What's Wrong With Me?
Dear msX ~
I'm a 16-year-old girl. I知 5'4, 130 lb, brown curly (kind of fly-away) hair, glasses, zits, crooked teeth... so
I知 not Cindy Crawford. I get good grades and I知 not into spots, so I知 considered a nerd in my VERY small school
(class of 15 students). There are a few really great guys, and I try to strike up conversations with them and flirt
with them, but they never reciprocate. I mean, I have never been on a date or had a guy flirt with me or ask me
out. My friends all have boyfriends, some steady and some not, and I can be sitting right there when guys flirt
with them and I am ignored.
So what's wrong with me? How can I get guys to notice me? I told myself I would never depend on a guy, but lately
I just feel like I need someone to love me...
SO what do I do? Just ignore the problem and wait for that special someone to walk into my life? How do I get guys
to like me? Thanks
Dear What's wrong with me?
Widening your circles, putting yourself in different places, expanding your interests are all ways of meeting new
faces. Looking for a good fish for you in a pool of fifteen doesn't strike me as being realistic. It's not your
looks you have to change, it's your territory and routine. Take a dance class, volunteer, join a gym, just put
yourself into places and situations where there are new and different fellows. And, start focusing on your positive
attributes. Listing your negatives is not going to boost your confidence and make you the belle of the ball. Find
stuff you like about yourself and accentuate it. Fix the stuff you don't like, if it's fixable, or learn to work
Dear msX ~
I have a drinking problem. I do the most stupid this when I知 drunk. it is leaving me with less friends ,and I知
trying to make as much as possibly since I知 Irish and I知 over here working, I don't know what else to do or where
to go to meet people on sober basis, I知 18 years old all alone and need help I知 staying in Boston
Drinking is not your cultural destiny, is it? There are lots of Irish people who get through life without having
to become obnoxious drunks. Don't lay this on your heritage, it's you, the individual, who has the problem. There
are Alcoholics Anonymous meetings you can go to in almost every city. This becomes both a social activity and a
way of working with your drinking. Try to fill the rest of your time with productive activities that bring you
into contact with people. Take a class at a college. Join a gym. Volunteer at a hospital. There are lots of things
you can do that are social and don't involve drinking. Do something quickly before your problem gets bigger and
you have fewer friends.
Long Distance Romance
Dear msX ~
I am 15 years old and I have a boyfriend a few months younger than me who lives hundreds of miles away from me.
(actually he lives in New York and I live in the Caribbean). I haven't seen him in a really long time but I am
going to see him at the end of June. The thing is, I really want to have sex with him I know I should wait (I知
a virgin)but I can't help these feelings. We both discussed having sex before and we both decided to wait, but
since I've been away from him for so long, I don't think I can wait. Please help me I need some advice on how to
handle these feelings, Thank you very much.
Why don't you wait and see what it's like for you in person when you see your fellow again? It's normal to want
to have sex with someone you long for and have missed so much, but there are many things you can do with each other
before you arrive at intercourse. It doesn't have to happen the moment he steps off the plane, hon. Patience...anything
wonderful is worth waiting for!
Dear msX ~
I have a boyfriend of a year and two months. His name
is Tobie. When we first started going out, he was still talking to his ex-girlfriend. I thought that was fine,
but one day, I asked them what they talked about. Coincidentally, when she found out that we were going out, she
also found out that she was so called pregnant. it really upset me because she was talking to Mike about her pregnant
problems and it wasn't even his! This is when I forbid him to talk to her or see her. I've been living at his house
for the entire time that we have been going out. During the first four months that we were going out, his truck
was broken, and he was out of a job. so I let him use my car to look for jobs. little did I know, while I was at
work, he was going to his ex-girlfriend's work place and visiting her on her lunch breaks. I had an idea that he
was still talking to her, so I went to her workplace to talk to her (well actually, to fight with her). She ended
up calling me out first, but then chickened out because she didn't think I actually wanted to fight with her. (august)
This is when we talked and she told me that Tobie was visiting her. I was slightly upset, but she seemed to hate
him also. She told him that she wanted to be left alone. later that day, I asked him if he had sex with her while
we were going out. He told me ,no. One month later (September) I was with Tobie at a club. His ex-girlfriend was
also there. She came up to me wanting to fight again. I was willing, but somehow, we ended up talking. She informed
me that Tobie went to her house (she invited him) with my car when he was supposed to be looking for jobs. We shared
information about things that he had said about us, and instead of beating his ex, I beat him. I asked him again
if he had sex with her. He said ,no. I kept asking him if he had sex with her, and everyday, he told me no. Until
one month later (October) his guilt overwhelmed him and he finally confessed. It has been seven months since I
found out about what had happened between them, and I still cannot get over it. Anytime I think about it, I get
very very pissed off. I also found out that the reason why his ex hates him is because two weeks after they had
sex, someone told her that when they were going out, he cheated on her also. I know I am stupid for staying with
him. We get into fights about her almost every week. It got better. We used to fight everyday. So my problem is,
I want to stop hurting, I want to stop feeling so paranoid, I also want to stop hating. I don't know if and how
the pain is going to stop. I want to be able to trust him again. I told him to prove it, but I really don稚 know
how I could unless I were with him every minute of the day. I am so mean to him. I treat him like he is lower than
dirt. He doesn't receive any respect from me. He is like my little dog that follows me around everywhere and does
whatever I tell him to. I am never wrong. I yell at him for every little thing he does. I tell him mean things
such as he is a loser, and he is stupid, because I know it will hurt him, (I think I am like that because I am
still hurting so much) I also want to stop hating her. I just want to forget about her, but it is very hard because
we have a lot of mutual friends. I just wish that she just go somewhere and never come back. I do not know how
to cope with all this anger that I have for her. everyone tells me that I should just get rid of my boyfriend,
but is there any other way?
Dear Tobie's Girlfriend,
I think it's already dawned on you that anger hurts the hater more than it hurts the hatee. While I feel bad for
Tobie having to put up with your controlling and demanding personality, I can see that you're hurting as well.
You picked a lousy boyfriend, so now you're going to punish both him and yourself for it for how long? Cut your
losses, get out, and give up on those nasty, nagging feelings. You will have to learn that you can't always control
what other people do, but you can control how you react to it. Give up Tobie, give up your anger, start anew.
Dear msX ~
My boyfriend and I dated for around 5 months, and we really loved each other. He's a year younger than me, however,
and I知 leaving for college half way across the country in the beginning of August. We have both dated alot and
have both been in love once before. These first loves really broke our hearts. His first love was especially harsh
when breaking up with him and ended up cheating on him and moving away, among other things. At any rate, he vividly
remembers how difficult it was for him to deal with that break up. I too had had a very bad break up with my first
love. However, we have since worked out our differences and are still good friends. My boyfriend and I broke up
a day and a half ago. We had discussed it earlier and decided it was the right thing to do. He said he needed time
to deal with this before I leave. I have to admit that I am a complete wreck right now, and that I am glad we did
not wait till the night before I left for college to do this. However, I am still very distraught. I am unable
to eat, and I am getting very little sleep. A good friend and my first love are helping me get through it by letting
me vent constantly. I want to be friends with him, but I don't know if I can be around him and not want to hold
him, and kiss him, and hug him. I guess another factor is that he was the first guy I've had sex with. I don't
regret it, but it's another hard thing to face. I guess what I知 looking for is some advice on how I should attempt
to put my life back together. How long should I wait to call him? Should I try and see him before I leave for school?
And how can I help this empty, lonely feeling go away? I would love any help or advice you could give me. Thanks.
Dear College Goodbyes,
There's no way to get over someone easily when you still have feelings. But, if the timing is wrong and you have
to move on, a little grieving is just something you're going to have to go through to get your life back to normal.
Friends can help keep you from hitting bottom. Venting is good, healthy, and normal. Maybe once you get to school
and acclimate yourself to the new surroundings and people, life will once again seem like fun again. Give it some
Dear msX ~
I just got home from a really hot date and I have found
two hickeys on my neck. I am really scared of what my mom will say. Do you know any good tips on getting rid of
Dear Oh No!
I don't have any ideas for you. Makeup and neck scarves seem to draw more attention to the hickey area. It is not
the season for turtlenecks either. Next time tell your dates not to leave any visible marks.
Dear msX ~
Okay. Here is the deal. I was in this computer class
during first semester with this junior guy named Tom (I'm a freshman). Well, about a month before the end of the
semester (it's only a semester class) was over, he started talking to me. I had always thought he was cute, but
it was really cool that he started the conversation (he's not very talkative). So I thought he wanted to be friends.
Well, after the class ended, I would wave to him, but then he started avoiding me. He would only talk to me when
he was alone with me. Like I wasn't good enough to talk to in front of his friends. Then, right before spring break,
he started waving at me and talking to me. like he wanted to. Then about a month ago, there was a school dance,
and there weren't very many people there, but Tom was there. There were only two slow songs left, and my friend
told me to turn around and there was Tom. And he asked me to dance. I said yes. He was holding me really close.
Our cheeks we!
re pressed together, and his hands kept moving down my back, like he wanted me. But I知 not sure it was that. He
gives me mixed signals. Like sometimes he likes me and wants to be with me, and other times he doesn't. After the
dance, we stood facing each other, holding hands, for like 3 minutes until my sister came and got me. I don't know
what to think or what to do. Should I still like him? I feel like we have a special connection. He just thinks
I知 too young cuz I知 a freshman. I知 15 and he's going to be 17. Is that bad? Please help!!!!!!!!
Dear Mixed Signals with Tom,
Part of the man-women thing seems to involve lots of mixed signals. Not being sure what one wants is part of it.
Being vague allows one to have an escape hatch should one change one's mind. He also sounds like he's not ready
to go public with any feelings he may have for you. Or, maybe he's just waiting until you're a bit older.
Dear msX ~
There is this sophomore guy(I'm a freshman). His name
is Rhett. Ever since the beginning of the year, we are always looking at each other. Like when I walk by, we stare
at each other until we can't see. We have never spoken, but it's like he knows what I知 thinking, and I know what
he is thinking. What does this mean? Are we connected somehow?
Dear Strange Connection,
Yes, it is possible that you and Rhett have a great mystical connection. But, it is also just as likely that you
are projecting what you want to believe he is thinking. And, you'll never know what is true about this unless you
speak to him. What are you waiting for? Don't waste any more time waiting and wondering. Speak to him.
beautiful or ugly
Dear msX ~
My girl friends always tell me I知 beautiful, but then
why don't I have a boyfriend? I always attract the guys I don't want. I can never get the guys I like to like me
back. Either that or their too shy to tell me. HELP!!!!! ANY ADVICE?
Dear Beautiful or Ugly,
Who ever told you being beautiful was the secret to having a boyfriend? Sometimes being too beautiful scares all
but the most confident boys away. Also, some people are looking for what's inside the package, not at the paper
it's wrapped in.
Dear msX ~
I live with my dad and he smokes and I want him to stop.
I don't know how to make him quit and plus I can't make him quit it's his own choice, I know that, but how do you
think I could talk him in to quitting or at least cutting down on them. I afraid something is going to happen to
him because I致e been watching some shows at school and it showed some awful stuff that could happen to people
who smoke such as hair on the tongue or lung cancer and smoking through the throat and a number of other horrible
things that I don't want to ever happen to him. So PLEASE HELP SOON!!!
Dear Help for Smoking Dad,
You can suggest that your dad stop smoking, but the motivation to stop has to come from within him. Tell him (without
whining) what you want him to do and why. Let him absorb it, but the decision has to come from him. Smoking is
a very hard addiction to quit. Best advice is to never start.
I知 in love with my boyfriend's best friend!!
Dear msX ~
I really , really need some advice! my boyfriend Todd
has this best friend named Roary. When I first met Roary I though he was awesome , I mean he's funny, sweet , sarcastic(
just like me ) , and we have so much in common and not to mention he drop dead gorgeous. I just got home now because
we just got done having a great conversation with each other . I told him that I like him alot tonight and he said
that its ok cause he likes me also, but he's afraid for his best friend ( my boyfriend Todd) because Roary said
he really truly loves me alot . I can't deny my feelings for Roary but I still love Todd . I don't know what to
do!! I feel so STUPID!!
Dear I知 In Love with My Boyfriend's
Do you think Todd wants you to stay with him out of sympathy? He may be hurt, angry, and betrayed, but he'll get
over it. Staying with someone out of pity may seem noble, but just who wins if you stay when your heart is somewhere
else? Breaking up may seem cruel at first, but, in the final analysis, do you think that Todd is really so hung
up on you that losing you will ruin his life? Get real.
my son's father
Dear msX ~
Ok I知 22 and a mother of a wonderful 18 month old little
boy. The only problem is that I don't know how to get a hold of his father, he doesn't even know that he has a
little boy. I never got the chance to tell him before we lost contact with each other. That isn't all I have a
boyfriend but he doesn't think I should contact Brad because my son knows my boyfriend as Dad, but I think it is
important for Eric to know who his real father is. This is making us fight and it is making me question his true
love for Eric and me it get to were he says some pretty mean stuff and in front of Eric what do I do I really need
your help. Thank You
Dear Eric's Mom,
By all means, find your son's father. He deserves to know he has a child. You could probably do this through the
internet or your state's department of motor vehicles. See what Eric's biological dad wants of this relationship.
His first reaction might not be his final answer either. Whatever it is, keep this info ready for when Erik asks
for it. As for you new boyfriend, tell him there are many reasons for Eric and his real father to know (of) each
other and doing this does not reflect on his status in the family you have made with him. One important reason
is shared medical history. Another is being truthful with our children.
Dear msX ~
Ok, here's the deal--I met this girl at the mall the
other day. She was amazing looking and my friend told me she was checking me out, so I went up to her and talked
to her. I got her phone number but we didn't spend more than 5 minutes together. I finally got to talk to her for
a couple of minutes earlier today, and I learned that she is in college. I知 only 16--a sophomore in high school.
Now I really want to get with this girl, but I don't know what approach to take. I have friends that have been
with girls 4 or 5 years older than them, so I know that it's possible. Let me tell you a little about myself and
her so you can give more accurate advice. Like I said I知 16, but I can pass for eighteen to twenty. I知 pretty
muscular from working out a lot and most girls say that they think I知 really cute (by the way, what is cute supposed
to mean? Girls call EVERYONE cute. Anyway..) Aside from looking older, I act older too when the situation requires.
Aside from school I hold down a job in Manhattan as a web consultant, so I know how to conduct myself. Now for
her...she's obviously the sexual type, purely based on her appearance. She also sounds like the type of girl that
gets hit on all the time and doesn't even care anymore. She didn't even remember who I was at first when I called--asked
what mall she met me in. How can I make a good impression on her--do something that will make her look at me in
a different way than all of the other guys that hit on her? If she doesn't seem like the typical, sensitive girl,
what should I do? Also, I imagine age will be a huge factor in this. How can I make her overcome that, or should
I lie about it until I can get her to know me? I知 totally confused as you can see. I知 sorry for making this so
long and thank you SOOOO much for your help
Dear Wants Older Girl,
Just stop analyzing the situation and go for it. The worst that could happen is she could say no. Lying or trying
to be something other than yourself will start any possible relationship off on the wrong foot.
Dear msX ~
I have a crush on this boy, and he just broke up with
my best friend. The prob- he wants to go out with another one of my friends,(but she kinda likes him but would
rater go out with another guy and he's planning to ask her out.) I知 100
You can't control what other people do, much as you might like to. If he wants to ask your friend out, it is his
decision. Just as it is her decision to say yes or no. Butt out.
Dear msX ~
Me and my friend were in a local CVS and we were looking
for foundation. I had $10 dollars and the one I wanted was $12. My friend offered to take it. I was totally floored
I thought she was out of her mind. I told her NO!! She agreed. In 1st hour the next day she wrote me a note- she
told me that when we were in there she took 2 eye shadows and a bottle of perfume she also included the bit that
her and her step sis were planning to try weed at her dads house ( her parents have split custody) I didn't tell
anyone but my 2 best buds. One of them said its here choice the other said tell her mom. What one is right?
Dear Stealing Friends,
The best thing you could do is to not be around them when they are engaging in criminal activity. Don't go with
her when she is shoplifting and don't be around anyone else's drugs. You could end up getting arrested for your
friend's crime, just by virtue of being there. I don't think that telling is the solution, but you sure don't have
to give it your stamp of approval by hanging out with her.
Best Guy Friend
Dear msX ~
A while ago my best guy friend told me that he liked
me and that he wanted us to be together and we started making out almost every day but with no strings attached
.Every day he would ask me out and everyday I would say no to him because I didn't really like him. Now we are
no longer friends and I realized that I like him alot. I don't know if I should tell him or not. I was thinking
on prom night. I would tell him how I feel and make my move and kiss him but I need to know if this is a good idea
or not. What do you think?
Dear Best Guy Friend's,
Before you do anything, be sure you want him for the right reasons. Not fair to turn someone's world upside down
just to gratify your own ego.
Dear msX ~
I just don't seem to fit in
Dear Doesn't Fit In,
Whoever said you have to? The most interesting and attractive people in the world follow their own drumbeat. Work
on being true to yourself, not the crowd.
Dear msX ~
Hi. I am a 15 year old girl and feel like my breasts are too small. My question for you is that do you think they
will grow any more by the
time that I知 an adult?
Dear Small Breasts,
I don't know, Lots of things can influence breast size. You should be asking someone in the medical profession.