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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ M A Y '00 page 4

 

Likes a Girl

Dear msX ~
I'm a girl. I have two boyfriends. But there is this one popular girl. That I have a crush on. I don't like any other girls just her. She is very beautiful. I want to tell her but I'm afraid what should I do?

Dear Likes a Girl,
I think it's okay to give her a compliment, tell her you admire her style or her looks, but I'd hold off telling her about your crush until I had some clearer signal from her. Some people can handle it and some can't, and you wouldn't want to put yourself or this beauty in such an awkward position that no further contact is possible. Less is more.
ms. X


Help

Dear msX ~
Hi my name is Sabrina I'm 13 in the 7th grade I need beauty tips help me what can I do and I need some hair styles give me some advice

Dear Sabrina,
Go to the Vanities Board and post your questions there. Lots of visitors there know tons of beauty tips and many are professionals. I'm sure they would be glad to give you beauty advice.
ms. X


Please Help....

Dear msX ~
Me and my bf have been going out for 9 months and I love him very much but today we got into a fight about what to listen to on the radio and I kept changing the station every time he turned on the song he wanted to listen to and then he grabbed my arm like 3 times and the next time I changed the station he squeezed my neck and violently pushed my head down......what should I do? should I break up with him? or just ignore the incident?

Dear Please Help,
Run. Escape from this relationship before you further validate his license for violence by sticking around to tolerate it. Go to the police and get an order of protection, if you have to. Men who abuse don't stop. If this is how he reacts to not having his way over something as trivial as choosing the radio station, can you imagine how he'll react to major stuff. Get far, far away from this one, Good luck,
ms. X


Broke Up

Dear msX ~
Me and my ex-boyfriend has just broke up from a four and a half relationship. I miss him so much I just don't know what to do.

Dear Just Broke Up,
Sometimes keeping a journal helps, sometimes listening to music and looking through mementos helps to get over a dead relationship. No matter why you break up, it is still a loss, and there is an element of grieving. Once you get that part over with, move on. Put yourself back out in the social world and get on with your life.
ms. X


Suicidal

Dear msX ~
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now, although we were friends for longer than that. All of a sudden he has changed and I don't feel compatible with him anymore. So I tried to break it off. He tried to commit suicide. So I went back to him in fear of what he would do to himself. I decided I wanted to go to the prom, he didn't, so I went, not telling him. That was my mistake. He found out from someone that I went and was furious. Cussing me out in public and he stormed off and I avoided him for a week. I only saw him once, he was at a school function, with another girl. This week I had to go back to class. He ignored me for a while but at 3 o'clock he started following me and saying that if he ever found me alone he would kill me. He grabbed my arm and squeezed it as hard as he could and told me that he wouldn't leave me until I told him if I still had feelings for him, a teacher walked up and got me away from him for a little while. What can I do? I'm very afraid. Do I talk to him tomorrow?

Dear Suicidal,
Violent Boyfriend, You are not supposed to run toward danger. He threatened to kill you. He is violent and suicidal. It is not your problem why he is that way, but now you have the problem of how to separate yourself from him. Do it quickly. You can go to the police or, at very minimum, the school authorities. This guy needs more help than you are capable of giving him and could be very dangerous. Protect yourself.
ms. X


Douche

Dear msX ~
What can I sub. for store bought douche?

Dear Douche Subber,
There are different things you can use to make a homemade douche, but you need to do more research. Try doing a search for homemade douches and see what washes up.
ms. X


Uniforms

Dear msX ~
We are getting uniforms at my school and they real stink but the really bad thing is that the school board didn't approve it the first time but they did the second time. They didn't even ask the parents about it. So me and some other people want to rebel. What do I do?

Dear Uniforms,
Sorry, but I think that uniforms can be great. Think of all the money your parents can save and what nice clothing you could buy for your weekends. Not having to think about what to put on in the morning and all the issues that come with having to wear the right thing can be a distraction. Since uniforms are already a done deal, I suggest you start looking at all the pluses.
ms. X


Trust

Dear msX ~
My grand parents do not trust me

Dear Grandparents Don't Trust Me,
Why? Have you done something to make them feel that way? Maybe you are confusing their concern about your safety and well-being with distrust. Communication is the only way you'll find out and prove to them that you can be trusted.
ms. X


Boyfriend

Dear msX ~
I've been going out with this guy for about five months and he's my first love. He treats me so good and cares for me like no other person. Well once and a while he will call me his ex-girlfriends name and she lives down the road from him and he sometimes goes down there but she has a boyfriend. Should I be worried? Does He still like her?

Dear Boyfriend,

I'm not clairvoyant, dear. Worry is neither attractive nor productive. Trust is.
ms. X


Mismanaged Time

Dear msX ~
Hello! My problem is time management. I take more time to do homework than probably anybody else, I go to bed too late, and I'm late for school literally every day. It's really frustrating. I've set goals before, but I've never kept them. Do you have any advice?

Dear Mismanaged Time,

Go to the library or find on the net a resource that gives you techniques for time management. Try to introduce order little by little, so it is not too overwhelming that you give up. Look at when you consume caffeine products to see if they may be contributing to your body clock being off, sometimes it might just be a small adjustment.
ms. X


confused

Dear msX ~
My problem is that I have liked this boy named Ricky since new years and for like 2 weeks we talked an then he said I just want to be friends so I said okay well about 3days ago he told one of my friends that me and him needed to hang out does this mean that there is a chance he likes me?? because he talks about me all the time but he doesnít want a girlfriend hasnít wanted one since we started being friends and believe me he knows how much I like him cause I have told him what should I do???

Dear Confused,
You can be patient. You say he knows how you feel and you say he doesn't want a girlfriend. Until he tells you otherwise, you're going to have to wait for his move.
ms. X


afraid

Dear msX ~
I really like this girl I want to call her and ask her out but Iím afraid she will say no what should I do. Do you think I should I should have a friend ask her or what?

Dear Cyrano,
Having a friend do it for you is not what you want to do. Sometimes you just have to take a risk. The worst thing that could happen is she could say no, but even if she does, life will go on. Good things are worth the risk.
ms. X


???

Dear msX ~
I was just wondering if there was any advice you giving me on getting married. I am seventeen years old and my boyfriend and are know that we are in love. We don't want to start setting dates or anything. Would it be a bad thing if we got married when we got out of high school and I was 18 going on 19? Please Help!
Thanks

Dear High School Grad Bride,
While it might not be the worst thing in the world to get married right after high school, what's your rush? Marriage takes a lot of work. A few years of being young and carefree before you hit the altar is not a bad idea. Some young marriages do last, but the odds are against you. Wait a few years and stack the odds in your favor.
Think carefully.
ms. X


Should I like a guy that doesn't like me?

Dear msX ~
I have liked a guy for a very long time. He was a great friend and when he knew I liked him we hanged out and did alot of stuff together. We hug, we kiss, we were really cool with each other. But in the last year it all changed he stopped talking to me never listened to me and started using me. But when heís with me I feel that the world is perfect! So should I still like him or get over him? And if I should get over him how do I do that?

Dear Should I Like A Guy Who Doesn't Like Me,
If you do, you should keep it to yourself. It doesn't make you look very smart or attractive. Tolerating someone treating you like garbage says alot about what you think you deserve. Keep your feelings for this guy a secret and hope they go away.
ms. X


suicidal friend

Dear msX ~
my best friend is having major family problems. her mom drinks alot and she came to me today crying and telling me her mom said she hated her and stuff like that and um.......well she has been suicidal in the past and she is trying to get family and self counseling but her mom won't do family and they won't drive her to counseling and she is talking about suicide and running away and I know she will do it and Iím scared to death because I know one of these times Iím not going to be able to hold her tight and tell her it will be ok and calm her down and I don't know what I can do. I can't lose her. Iím not to close to my parents either and she is all I have. please tell me anything I can do to help any hot line numbers or anything.

Dear Suicidal Friend,
This is too big a problem for you alone. Give it to a grownup. If not your own grownup, give it to the school guidance counselors. Your friend and her family need professional help in working out their difficulties. You cannot hold their family together or pick up pieces for your friend. Threatening suicide needs to be taken seriously. Report it ASAP. Your love for your friend is wonderful, but sadly, she needs much, much more.
Good luck,
ms. X


Majorly Stupid

Dear msX ~
I was in the bathroom today talking to my friend about this girl I thought was really pretty. Then I said, Yeah, but I saw a picture of her last year and she was ugly. I didn't know anyone else was in the bathroom. So, when I came out, so did one of the girl's best friends. She gave me a really dirty look. She is a senior and will be gone in about 2 and a half weeks, but I need advice about how to stay clear of her or smooth things over until she's gone. I just don't wanna get my butt kicked or anything.

Dear Majorly Stupid,
You can say you're sorry, that you meant it as an observation, not an insult. Or, if it doesn't come up, don't bring it up. Chances are, the others don't want to fight either. Drop it. Learning to think before you speak is another good thing to try.
ms. X


HELP HOW DO I KNOW

Dear msX ~
This is really to just help me out cause I really cant tell well thereís this guy who I have liked since new years (Ricky) well me and him hit if off from the start but he has a big issue with having a girlfriend he just doesnít want one so we decided to just be friends well in the past 5 months we have been the best of friends and yeah we have had some kisses in them months but only little friendly kisses well mine and his friends are always saying he talks about me alot and heís always asking about me when Iím not with them and my best friend Lisa said that we have a connection like we will be together and I will get up and he will watch me walk I donít know what to do he knows how I feel about him cause I tell him all the time does he like me?????????????
help some advice please

Dear How Do I Know,
I think I've said this before. You're going to blow anything that's possible if you keep pushing for an answer. The ball's in his court. Give him a chance to think about whether he wants to play. Patience,
ms. X


Coffee Shop Flirt

Dear msX ~
My friend & I were strolling the mall & stopped in a coffee shop. One of the guys behind the counter was making eyes at me. My friend realized what was going on & decided to go get us a table outside while I ordered drinks. From there this guy totally started flirting with me (which I greatly appreciated, since he was quite good looking). After I left & met my friend outside, she decided she wanted something to eat. I tell her that while she's in there she should tell him that I think he's hot (not the smoothest way of doing things, I know). According to her, he just started blushing & gave her what she ordered. We waited until she'd finished eating then left. In a few days we'll probably be going back there & I want to know if I should dare show my face in the coffee shop again, let alone continue flirting.

Dear Coffee Shop Flirt,
If you want to go there, don't let any awkwardness stand in your way. When you get there, you'll be able to tell if more flirting is in order or if you should just pretend that you're the shy twin sister.
ms. X


Boycrazy

Dear msX ~
Iím a junior in high school and my problem isn't big...just annoying. Iím boy crazy and a big flirt. however, once I start to get close with a guy and things could actually progress into more than a friendship, I don't like him anymore. It's like little things that he does turn me off. I hate this because it happens so many times. I want to actually have a relationship with a guy but right now its impossible because I can't really get close to a guy. I mean I have many guy and all but Iíve never had an actual boyfriend. I know some people say its just because Iím not ready for a relationship, but if I wasn't ready then how come I will like someone so much but when something could evolve, I end up not liking them? do you have any advice??

Dear Boycrazy,
What you're describing is within the realm of normal behavior for someone your age. Flirting is how we find out if there's any chemistry. You need to taste something new before you know if you like it. This is how you find out what you like and don't like in people. If you can't commit, it might just be you haven't found the right person to commit to. Have a little patience and enjoy the process.
ms. X


Too many men!

Dear msX ~
Right now about four of my guy-friends have admitted to me that they're attracted to me, but I've already made the decision to be single for summer. However, I love flirting and teasing guys, which is very wrong, I know. Just yesterday I actually kissed one of these guys, and the week before I agreed to go on a date with another one, the Wednesday before that I had a close encounter with another one....I know I'm leading all of these guys on, I don't want to break their hearts, what can I do to make them all happy?

Dear Too Many Men,
How are you leading them on? Do they think you want to marry them? Have you made any promises? Unless you have, you have every right to play the field. Try enjoying it.
ms. X


Just Broke Up

Dear msX ~
I JUST BROKE UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND I REALLY LOVE HIM BUT I DONT REALLY KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THE SITUATION BECAUSE MY BEST FRIEND IS GETTING IN THE WAY OF EVERY THING. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Dear Just Broke Up,
Remove your best friend from the situation by asking her, or telling her, that you want to deal with this on your own. Then, if this is what you want, talk to your ex-boyfriend alone and by yourself about what you think you want from him. It is not your friend's place to negotiate your reunion.
ms. X


need help now

Dear msX ~
there is this boy that I love alot I have liked him since day one I don't know how to tell him but I need to because he is about t get a girl that will always stop me one friend of mine is going to hook them up but she doesn't know I like him and the girl he's about to go out with is a controlling stuck up snob me and him have been best friend for a little bit now and I don't real know how to tell him with out hurting him because he used to have a crush on me and he said to his best guy friend that he could never go out with me after what happened. please help me

Dear Need Help Now,
Who's the controlling one again? Seems you are trying to play Ringmaster in this fellow's three-ring circus. Not your job. But, if you like him so much, it's time to speak up now. Before he takes control of his own destiny, he might want to know you're a contender.
ms. X


 

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