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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ September '00 page 7



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Hate Work

Dear msX ~
I'm going on work experience next week and it's gonna suck. big time. for 2 weeks I have to work in a big office miles away from my home with no-one I know. To make things worse this is between 8.30 and 6 all my friends are looking forwards to it as they have half decent placements. I hate sh*tty office and clerical work anyway!

msX says~
Hang tough and give it a go. Most everyone has to work in their life, you might as well give it a chance. A negative attitude will only make it worse. If you have to, you have to. Make the most of it.
Ms. X

Iím sick and tired of everyone telling me what to do

Dear msX ~
Why does everyone keep telling me what to do with my life. I either need to grow up or find a job or something. I just came home from a month's vacation to see my friend, I don't know why she's my friend all she tells me is lies and everyone tells me not to go to see her. I wish I had more friends who I can trust and talk to but I don't know what to say to them. Iím very shy! What should I do?

msX says~
Talk to a therapist. Your therapist is your friend. Stop whining and do something, otherwise your only choice is to live with it.
Ms. X

How do I ask

Dear msX ~
There's this girl I have liked for a couple of years, but she just found out for the first time. The only problem is she's got another boyfriend who I don't think really likes her as much. I don't know if she likes me but every time I see her at school, she just says hello with a big grin on her face. Iím not sure if she likes me or thinks the whole situation is funny or what. How should I go about asking her if she likes me and possibly in the future asking her out?

msX says~
Ask her already, otherwise you'll never know. But, people don't generally laugh in other people's faces. They generally wait until the other person walks away. You might be pleasantly surprised. Try.
Ms. X

friends

Dear msX ~
just call me cherries. my problem is my friends. they ignore me a lot. suddenly, I met my old classmates & invited me to stay with them during classes. I agreed to rekindle our friendship. but it didn't turn out that well. I found out that they have new friends w/c I don't really like. Iím still looking for a new friend, a best friend but nobody seems to fit my standards. I felt so alone. what should I do? please help me!

msX says~
Choosing your friends carefully may involve more, but you wind up with people of quality. Keep yourself out there and, in time, you will make connections based on the things that you value. Don't settle for less in friendship, that's a guarantee for disappointment. You are right to be choosy.
Ms. X

Friends/Enemies??

Dear msX ~
Last year was my first year of college and I was really excited to start out somewhere new. The year started out pretty well, my roommate, "K" , and I got along really well, and I had amazing friendships with two of the girls on my floor, "L" and Jen. Well at some point during winter term my roomie and I were not getting along so well, and she was getting on the nerves of the other girls. Well "L" (basically my best friend) and would bitch to each other about "K" and other stuff. "L" and I trusted each other, or so I thought. All of a sudden I noticed that "K" and "L" were getting along really really well, and that "L" and Jen were not getting along (they were roommates). Soon "L" and I were getting in fights, she wouldnt talk to me, neither would "K" , or the other girls on my floor. Luckily "D" moved onto my floor, and since we had a few classes together we began hanging out more and more . . . However I soon found out that she would get information from me and share it with "L" and "K" . For instance, "L" had been really interested in this guy, "S" , but he was interested in "K" (which is one of the reasons that "L" didnít like "K" ) well "S" and I got to be good friends, and "L" got jealous. ONe night I spent the night in "S" 's room and we made out . . Because "L" was my best friend, I told her and she said she didnít care. Turns out that she did care, because she would have "D" talk to me about "S" and then "D" would turn around and tell "L" . Well after that the rest of my time at college was miserable. I have been depressed since I was in JH, but all that crap that was happening sent me into a major depression. I attempted suicide twice while at school, and I stopped attending classes. I left my freshman year in college literally hating a majority of people that I had lived with. I have attempted to keep in touch with my ex roommate, who pretends to care about me, but I know for a fact that she talks about me still behind my back with "L" and "D". "K" and I also have a few mutual friends that she treats like shit behind the back, and I just donít think that its fair to them because they think that she is the greatest thing in the world. I am not really sure what I need advice about. I guess part of me wants to keep in touch with "K" , but at the same time its too painful because she is best friends with people that made me miserable. I wish that I could confront her and let her know that sheís been a horrible friend to me. Also I went to visit friends that live near "K" , "L" , and "D", and I really get the feeling like I donít belong in that town, and that I had no right to be there. I donít want to feel like that, and I want to know what it is that I have to do to feel like I have a right to go visit my friends. Thank you for any help that you can give me.

msX says~
Girlfriends can be treacherous. Especially when there are three, one is always the odd man out. Roommates are sometimes artificial friendships, perhaps none of you would have made a connection had you not been thrown together. Friends that you choose yourself are generally more reliable. But, you do need some help. More than you can get online from a column. See if your college offers counseling and get yourself there pronto. Talking to a professional will ease your depression and give you insight into what you want from your relationships and how to attain it. No "M" er what, get yourself therapy.
Ms. X

What should I do

Dear msX ~
This guy keeps giving mixed signals but he really likes me.

msX says~
Oh, you can read his mind? If so, you don't need my advice. Just continue doing whatever it is you're doing.
Ms. X

flirting or not?

Dear msX ~
there is this guy that i've known since 5th grade. we have became good friends, school wise, see each other at a party every so often and chat, but nothing major, no real hanging out. well, this year, out lockers are next 2 each other and we have homeroom 2gether. a couple days ago, he kept bugging me 2 spell my last name 4 him I was like okay whatever and I told. yesterday, I was at my locker and he was walking by and he touched my butt. now, flirting or not? does he like me. then today, he had 2 move so he climbed over me when there was an empty row. does he like me or am I just in his way a lot?

msX says~
I'd guess he likes you from what you say. Touching another person's butt is overt enough to qualify as making a move, no? I'd say so.
Ms. X

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