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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ M A Y '00

 

Period.

Dear msX ~
I have a group of friends and we hang out together alot. Some say we are a click. And we all have our periods on the same cycle. IS that just some strange coincidence? Thanks!

Dear Period,
I've heard that theory before. That women who live together or spend a good amount of their lives together tend to fall into the same menstrual cycle patterns. Could be.
ms. X


PLEASE HELP ASAP!

Dear msX ~
I have a major problem I need advice on right away. See I have been going out with this guy that is not the same race as me, but that doesnít bother me it only bothers my family. But see the problem is that I am only 13 years old and this guy(who I love with all my heart) asked me to marry him as soon as I turn into a legal age. He gave me the ring and everything. But he also says that he does not want to make things complicated for me so he said he can take it as slow as I want to. I told him I do want to get married (and I do even though I know its early to be thinking about marriage, but I honestly think he is the one.) but the only problem is that I am a real family person and none of my family will except him even if they know I cant live without him. I donít know what to do since I donít want to break his heart since I feel one way or another we will end up together. so what should I do while I still have time to think about our future? please help ASAP!

Dear Please Help ASAP,
You are being ridiculous. Thirteen year olds are miles away from being ready for a relationship, much less marriage. Grow up first. I think you are being taken advantage of by a guy who should know better and that, hon, is against the law.
ms. X


want to know if he feels the same

Dear msX ~
I like a boy on my job . and I am afraid for him to know.

Dear Want to Know If Likes Me,
It's usually just a matter of time before these things become apparent. If you aren't getting any signals, send some of your own. If you get no response, give it up. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. What are you afraid of?
ms. X


stuck in the middle!!

Dear msX ~
I really like these two guys....and they both like me. Guy #1 is in my English class, cute funny and nice. Guy #2 is my neighbor but goes to prep school 2 hours away and only comes home on weekends. I have liked Guy #2 FOREVER! And I just realized I liked Guy #1 a couple of weeks ago. They are both planning to ask me out this weekend and I don't know what to say! HELP PLEASE!
Thanks

Dear Stuck in the Middle,
Sorry but by now your weekend has come and gone and, hopefully, your choice has made itself apparent. Sometimes you have to get to know each fellow better before you can make a choice. The guy you have known forever isn't going anywhere...he's a neighbor and he's not around during the week. Doesn't that seem like the perfect way to get to know the new guy while Mr. Prep School is away? If you don't, you'll have doubts. It's that simple.
ms. X


Parent trust

Dear msX ~
My mom Thinks that I am going to turn out pregnant, and I am only 13. I would never have sex since I am young, But my mom doesn't believe me. She says that I am going to end up like one of the 16 year old girls that are pregnant. I want to have her trust back and to tell her that I would never do that and have her believe me. How can I get her to believe me?

Dear Parent Trust,
Maybe your mom is trying to instill in you that there could be serious, lifelong, consequences to having sex before you're prepared to raise a child. She wants you to know the dangers. Iím not there for her presentation, so I can't hear her exact words, but I could swear that her intent is only to save you from future heartache.
ms. X


Overeating

Dear msX ~
My problem is, that I overeat extremely since years. Iím 17 years old, and my Iím between 55 and 60kg. But that's just, because I eat healthy food and sometimes I throw it up. Because of that I first thought, Iím maybe bulimic, but now, I had to recognize, that Iím more a Overeater. I donít know, how to fight this. I see myself like from above me, every time, when Iím alone in the house. Then I just start eating, and can't stop. I just stop thinking. When Iím full I throw it up or, most time, I just keep it and try to forget about my hurting stomach. Please give me some tips, how to stop, eating so much. It's really almost scary, how much I eat.

Dear Overeating,
This is a medical problem and you need to see a doctor or a counselor, who could direct you where to deal with your problems best. In the USA, we have Overeaters Anonymous...see if you could find their site on the WEB. They would have lots more information that I.
ms. X


lost in time

Dear msX ~
HI My whole life I was always referred to as the responsible one. My mom died when I was little and a few months ago my dad died I was adopted by some really nice people but I still feel like I need to be strong and do everything perfectly. What I am getting at is Someone told me that I grew up Young and that I needed to be a normal kid. Well I feel like I did grow up to fast and I need to become a kid again for the remainder of my adolescent life. I really want to be a kid and I don't know how what do I do?

Dear Lost In Time,
You had a lot of grief early in life and I do hope the brunt of it is over for you, sweetie. But, I can't tell you how to become a kid again. We are all products of our history and the sum of our years. Of course, doing kid-like things and having fun are not out of the equation. By all means, find your fun wherever you look, never forget to be amazed at the stuff that grownups take for granted, and eat lots of ice cream. Kids do not have a monopoly on having fun. Your strength is an asset, do not throw it away either.
ms. X


like a knife to the heart

Dear msX ~
I became really good friends with a guy I had met. we soon found out that we had the same interests, sense of humor, and we got along really well. there was a little bit of a sexual tension between us, but I wasnít sure if I liked him as a boyfriend type. one day we decided to fool around, and every so often we would hook up. one night we slept together, even though we had already discussed that we would just be friends, but from our first kiss I had fallen completely madly crazily in love with him. he said that he always was a one woman guy, and he hasnít had much time to play the field and have fun and be young ~ basically he just didnít want to have the ball and chain of a relationship right now because he is only 20 and wants to live it up. This I completely understand, and since I was sure that this summer would be our time to have our romance I happily went along with this decision, even though seeing him made me want to love him. I have never felt this way about any other guy I have been with. here is where the drama unfolds, this past month we havenít been talking as much on the computer (we do this because he is away at school) and he hasnít called and emailed me as much as he used to, but I just figured that was because finals are coming up and he was really busy. he comes home for Easter and calls me up to go out one night, and then we make plans for the day after to hang out. on Saturday I was talking to him online and he said he couldnít do anything because he had alot of work to do before he went back to school on Monday ~ which is understandable so I didnít put up a fight even though I missed him so much. so I look at his profile and I see under marital status happily taken. of course I am shocked, angered, upset, any kind of emotion you can feel I felt all at the same time when I saw that. so I asked him if he was happily taken and he said yes then tried to quickly change the subject. so what we have so far is that A)he lied to me ~ saying he didnít want to have a relationship, B)he was sneaky about the whole meeting, courting, and title of this girl ~ I still have no idea who she is and I found out about the relationship, a week into it!! as a friend I think I should have heard about this girl from day one if he was so serious about her, and C)he didnít even have the balls (pardon my French) to tell me either to my face, phone, or computer, I had to find out for myself. when I asked him when he was planning on telling me he said when it came up he was going to tell me and Iím sure he was going to wait for me to give him a kiss or something and then he would have told me. this is so ridiculous. I am sick over this I havenít slept in a week, havenít eaten much, and I throw up every day, not to mention every time I think of him or hear from him I start crying and cant stop. I cant talk to him because I hurt so much and I donít know what to do. I donít want to lose him, but maybe that would be best. one of my friends suggested sending him a tape of songs that explain how I feel since he is very interested in music, I donít know if that is the way to go and I donít want to look like more of a fool than I already do. but I would do anything and I want him to know how I feel that I know that we should be together and I donít know how to do that. Please help me Iím so confused and I cant wait much longer to solve this problem.

Dear Like a Knife to the Heart,
You've been misled, partly by yourself, partly by this fellow. While he didn't lie to you about his intent when he slept with you, he wasn't up front about his new girlfriend. Do you really want such a guy? My advice is to get over him. I know you feel betrayed now, but haven't you heard? Living well is the best revenge. Don't chase after him.
ms. X


Iím 14 , he's 21 and I love him

Dear msX ~
Iím 14 and I am so in love with a 21 year old man. We've been friends for a long time, but lately things have been getting a little serious. I 'LOVE' him with all my heart, but the only thing is....He has a baby and I see him with his baby's momma all the time. I know that it's good that he takes care of his baby, but I can't stand the fact that he's still seeing her. When I try to talk to him about it, he says that they are not still seeing each other and all he is doing is taking care of his baby. I know that I should let him go, but out of everything he's said and done I can't help myself. No one has ever treated me the way he does and no one can make me feel the way he does. Please help me in my heartbreaking situation!!!!

Dear 14,
Get real. Seven years at fourteen is an eternity. You are still considered a child by law and he is an adult. Danger! He has a child with another girl, what does that tell you? And how long did that relationship last? A year? Two? So do you want to be a sixteen year old with a baby and he'll be moving onto to the next momma? Think about it.
ms. X


PLEASE HELP ASAP!

Dear msX ~
I have a major problem I need advice on right away. See I have been going out with this guy that is not the same race as me, but that doesnít bother me it only bothers my family. But see the problem is that I am only 13 years old and this guy(who I love with all my heart) asked me to marry him as soon as I turn into a legal age. He gave me the ring and everything. But he also says that he does not want to make things complicated for me so he said he can take it as slow as I want to. I told him I do want to get married (and I do even though I know its early to be thinking about marriage, but I honestly think he is the one.) but the only problem is that I am a real family person and none of my family will except him even if they know I cant live without him. I donít know what to do since I donít want to break his heart since I feel one way or another we will end up together. so what should I do while I still have time to think about our future? please help ASAP!

Dear Please Help ASAP,
You are a kid and you have no business being with a grown man. Nor does he. The age difference would mean nothing if you were both adults, but until then, it is not only wrong, it is illegal. Get real.
ms. X


I try too hard!

Dear msX ~
My problem probably seems minor to most people but to me it is a big thing. People tell me really personal things about themselves and their lives all the time. Things that nobody else knows about because, truth is, I am very trustworthy and I think listening is one of my strong qualities. Everyone tells me how I am the best friend and I donít take credit for making my friends feel good, I just make them realize that they are good people. I have talked people out of suicide, out of using drugs and I know about 3 of my friends who have had beyond-awful childhoods. So the problem you wonder? It seems that despite all the good I do, I am just not quite good enough. people either see bad about me and I admit, I have a low self esteem and people think I look for sympathy. but I donít mean to and I cant help it. people are constantly taking advantage of me because I am nice to everyone and I donít get mad easily so everyone thinks that since I am so understanding and so sweet they can say anything and I wont be offended. but when I do show that I am offended they blow up at me. not my close friends, but I always feel like they donít want to spend time with me. I love all my friends so much but they make me feel like I am good for only one thing, and that is listening to their problems. but there is so much more to me that people donít see. I donít really know how to explain my problem but thats pretty much what I have to say. what am I doing wrong?

Dear I Try to Hard,
You know what you do. Just be yourself. If trying is part of that, well, that's being true to yourself. But, if all your efforts are to win friends, then you may have chosen the wrong people. Consider that maybe the blame lies with others.
ms. X


I love him but

Dear msX ~
There is this boy who I have known for a long time (he's a friend of the family). We have always been friends, but for the past year we've become a little more than friends. I love him so much , but the problem is, he's 21 years old and Iím only 15!!! I've tried to let my feelings for him dry out , but they only seem to escalate. The way he touches me and the way he makes me feel when we are together, even the way he kisses me makes me tremble all over. Every time I think about him I smile. I know you will probably say get over him because he's too old for you , but it's easier for you to say than for me to do. Please help because I don't know what to do!!!!!

Dear 14,
As I told the other underage writers, this is not a kosher situation. If it's real, you can wait. But, until it's legal, you are taking a chance. In a few years, the age difference will mean nothing, but it surely does now.
ms. X


I can't get a boyfriend!

Dear msX ~
O.K, I go to an all girls school & at the weekends I only go out with my friends who are girls (who-by the way- have friends who are boys but I don't really like them). So I don't really know how I could get to meet any boys-I'm 15 and live in Hertfordshire- any suggestions? (I also find that only boys who I meet on holidays-especially boys from my home town in California- like me) What can I do?

Dear I Can't Get a Boyfriend,
Be patient. While the best way to meet someone is through a mutual connection, kids your age find each other at malls, bowling alleys, etc. Or, you can introduce your female friends to your male friends and request that they do the same with you. That always seems to bring some new blood into everyone's mix. You can plan a gathering and have each friend bring a guy or two they are platonic about and you do the same. Worth a try.
ms. X


How can I make her change her mind?

Dear msX ~
Recently a new girl moved to our town. I became good friends with her, in fact, she became one of my closest friends. But then she did something unexpected. She stole sneakers from another very close friend of mine. I was very surprised and upset...I told my mother and she of course told me never to be around her again. I listened for awhile, but then I decided I wanted to be one my friends side (the one who stole the sneakers). I really believe that she changed after all of this. She seems to be very honest and caring. The problem is that since my mother is not as close to her she does not believe that she has changed and still will not let me hang with her. I donít know how to change her mind since she doesnít even want her in the house. But I donít want to stop being friends with this girl because I would feel like I have betrayed since I witnessed the way she changed. So please tell me how I can make my mother change her mind about my closest friend....thank you so much!
... please respond soon!

Dear How Can I Make Her Change Her Mind?
You can gradually let her see that your friend has changed by respecting her wishes right now and letting the steam clear. In a while, ask your mother again, citing that there have been no further incidents involving her. Tell your friend that you hope, in time, your mother will get to know her the way you do, but for now, you cannot invite her to your home.
ms. X


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