's okay." She whispered turning and grabbing her robe out of the close behind her. Once she had put it on and secured the ties, she turned to look at him again.
The tears were no longer in her eyes, regret was taking their place. Regret that he kissed her or that he had pulled away? She had said she loved him. Did she mean it? She had to have. He'd heard the pain in her voice. He'd seen the pain on her face and in her eyes. She had meant it. But would she admit it? And did he want her to?

He searched her eyes as his heart answered his question. "Kay, did you... did you mean what you said? Do you... do you love me?"

She sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. When she spoke her voice was soft, low, and full of quiet pain. Pain that hit him in the heart. "Please don't ask me that Miguel. Please don't ask me that."

She meant it, he thought his heart filling with an emotion he couldn't name. She didn't want to answer because she meant it. She loved him. He started to walk toward her, but a sound outside her door stopped him cold. His eyes locked with Kay's as a light knock sounded on her door and a voice whispered. "Kay, are you still up?"

Charity. Dear god, it was Charity.

Part Three: I Never Knew I Loved You Ė Until Now

Kayís eyes locked with Miguelís as Charityís voice came from the other side of the door. When she saw the panicked look on Miguelís face she knew that whatever the reason he had kissed her, it certainly wasnít because he loved her. While she had been ecstatic over the kiss, he had merely been regretful.

"Kay?" Charity asked.

Kay shook her head then sucked in a breath as the doorknob slowly started to turn. She brushed past Miguel and put her weight against the door then locked it. "Iím sorry Charity. Iím changing for bed. Iím really tired. Can we talk in the morning?"

"Yeah." Charity said, her voice laced with disappointment. "I couldnít sleep and since I saw your light on I thought we could talk, but I donít want to keep you up. Iíll just go downstairs and read a book or something."

Downstairs? If she went downstairs, how would Miguel leave? Oh god. "Um, Charity itís really late. Are you sure you should be downstairs reading a book? Maybe since itís so late you should just get a book and read it in your room. You wouldnít want to take the chance on waking mom and dad would you?"

"I wanted to lay on the couch and read. I promise I wonít wake Aunt Grace and Uncle Sam. Goodnight Kay, sweet dreams."

Sweet dreams. Ha. She wasnít going to be going to bed any time soon. Not with Miguel trapped in her room. "You too, Charity."

She shook her head then turned to see Miguel sitting on the end of her bed with his face buried in his hands. He was worried about how he was going to get out of here without his girlfriend finding out he was up here with another woman. Kay sighed inwardly then crossed to the bed and took a seat next to Miguel. "Itís okay, Miguel. Once Charity falls asleep you can use the backstairs and go out through the kitchen. Sheíll never even know you were up here."

He looked up and she saw the confusion in his face, which only made her confused. "Charity will know Iím up here Kay. How could she not? God, I never wanted to hurt her, but Iím going to. Thereís no way around it."

Kay shook her head again. "What are you talking about Miguel? She doesnít have to know you were here. You can sneak out the back way. Iíll go down in a little bit and if she isnít asleep, Iíll distract her so you can get out."

"No. " Miguel said taking her face in his hands. "You donít understand. Charity has to know I was here because she has to know why I have to break up with her."

"Break up with her! You canít do that. It was just a kiss Miguel. There is no reason anyone has to know!"

"Just a kiss? Kay you and I both know that is a lie. Besides that, I know you love me. I can see it in your eyes. I feel it in my heart. All this time I thought we were so close because we had known each other so long, but now I know the truth."

The truth? What was he talking about? "The truth about what?"

"The truth about the reason I can feel when youíre in pain. Thatís the reason I came up here in the first place. Tonight, I got this pain right here." He said grabbing her right hand and laying it against his chest, right over his heart. "And I knew you were hurting and that I had to make sure you were alright. I didnít know what that meant until I got up here and saw those tears in your eyes."

Kay searched his brown eyes not sure she knew what he meant. "What do you mean, Miguel?"

"I mean that the reason I know when youíre hurting is because we are so connected. Outside of my family, you are the only person Iím that connected to. Iím connected to your heart, Kay. There is only one possible reason for that and thatís why I have to tell Charity the truth."

One possible reason? Did he meanÖ? "Miguel Ė"

"I love you Kay. Thatís what it means. I love you."

Kay saw the truth in his eyes and knew her dream had finally come true. He loved her. Miguel actually loved her. "Oh Miguel! I love you too! More than anything in this world."

He laughed and caught her to him. "I know Kay. I feel the same way. Iím just sorry it took me so long to realize it. But now that I have, there is no way Iím going to waste a minute denying it. I love you and I donít care who knows it."

She raised her hands to his face then kissed him like there was no tomorrow. He had just made her the happiest woman in the world. She felt bad for Charity because she knew she cared deeply for Miguel, but she also knew that Charity would understand. She didnít know how she knew that, but she did. Everything was going to work out just fine. How could it not? Miguel finally knew she loved him and by some miracle he admitted that he loved her too. Life was definitely good and now that she had Miguel, it was only going to get better.

If You Only Knew
Sweet Kay, I Finally Do
I Love You





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