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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ September '00 page 3



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Best Friend Blues

Dear msX ~
Ok, school starts tomorrow, and I'll be a freshman. So of course my best friend had met new people, right? Well, for the past week or two, she has been completely ignoring me and she always acts like Iím the most annoying person in the world. I just don't get it. I've asked her a million times what's wrong and why she's mad at me, but each time she either dances around the question or just doesn't answer. This is driving me nuts! I am willing to give her the space she needs, but how do I know what to do if she won't even talk to me? Help!

msX says~
High School is a bigger place and you're supposed to branch out and meet new people. Instead of leeching on your friend and then feeling hurt when she rejects you, why not try expanding your own horizons? No one says you have to break off the friendship, but try to spread your own wings a bit, too.
Ms. X

boy crazy

Dear msX ~
I'm 14 and all my friends have boyfriends but every time we go to the mall and talk to guys Iím afraid, I just leave, but I can talk on the phone and I can hang with guys I know from school, but I look old for my age so at the movies I have guys as old as 20 hitting on me. well Iím very afraid of rape or kidnapping but I donít know why. I HATE watching my friends kissing and cuddling guys in front of me I want to go out with a guy really bad but I donít trust them I heard all guys want is sex and I want to stay a virgin till Iím married so they conflict and I donít know what to do HOW CAN I LOSE MY FEAR OF GUYS?

msX says~
The only way to lose your fear is to acquaint yourself with what you are afraid of, so that it loses it's unknown mysterious quality. Not all males are lecherous rapists. You need to learn to differentiate. Frequent situations where there are guys in non-threatening environments. Learn to be friends with them and you will find that there are more good ones than bad. If you keep them at a distance, they will look that much scarier. Find yourself some nice guys you can make friends with and your fears will evaporate.
Ms. X

homecoming

Dear msX ~
I need a homecoming date!!! I don't know any boys, how do I get a guy to like me, talk to me, or ask me out?

msX says~
You need to be more outgoing. Make the first move, initiate a conversation. You have to talk before you date, so that's a good way to get started.
Ms. X

bestfriend

Dear msX ~
My daughter's best friend or at least we thought was her best friend is rejecting her. They are only 12 years old but my daughter is a late bloomer compared to her friend. I thought of talking to her mother to see if there was a problem because my daughter tells me that she does not know what her problem is. The rejection is obvious at school. Am I over-reacting? Should I talk to the friends Mom or just leave it alone?

msX says~
Leave it alone. Let your daughter handle it in her own way, even if it means she gets hurt. It is between them. You can encourage her to find other friends and interests, but you shouldn't be refereeing their disputes. They are beyond the playground.
Ms. X

MY BEST FRIEND... SUPPOSEDLY

Dear msX ~
I went to this Teen Night with my best friend and three other people who I didnít like that much at an amusement park. It ended at 12:00 a.m. and my best friend ("C") was going to sleep over at my house, but she had to get a ride home with the others and I had to get a ride home with my dad since their car was full, (which I found totally stupid.) Anyway, my ride didn't get there yet, and they left without me, leaving me in a dangerous part of Green Bay by myself, in the middle of the night. It wouldn't have been so bad, if we didn't see people doing drugs and people who looked like child molesters at the Teen Night. So, here I am, standing there in the dark for a half an hour. My parents are mad at "C", and so am I. But the thing is, should I be? She says she had to go. She could've gotten a ride home with me, since we had two spots open. I have a strong feeling that I should be mad, but then, I had a little feeling that says I shouldn't be. Should I be? Iím only 13. I shouldn't have to go through that sort of stuff. And another thing, "C" and I were planning to go since early August. "A" and the other two just budded in about a week ago and made me get my own ride both ways at the last minute, during the Packers game. That was unfair to my dad. Dad says I was taken advantage of. Was I? Should I be mad about that?

msX says~
Yeah, she did act thoughtlessly, but you can't always control what other people do. It's over, forget about it. Maybe you were manipulated, but kids often do things to other kids out of selfishness and self-involvement. Take this as a lesson and cement your plans right before you leave. I am sure you were scared, waiting there, but it's over and you survived. Avoid having it happen again, by being firm and establishing a plan right before upfront and direct.
Ms. X

Used?

Dear msX ~
I went to a Senior Party this past weekend and I met a way older boy, he is 20 and I am 16, he knows my age.. well we messed around a little bit, and I didn't think I'd ever hear from him again, but just a few minutes ago, his friend (who is my age)called me and asked me to hang out with him. I said I would, but now I am having my doubts because I am afraid he will like be using me more and more...or maybe he will actually want to get to know me? I can't tell if he just wants to get to know me or if I am just a toy. Even if I am a toy, how do I handle this situation...I really fell hard for this boy, and he means something to me. Thank you for any advice.

msX says~
If your instincts are telling you that you are being used, believe them. Being intimate with a girl and then passing her phone number on to a friend hardly speaks of good intentions. Trust your gut.
Ms. X

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