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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ August '00 page 3



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A new Love for me!

Dear msX ~
I've been here before and you helped me alot but I知 now seeing this other guy and he's 1 year younger then me I知 29 and he's 28. I do love him and I miss him when he's not with me but he wants me to see him every night and for him to touch me everywhere but he doesn't want to have sex with me until I知 ready. His family's really nice to me and he comes over to me house every Wednesday night for Dinner and I think my dad's happy for me but I知 not sure. Anyhow we write letters every day and we give them to each other but when I don't write he gets mad at me saying why didn't you write me a letter and I said to him I forgot. I almost broke up with him because I don't know if I do love him like I should. He wants me to take showers/baths with him but when I tell him I知 not ready he gets mad what should I do? We've been seeing each other for almost 2 months and I've never been more happier in my life then before and I知 wearing much better clothes then before. I've started smoking because he was smoking but I want to quit and I知 going to. I've also starting drinking beer alot too. How do you know when you are in love? I wish I had my mother around to tell me but she痴 dead and I haven't been to her grave in a long time. I don't want to wreck our relationship so what should I do? I need help? I知 not even on birth control but he told me that he has some condoms so when I知 ready I should tell him to put one on but I don't think I知 really ready and I don't know what to do or say to him about it. I know that he wants to have sex with me and I think somewhere deep down I want that to but I知 scared and nervous! Thanks for listening and I need your help.
Helen

msX says~
I think you should be on birth control. You are too close to having sex to get up out of the bed or shower and visit your doctor. You have to take care of it
before you have sex. If you need more time, that's okay, too. Just don't be bullied into doing something you're not ready for. Think carefully.
ms. X


I hate him

Dear msX ~
Now he's all mad at me for not going with him to the cottage and I知 thinking about not going out with him and I知 serious this time. No one has the right to treat me like trash. He tried to make me talk to him but I didn't feel like talking to him because I was tired and he has a problem about me sleeping and saying I知 tired. What advice would you give me? I need an answer right away? Thanks.
Helen

msX says~
Talk to him. It's the only way the two of you can possibly get to know each other. Clear the air.
ms. X


breaking curfew

Dear msX ~
I have a seventeen year old that wishes to break curfew at random. I've talked, pleaded and discussed not disrupting the house. I recently locked him out at 3 am because he was do in at 10:30 P.M. for work the next day. What's up? I知 catching flack from his Mom.

msX says~
Sit down and talk with him. Discuss the consequences his actions will have. If you don't have consequences, he has little reason to obey the rules. Economic sanctions work.
ms. X


Talk about stress...

Dear msX ~
I have some problems, but it's not really me I知 concerned about, it's a good friend of mine. My problems are my family...I practically hate all of them. My only motivation in school is that fact that I can one day leave home, and the country for that matter.

A friend of mine is pregnant by another friend who doesn't want anything to do with her. She has a lot going for her and this could destroy her entire life. She's in her 2nd month and I知 the only person she's told.

msX says~
Sounds like you have a plan. Let go of some of your anger so it doesn't color the parts of your life your family isn't in. Otherwise, best of luck. As for your friend, she needs to see a doctor for prenatal care. Discuss her options with her doctor and her family. She needs to tell people who can actively help her. While you can be a friend and listen, you are in no position to take charge.
Tell her.
ms. X


Best friend

Dear msX ~
I have a problem with my best friend. I would do anything for her, anything at all, but I think she takes our friendship for granted. She has been dating this guy for almost two years and they are inseparable. We used to all three go out and stuff, but now she calls me just when her boyfriend can't be with her. She knows that anytime she asks me to do something I'll do it. Is there anyway I can let her know that this makes me upset?

msX says~
I'd try to talking to her, or if you can't do it in person, write her a letter. She may not be including you anymore when she's with her boyfriend because their relationship may require more privacy than it did before. You won't know unless you talk it out.
ms. X


friend problems

Dear msX ~
I have these two best friends named Mary and Stacey (names changed) and we all used to hang out like on the weekends and stuff but now they are always getting together without me! we are all supposed to be best friends but they never invite me to hang with them. and then they even tell me that they were like at the mall and stuff like its not supposed to bother me at all. I cant take it anymore I知 so upset but I don稚 know what to do. does this mean that they don稚 wanna be my friend? I tried talking to one of them and it didn稚 help. they didn稚 remember my birthday and Mary is mean to me sometimes but then she is nice to me a second later. I知 very confused.

msX says~
The number three is not always feasible in friendship, one always gets left out. Seems like they formed a duo and are excluding you. What's to stop you, though, from initiating an invitation to either Mary or Stacey to go to the mall? Divide and conquer, or find other friends.
ms. X


Bad Memories

Dear msX ~
I have a big problem, I think I was sexually molested by an older man when I was young. I have vague memories of it and I talked to my brother and he seems to think so too. I am very afraid of men in their forties b/c of this, it's something I want to get over but there is something inside me that's like "NO, BAD" I don't know what to do... I know who I think did it, but that doesn't help anything... I don't see him anymore and neither do my parents. I just wanna know if this is a fear or if it's something from my past... am I crazy?

msX says~
It's awful that things like that happen. To deal with your memories and possible scars, I suggest you find yourself a good therapist. Talking to a professional is the only way sometimes to work out problems that originated in childhood. It will make you feel a lot better over time and will enable you to move forward with your life.
Good luck,
ms. X


Does he like me or what?

Dear msX ~
There's this guy he's 19 and I知 16. My whole situation is that this kid always calls me an airhead. He knows it makes me mad but he still does it. He does it all jokingly though. He doesn't mean any of it. Then the two of us are always fighting about something silly. Getting into them childish fights. Just fun stuff. He gave me his phone number and I gave him mine. And every time I talk to him online he says to me "when are you going to call me?" "so I give you my number not to call me?" Then when we're together with people and I知 saying bye to everyone he comes up to me and says "bye miss." and gives me this huge hug. It's like he doesn't want to let go or something. At least thats what it seems like. So my question is I want to know if he likes me or if he's just being nice to me? Its weird bc we'll be at youth group and I'll be talking to my friend Jenn and I'll be like "I love you Jenn!" then I'll tell my other friend "I love Gabs!" then he's like "Well miss, I love you but you don't believe me" So I dunno what to think. Please help me out with this whole situation! Like what I can do to know for sure what he thinks. What I should do. Everything. But there's one other thing I should tell you. He's leaving for college at the end of Sept. He's going all the way down to Florida. Oh oh! And he always tells me stuff he doesn't tell anyone else. Like what he thinks of certain people and all. its weird. well PLEASE help me! I didn't know where else to turn.

msX says~
Sounds like flirting to me. Ask for his address so you can write him while he's away at school, if you're interested.
ms. X


Out of State Romance

Dear msX ~
Me and my boyfriend are in an out of state relationship. We really love each other very much. I want to know what could we do to make sure everything stays in order and the love doesn't die out?

msX says~
There's no one right formula. Just be yourselves and if the chemistry is right, it will last.
ms. X


Love

Dear msX ~
I like these to guys, and I think I知 in love with both of them, one of them lives farther away, and the other lives right by me...i like both of them and I don稚 know what to do.

msX says~
One is geographically desirable, the other is not, no? Sort of a no brainer. But, on the other hand, there's nothing wrong with liking them both until a decision comes to you.
ms. X


Two Guys

Dear msX ~
I really like two different guys. One is a guy that I had a huge crush on for like ever and now he is paying attention to me and on the other hand I have this guy already who really like me and treats me so well but I don't know who to choose but I don't want to get anyone hurt. And to complicate things even more I am leaving for school soon, so should I even do anything?

msX says~
See them both. You're going away to school and not in a position to tie yourself down anyway. Nothing wrong with going out with both of them, as you're going to be leaving both anyway.
ms. X


What do I want

Dear msX ~
I知 dating a guy who I really like. He recently asked me a question that has me totally stumped. Before he left for vacation he asked me what I want in a relationship and told me to think about it for a week. I don't even know what to tell him. What kind of things would one want in a relationship?

msX says~
Much of that is an individual matter, but I would think that being able to count on the other person for kindness and respect would be a given. Compatibility, humor, friendship are also important. But, is he asking you that, or is he asking whether you want a once-a-week date or a fiancé? In either case, it's good to know what type of person you'd want the date/fiancé to be.
ms. X


hopeless

Dear msX ~
I met this guy on the internet we talked to each other for 4 hours straight when we first met. he is starting 2 get 2 me. I told him I was older than I really am and I lied about my race and grade. he is leaving for the marines in November. I don't know if I believe him, but the problem is I think we could b good friends despite the age difference but I知 not sure he'll forgive me and remain friends and nothing more. maybe in 3 years when I知 a bit older he'll let the relationship be taken 2 another level but I don't know what 2 do about believing what he says or if this thing should continue even if his feelings for me aren't romantic.

msX says~
Lying to someone on the internet is entertainment, recreation, not anything close to a relationship. Don't delude yourself into believing that he was totally truthful either. And, if he was, he's not going to be as forgiving as you think. It's a good idea never to give out your real name and details ever to the faceless people we meet on the net. Ever. But you don't have to make yourself into something you're not either.
ms. X


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