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It Was Always You

A Kay & Reese fanfic

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 Rating: PG-13

     

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It Was Always You
by
OKDeanna

Chapter One

"Are you glad to see me Kay?"

"I am Reese, I really am." Kay Bennett said smiling into blue eyes no longer hidden behind the thick black glasses. And she meant it, she thought in surprise, she meant every word of it. She had watched Reese Durkey risk his life again and again tonight. He hadn't given a thought to himself. Unlike her. She lowered her head in shame. All she had thought about tonight was herself and getting Miguel away from Charity. This was all her fault. If she hadn't been so damn selfish none of this would have happened.

A tear slowly slid down her cheek, but before she could reach up and wipe it away, Reese was there pulling her into his arms. She didn't pull away like she normally would have. For the first time, she actually welcomed his embrace. She welcomed his hands rubbing her back and his voice whispering soothing words to her. For the first time in her life, she was grateful that Reese was there beside her.

As the tears continued to fall, Kay wrapped her arms around Reese and hung on for dear life. Then she made a promise to herself that if they made it home safely, she would never again treat Reese like he was something she had stepped in. She made another promise to give up on Miguel. She had finally realized tonight that Miguel loved Charity and she made the decision to stop chasing after him. She no longer liked the person she had become. She no longer respected herself. But she would, she thought, she would like herself again. All she needed was the chance to change.



Reese Durkey put his hand on the back of Kay's head and continued to stroke her hair. She made no move to break the embrace they were in, which baffled him really. She never let him hold her. Maybe the scare they all had tonight had finally broken down those walls that were so high around her heart. He'd tried everything else, but nothing seemed to work. He had decided earlier tonight to give up his pursuit of her, because she obviously wasn't interested. He figured that she would never see him as anything, but a geek. But then again, here she was in his arms. Letting him hold her. Letting him comfort her.

It only because Miguel isn't here, he told himself. He had seen the way she looked at Miguel when she thought no one was looking. He knew she was in love with him. He had hoped she would give him a chance to win her heart, but she never had. If he was honest with himself, he knew she never would. So why couldn't he just let her go? Because you love her, his heart answered. He knew it was true, but he wished to God it wasn't. Loving Kay Bennett just hurt too much.

"Kay?" Reese whispered against her hair. "It'll be all right. We'll be okay. I promise."

She raised her head and looked at him. He sucked in a breath as his blue eyes met her tear filled brown eyes. His heart ached at the pain he saw in them. He'd never seen so much pain in all his life. Something was eating her up inside. He could see it. But he knew she would never trust him enough to tell him. She only trusted Miguel or Simone with the secrets of her heart. God, how he wished just once she would trust him.

"Reese, this is all my fault." She said pulling him back to her and resting her head on his shoulder. "All of it. It's all my fault."

Reese didn't know what to do. She really seemed to believe this disaster was her fault, but how could it be? How could she have been responsible for a storm? There was no way. She was just in shock, he thought. She was taking the blame for something she had no control over. Maybe it was the coldness of the water affecting her or maybe the fear for her father. Or maybe she was just worried about Miguel.

"Kay," he said pulling back and placing his hand under her chin to force her to meet his eyes. "None of this is your fault. This storm came out of nowhere. No one could have known it was coming. No one."

"No, you don't understand." She said shaking her head causing him to drop his hand. "I was the one that did it. I was the one that -"

"Kay!" Simone yelled from beside them. "Reese is right. You had nothing to do with this storm!"

Reese watched something pass between them and wondered what it was. He knew Kay and Simone had a lot of secrets between them, but something was different about this one. This time it seemed as if Simone was worried Kay would tell him something. Something she, for some reason, didn't want him to know. That was rather odd, he thought rubbing the back of his neck. Usually, it was Kay stopping Simone from telling something.

"Kay, why would you think this storm was your fault? What do you think you did?" Reese asked searching her eyes, begging her to trust him with what was worrying her.

She returned his stare for a full three seconds then closed her eyes and he knew before she even opened them again that she was going to shut him out. Would she ever let him in? No, he thought sighing in frustration, and that is the reason, he had to let her go. She would never confide in him. And that hurt more than he would ever admit to anyone.

"I'm sorry Reese." Kay said pulling away from him. "I'm just not myself right now. I'm just scared I guess and when I get scared I tend to ramble and make no sense whatsoever. Of course, there is no way this storm could be my fault. It's crazy to think it could be."

The look in her eyes didn't match the words she spoke. She was lying, he could see it… he could feel it. For some reason, she really did blame herself for what happened on that boat tonight. But he knew she would never tell him why. To do that she would have to trust him and he knew she would never give him a chance to earn that trust. She never gave him a chance at anything.

He nodded and went to sit by Jessica. He could feel Kay's eyes on him, but he refused to look at her. He wouldn't allow her to treat him as if he wasn't good enough anymore. It was time he gave up the lost cause of making Kay Bennett fall in love with him. Her heart already belonged to someone else anyway and even if it didn't, she would never give it to him. Not in a million years could he ever be that lucky.



Kay had never been so relieved in her life as she was when the boat pulled into the pier. Just as she started to exit the boat, a hand shot out to help her. She placed her own inside it then looked up to see Reese staring down at her. He looked different without his glasses and his hair slicked back. He looked... decent, kind of sexy. Whoa, she thought, she must be losing it if Reese Durkey was starting to look sexy. But then tonight he had proved to be, not the geek she always thought him, but a man, a very brave man that risked his life to save people aboard a sinking prom boat. For that, she thought, he deserved a medal. But she had no medal to give him. Then again, she had something better. Something she knew he would appreciate.

She stepped out of the boat and when Reese started to pull away from her, she tugged on his hand. He looked at her startled and seemed to freeze where he stood. She smiled and stepped closer to him. Then she placed a kiss on his cheek. "You were terrific tonight, Reese. I saw you help all those people get off the boat. You risked your life for them. Not only that but you held me while I cried even after I've been so awful to you. I'm so sorry Reese. I'm so sorry for treating you the way I have. You don't deserve it. And you know what else? I don't deserve you."

He started to say something, but she just shook her head and walked away before he had the chance to say anything. She didn't want to hear him tell her how great she was. She knew it was a lie. Tonight she had humiliated her own cousin by dumping fish guts on her, at what was possibly one of the happiest moments in her life, all because the boy she loved was in love with her. God, Simone and Jessica were right, she really was a monster.

"What are you up to Kay?" Jessica said gripping her arm and coming to stand in front of her. "I heard what you told Reese. What kind of scheme are you planning now?"

Kay felt the tears start to well in her eyes and she could tell Jessica was as surprised by them as she was. "Jess, I swear I meant every word I told Reese. It wasn't a scheme or a plot or anything. It was the truth."

Jessica gave her a look that said she didn't believe her then turned and walked over to Reese, who still standing where she left him a few moments before. She couldn't blame them for being surprised or for not believing her. But she had meant what she said. She had learned her lesson tonight and she planned to keep the promises she made on that raft tonight too. She would stop trying to break up Miguel and Charity. She would stop treating Reese as if he wasn't fit to breathe the same air as she was. But most of all, she would stop being the self-centered bitch she had been since Charity came into their lives. She was through planning and scheming to get what she wanted. From now on, she was going to be a person she could respect and maybe, just maybe one day she would be able to forgive herself for the tragedy she had caused tonight.

               
     

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