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S E P T E M B E R '98

 
Dear msX
I have been at college for almost two months now and I am friends with this guy upstairs. Recently he told me that he likes me, I don't have any feelings other than friendship for him and I am dating someone else, but he doesn't seem to want to accept this. What do I do?
Signed, Confused

Dear Confused,
Stand your ground with this guy. It is your choice where you want this relationship to go, if anywhere at all, and you should not be coerced, trapped, bamboozled, or guilted into giving into what he wants. It is awkward when the person you are rejecting is someone you have to see on a daily basis. But, you should not have to spare his feelings at your own expense or invent excuses to keep your distance. You could tell him that his non-acceptance of your feelings will only lead to you severing the friendship completely and perhaps that will open his eyes. We have (hopefully) gone beyond the days of the cavemen when women were knocked out and dragged off by their hair. For your own safety, just in case, limit your time spent with this guy to group activities.

Good luck at college,

msX



Dear msX
I have a relationship with this guy he is nice and sweet and every thing but we lost communication but we are on the same bus and at the same school. I really want his friendship back. but I am afraid of what his reaction will be.
Signed, Lost Communication

Dear Lost Communication,
If you see him everyday, you have opportunities to reconnect. How about you bring a roll of assorted flavor candies to school with you. Offer it around to everyone and when you get to the object of your attraction, ask him what his favorite flavor is and try to draw him into a conversation about it. If he's interested, he'll welcome the special attention and, if he's not, you haven't put yourself out on the line too much.

Good luck,

msX



Dear msX
My problem is that I have a huge crush on this boy and he knows I like him but he doesnít like me back. I think he (and other boys) donít like me because I am fat. What can I do?
Signed, Ignored and Fat

Dear Ignored and Fat,
In a perfect world, people see past the flaws into the heart...but, sadly, this world is not perfect and we are often judged by one small aspect of our outer selves, rather than by the important stuff within. You can do two things. One, is to accent your positives, both the internal and external. Work on your yourself to develop your strong points, be they beautiful eyes, an inquiring mind, or a great sense of humor. And, you can also work some exercise into your life...walk, swim, bowl, blade...do whatever activity that turns you on, but do it and do it regularly. This will make you feel great, tighten you up, and make you less hungry. And when you're busy and less hungry, you lose weight!

Now, will this help you attract this boy? Possibly, possibly not. But, it will make you feel good about yourself and that feeling will help you to attract the kind of fellow who sees the beauty within.

Good luck, hon,

msX



Dear msX

Okay...here goes. I have a huge problem. I recently learned that I am pregnant. I'm only fifteen and it feels like my world is falling in. My parents are angry with me, and my boyfriend. Everyone treats me like an outcast because of being pregnant. Even my so-called friends. I feel really bad too because half the girls I know have done the same thing, but they have never gotten "caught", I guess. I think I love my boyfriend but I'm only 15, and I don't want a baby, but don't want an abortion either. What can I do? Please answer. I really need some advice.
Signed, "Caught"

Dear Caught,
You have the good sense to recognize that this is a huge problem, one that will not go away overnight, one with big repercussions for everyone concerned.

You are aware that raising a baby right as a teenager is a close to impossible task. It seems that the only alternative for you to is arrange for this baby to be adopted into a good and loving home. There are many adoption options...open adoption where you meet and choose the adoptive parents, closed adoption where the records are sealed except for medical emergency, or adoption by a friend or family member who will assume the emotional and financial aspects of raising your child. While none of these choices are easy ones, with adoption you can rest assured that you cared enough about the baby to put him/her with people who really want a baby and are capable of raising it.

You did not say how far pregnant you are or what the academic consequences will be for you as a pregnant student. Most schools have their own policy for pregnancies, whether you can continue there or have to move to a school that is equipped to deal with pregnant teens. Don't give up on your education! This detour should not derail you from having the life you dream about having in the future.

Your parents, in time, will get over their anger. They are probably shocked, embarrassed and feel somewhat responsible for not giving you better guidance. It might take some time for them to get over it and trust you again, but understanding their anger and forgiving them is likely the first step toward rebuilding this relationship.

Forget your friends. Some might be under parental pressure of their own to avoid you, as if pregnancy is catching. People thrive on gossip and a pregnant teen is juicy stuff. Some will be feeling holier-than-thou and judgmental. This stuff is trivial compared to your real dilemma, hon. In a way, the others might learn from your example and you did them a favor, but they are not your priority now.

I suggest that you see a doctor. Find out exactly how pregnant you are and begin prenatal care, taking vitamins, following the doctors orders. You owe this baby a healthy start. Then, in a calm moment, sit down with your parents, your boyfriend's parents, and your boyfriend, and decide which adoption route you are going to take.

Maybe even a counselor from school could mediate this discussion to keep tempers at bay...

If you are still hounded by persistent anger, perhaps you could explain in a non-hysterical way that, if you could do it over, you would, but there is no going back in time and you have to deal with what is now.

Good luck, sweetheart, remember this is a big problem, but it is NOT the end of the world.

msX

 

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