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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ September '00 page 6



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REALLY COMPLICATED

Dear msX ~
I'm 13, and I have a friend, "K" (16). About a month and a half ago, I spent the night at her house, along with my friend "R" (13), "K" 's boyfriend, "M" (17), "D" (17, and "G" (19). "M" had previously told me, that "G" liked me, but only wanted to "get some". I didn't believe him, but that night, we ended up cuddling, and then making out. I didn't like him, but I knew that if I didn't go along with it "M" would tease me, and tell me that I was strait. After that night, I went and visited my family for about three weeks. When I came back, I didn't call "K" , because I thought that if I just avoided "K" (even though I didn't want to) I wouldn't have to deal with "G" . "R" came back from visiting her grandma about a week after I got home, and after a few days wanted me to call "K" to hang out with her, because I知 better friends with "K" . I did, and she invited us to go shopping out of town, in a few days. "R" couldn't go, but I had to. ( "M" talked me into it for, like an hour!) well, the day before I went with "K" and her friends, I ended up kissing another guy, named "B" (15). I liked this guy, but wasn't sure if I was his girlfriend. The next day, when I went shopping, ( "G" went too). I just kept my distance, and he left me alone. "G" had to go early, though, and "M" asked me what was up. "K" told him that we both thought that he was too old for me. He seemed to accept that answer. About two or three days later, I ran into this guy, "J" (17), and he told me that he knew about the thing with "G" . I asked him how he knew, and he told me "G" told him. (I know now that they are friends.)anyway, he told me he was going to the movies and asked if I wanted to go. I said yes, thinking that we were just going as friends. During the movie, he started making moves on me, and, since I was about to start my period, hadn't heard from "B" in about 4 days, and used to have a crush on "J" , I went along with it, and made out with him. The next day, I saw "B" 's friend, and he told me that "B" lost my # and I hadn't been home every time he had come by my house. That's when I realized that we were dating, and that I had unintentionally cheated on him. They came by my house that night, and I made out with "B" again. I think that "G" and "J" are too old for me, but don't know how to tell them that; plus I never talk to either of them anyway. I don't know what to do. I知 worried that "B" is going to find out everything that I have done. The worst part is, "R" doesn't know about any of this, except for how I made out with "G" , and if she finds out, she will tell my mom. "M" 's brother would tell "R" , if he know. He is the same age as me. My mom seriously couldn't handle the truth. She gets stressed out REALLY easily. (I'm not allowed to have boyfriends, and "R" has gotten me in trouble for telling my mom about my boyfriends before, when I told her not to. That is why I didn't tell her about "B" , and especially not "J" . My other friend, "C" (15), knows about "B" , but not "J" . [ "C" told some of her friends when I told her not to tell anyone, so I don't feel like I can trust her either] They would testify for each other if either of them knew I hid something from them.) What should I do? I知 in WAY too deep.

msX says~
What stands out most from your letter is the term "unintentionally cheated." Did you guys have an agreement? Maybe what you mean is that had you thought there was a chance you wouldn't have indiscriminately made out with "J" . But, you thought "B" was out of the running, no? Stop telling people all your business and you won't have to worry who spills the beans. Right now you are spilling them yourself.
Ms. X

help me

Dear msX ~
I am 15 and I am male, I recently went on holiday for 6 weeks I met this girl on the beach who I was flirting with I got home and we were still flirting between text messages I accidentally sent one of the texts to my girlfriend who I think I love she is not to happy with me please tell me what to do

msX says~
Try apologizing. You are only fifteen. You are expected to make mistakes. How else will you learn?
Ms. X

He's got a girlfriend


Dear msX ~
I really like this guy, I haven't known him for that long, but this guy means the world to me. The only problem is he has a g/f of almost one year and he loves her, but I know he likes me too cuz he has told me. I really have never felt the way I do about him. I don't know what to do, please help.

msX says~
Patience might work. Wait and see if his other relationship plays itself out.
Ms. X

Eating Disorder

Dear msX ~
My problem is that I am not sure if my parents are thinking or have an idea about my not being hungry. My mom keeps giving me these suspicious looks and I think that my parents think that I知 starting to slip into anorexia nervous. They don't know the symptoms or anything but they just know that you aren't hungry and you always find excuses not to eat. My ex-boyfriend also thought that I was slipping into anorexia and so then later on he dumped me and it's for part of that reason too. I can't help it if I知 not hungry like everyone else is. It's not my fault. Also, if I would force it down then I知 back from base one another eating disorder. I can't win. Can you help me?

msX says~
If your parents are concerned, they should take you to a doctor. If it's no big deal, then everyone can be happy. But, if you are screwing around with an eating disorder, understand that it is no small problem. The health ramifications of anorexia are enormous, you could even die from it. Not to mention mess up all your internal organs, lose your hair, teeth, and mind. If there's nothing wrong, then the doctor will reassure all of you and give a plan for healthy eating that won't make you fat.
Ms. X

JEALOUSY

Dear msX ~
THERES THIS GUY I WAS DATING WE BROKE UP ABOUT 5 MONTHS AGO AND DEEP IN MY HERAT I HAVE ALOT OF FEELINGS FOR HIM I WANT HIM BACK BUT HE KEEPS ON REJECTING ME ME AND HIM HAS HAD OUR UPS AND DOWNS OVER THE TIME WE WERE DATING BUT EVERYTIME I ASK HIM BACK HE SAYS NO BUT EVERYTIME I TRY TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE AND TRY TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE HE ALWAYS COMES BACK AND TELLS ME HE LOVES ME AND WANTS TO BE WITH ME . WHAT WOULD I DO TO HELP HIM MAKE HIS MIND UP ,AND WHY DOES HE DO THIS FOR?

msX says~
I don't know why he does it. Maybe it makes his ego swell to have someone worship him. But if he kept rejecting me, I'd be damned if I'd put myself in a position to let it happen again no "M" er how I felt.
Move on,
Ms. X

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