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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ JULY '00 page 1



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Is she my best friend?

Dear msX ~
I met my friend about a year ago. We immediately became very close. She always tells me that she loves me. A few times she said we are best friends, but sometimes she doesn't seem to think that is true. She is leaving for camp tomorrow, and I haven't seen her for over a week! I tried to make plans with her, but it seemed like she didn't even care one way or the other. She said she would call
me, but she never did. I sometimes fell that I try a lot harder to make our friendship work. For example, I once made her a tape of songs and clips. She has never done anything like that for me. I am also almost always the one who coordinates things we so together. I really need any advice!

Dear A,
Relationships aren't always fifty-fifty. Nor should you expect your friend to return love in the exact same manner you offer it. People are different. Different needs, different abilities. When you put demands on a friendship, you cause that person to evaluate if those demands are worth the return. Sometimes they're not. That's the risk of putting demands on another. Lighten up and let this friend get off to camp without feeling badly about her friendships at home.
ms. X


my mother

Dear msX ~
I need some advice, my mother has been unloading sh*t on me since as long as I can remember it's like I'm a stranger to her that she thinks is just there to unload shit onto. It's like I don't even know her anymore and I personally don't want to be around her ever again if she is going to be like that. I can't even trust her with my money anymore after her biting my head off for no good reason what so ever. Last night I called her up and mentioned that there was a 3-wheeled bike for sale in the newspaper and asked her if I could get one because she is always nagging me to exercise more but she won't even give it a chance. Please help my find a way to better live my life without having to put up with this crap. Thank you for listening,

Dear Kate,
This is stuff you have to work out with your mother. Talk to her without anger. See if you can find a way to talk to each other than doesn't result in one of you being hurt. I don't know what's going on between you, but whatever it is can only be worked on with communication.
Good luck,
ms. X


what should I do

Dear msX ~
well I want to do something sweet and romantic for my b/f but I dont know what to do and it is hard to think of something he would like me to do to him because it is at a party he is having on the 4th of july and we will only have a little time together alone and not around any one and I want it to be perfect and something he would enjoy so far no one has been able to help
(15,....been going out with boyfriend over 10 months)

Dear What Should I Do?
Whatever gesture of love you make, it'll be sure to be appreciated, as long as you keep anything that might be embarrassing to him private. Maybe present him with a letter or music or something that says something about your feelings for him. An IOU for a special favor to be collected at a later date. Use your imagination, girl.
ms. X


asking him out

Dear msX ~
Me and this guy have been talking for the longest time now, and we've actually become really good friends. I totally dig this guy and unlike my past relationships, I want to be able to just ask him out to his face and just be a real woman about it. But the thing is, is that I don't really know how I can go about asking him out. Any ideas?

Dear Real Woman,
How about saying, Do you like Thai food (or Chinese or Greek)? Would you like to have dinner with me? Or get tickets to something and ask if he'd like to go with you. Less threatening perhaps, ask him if he wants to go to the beach with you. Guys do it all the time, they are relieved and flattered when they get asked. Just do it.
ms. X


I'm in love

Dear msX ~
I'm 17 years old and I'm in love. Lately, things have not been going so well in our relationship. We've been through a lot and I just want to know what I can do to get things going again. (Remember, we're 17 years old)

Dear 17 years old,
Sometimes taking a break from a relationship allows one to come back to it refreshed. Or not at all. A trial separation may be in order. Think about what you both want and see if discussing it makes things better. Communication is the first step to any solution you may find.
ms. X


2 Guys

Dear msX ~
I have been going out with a guy for over 10 months and I love him, but their is another guy that I love. He is four years older than me and both of them love me too. My boyfriend and I have been fighting over nothing the last couple of weeks. I love both of them and the other guy and I know that our parents may not aprove but we would go out but act like were just really good friends. What should I do?

Dear 2 Guys,
Do what you got to do. If you need to compare and contrast, go ahead.
ms. X


BAD PROBLEM

Dear msX ~
WELL I HAVE A PROBLEM I DON'T WANT NO ONE TO SEE THIS BUT YOU I HAVE N'T HAD A PERIOD IN FOUR MONTHS I KNOW IT'S IRREGULAR BUT COULD THEIR BE SOMETHING ELSE WRONG OR IS IT IN MY MIND

Dear Bad Problem,

Only a doctor can tell if something isn't right. Get over your fears and get yourself to a doctor. It's the only way to be sure. It could be no big deal and you will have worried all this time for nothing.
ms. X


curious..........

Dear msX ~
this may sound strange, but im not sure if I have ever had an orgasm during sex. is it possible not to feel it much or how is it supposed to feel?

Dear Curious,
You didn't say if you were a man or a woman. It does make a difference. But, I should hope you'd know if you had one, male or female. Therefore, I presume you have not.
ms. X


I CHEATED WITH HIS BROTHER

Dear msX ~
I am 17 years old and I have a 20 year old boyfriend. We have been together since I was 14. A few months ago I went over to his house but he was not there. His younger brother was the only one home and he invited me in for a drink. We had been friends for a long time so I agreed. I don't know how it happened, maybe we got to drunk, but we ended up sleeping together. After that I was avoiding him and I couldn't even look my boyfriend in the eyes anymore. My boyfriend started to get really suspicious so one day I just broke down and told him the whole story. He was sooooo angry it was unbelievable. What made it worst is that he and his brother never get along. He left my house furious and the next day I heard he had beat up his brother really bad. I felt like a big jerk and my boyfriend broke up with me. I knew I deserved it but it still hurt. Well a few weeks after that we started talking and we both agreed we still loved each other. We started taking it really, really slow and eventually he forgave me. A few days after we were back together his brother came over to my house and said he was in love with me and he wanted me to leave his brother for him. he told me he had planned that night to get me in bed because he always loved me and he had slipped something into my drink. This was too much. I practically threw him out of my house but now he won't stop bothering me. He calls and leaves messages on my machine, every time I'm over there he makes comments when my boyfriend isn't looking. It is really starting to get out of hand but he would not stop. A few days ago he said he would kill himself if I don't leave my boyfriend for him. He is psycho. Should I tell my boyfriend what is going on so his brother can get another bruising? What should I do? I made a stupid mistake and now I want to get on with my life with my boyfriend he is messing everything up. Please help me. I don't know what to do!

Dear I Cheated With His Brother,
While you may have shown a lack of judgment in putting yourself into a questionable situation with your boyfriend's brother, what he did (spike your drink in order to have sex with you) was both illegal and immoral. The guy needs help, but no one says you have to be the one to give it to him. Tell his parents, if you're comfortable with that, or his brother and suggest that he get help or you will press charges. If necessary, an order of protection might be a good idea.
Good luck,
ms. X


Scared

Dear msX ~
I know you are real busy but I need some advice.
Okay...I recently turned 17 and found out I am pregnant 4 months ago. Although I am now happy to be having a baby, I am scared and I feel alone. My mom does not live with me, and I really miss her. I feel like I really need her now and she's so far away. But I can't really blame her because I was the one who ran away. Now she's forgiven me, but she makes me feel like she wants to get me out of the way. Like se doesn't want to help me. I 'm really scared because I donít know what to expect and how the heck I 'm going to take care of a child if I can hardly take care of myself. But I feel like I will do anything to raise my child. Sometimes I just want to die, and I regret waking up in the morning,. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I am having a baby.

Dear Scared,
You need to tell your mother these feelings. Tell her you need her. She might have lots of issues to get over, but I believe she will still be there for you. Go home and talk to your mother, from the heart. Let her vent her negativity and pretty soon she may come around. Grandchildren have a way of softening even the hardest of hearts.
Good luck,
ms. X


lately it seems like more

Dear msX ~
Ok, I really really really like this guy I have known since I was four. We have always been friends but lately it seems like more. He flirts with me alot, like picking me up and tickling me and stuff like that. Well, now that I realize that I like him a lot, he is moving. It's only an hour away, but still. I'm really going to miss him and am wondering if I should tell him. Please help! I have no clue what to do! On one hand, he could like me too but then we'd never see each other, on the other hand, the thought of liking me could gross him out. He could tell his mom (who is best friends with my mom) and I would be soooo embarrassed. Anyway, please help.

Dear Likes a Neighbor,
If your moms are best friend, then obviously you will be seeing each other in the future. Hold off on your declarations of love until you see each other after the move. A geographically undesirable romance is not easy to maintain. Think about if you really want to tie yourself to someone you see only occasionally.
Good luck,
ms. X


DON'T WANT TO LET GO

Dear msX ~
I REALLY NEED YOU'RE HELP. OK WHEN I FIRST MOVED TO F.L ME AND JOSH WERE GOOD FRIENDS. THEN WE WENT INTO LIKING EACH OTHER. WE STARTED TALKING BUT HIS EX. MESSED IT ALL UP. I STILL REALLY CARED ABOUT HIM. SO WE STARTED TALKIN AGIAN, AND HAVIND SEX, BUT IT GOT NO WHERE. SO I WROTE HIM A LETTER TO SAY MAYBE IT WAS BEST WE JUST BE FRIENDS. I DID NOT WANT THAY BUT I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE I WAS PUSHING HIM. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO I REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM MAYBE EVEN IN OVE WITH HIM, AND I WANT HIM AS A BOYFRIEBD WHAT DO I DO?

Dear Don't Want to Let Go,
Sounds like he's already let go, sweetie, and all you're holding onto is air. Back up, go the friends route, if possible, and see where it leads. It's frustrating, but you really can't always get what you want.
ms. X

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