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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ N O V E M B E R '99 xpage 1

 
Dear msX
What is the average age for girls to have sex?
clueless

Dear Average,
I don't know the answer to that and I distrust generalizations that give an average of an entire mixed population. I think it is up to the individual, taking into account culture, maturity, monogamy, and, of course, the commitment of one's partner. Promiscuity is really a dangerous practice and young people are often fickle, thinking they're in love with X on Wednesday, Y on Thursday. Sex carries responsibility. Some even wait until they're married or in college before they even think about having recreational sex.
msX



Dear msX
Okay, me and my bf have been together for a year and now all we seem to do is fight, I love him to death and want it all to stop. But no matter how hard we try we canít stop fighting. He told me he wants us to be together forever but I donít want that if all weíre ever gonna do is fight. My friend told me that we need to break up now rather than later to save on the heartache. But he doesnít understand how much we really do love each other. We do get along but we canít be around each other very long or we do fight. How can I make all the fighting stop without losing my bf? Please, I need your help.
Signed,
Worried

Dear Fighter,
Either you're not trying hard enough or you're not meant to be together. If this is how your relationship is now, multiply that by a hundred if you're together ten years from now. By a thousand in twenty. Why on earth would you want to preserve such a difficult relationship? Unless you like fighting. Examine why you fight so you don't bring this crap into your next relationship. And, move on. Life is too precious to waste in conflict.
msX


Dear msX
There's this girl at my school that tends to follow me and my friends around. She insults some of them (with comments such as "you two don't even seem to be like the type to be in this group!) and gets whiny when people don't pay attention to her or thinks we're excluding her from the "group." I despise thinking of us as a clique. Hey, we're not even the cream of the crop at our school! LOL. I get the hint that maybe she has low self esteem by the days when she used to ask "are you accepting me into the group? you like me right?" but we're spineless so we said of course anyway. But now people are getting really aggravated at her and even like the nicest girl is ready to write her a note telling her to leave us alone. Dunno what to do how to do it or anything. So confused. I don't wanna hurt her feelings (who ever wants to hurt ANYone's feelings?) but any advice would be helpful. You'd think by the time we're all in 8th grade we'd have matured from this but I guess not.
Thanks. :-)

Dear Won't Go Away,
You don't owe this girl anything, hon. While it may be more politically correct to be kind, I think that after kindness fails, you must resort to honesty or avoidance. There is no reason any of you have to suffer her verbal abuse. Either be blunt with her yourself or, if your group really feels the same way (and it's not just your interpretation of their feelings), then have a meeting without her. Decide to change your patterns and lose her. If she follows her, gently explain that you wanted some privacy right now and she is intruding. Stick to your guns. You can tell her that you find her behavior offensive and don't want to waste your time feeling stressed. If your friends go along with you, fine. But, you might expect that one or two of them might actually enjoy the dynamics of this strange relationship. Don't be surprised. Hopefully, you will retain the friends you really care about from the group. By being blunt, I don't mean being cruel. Just a civil "no thanks" if she asks you to join her will tell her you're not interested after a few tries. Sometimes in an effort to be kind to others, we are cruel to ourselves. You owe this young lady nothing.
msX


Dear msX
I've been friends with this guy I know (he's my age I call all boys guys) for a while now and the day of our Halloween Dance at school he asked me to be his date as friends for the dance I said sure acting cool but I secretly like him. at the dance my other friend pulled me away and started dancing with me just for fun and his X came and talked to him then I motioned him over to come dance with me he came over and told me that she wanted to dance with him. I asked him if he wanted to and he said kinda. I told him to go dance with her since I wasn't his girlfriend or anything and what would one dance hurt anyway? He ended up dancing that dance with her 2 slow dances and another dance! I saw him follow her down the hall and goo gaa over her and then I saw them with their arms around each other! I was ticked off and I had someone tell him I said, ''F*** You A**hole!" He started to cry and I started to cry more. His X came up to me and she's like sorry I didn't know you were his date I didn't even know he was with anyone tonight! I forgave her and then I told his best friend to have him meet me in the hall and to keep everyone away so we could talk (by this time half my friends knew} He said he told her and I forgave him and then he told me he and his X might be getting back together and I said if he wanted to go dance with her and I wouldn't care. I told him all I wanted was for him to be happy and if he ever needed someone to talk to he had my #. He went and danced with her and went and cried. I couldn't bare to see them together. I've had my share of crushes but this is different I really like him. and today (this all happened during the weekend and this was the first day back at school since then) during band I was doing my homework and he asked me to do his homework and his friend says she'd do my homework before yours cause I am in her class and then my crush says she'd sleep with me first! I think he was joking but I am not sure and then they started fighting over who I'd sleep with first! Him and his X are back together and I wish there was someway I could get him to ask me out , but I'm afraid to tell him how I feel and I don't know why. You may be getting ready to tell me it's just a crush and it will blow over but there's something different about this guy. I think I'm falling in love with him!

If you have any advice let me know. I'm afraid to tell him how I feel because I think (this might be why) I'm afraid that we won't be able to be friends if he doesnít feel about me the same way and I don't want to lose our friendship

Dear More than Friends,
I know you want to hear otherwise, but this fellow has already made his choice, his ex-girlfriend. Apparently they have some unfinished business between them. Now, you can hang around hoping that when it's over between them, he'll come and find you. Maybe he will if he needs some help with his homework. Or if he wants someone to sleep with. It is obvious from your description that this cocky s.o.b. feels that he can have you (in any form) whenever he wants to. What I'm saying is that he knows how you feel already, and, while he may exploit your feelings when he has the need to, he doesn't feel the same. If you want to be used, hang around. But, me? I'd make it a point to move on and never permit myself to be used by this fellow again.
msX


Dear msX
Hmm.. I'm a little confused! Well things with the guy I'm interested in was going well.. until the first time we ever did anything together. We didn't go on a date, we just got together as friends & hung out as a no big deal thing.

He told me he'd call me.. and it's been aprox 1 month & I still haven't heard from him. I don't know if he decided to drop me forever, or is just taking time out to figure out where his head is at. It seemed like he had a really great time and things were going really well.. I don't know what happened. I don't know if this is just a temporary thing or if he's dropped me for good.

I have left a message on his machine a few times, and he never returned my calls. He's not the type who would be really rude, and ignore me, or not return my calls. I really like this guy a lot, and I don't want it to be over. I mailed him a letter the other day, explaining I was confused and didn't know where he was coming from, and what he was after. I let him know I still wanted to be friends. I told him to call me. So I guess we'll see what happens.

Maybe the writing is on the wall.. & I'm too blinded by my feelings to see it.. but I hope that's not what is going on. So what should I do.. I frustrated because I haven't heard a word from this guy in almost a month, and I don't know one way or the other where he stands. I don't wanna confront him and throw all these questions at him as if I'm interrogating/blaming him. I'd like to know where he stands... Do I wait & see if he calls or do I just call him? What should I do I'm so confused!
Confused in love ~

Dear Out to Lunch,
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but this fellow could has your number and could have called you if he wanted to. He obviously didn't. Don't waste any more time perseverating over him. If he wants to find you, he knows where to look. Calling him countless times only makes you seem desperate and needy.
Give it up.
msX


Dear msX
Hi. I first want to say thank you for listening to my problem. I have already written you about this, but I have yet to get an answer to it. The problem was that I have been friends with this guy for the past 2 years. In fact he is one of my best friends. I love him as a friend but I also love him in another way. I just don't know what to do. Every time that I see him with a girl I get really jealous and envious of the girl. I always support him in his new relationships. I just don't know if I should tell him in fear of losing the very close friendship that we have now. There is a little twist to the story here. The guy and I have hooked up like 3 times. Please help me out with what I should do. I have tried to put it aside but the more I am around him the more I want to be with him. I just love to be around him. He makes me happy. Thank you and I greatly appreciate your help. =)

Dear Friends,
By "hooked up" do you mean made out, made love, or just hung out holding hands. Because if you've crossed the line of intimacy, then you should have the right to be open and ask him what his feelings are. He may think that it was just a "buddy f**k" and not realize that your feelings go much deeper. Personally, I think the time to talk is before intimacy, not after. If the choice is sitting around and wondering or knowing where you stand, I'd opt to be up front. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel, but don't crowd him or make demands. Let him absorb what you say and give him a day or two to respond. A letter might be a consideration. But again, you cannot make someone feel what they don't feel. Be prepared to get some possibly upsetting news that he only likes you as a friend.
Good luck,
msX



Dear msX
I have been missing alot of school lately and my mom and everybody around me is telling me I should drop out and get my GED and I wanna stay in school and graduate but I cant go to school its too hard for me to wake up and I have already missed too many days of school so I am gonna lose credit for this semester, what should I do??

Dear GED,
You've missed school because you can't wake up on time? And your mom allows it? Shame on both of you. Punctuality and attendance may seem like a small part of your educational experience, but it is an essential part of holding a job in the workplace. The skills it takes to get to work daily and on time are more important than knowing how to solve quadratic equations or analyze Shakespeare. All the degrees in the world are not going to keep you getting a paycheck if you can't wake up to get to work. It is irresponsible of your mother to allow you to settle for a GED because you can't get your butt out of bed in the morning.
Grow up and tell your mother to do the same,
msX


Dear msX
I need an essay on osceola. Can you find some information on him"


Dear Essay,
I've always done my own homework and so should you. Go to your homepage and do a search. That should get you started. Once you begin to gather info, you might find that the essay almost writes itself.
msX



Dear msX

Is it okay to have a friend who you have sex with?

Dear Sexy Friendship,
I suppose it could be
if it's safe sex and both parties are in agreement as to their expectations of the relationship. Just sex and friendship, no obligations, must be explicitly discussed. Otherwise it could be quite possible that for one party, it's friendly sex, but for the other, it's a whole lot more.
Proceed with caution.
ms X


Dear msX
Last week I asked for and got this really hot girls phone number. Unfortunately that following weekend we couldnít get together. The next week she talked to me all the time in the halls so I asked her out for dinner the following weekend. She said that she just wanted to be friends. This really disappointed me. I am 18 and she is 17. My previous girlfriend was the Homecoming queen, may this have scared her away. Please reply, I need help.

Dear Mixed Sigs,
Maybe she really does like your company...
but as a friend only. Or maybe she wants to get to know you better and feels, "What's the rush?" In any case, you can't force her to move faster, so just be yourself. If she's interested in getting romantic with you, you'll know soon enough.
ms X


Dear msX
In the last 2 months I have gone out with 4 guys and I am going out w/one of the 4 now...but things are not working out...and I just wanna be single because it's been so long since I have been single...but my friends are saying stuff about me going out w/so many guys and not being very nice to any of them...so i don't know what to do because I wanna break it off w/him but I don't want people to say stuff about me...what should I do??


Dear 4 Guys,
It's good that you realize it's time for an in-between period, some single time to be with friends and reflect on what you do want in a relationship. Be honest with your present guy, tell him you need your solitude. Perhaps your b*tchiness is just the manifestation of your feelings of being trapped. There's no shame in being single.
Go for it!
ms X

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