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If You Only Knew
by
OKDeanna

     

Important Note: In this story, Kay has not done anything to try to come between Miguel & Charity. She has been a loyal friend and cousin. She has put aside the love she has for Miguel because she doesn't want to hurt either one of them. No one knows Kay is in love with Miguel. It is something she hasn't told anyone, not even her best friend Simone.

Part One - Un-Break My Heart

If You Only Knew
These tears I cry for you

KAY BENNETT watched from her bedroom window as Miguel kissed Charity goodnight and wondered what it would be like if those lips were kissing her. Not that she would ever find out, of course. They were buddies, pals. God, she thought shaking her head and turning away from the window, why did he have to be in love with her cousin? It just wasn't fair. If it were anyone else but Charity, she would have fought for him. But it is Charity, she admonished herself, and she would just have to except that. She would just have to except the fact that she and Miguel would never be together. He thought them friends - nothing more. He would never think of them as more.

Kay closed her eyes and let the tears fall. She would never cry in front of anyone. That would only make them ask questions... questions she didn't want to answer. No one knew she was in love with Miguel and she planned to keep it that way. She hadn't even told her best friend Simone. She didn't want to take the chance that someone else might accidentally tell Miguel how she felt about it. That would be disastrous. He could never know how she felt. She didn't want him to know. It would only cause pain - for her and for him.

She knew Miguel would do anything for her. And if he thought, their somehow being friends was hurting her... Well, he wouldn't hesitate to try and set things right. But the only way to set them right would be to say goodbye. She knew she wouldn't be strong enough to do that. She took pride in the fact that everyone always thought of her as being so tough. Everyone who knew her always said she was strong enough that she could do anything. Ha, what would they say if they knew she was in love with a guy that didn't even know she was alive?

Well, that wasn't exactly true, she thought. He knew she was alive, he just didn't know she was alive. He didn't see her as a girl, as a woman. He saw her as Kay, his friend. His buddy. He saw her as girl that used to climb trees with him. The girl that used to go fishing with him and that had joined the baseball team with him. He only saw her as one of the guys. It didn't matter that she was almost seventeen and had developed curves that proved she wasn't one of the guys. Miguel just couldn't see her as anything but a good friend, a buddy he had known his whole life.

Things might have been different had Charity not shown up. But then again, some other girl would have probably caught Miguel's attention. At least she knew Charity would treat him the way he deserved to be treated. She had tried to hate her cousin, but she was just so nice it was impossible to dislike her. She and Charity had actually grown to become good friends. At first, it was hard to put aside her pain, but after awhile she learned that if she buried it deep, really deep it wasn't as hard to deal with. But now, ever since Charity and Miguel had been crowned prom king and queen, things had gotten worse. Now it was hard for her to even be around them. They continued to invite her to the movies with them, but she continually turned them down. She knew it was just a matter of time before they fell in love, if they hadn't already and she did not want to be around when it happened.

She knew would never be able to deal with seeing the look in Miguel's eyes as he told Charity he loved her. It would be like a knife cutting into her heart and ripping it out piece by tiny piece. So she had made a vow to stay as far away from them as could be. So far, it had worked, but tonight Miguel had been a little more persistent in wanting her to go with them. She wasn't sure why though. It had been months since he had really cared to spend any time with her and she couldn't figure out why he wanted to now. She just didn't understand why it was such a big deal all of the sudden.

Kay shook her head then wiped the tears from her eyes. She needed something else to occupy her thoughts. She spied the stereo in the corner of her room and thought a little music certainly couldn't hurt. A second later, as a sad love song came over the airwaves, she realized she made a big mistake. She listened to the song and felt the pain in her heart increase its strength.

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take the tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My heart

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My heart

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many, many nights
Un-break my

Un-break my heart
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on


(Un-Break My Heart written by Diane Warren,
sung by Toni Braxton)



MIGUEL LOPEZ-FITZGERALD kissed his girlfriend Charity goodnight then started to make his way down the steps away from the house. Just as he reached the curb, he felt a sudden ache in his chest. He knew instinctively that someone he loved was upset. He could feel it. He got these feelings from time to time. But usually, he got them when he was with his sister Theresa. She'd be crying over Ethan and he would get this ache because he hated to see her in so much pain. But it couldn't be Theresa this time. Now that Ethan had admitted his feelings for her, Theresa was on cloud nine.

He shook his head and raised a hand to his chest as the ache got stronger. Who was in so much pain? Was it Kay? He wondered glancing up at her bedroom window. Was Kay the one that was in pain? She was the only other person that he ever got such a strong feeling about. It always surprised him when it happened too. Somehow he always seemed to know when she was hurting. The only problem was she'd never admit it. She always had to be so tough. She never admitted when she was hurting, but he could always tell anyway. He usually felt it. When he did, he'd ask her how she was. She'd smile and say she was fine then walk away from him before he could question her about the sadness in her eyes. Lately, the flashes of sadness he saw in her eyes had become more and more frequent. In fact, it was almost as if the sadness was permanently etched in them.

What made her so sad all the time? And what was it that was breaking her heart so badly right now? He had no doubt that it was Kay, who was in so much pain. The moment her name had popped into her head, the ache in his chest and gotten worse.

Another sharp pain pierced his heart and he realized he had to make sure she was okay. He ran up the sidewalk and practically jumped back onto the porch. He knocked on the door and hoped Charity didn't answer. He didn't want to have to explain how he knew Kay was hurting. That would bring up a topic of conversation he did not want to delve into. He would just make sure Kay was all right and then he would leave.

Since no one answered the door, he figured they were all in bed asleep. Charity had probably already gone to bed as well, she'd said she was tired. He took a deep breath then leaned down and reached behind Grace's potted plants for the spare key. The minute his fingers touched it, he felt a small sense of relief. He picked it up and quickly inserted it into the lock. He heard a click then thanked his lucky stars when the door opened.

He placed the key back where he found it then softly opened the door, listening for any sign that someone else was awake. Since he heard none, he quietly shut the door and made his way up the stairs toward Kay's bedroom. He made sure he was extra quiet when he passed Charity and Jessica's rooms. He didn't want to take the chance that one of them would wake up and ask him what he was doing. Since Sam and Grace's room was downstairs, he knew they wouldn't hear him. He reached for the doorknob of Kay's room, but stopped when he thought he heard her crying. He'd never Kay cry before. Something must really be wrong, he thought.

Miguel quietly opened the door and stopped short when he saw her sprawled across the bed with her head buried in her hands. Since the music was on and she was crying, he figured she hadn't heard him. He quickly turned and shut the door, afraid someone else would hear her crying and come to check on her. He didn't want to have to explain why he had snuck into Kay's bedroom at, he glanced at his watch, midnight. Damn, what was he doing? He turned to go back out, but then he heard her sobs and knew he couldn't leave. Not until he knew what was making her so upset. He took a step toward her, but froze when he heard her whisper his name. "Oh, Miguel, why can't you see how much I love you."

His jaw dropped in surprise and he thought he must have made a noise of some kind, because Kay suddenly bolted off the bed and spun toward him. It was then he noticed what she was wearing, a soft blue see-through nightgown that did nothing to hide the curves of the body underneath it. He sucked in a breath as his eyes seemed to take on a life of their own and slowly roamed over her. He'd always seen Kay in jeans and a T-shirt or when they were younger in her baseball uniform, but he'd never seen her look like this.

His eyes took in her long shapely legs and the gentle curve of her hips, but it was when his eyes fell on her soft, round breasts that he felt himself grow hard with desire. They seemed to rise and fall with each breath she took and his palm itched to feel them in his hands. Good lord, he thought shaking his head and forcing himself to meet her eyes, this was Kay. His friend, his buddy. This was the same Kay he'd known all his life. Or was it, he thought searching her shocked hazel eyes? The Kay standing in front of him was definitely not the same Kay that used to play short stop on the baseball team. No this Kay, this Kay was anything but one of his buddies... this Kay was a temptation... a temptation he wasn't sure he had the strength to refuse.

to part 2

       
     

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