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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ O C T O B E R '99x page 2

 
Dear msX
Thereís this girl I really like, but I donít know how to ask her out but I think she likes me too but I want to be the one to ask her out and this other guy is trying to talk to her. Heís only looking for one thing. I know what he is after but Iím not like that. I want a nice relationship with her. What should I do?


Dear Omar,
Offer her one sincere compliment and see how she responds. If there's positive feedback, you can say something like, "Would you like to get something to eat with me?" A little conversation over food will give you both a chance to get to know each other. But, you cannot keep the other fellows away from her if she's interested.
Good luck,
msX

Dear msX
I actually have two questions:
1. I am in the gifted program and I like it a lot but I seem to feel like I am not always doing my best but I can't see why. Like the other day we were going over a science paper that was homework. I was very confident in my answers but almost all of them were wrong. Do you think it's because I am distracted by other thoughts when I'm doing my homework because that happens a lot.

2. I am in 6th grade I have a guy in mind that I want to go with to the dance. He is a friend, that I have known since 4th grade. But he is in 7th grade. I am kind of chubby. Should I ask him or ask a 6th grader or wait for someone to ask me. My mom says I shouldn't ask because they probably won't go because I am sort of overweight.


Dear Guys & School,
Around puberty alot of people get distracted from their schoolwork. The trick is to not lose your concentration completely. Schoolwork will lead to a better future in the end, so while difficult, it would be foolish to toss school aside and become boy-crazy. You are only in sixth grade and there are a lot of dating years in front of you. So train yourself to focus on what is really important. I think your mother is being very mean by telling you that you shouldn't be forward because you are chubby. You may be a little more at risk for rejection than someone slender (as people are shallow, aren't they?), but don't let that stop you from being yourself. Go with your personality. If you're outgoing, don't let your weight make you into a wallflower. There are guys out there who don't like skinny Minnies, either. Anyone worth your while will see the total package you bring to a relationship, brains included. Your mom is probably just trying to manipulate you into doing something about your weight, mostly because she doesn't want to see you hurt. Losing weight might not be a bad thing, either, but that, too, should come from you. Whatever you decide, good luck,
msX

Dear msX
Hmm.. I kinda forgot to mention in my last post.. This guy that I like, I know for sure he doesn't have a girlfriend. How do I know? Well, when we first met this girl from our class told me. He admitted to her he didn't have a girlfriend (he wasn't interested in her, she had a boyfriend). So I definitely know he's not seeing anyone. How can I get him to talk about what he wants from me. Friendship or romance? I really don't want to ask straight out because I'm afraid he'll feel pressured or forced. I want to know where I stand with him so I know whether or not to affectionate & loving with him. It's tough because I have a hard time talking about these kinds of things. Its frustrating not knowing what to do. I really don't want to scare him away and screw things up between us. I don't want him to suddenly decide to ditch me. I really like this guy a lot and it scares me just how strong my feelings for him are!
Like I said before we have this really great goofing around/teasing relationship.. that I wouldn't change for anything. I feel like he completes me, and I totally trust him. I wouldn't change anything about him. It seems as if were stuck.. wanting to move forward to the next stage ..but frozen where we are now. How can I get him to open his heart to me? I'm trying really hard to steal his heart! He knows exactly how I feel about him, because I let him know all the time. I hope he's not afraid to give his heart to me. Hmmm what should I do to draw his feeling out without coming right out and asking him what he wants from me?


Dear Friendship or Love,
We don't always know right off whether the aroma from the over is bread or cake, do we? It seems like you and your fellow are in a nice place now, don't rush things. Let things cook and you will know in time just what you have there.
Patience!
msX

Dear msX
There are four girls that want to go to prom with me. They are all my friends and they all hate that the other wants to go with me as much as they do. Now Iím not a conceited guy and I know which one I want to go with, its just that I donít want to lose any friendships over it because it is actually to the point where they are mad at me for not picking anyone yet and Iím just thinking of not going at all. What should I do?


Dear Who Do I Pick?
The prom is in June, isn't it? I would wait until at least January or later until I asked anyone. Things have a way of changing over time and you wouldn't want to be stuck going to the prom with the wrong girl, would you? If you don't know by then, write back.
msX


Dear msX
Okay, my boyfriend of 11 months is getting way too possessive. He hates when I go out with my friend, Daron. Josh hates Daron for no reason. I give all my free time to Josh, but it still isnít enough for him. I canít take it. Daron told me to just break up with him because he is hurting me, but I love him and would do anything in the world for him. I love Josh but I donít want to be bossed around and told what to do. Help me!


Dear Worried,
A secure man does not panic when his girlfriend has a male friend. If you reassure Josh and he still insists that you not see Daron, then you'll have to choose. Me? I'd choose friendship over romance if the romance was with someone who wanted to limit my friendships. You are a human being, not a possession. I don't find it flattering that he wants to devour all your time...it shows that he's not trusting and sensitive. Take off your blinders, girl!
msX


Dear msX
Iím friends with one of my ex-boyfriends, and my current boyfriend doesnít like it. I still have feelings for him, and I know he has them for me, but I love the boyfriend I have now. What do I do?
Signed, Troubled


Dear Troubled,
Tricky situation. If you were just friends with your old boyfriend and didn't have these feelings, then I'd tell the current one that he could not choose my friends, like it or not. But, since you have feelings for the old boyfriend, do you really think it is fair that you tie yourself down to your present boyfriend? I think if the situation were reversed, you wouldn't like it one bit. Think about it. You can't always get what you want, hon.
msX


Dear msX
I was going out with this guy for a year and three months and we just recently broke up and I donít know what to do. he is in jail right now an he is 24 and I'm 16 and I love him with all my heart I would do anything for him. Well he said that we need time to think about what we want. He said that I was immature and to write him when I've matured some. But then I got a letter from him saying where he was going and he said to write him or to wait till he writes me. What should I do? Im lost. I love him and I want to be with him should I write him back he knows how I feel about him but he said I just don't show him I love him. He said I should at least write him about 3 times a week. But he has to understand how old I am. HELP! I still love him and want to be with him and I know he feels the same.


Dear Boyfriend's in Jail,
Let's hope he stays in jail until you can come to your senses! Not only is he too old for you, he sounds dangerous. People don't usually wind up in jail by mistake. He probably could get more time if the authorities knew he was having a relationship with a minor. You have no idea of what a bad move life with a felon can be. Jail is boring. He probably asked you to write because he's bored out of his gourd. Reading and writing letters is his limited entertainment. Having someone write love letters to him while he's imprisoned helps to feed the dreams that he may need to survive in jail. But, they are dreams, only to break the monotony, not to plan a future together. Is a convicted felon who you want to be father to your children? Take this as an opportunity to get rid of this loser. Write him to tell him he was right...that you are too immature for him. Get out quickly while you can.
msX


Dear msX
Hi, this is the 3rd time I sent to you my problem. I hope u will answer this one. I have a problem that started 3 months ago and I still don't know what to do and the problem is getting bigger and bigger. Well, it started with a boy in my class called J. There was a rumors that he liked me. I liked him too but I decided to wait until Iím ready to make a move. and then, the whole class started to tease me and him. We didn't get angry and we tried acting normally even we were siting next to each other. 2 weeks later,3 of my classmates (B ,N, and F) told me that they had a crush on J. They told me to break up with J b'coz they liked him. I told them that Iím not his girlfriend so why I have to do that such thing. In the same time, the rumors spread up to other classes. and all the girls who had crush on him started to act weird when they saw me. My best friends told me to do something about this problem. They suggested to write a love letter and wrote other girl name on it and we choose F. We wrote the letter to make other people stop talking about the rumors. But, since Iím the only girl whoís sitting next to J, the plan had backfired me. All guys kept asking me about the letter. We have made a mistake in this plan, one of the girls who joined to write the letter is N. I forgot about her, and know she uses this chance to make J hates me. I don't mind if he hates me, but all I want is to make all of this thing clear that I never had a crush on J. now, he never talk to me anymore. One of J's friend told me that he still likes me but he still angry 'bout the love letter. I hope u can help me. I wanna know how to make friends with him back.
Iím sorry if this letter is so long. Please help me, msX


Dear Third Time,
You blew it! Listening to your friends, you became the entertainment for the entire school. And, you made your friend J angry with you by broadcasting his name all over town. What did all this game-playing accomplish, child? When one acts is a manipulative way, it almost always backfires. Real life is not like a soap opera where someone tells a lie and gets what they want. Real people are (hopefully) not that stupid. I just don't get why you couldn't be honest in the first place? Learn from this. Boys don't like girls who play games like this. You embarrassed him. Everyone knows your business now, even though you thought you were keeping it all to yourself by being dishonest. And, never listen to your friends unless you're completely certain they are your true friends. Give it up. There is no need for J to know you never had a crush. Let this all hoopla die down and move on.
msX


Dear msX
I just had period and I don't know how to tell my mom. How should I tell her/ bring it up?


Dear First Period,
If you're shy about talking to your mom, get over it! She's been there and done that. And unless you're going to be buying your own Kotex and smuggling it into the house in the dead of the night, she's going to find out. How to broach the topic? Ask her some questions about feminine hygiene products, maybe ask her what she thinks you should try. She should get the point. This is not anything to be ashamed of, hon, it's really a natural part of being a woman.
Relax,
msX


Dear msX
Im 18 years old and I am very skinny. My boyfriends and others think I look cute but it's the thicker girls who get all of the attention. I also don't think Iím cute. I have a big nose and acne blemishes on my face. give me some advice.


Dear 2-Skinny,
You can take a proactive approach by going to the gym or finding an exercise program that will shape your body. Even thin girls can benefit from a little shaping and toning to add curves. There are nutritional supplements that will help you to gain weight healthily -- look into it at a health food store or on the web. You can also see a dermatologist. Sometimes acne is just hormones going berserk and you will outgrow it. But, I don't think you have to suffer acne when there are medicines that you can take for it. I've personally seen kids skin clear up miraculously after one or two visits to a skin doctor. Don't worry...everyone sees themself differently than others do. I'm sure you're being too hard on yourself.
Take care,
msX


Dear msX
There's this guy, in 3 of my classes who's been kind of flirting with me for the last few weeks. The problems are that he flirts with a lot of people, and we're from different social groups. I don't know him very well, but so far I think he's pretty nice. I'm kind of shy though, and don't know how to respond to this stuff sometimes. Should I just flirt back a little, and get to know him as a friend? Or, how should I respond when he flirts with me and with other girls??? Thanks.


Dear Should I Flirt Back,
You can call him on his flirting with the time-honored line of, "I bet you say that to all the girls" ~ said with a smile, of course. That is flirting back, but it's also making him aware that you know his reputation as a player. Tease him back about his unbridled flirting and you might become fast friends or something more.
msX


Dear msX
I went 2 camp for a week over the summer. I met this really cute guy, but he lives in New York, and I live in West Virginia. We keep in touch every once in a while. We both like each other alot. I only want him, but can't help to look at the other dudes. He really makes me happy, but what am I gonna do until December when I see him again?
sincerely,
In Luv


Dear Boyfriend in Another City,
Summer romances are wonderful, aren't they? That's the nature of the beast -- we always want things that are hard to get. By all means, keep in touch with him, but don't limit your life because of him. Maybe one day, the two of you will get some time to see if your relationship can stand the test of the outside world, but now you have local stuff to think about. December isn't that far away anyway...I see Christmas stuff in the stores already.
Hope it works out,
msX



Dear msX
Hi! Ok, I have natural curly-wavy hair. I NEED A NEW STYLE!!!! Help me!! My hair is up to the middle of my neck. thanks


Dear Curly~Wavy Locks,
There is a board here called "Vanities" where several hairdressers hang out. Post your question there and I'm sure you'll get tons of input. Me, I leave hair problems to the experts. But, remember, no one really likes their own hair.
Do it!
msX

Dear msX
I am having a serious problem. for approx. 1 1/2 years I was in a long-distance relationship and before that the guy was one of my closest friends. I have always felt we are soul mates, and he plans to move down here and live near me after his graduation next year. (he had already planned to relocate to this area before he met me). So we will not be far apart much longer. Being so far apart now is very frustrating for me though. That is the only problem with my relationship with him. he is the sweetest guy Iíve ever known (I had some bad experiences before this)

A few weeks ago a friend of mine who lives nearby and goes to my high school asked me out. After considering the offer for several weeks (I originally turned this guy down, but on his second try I decided to give him a chance, and broke up with my long-distance guy).

Now I am afraid that I have made a mistake. I still have much stronger feelings for my faraway love than I do for my new guy. However, I have only been dating him for about 3 1/2 weeks. So I suppose I may not be giving him a chance. My fear is that I am using the new guy as a replacement for the long- distance one. I cannot be with the guy who lives so far away, so Iím afraid I may be using the guy I can see every day as a substitute.

Iím a little desperate, to be posting my question in this forum. Normally, my long-distance guy (who is still a friend now, but he is very hurt by me, understandably) is my confidante. and I have discussed this with him. but he cannot give me objective advice, since of course he wants me to come back to him. And sometimes I agree with him. but I keep going back and forth. Stay with one guy or go back to the other? I am so confused, and feel horrible for doing this to both guys. (the l-d guy knows about my new boyfriend, but my new bf doesnít know about my confusion over my feelings for my old guy) What do I do? Can you help me think more clearly? thanks!


Dear Help!
It doesn't have to be one or the other, does it? If you don't like the local guy, get rid of him. And, if you can't take the stress and loneliness of a long-distance affair, then be honest with your love. Maybe time will work things out, maybe not, but I'd hesitate to throw such a friendship in the toilet. Try being unattached and see where your heart leads you.
Good luck,
msX


Dear msX
My problem is Iím 15 and I think I might be pregnant. My Mom has always told me what would happen to me if I were to get pregnant. Now Iím scared to death. What do I do?


Dear What Do I Do,
Get yourself a home pregnancy test and read the directions. Once you have an idea of a more definite result, talk to your mom if you are indeed pregnant. Maybe you can ask the school counselor to talk to her with you, so you can have an intermediary, should she get physical with you. Yes. she will be shocked, she may even be angry, but you're going to need her help to get through the next several months whatever you decide. Give her some time to absorb this news. Have you told the boy responsible for this? He should know, too, and he should take some responsibility. You are in a difficult situation, hon, but it is not the end of the world. Write back and let me know.
Good luck,
msX


Dear msX
I need some advise on how to stop feeling so jealous. I get jealous when my husband stares at other women, the main reason is because I have a very low self-esteem in my self. We get into arguments because he says I'm too jealous, and that I shouldn't be because he loves me. How can I stop feeling this way?"


Dear Very Jealous,
First realize that jealousy is a very unattractive emotion, flattering at first, but suffocating in the end. No one wants to be possessed. Loosen up, kiddo. Get out of your house and away from your husband. Do things to improve yourself, like take a class or pursue a hobby or make friends. When you have a life of your own, it's hard to waste time being jealous. When you have a reason to feel good about yourself, confidence will follow and jealousy will fade.
msX


Dear msX
I am about to turn 18. About three months ago, the longest, most special relationship that I had ever been in ended. I had been dating this boy for a year and a half, and I did love him, at the time. But he had to leave for college and ... to make a long story short, it was not a fun breakup and I was very hurt. I decided that I was not looking for any more relationships for the time being. I'm a senior in high school and I want to concentrate on getting into college and enjoying this last year.

The problem is that now there is a boy in my Biology class who I am very interested in. He is cute, smart, funny, and just a nice guy. I have really thought about asking him on a study date, and my friends are really encouraging me. But I am hesitant. I can't make myself ask him. I don't know if I'm scared of getting rejected again or if it's just too soon after my last relationship... I just don't know what to do. What do you think? And if you think I should go for it, how should I approach the situation? (It's been almost 2 years since I tried to pick up a guy...)
Thanks for your help.


Dear Confused,
What's your rush? You're going to be in class with this guy for at least a semester, so if it doesn't work out, you'll have no place to hide. Prolong the flirtship as long as you can, by all means do a study date, but keep it platonic until you're sure you want more. That way you'll know if you're really interested, just on the rebound, or want him as a friend. If you make a move too early, you have to sit through another several months of awkwardness if one of you feels it's been a mistake.
msX


Dear msX
I really like this kid and we talk a lot but he says he just wants to be friends. I still like him and we talk everyday none stop and I really like him but I wanna know if he really does like me but doesn't want to tell me? and there is a dance coming up and I want him to ask me? any tips?

Dear Kate,
Ask him to go "as a friend" - just tell him there is no one that you like right now, and ask if he would like to go with you as a friend. But, understand that he has told you he just wants to be friends and has given you no reason to doubt him. Believe him.
msX

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