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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ September '00 page 4



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painfully shy

Dear msX ~
I'm starting a new school and Iím really, painfully shy. How can I open up to people?

msX says~
You have to make a choice. Is it more painful being shy or is it more painful having no friends? If you can answer this honestly, you know what to do. Get over your shyness and begin your life. Learn to talk to people because sometimes you have to make the first move. Asking questions is a good start. People usually like to talk about themselves. If you ask the right questions, you'll plant the seeds of friendship.
Good luck,
Ms. X

people in the house

Dear msX ~
my mom lets me have people in the house when she not home if I call and tell her they came over. well the other day three boys that were my best friends came over and I told my mom. she said don't destroy the house. ok. well the next day she get mad at me and say that she is a bad parent because she lets her 13 year old girl have guy in the house. my mom said that she is the only parent that does that. and I know that not true.

msX says~
You and your mom need to establish some ground rules. No boys in the house when she is not home is a good start. She had a delayed response to what you ran by her. If there are rules set at the onset, there's no reason to even ask.
Ms. X

keeping it strong

Dear msX ~
i want some advice for relationships and how to keep one strong

msX says~
Have a good relationship with yourself and you will bring strength into any relationship you may enter. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Leave judgmentalness at the door. Most of all, be yourself, because is you're putting on an act, any relationship you enter will be built on air.
Ms. X

the cook always hits on me

Dear msX ~
Ok Iím a waitress and I get hit on alot! By workers and customers. Well our cook always hits on me and things, he has a son and is going threw divorce right now. I really don't have a problem at all with him. I like him alot he is a really great guy. But there is a really big age diff. We all flirt but this is different, somehow.

msX says~
If there's chemistry, go for it. Chemistry knows no age boundaries.
Ms. X

He told EVERYONE

Dear msX ~
I had sex with my boyfriend, and now I regret doing it because he told people and now literally everyone in our grade knows. School starts in a week and Iím scared to go back because I know I'll be called a slut. The only way I can make this problem go away is to dump him, but I love him. What should I do?! Please help.

msX says~
If you care that everyone knows, then you're not that comfortable with how far you went. So don't do it again. As for loving him, I'd reconsider putting my heart into a relationship with someone who views having sex with you as something to tell the world. Unless it was just so good, he had to share his joy with the rest of the world, you don't need boyfriends you can't trust.
Ms. X

I think I love her

Dear msX ~
my name is "J" and I need advice on what to do about a girl. we meet on a cruise and sparks flew. we talked and basically kissed all night. later on after the cruise later the next week we seen each other again and had I great time I spent the night, we didnít sleep together we decided to wait. I really like her and I want to spend time with her but I feel like she is avoiding me. just one day with her and I am head over heals with her what should I do? I call her I donít need alot of time I just want to tell her how I feel and that is what I need your help with please tell me what should I say. she told me that she doesnít want nothing serious. I donít want to be the main part in her life but I just want to be apart in her life. I think I love her what should I do?

msX says~
Put this in perspective. You kissed all night, but she still said she wants no commitment. Take what she says as the truth. Can you fall in love with someone in just one night? Certainly it's a beginning, but it's unrealistic to think that one night of kisses on a vacation cruise is going to change both your day-to-day realities overnight. By all means, pursue her, but slow yourself down before you completely scare her off. You don't know her well enough to love her, and if you keep coming on strong, you may never have the chance.
Ms. X

I think I am in love

Dear msX ~
my name is "J" I wrote early you havenít gave me a response so I am writing you again. well as you know my problem is what to say to a special girl in my life. we meet on a cruise and I have been head over heals for her since. I took me a while on the cruise to talk to her because I was stun about her beauty but I moved past that and talk to her. we talked the whole night. I liked her so much, but when we kissed I felt that I could see falling in love with this person. so at the end of the cruise we exchanged numbers. later that month I called and went to visit her (LA)and I had a wonderful time. we didnít sleep together we decided to wait. she is so special to me. well after that weekend I went by another day. I felt guilty because another guy was there and I may have put her in a weird position. I havenít talked to her since much. she says to call but when I call she never has time to talk. I really like her and I want to be apart of her life. she says that she doesnít want a commitment. I can understand but I just want to tell her how I feel without scaring her. I hate to think she is avoiding me but that is the impression that I get please tell me what to do. I donít want to be the main part in her life just apart of her life tell me what to say I think I am in love with her

msX says~
My answer hasn't changed. Put on the brakes and go slowly. You need to maintain a more realistic approach or you're going to scare her away before you get a chance to know what she's really about.
Ms. X

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