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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ JULY '00 page 7



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Change Schools?

Dear msX ~
Right now Iím in the summer of being a sophomore. And I was new to this school my freshman, So of course it was really scary for me. But I met people and made friends kinda fast. But the school I came from I loved so much and I was popular and happy where I was at that school. At the school Iím at now I absolutely hate it, the popular girls make jokes about me and it really hurts my feelings. It's for the rich pretty girls, and Iím pretty, and Iím rich, but not as rich as everyone else at that school. People are just rude all the time and Iím sick of it. My friend from my old school offered me to stay the my sophomore year at her house so I can go to that school. Her dad even approved of it. I was so excited and I was sure my mom would say yes because I have been telling her my whole freshman year how much I hate it. But when I asked her she said she'll think about it. So a couple days later she said a flat out NO. I was so upset. She said that only way Iíll go to that school is if something terrible was happening like a teacher touching me or something like that. So I finally got enough guts to say that I was being made fun of. And I trusted her not to say anything because I thought my mom could help me. That day we were driving down back from the mall and we got into an argument. She said maybe people don't like me because Iím a looser. And that totally hurt me so much. When we got home I grabbed a couple things and ran out. I went down to this park and just read a book. I got back at dark and my mom didn't even care that I was gone. Then today I got an e-mail from one of her friends at work telling me she knows what Iím going through and she even knows I didn't make the cheerleading squad and personal stuff I told my mom. I got really pissed and now Iím not talking her. Is there a way I can convince my mom to let my stay at my friends house. My new school really brings down my self-esteem and I have tried killing myself millions of times. I told my mom and all she did was talk to me about it. I told her I was to go back to my old school to help myself. Can you help me please?

Dear Wants to Change Schools,
Since it is ultimately your parents' decision where you go to school, you're going to have to learn to make the best of the situation. You're not always going to be the prettiest or the most popular person, and, while not making cheerleaders might hurt, it is not something to kill yourself over. Your mom may have reasons for not allowing you to change schools, try listening to her with an open mind. Threatening to kill yourself is emotional blackmail, not a very healthy or sound idea. You can be angry at your mom for calling you a loser, but perhaps she was just so worn out from arguing with you that it came out in an unguarded moment. Give your new school a chance. Don't be so quick to judge people. Just because they're rich or pretty doesn't make them bad people. Making new friends means you have to be ready to share the spotlight. Sounds like you're used to having it all to yourself.
ms. X


not accepted

Dear msX ~
I have a problem well see my oldest sister jamie is married to a guy named tim and he has a nephew named noah and.. well noah is a big trouble maker I have known him all my life since I was like 4. and hes in a school for bad kids. its not a boy school cause they have no fences and no jail suits or anything its just a school for bad kids and he lives there well when there good they get out for a little bit so he was out 3 days for the fourth of July and I was with him the whole time and we kinda clicked cause heís changed alot and my parents donít want me dating him cause there scared I might get hurt and I have never felt this way about him?? I have always been like best friends and never thought of him like this! but my parents donít care that were friends, its just they donít want me to be unhappy! he gets out in 5 months and I donít know how to tell my parents that I am talking w/ him were not officially boyfriend and girlfriend till he gets out cause I couldnít stand not being able to see him please help me I wont give him up?? I need to know how to tell my parents!!!!!!! please help ASAP

Dear J*****,
Whatever the reason Noah was incarcerated, people do deserve second chances. This doesn't mean your parents should allow you carte blanche to see a boy who has been in serious trouble. They would be negligent if they were not concerned. And, maybe they know some stuff that you are unaware of. Be careful. But, you could talk to your parents and ask that they give Noah a second chance under their scrutiny. Perhaps you could include Noah in activities you do with your family, so that they could observe and get to know him. Maybe your sister could act as a chaperone or intermediary. But, understand, your parents have every right to be concerned.
ms. X


Heartless

Dear msX ~
I have been very depressed for several years. I've been to doctors and various mental health professionals, and read self-help books but I don't feel any of them have made any difference. I hate every aspect of my life and I don't see any way I will ever be happy. My biggest problem is that I don't love my family and more than anything for nearly five years I've wanted to live alone, but I want to continue my education at university and I can't afford to leave home without quitting school. Any advice?

Dear Heartless,
You don't like your family, but you are willing to exploit them and live off them until you are done with school, right? No one says you have to love your family. It's nice if that's so, but lots of people have difficult family relationships in reality. But, you could get a job, move out, and continue your schooling at a slower pace. Maybe you won't finish as fast, but you'll have your peace of mind and freedom. Think about it.
ms. X


Iím confused

Dear msX ~
Ok, I really don't do this but I have been seeing this guy on the internet over a year now. And I havenít really seen a picture of him! But I have talked to him on the phone and internet. We are going out right now.. and he says that if I meet someone else he will leave me. And I don't want to loose him. I went to a dance last night and I was asked out 2 times and I had to turn them down cause I don't want to cheat on my internet guy. I don't know what to do. Should I have another life here? Like date other people and just don't tell him about it?

Dear Iím Confused,
Being loyal to someone whose picture you haven't even seem is a true example of blind trust. He has no right to control who you see in real life and, if you give him this right, you are just as guilty. Iím not saying you should lie to him, just set some rules about what is fair to expect from each other. It is not fair to ask someone to give up their real life for a faceless person on the other side of the world. One can't dance with a computer screen and now is the time in your life to be dancing, hon.
ms. X


ditched

Dear msX ~
my friend ditches me every time she get a boyfriend. what's up with her.
confused

Dear Confused,
I guess she likes the attention she gets from guys. It's new and exciting. You're old and reliable. It might not be the honorable thing to do, but, hey, she's only human. If you know this about her, don't count on her.
ms. X


Iím a nerd

Dear msX ~
Iím a nerd people donít like me I've never had a girl friend

Dear Iím a Nerd,
Hard for you to believe now, but nerds make the best husbands. Popularity is only an asset during the school years, after that people grow up and value more intrinsic traits. Most nerds are late bloomers and come into their own later than adolescence. Work on your social skills and be patient. Life will only get better, kiddo.
ms. X


 

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