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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ JULY '00 page 6



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weight

Dear msX ~
i can't lose weight

Dear Can't Lose Weight,
Never say can't. Try the
Diet Board for weight loss support and suggestions.
ms. X


scared

Dear msX ~
when I like a guy and he starts to like me back I get scared away. Recently I met this guy whom I really really like. He told me personal stuff and I told him some personal things. He made remarks about how pretty I was and how much we have in common. We were supposed to go to the movies but he canceled. I have not talked to him in a long time. Does this mean he hates me?

Dear Scared,
You have two choices.
You could call him up yourself. Or you could wait and see if he calls you again. Liking someone can be scary, but it is nothing to run away from.
ms. X


he isnít allowed to date

Dear msX ~
I really like this boy. I told him I liked him, and he said he liked me too. The thing is, he isnít allowed to date. What should I do, I donít wanna pass up this guy at any cost!

Dear At Any Cost,
You could approach his parents and ask them for permission. That, I am sure, will extend his non-dating years further into the future. You could continue liking him and wait until he's allowed to date. Or, you could find someone to like with looser parents.
ms. X


skinny?

Dear msX ~
I am in high school. I sometimes feel guilty and useless after eating. So occasionally I throw up my food to feel better about myself. School friends call me thin and my sister calls me fat so I am very confused. I am about 5'6 in a half and about 115 pounds give or take. Should I consider dieting or am I fine? How bad is throwing up your food?

Dear Skinny?
Throwing up your food intentionally is considered an eating disorder. Side effects are bad breath, loss of tooth enamel, hair loss, gut rot, and others. Exercise is a much better alternative. But, you should see a counselor or doctor because eating disorders are serious stuff. Get help.
ms. X


PARENTS

Dear msX ~
I'm 14 and I have a bad relationship with my parents. Iím not allowed to have a boyfriend till Iím 15, but my parents have to approve of him, and when I go out with him my brother or parents have to go with us. Iím not allowed to go out with friends without a mom being there, no males (because according to my mom they are going to harass me.) My mom has to know the parents before hand. Iím always depressed. All I do is lay on my bed all day and listen to music because Iím not allowed to do anything. My parents wont help me out with things. They don't encourage me or anything. I want to do something with music, or acting, but they don't bother taking me places or helping me. Every time I ask her can I do this, she says no because Iím a girl or Cuban girls donít do that. or just no. Please donít just tell me try to talk to her or go to a doctor, is there really anything I can do. I've tried to talk to her but she doesnít listen to me. Please help me.

Dear Cubana,
Some cultures have stricter ideas about what kids can or can't do. These rules come about to protect the children and the culture. It is not unreasonable (or limited to Cuban culture) to insist on chaperoned-adolescent dating. Maybe your parents could be swayed to allow you to go out with groups of kids. You won't know without talking to them. As for the acting/music thing, are there any high schools that have talent programs in your area. If there are, I'd think you'd want to apply to those schools. Somehow, school legitimizes lots of activities parents wouldn't like under other circumstances. If that's your dream, then go for it!
ms. X


Mother

Dear msX ~
All of a sudden it seems like my mom is getting stricter. Everything I do, even if I did it before, she says _______, I hope you donít grow up being like that. Instead of yelling I just talk sarcastic. Iím like would you like me to yell and cuss at you all day like your boy does, ho wait heís her baby. Every action I do she has something to back it up with. Like if Iím mad and I accidentally slam a door or something stupid she stares at me. what is her problem?
( Iím 14)

Dear Iím 14,
I know it seems like these changes are occurring in your mother, but from her end, she's faced with a kid who's changing physically, emotionally, and intellectually with every day. Getting hit in the face with her kid growing up. Scary. There are more dangers in the world for adolescents...at least more serious, uncontrollable dangers. Your mom is worried, I am sure, about you eminent coming of age in a crazy world. Have patience with her, she will outgrow it.
ms. X


racist father

Dear msX ~
I am 13 years old and pregnant with a 16 year olds baby I don't wanna tell my parents because they wouldn't understand and would make me give it up for adoption I tried to ask them what they would do if they found out that their child was pregnant it didn't go over well but the father of the baby is black and that causes a problem because my dad is racist and if I have this baby there is a 98

Dear Racist Father,
Tell your parents. If you can, tell another grownup and ask if they could help you tell them. Whether the father is black, white, or yellow, your parents have to know you're pregnant.
Good Luck,
ms. X


sex

Dear msX ~
I think I may have been raped, but Iím confused.

Dear Raped?
If you said no and it happened anyway, it's rape. If you were drugged and wouldn't have otherwise, it's rape. If you were coerced into having sex, it's rape. If you are under sixteen, it's rape. Tell someone immediately if it's any one of the above.
ms. X


Betrayed

Dear msX ~
I am a 15 year old girl. During the school year, I had a lot of friends. I was very close with all of them, we went out all the tie, had tons of parties, you name it. Then all of a sudden, half of them got mad at me. I didn't do anything to them. At first, they just talked behind my back. Then they stared to tell me off, yell at me, sent threatening e-mails, and call me names. I can't go to parties for fear of starting a fight. Even my best friend for 7 years is doing this. If anyone asks them why they are mad, they just say that I am a b****. They provide no reasons. I have not talked to any of them for months, and they are still harassing me. These are people who used to love me! I still have a few good friends, but I don't know what to do about the rest. What can I do?

Dear Betrayed,
I know it feels awful to not know why people are dumping on you. But, if you've sincerely tried to find out and make amends without success, then give up and make new friends. You shouldn't have to jump through hoops to get people to love you. Obviously, there are issues here, but you can only spend so much of your life apologizing for stuff you didn't know you did.
ms. X


Guy

Dear msX ~
I really liked this guy and I found out he had anol sex with a girl. He liked me a lot and I liked him, and I told him I liked spikey hair and he spiked it. He came to the town fair cause I was going. There is one problem. He won't go with me. I have cried for days, and I haven't eaten for days cause I care so much for him. He told me I could do much much better, but I don't want better. I want him. I don't know if he is trying to protect me from getting hurt cause he cares about me or what. Please help me!

Dear Guy,
As much as you think he may care about you, he cares about himself more. Not eating and crying yourself sick is not going to change things. You don't have to give up liking him, but be a little realistic in what you expect to get back from him.
ms. X


My Friend's Hooked on Drugs

Dear msX ~
My ex boyfriend used to be really into weekend drinking a lot! But now just before we broke up I found out that he'd done more serious drugs recently. His parents are blind to his problems and Iím really worried about him. He won't admit that he need help, and he's pushed me away cause he doesn't want to drag me into it. That's really nice of him and all not wanting me to get hurt, but Iím afraid that if I don't do something he'll end up throwing his life away, or hurting someone else with it. the problem is I don't know how I can help I mean I could just talk to his parents...but I'd rather find another way to help. Can you suggest anything???

Dear Friend Hooked on Drugs,
I think you have to tell. He is in no condition to know what he needs now, he's a druggie. The sooner he gets help, the sooner he can reclaim his life. Make a call to his parents and let them know your ex is out of control. It is a difficult thing to do, but could you live with yourself if something awful happened that could have been prevented?
ms. X


Iím a liar!

Dear msX ~
When I first started coming online to a chatroom I made up a name because I was told NEVER to give out my real name and address etc. I made some great friends online and we are all very close. All of them have met and asked me to meet them. I always say I will meet them and then at the last minute I tell them I can't. The problem is I lied about not only my name but also my age and what kind of job I have and so on and so on! I stopped posting on the board and I don't answer their e-mails anymore because I can't stand all the lies anymore. Do you think I should come clean? I don't want to lose these friends but I am afraid what they will say when I tell them what a big liar I am. Thanks.

Dear Liar,
You're not supposed to give out real life info in chat rooms. That's very dangerous stuff. While your lies about your job were probably unnecessary, don't think you're the only person who's lying. Come clean if you must about that, but never give out your real name and address, and don't ever meet anyone from online by yourself, at your home, and without finding out first who's really on the other end of the computer.
ms. X


Iím confused

Dear msX ~
Well I have problems not just 1 but a couple but they all connect. My problems deal with ex-b/f (Chad) and my new b/f (Mark) and My grandmas neighbor (Kacey).Well Chad dumped me because he needed some time and some space away from me. Well he started to not talk to me any more and got real upset. Well then I found Mark. We got to be b/f & g/f but now chad wants me back. The whole time I was with Mark I thought about chad. Even though I love Mark I love chad more but don't want to hurt Mark. well I love chad so much but love mark too. Well now after I already have this problem I end up with another one. Kacey comes to me talks to me about this problem (he is a guy) all of a sudden he grabs my head and kisses me. I told him no and he just did it again. Well he is usually a really polite kid so no one believes me when I say this. So now I have 2 guys going to beat up on him but sort of want them too. Iím confused about the whole thing. Please help.

Dear Iím Confused 2,
Flattering, isn't it, to have all these fellows fighting over your honor? The deal is you had to instigate it by telling. If you're juggling guys because you can't make up your mind, that's okay and normal. Not fair to have to commit to one before you know your own mind. But, when you start to tell one guy about the other, you are being manipulative, trying to get reactions that feed your ego. If you seriously don't know which guy you want, date them both, or all three, but stop talking about it.
ms. X


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