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18 year old daughter
Dear msX ~
My problem is my 18 year old daughter. She is beautiful,
funny and intelligent. The problem?, she doesn't tell her parents the truth. We find just as the trust begins to
build again she tries to pull something behind our backs and it destroys our trust. She has been caught in out
in out lies. She also doesn't understand how painful it is to a parent to deal with this. This child is 18, she
should know right from wrong and respect for her parents wishes, but it doesn't appear so. We have offered a get
away weekend at a resort with additional girlfriends, with the rules stated up front no boys allowed. We found
out some have been invited and now are probably going to pull the trip. We don't want to do this. This is important
to us to be able to give this, but we feel we can't with the deceit we have found. Should we let her go if she
promises no boys? Do we trust? Please give me your opinion. Thank you, JH
Dear Mother of 18 Year Old,
She is not a child anymore. You have to trust that you brought her up to the best of your ability and she is now
her own person. By law, she is allowed to make her own choices. Not that you have to pay for the resort or condone
her choices. But understand, that when you insist on her playing by your rules, you make her into a liar. If you're
able to allow her to be the adult she is, you may not always like her choices, but you won't be asking her to lie
to you. Do you want to control your daughter's flight or do you want her to strengthen her own wings? That isn't
even your choice to make.
ms. X
I don't understand
Dear msX ~
Okay, I've been eating way more than I usually do for
about three weeks cuz I’m getting more hungry, and I've lost some weight. I don't understand. Can stress make you
do that? Eat more and lose? Cuz I’m kinda stressed right now. Well, would you please explain this to me? Oh, also,
I’m not throwing up or any of those food-disorder things.
Dear Eating More,
Stress can make you do lots of things, eating (or not eating) included. But, perhaps you went overboard with the
diet and your body is telling you to fatten up? Talk to a medical person if you can't get it under control yourself.
Good luck,
ms. X
failing
Dear msX ~
I have a major problem . I was failing two classes and
I didn't know if I was going to summer school or not so I started to trust god with my problem. I really don’t
want to go in the same grade again what should I do?
Dear Failing,
Trusting in God is a great start, but you really need to study. God can help you, but is not going to take the
test for you.
ms. X
get a girl
Dear msX ~
how do I get a girl 2 like me
Dear Wants a Girl to Like Him,
Be yourself. It is no use putting on an act to attract someone, if you need to sustain the act to keep them.
ms. X
Just not pretty
Dear msX ~
I have a very low self esteem and I am very depressed!
This kid always makes fun of me call me UGLY and stuff like that and I cant stand it anymore! Next year I am going
to high school and I keep praying that things get better. What should I do! HELP!!!
Dear Just Not Pretty,
In high school, you will have an entirely different audience. So you have an opportunity to change your image before
you start. Think about the things you don't like about yourself and the things you do like. Accentuate the positive.
Downplay the negative. Give yourself a mental makeover and refuse to allow others to define you. This change of
schools is an opportunity for you to do things differently.
ms. X
Felicity
Dear msX ~
what's ruby from felicity's real name?
Dear Ruby from Felicity,
Not a clue. When you find out, let me know. Try asking on the Felicity message board.
ms. X
unhappy
Dear msX ~
I am unhappy. I think about suicide all the time but
I’d never do it because I don't want to hurt my friends and family. I don't know what to do to make it better but
I need something now. I just wish I’d go to sleep and never wake up. I want to go to a psychologist, but I’m leaving
to go back to school in a couple months and I don't want to switch over to another one right when I’m starting
to get somewhere. If something doesn't happen I’m going to alienate my boyfriend and lose him, fail out of school,
and I don't know. I’m just messed up I guess.
Dear Thinks about Suicide,
Suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem. Things always turn around. Show some patience and get to
counseling now. You are too important to have to wait until you go back to school. Do it now. If you still need
counseling in the Fall, your home therapist can find you one near school. But, please don't wait on such big feelings.
ms. X
Please Help Me.
Dear msX ~
I am a 15 year old girl, and I have found myself in a very uncomfortable position. I have not had sex, but I am
scared that I may be pregnant. I skipped my period this month, and my lower stomach is getting bigger. If I press
on it, it hurts. I think something is swelled or something. How can I tell if I am pregnant without buying a test?
What can I do? I am scared to be pregnant. I have never had sex. But I have a feeling about it! What can I do?
PLEASE HELP ME!!
Dear Please Help Me,
You need to see a doctor. Now. It could be any one of a number of things, not necessarily serious. If you're sure
you never had sex, then you need to find out why you have these symptoms. The only way you're going to find out
and take care of it is to see a doctor. Do it.
Good luck,
ms. X
No Real Relationships
Dear msX ~
I’m 18, and I haven’t really had that many boyfriends,
or better-said, serious relationships. So far all of my relationships have been pretty harmless, I mean nothing
serious was going on, and I was just wondering why I haven't had the courage to get really close to a boyfriend.
It seems like I’m a totally different person when I have a boyfriend. I try to be and look perfect in every possible
way. I don’t even eat in front of guys that I've fallen for. Why is that?
Dear No Real Relationships,
What's your rush? Maybe you just haven't meant someone who you can be yourself with. Finding the right person makes
all the difference. When that happens, all the rules change and the only thing that will matter is your time together.
Right now, you're just practicing.
ms. X
Is our love fizzling?
Dear msX ~
My boyfriend works very hard at his job, he always comes home tired. Earlier on in our relationship he got frustrated
with me because I was distant when he mentioned marriage. So I wrote a long letter about how I do eventually want
to marry but was distant because I wasn't sure if he was serious. Lately, he's been really distant. He says he's
tired and wants to go to bed 30minutes into a phone call. I tell him I love him, he does say it back. I’m trying
so hard to please him but it feels like I’m getting nowhere. Should I confront him about it? If so, how should
I go about it?
Dear Is Our Love Fizzling,
Give the guy a break. He's working hard. Don't make yourself into a second job. Show a little more understanding
and let him sleep. You'd please him more by allowing him to put his needs first on occasion. His distance might
only be fatigue.
ms. X
Shakespeare
Dear msX ~
Bottom in the book A Midsummer Nights Dream by William
Shakespeare, is he a negative person or positive . Please explain why
Dear Midsummer's Night Dream,
Do your own homework.
ms. X
friend
Dear msX ~
I used to be the bestest of friends with this one kid
for my whole life. we started to grow apart though as our relationship became worse, now he is having a party and
I am not invited, how should I feel and what should I do?
Dear Friend
I know your feelings are hurt that you were disincluded from your former friend's party, but get over it. There
is no correct way to feel, your own feelings are valid no matter what they are. But, you don't need to be sharing
those hurt feelings with everyone. What you should be doing is making new friends.
ms. X
Sister's Advice
Dear msX ~
My Boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year(exactly
eleven months and two days),and my sister thinks that we should date other people for a while then get back together,
because it will make us want each other more. One of my ex's has come back into my life as a friend and sometimes
we flirt. What do you think, should I follow my sisters advice or not?
Dear Sister's Advice,
Is your sister usually on the money about things? If you trust her advice, take it. She knows the parties involved
much better than Ms. X. But, you really shouldn't be relying on other people to make your decisions for you. What
do you really want to do?
Think about it.
ms. X
daughter's choices
Dear msX ~
I am not a teen, but a mom. My problem is that my daughter insists on a friendship with a guy who has treated her
badly in front of her friends twice. I thought that maybe she had had enough and would get smart, but she hasn't.
I get really angry when he calls, but it turns out that she is doing the pursuing and calling him. I found this
out by reading her e-mail which I know is wrong. She tells us what we want to hear but now I’m seeing she is the
one doing the pursuing. Now I don't trust her to tell me the truth. We have had an excellent communicative relationship
up until now. This guy is tearing us apart. He loves the thrill of the chase, and then he dumps her. My daughter
is a smart, beautiful, witty girl. Why is she determined to make this loser hers? HELP!!
Dear Mother,
You can advise your daughter, but if she is an adult now, you cannot insist. Sometimes adults have to learn from
their own mistakes. If you want to keep your relationship with your daughter, try giving her the chance to make
choices on her own. She's never going to learn if you keep making them for her. You may not like this guy, but
you are giving your daughter lots of reasons to keep him, if only to assert herself from a controlling environment.
You have to trust that you brought her up well.
ms. X
slutty
Dear msX ~
I have a problem with saying no to guys. I’m only 14
and am sexually active, and do it on 1st dates. I never mean to, it just kind of happens. Some other people told
me I cant say no cuz I have a low self esteem and are scared of rejection. Please help me, tell me ways to say
no to sex and drugs. I’m trying to clean up my act
Dear Slutty,
Don't put yourself in situations conducive to having sex before you're ready. Not everyone has to like you or want
you, get over it. Don't confuse having sex with being liked. Guys will have sex with girls they don't even know,
much less like, if invited. It is no proof of caring. And it feels like garbage when you're being used, doesn't
it? Talk to a counselor at school. You need a little help in working on ways to feel good about yourself that don't
endanger you or make you feel even worse in the long run.
Good luck,
ms. X
A single mom in need of advice.
Dear msX ~
I have a preteen at 13. who's on the road to destruction.
I am trying to get her on the right track. Can you tell me how? What can I do to encourage her to do right? How
can I help her deal with peer pressure?
A single mom in need.
Dear a Single Mom,
Enlist the aid of the professionals at your daughter's school to get her into some counseling programs for at-risk
teens. Know her friends and activities without breaking her trust. Be there to listen to her without being judgmental.
Make sure she understands that her actions have consequences. A good guidance program will work with parents as
well as students. Talk to the counselor at her school before school ends. Use the school resources to get your
daughter the counseling and support she needs at a very rough age.
Good luck,
ms. X
Best Friend's Boyfriend
Dear msX ~
my best friends boyfriend just broke up with her for
me and I like him a lot. He asked me out what should I do?
Dear My Best Friend's Boyfriend,
Depends on a couple of factors...does your friend still like him? Do you value the friendship more than you like
him? Ask your friend how she feels and be prepared to back off if she says it'll bother her. Also, consider that
he is making moves on you more because of who you are to her than who you are to him. Think about it.
ms. X
Suicidal Friend
Dear msX ~
I have a friend who has many problems in his life. He’s
been in therapy and been on anti depressants. As of now he's no longer on medication, but he told me today that
he has been seriously considering suicide. He has many problems that involve his family though he doesn’t really
give specific details all the time. Throughout this school year my friends and I have been there to support him,
but there really hasn’t been much we can do. I think that we need an adult to help us with this, but his parents
seem to be part of the problem. I think my parents would help out but I’m also afraid that he could get very angry
at me for telling them about his problems. My friends and I want to help him but where do we start?
Dear Suicidal Friend,
Better to tell and have him angry than to not tell and find him dead. Get an adult involved immediately. If not
your parents, then someone from the school. Immediately. It is better to make a mistake and overreact, than to
ignore any signs.
Good luck,
ms. X
help confused
Dear msX ~
ok there is this boy that likes me but I don’t like
him and he wants to make out with me and I don’t want to make out with him cause its my first kiss and I don’t
want him to be my first kiss. and I don’t no what to do
Dear Help/Confused,
Just say no. You don't have to kiss anyone you don't want to.
ms. X
analyze this !!
Dear msX ~
okay, so I was told that I am a depressant and that
I have major mood swings....how do I deal with this stuff. sometimes it becomes mega stressful and out of control
to the point that I begin to analyze everything. I have not gotten help for this yet but I was wondering...do I
really need it or is it all in my head??
Dear Analyze This,
Even if it is all in your head, what's the big deal about seeking outside help? Sometimes analyzing the particles
of our lives relieves our stress and sometimes it makes it worse. If it interferes with your enjoyment of your
life, it is not a crime to seek help.
Good luck,
ms. X
Group Thing!!
Dear msX ~
Uh-oh! I like this guy named Jake, and see, I wanna
ask him to this group thing with some of my buds and their guy friends/boy friends. How do I ask him without sounding
like I’m desperate or obsessed?
Dear My Roommate,
Just because someone says they love you, doesn't mean you have to love them back. Especially since there are gender
issues here. If you feel uncomfortable with his declaration of love, tell him if he doesn't stop, one of you will
need to find a new place to live. Set your boundaries before your girlfriend arrives and keep to them.
ms. X
My roommate....
Dear msX ~
My roommate has a huge crush or he says that he is in
love with me....... I am a lesbian.... My girlfriend is moving up from Utah in a few days all the way to pa.....
I really do not know what to do??? He won't give up.... what should I do?
Dear My Roommate,
Just because someone says they love you, doesn't mean you have to love them back. Especially since there are gender
issues here. If you feel uncomfortable with his declaration of love, tell him if he doesn't stop, one of you will
need to find a new place to live. Set your boundaries before your girlfriend arrives and keep to them.
ms. X
bossy wife
Dear msX ~
my wife is very bossy and sometimes yells
Dear Bossy Wife,
Yell back. Or get earplugs. It is not in the marriage contract to graciously accept being yelled at.
ms. X
sex
Dear msX ~
my boyfriend won't stop bugging 4 sex.
Dear Stop Bugging 4 Sex,
If he can't understand the word no, why would you keep him around? Unless you are enjoying the debate. Readiness
for a sexual relationship cannot be one-sided. If he doesn't get it, let him go.
ms. X
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