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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ JUNE '00 page 3



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Very Confused

Dear msX ~
Hello. My Boyfriend and I have been on and off for about 1 year because of me. I have dumped him twice for different reasons. I sometimes fall for other guys even though I know that I love my bf. I can't get him out of my mind and I think about him constantly. He loves me very much and I don't like to hurt him like this. Another reason that I dump him for is because during the summer he always leaves and I never get to see him, he is very shy around me so he doesn't do much (hold my hand, hug me, or kiss me). I know these are very dumb reasons and I also know that I love him. Next year we will be going to different schools (high school) and there will be new guys. I promised my bf that I wouldn't dump him again. Please give me some ways to break my bad habits. Thanx.

Dear Very Confused,
Promises extracted under pressure can prove to be very uncomfortable promises to keep. No one really knows what wonderful people will cross our paths in the future, especially at your age. Are you ready for a commitment by 9th grade? You may have strong feelings for him now, but your track record stinks. Both of you will be going to new schools and widening your horizons soon. What you call bad habits may just be normal rites of youth.
ms. X


more than just a friend

Dear msX ~
Well I have a friend that I'm really close to and lately when we go out just as friends it becomes fairly obvious to me that I care for her much more than just a friend. The problem is that she has a boyfriend that she cares for more than she has every cared for anyone else before and I don't know what to do about it.
What should I do ?

Dear What Should I Do?
That's a difficult position to be in, but I think your only choice is to be patient. Keep your friendship going and if and when her other relationship falters, you can make your move. If you tell her how you feel prematurely, you might make her uncomfortable enough to forfeit the friendship.
Patience.
ms. X


signs of pregnancy

Dear msX ~
I do not know if I am going to have a baby or not what are the signs of pregnancy?

Dear Not Sure,
Get yourself a pregnancy test or see a doctor. There's only one sure way to find out.
Good luck,
ms. X


in la la land

Dear msX ~
there is this guy I have been in LOVE with (or lust, infatuation) for years. I am too old to still have this crush on him! what should I do?? its getting worse.
in la la land

Dear In La La Land,
Ms. X believes one is never too old to have a crush and certainly never too old for lust. You're problem is not acting on it. Instead of waiting for him to notice you, why not make the first move? He might reciprocate your feelings, he might not, or he might turn out to be a jerk up close and in person. If you don't try, you'll never know.
ms. X


Invisible Man

Dear msX ~
Well see I got this problem. I like a girl and I think she likes me but I'm scared to ask her. We have been close friends for 5years. She is so pretty and I feel warm in side when she smiles. I really like her alot. What should I do, should I ask her.

Dear Invisible Man,
Life is too short to waste your time yearning over someone who makes you feel warm inside. Ask her out and stop wasting time. The worst that could happen is she could say no, and it doesn't sound like that is going to happen.
ms. X


missing my ex :(

Dear msX ~
my life has not been the same since me and my ex boyfriend lost touch. I donít know what to do. But I donít want him to know how much I miss him since he is probably with another girl already, or about to be. I know I should forget him I just donít know how.....any suggestions?

Dear Missing My Ex,
What's the saying, There is nothing as boring than unrequited love? Ms. X suggests a more proactive approach. If you think there's still something between you, check it out. Call him, just to talk, and see where the conversation leads. Otherwise you may always wonder.
ms. X


My Friend Cuts Herself....

Dear msX ~
I have this problem with a really close friend of mine. We've been friends since first grade and now we're in high school together. She's always had low self-esteem and she's really insecure about herself. Now whenever she has a problem she cuts herself with tweezers or a razor. She cuts her arm and it just started recently. She says she does it because she's insecure about herself, but I don't think that's it. She always has to be the center of attention and I think she does it for attention. Whenever we go out to parties and guys are there she always finds someway to get all eyes on her and take off her shirt. I think she cuts herself for attention. She has a psychiatrist and has to take medicine for her depression and she is dependent on the medicine but I still think she cuts herself for the attention. I've already talked to her about the cutting but I havenít truly told her what I felt. Some of her other friends who know about it feel exactly the same way I do. If she truly had a problem with cutting herself she would have done it before because that's when all the big problems happened in our clique. What should I do?

Dear My Friend Cuts Herself,
Your friend has bigger problems than you are capable of solving. But whether she does is for attention or not does not make it any less a symptom of bigger problems. People who just need attention can manage to get it in much more acceptable ways. This girl needs significant help, not judgments. Is her psychiatrist aware she is a self-mutilator? The only sensible thing to do is to let an adult know what's going on.
ms. X


boyfriend

Dear msX ~
well my bf keeps talking about nasty stuff and it makes me fell really uncomfortable. what should I do, should I break up with him or not? I really like him oh and he doesnít trust me

Dear Nasty Boyfriend,
If it makes you uncomfortable, don't stick around.
ms. X


Overprotective Brother

Dear msX ~
well Iíve had a thing for a guy for about a year now, and a for a little while after he kinda blew me off I let things rest for a while. At the end of school when we got our year books he asked if he could take mine home, and I let him. And the next day he gave it back and there was along letter about how he knows we always had a thing for each other and that he really screwed up last time and he wonít do it again, and that I should call him like everyday this summer to do stuff. well I called him twice, and he never called back, and come to find out he doesn't want to call me for fear of my brother, because he's so protective of me. (my bro and him play closely in baseball together, my bro is younger then him, but older than me) Well I saw him at a baseball game today and gave him crap for not calling, and he said to call him and I did. we talked and it was good but he said to call back in 15 min so I did and he left. My ? is : should I call him again or wait for him to call, because I made the effort? And What should I do about my brother and him not calling, and him acting so distant after writing that in my year book? Help me, heís sooo confusing.
thanx~
Confused

Dear Confused with the Overprotective Brother,
Ask your brother if he's interfered in any way. If he hasn't, this guy is giving you mixed messages because he's not sure himself how he's feeling. Give him a chance to ponder this, wait patiently, and let him call you if and when he's ready.
ms. X


Depressed

Dear msX ~
I am a 14 year old girl, and about to be a sophomore in high school, I am pretty popular and hang out with all older people and everyone tells me that I am pretty and that I have so many things going for me. Yet I feel depressed all the time, I am on medication after confessing to my mom (Prozac) and it seemed to help for a while, but I am down in the dumps again lately, I cry my self to sleep for no apparent reason, and Iíve seen a counselor and I feel she did nothing. No one understands and I'm always stressed, any advice, I could really use it. THNX SOOO MUCH
Warmly~
tears at night

Dear Depressed,
Your present counselor is not the only shrink in the world, is she? Ask your mother to look for another counselor or speak to someone in the guidance department of your school. You should be under a doctor's care if you're taking Prozac. These are the things you should be telling your doctor.
Take care,
ms. X


too much

Dear msX ~
Okay, here's my problem. I think about sexual stuff almost ALL THE TIME! and I fantasize about some of my guy friends. See, that wouldn't be a problem except I keep wanting different guys all the time, but I don't have one certain person to this stuff with right now, so how can I stop thinking about it so much? It bugs the hell out of me cuz my mind is way low in the gutter but I can't release my... sexual tension I guess is what you would call it. Even though there are some guys I know I could've gotten with, and I want to still, I don't know how to get past flirting cuz I've never been the initiator so I don't know how to let the guy know I want him. Am I even making any sense? Well, thanks you.

Dear Too Much,
Nothing wrong with a little sexual fantasy, as long as it doesn't take over your life. Fantasy is actually a form of safer sex, don't you think? Get yourself a hand-held shower massage. Before you start acting out your sexual fantasies with real people, better to be safe than sorry.
ms. X


Online Love

Dear msX ~
I met this guy on the computer about two days ago and I really like him. He called me on the same day that I met him and now that I have gotten' to know him I think that I really like him. He is in the middle of a divorce right now and he still sleeps in the same bed as his wife. He has a two-year old son, he is 25 and I am 17. He tells me that he will fly across the world to meet me because he lives in CA and I live in IL. He wants to tell his wife that he is on business and I don't like that because why can he not just tell her the truth? I am asking if I should meet him or is this just going to lead to heartbreak? Please help me.

Dear Online Love,
You think you really like him. You've known him all of two days and haven't a clue if he's really telling the truth. Not that what he's telling you makes him look golden. First, it is really not safe to allow an internet buddy into your house. Second, he is not moving his entire act to Illinois on a whim, unless he is a serial killer or other degenerate. Someone with stability cannot pick up so easily to visit an online friend. If you must, continue to get to know him, but be aware of flashing red lights and other danger signals.
ms. X


Friend Thief

Dear msX ~
I have a best friend whom I have been close to for a year now. Ever since our friendship started things go up hill and down hill to many times to count. It started out that we spent everyday together and then I started dating a guy #1. At the time she was going with a close friend of his so that was cool. Then I started liking guy #2, guy #1's best friend. So I broke up with guy #1 for #2. Then my best friend and her man broke up and she started dating one of my guy #2's best friends. After a while I got tired of guy #2 so I broke it off and it really upset him. She stayed with the friend though and everything started changing. She started smoking pot and never paying any attention to me because of this girl who hated me (we'll call her thief). For a long time my b/f didn't talk to me and that put me through a lot of pain. Later on down the road she started dating my guy #2 and they really hit it off. Her mom hates him though because of his age. Her mom put her through heck and so she came running back for a friend when thief started saying that she wanted to beat her up for causing so much trouble (some friend she was uh). After that my b/f moved out of her house and now lives with guy #2. We became b/f again...but now thief apologized to her and now they are friends again. I don't want to go through that pain again should I just give up?

Dear Friend Thief,
Friends are not objects who can be stolen. All this switching around is done of free will. Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean everyone has to feel the same way. You can avoid her like the plague, but you can't expect your friend to if she feels differently. You can request that she see that girl separately from you, but be prepared to possibly be hurt when she does just that and excludes you.
ms. X


I miss him

Dear msX ~
I HAD A BOYFRIEND FOR ABOUT 5 MONTHS. HE BROKE UP WITH ME A COUPLE OF TIMES SO HE COULD GET HIS LIFE TOGETHER. BUT HE ALWAYS CAME BACK. HE BROKE UP WITH ME AGAIN. HE SAID THAT HE DOESN'T WANT A GIRLFRIEND RIGHT NOW CAUSE HE'S REALLY BUSY WITH SPORTS AND IT BEING SUMMER. THE PROBLEM IS I STILL LOVE HIM AND MISS HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING. WHAT CAN I DO TO GET HIM BACK. HE SAID HE LOVED ME A FEW DAYS BEFORE WE BROKE UP. BUT THE DAY WE BROKE UP HE DIDN'T. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Dear I Miss Him,
If you're patient, he might outgrow his fascination with sports and find his interest turning back to you. Don't push it, his hormones will override the sports sooner or later.
ms. X


team player

Dear msX ~
How can I get my l8 year old son to be more of a team player in the family? I am having a terrible time getting him to pitch in with chores around the house. Help

Dear Mom of 18-year old,
Sorry to say, but if he isn't already a team player, it's not going to happen. Kids need to be trained early as to what their role in the family division of labor might be. You can't just expect a kid who's never done anything around the house to pitch in now. But, he's eighteen, an adult. You could certainly tell him that if he doesn't help out, he could start looking for his own place to live. Then he'd have to take care of all the chores.
ms. X


Physical growth

Dear msX ~
Iím a 17 yr. old teen, active in sports and have a good diet. But I want to grow at least 2-3 more inches in height, do you think that taking growth hormone releasers will help me grow?

Dear Physical Growth,
I think this is a question for a medical professional. See your doctor.
ms. X


stay the night

Dear msX ~
Hi, I am 15 years old and I have been dating this guy for 8months now and my family loves him and his family loves me. I have asked my parents before and they won't let me stay the night over at his house but he can stay the night here. Please help me convince my parents to let me stay at his house.

Dear Stay the Night,
Your parents know what their supervision skills are. They don't know how well your boyfriend's parents will supervise. Be glad they let him stay over. Not many parents of fifteen year olds would allow that.
ms. X


Dad's Ill

Dear msX ~
My Dad has cancer and I don't know how to feel about it?

Dear Dad's Ill,
Sweetheart, cancer does not always equate with death. So learn a little about the reality of your dad's condition before you bury him in your mind. Many cancers are highly treatable. That doesn't mean the treatment is pleasant or this will be a piece of cake, but it is survivable. Get a grip. See what the reality is and then react. There is no one right reaction. Seeing a loved one suffer hits different people in different ways. No rules for this one, hon, just go with it and be there for your dad, just by being yourself.
Good luck,
ms. X


 

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