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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ M A R C H '00

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Albert Einstein

a new girl in my life

Dear msX ~
Hello. I'm 16 years old, and I just met this new girl who is 15. We talked for a while and I know we are going out sooner or later. The first time we talked she had just broken up with her boyfriend, and told me a lot about herself. She is a sister of a person I work with. She told me what every man hopes to hear from a girl at some point in his life I am BI-Sexual. I was freaking out when I heard this. Considering I like her a lot. I was happy but also confused, because I really donít know what to do about it. Should I go out with her or just let her go on her way. If you can help in any way please do.

Dear A New Girl in My Life,
I don't know about every man, but if it warmed your heart to find out that your new find is bisexual, then congratulations. If it didn't and you were being sarcastic, then don't count on her changing on your account. Maybe she wanted to test how open-minded you'd be. I don't know where you're going with this information, or if you're even invited, but this girl's bisexuality is only a small facet of her. Get to know the rest of her before you start zeroing in on something she might not choose to share with you again. Maybe she just wanted to get it out of the way early on, so you wouldn't be surprised later on.
ms. X

Boyfriend or Not

Dear msX ~
Okay, my bf and have been together awhile. The problem is we got into our first big fight. He is really jealous, so when we went out of town a couple of weeks ago, I went out with a group of my friends from work. When he got back I told him about it, and he got all mad because there were some guys that went, but they were with their girlfriends. So now he says I have to earn his trust back, but I don't see that I did anything wrong. So now all he does is question what I do, and who I am with. We don't get to spend alot of time together because we live in two different places, but I try to spend as much time with him as I can, but here lately, he has been really busy, with his animal shows. We were supposed to spend with weekend together, but I never heard from him. I know he likes me alot because he says he wants to be with me, and does everything he can to be with me, but I just don't know what to think. He doesnít want to be without me, but he hardly ever spends time with me. I just want to know if I am wasting my time or if I should wait for him to come to me, or if I should make the first move to save our relationship? Please help me!!!

Dear Boyfriend or Not,
My opinion? Not, not, not. If you can't go out with friends without World War III happening, do you want to live this pattern for the rest of your life -- You do what you want to do, he has a tantrum and retreats, you change your behavior to please him. Because once you learn the steps to this dance, you'll be dancing it for the rest of your time with him. Do you need a man so insecure with himself that he clams up when he doesn't get his way, as if to punish you for not doing things the way he wants? Either he accepts that you are free to have fun without him (as long as it doesn't compromise your relationship) or you should show him the door. These kinds of behaviors only magnify over time, if you accept them. Unless you can challenge him to change his attitude because you are not going to tolerate it, then you're allowing him to control you.
ms. X

a really great guy

Dear msX ~
There is this really great guy, that I really like. He is so sweet, funny, cute, and I think he likes me too. It's just that I am kind of shy, and flirting doesn't come easy to me. I don't know how to show him I care, and that I like him, without asking him out! He always makes an effort to come over to me, and talk to me, but I never know what to say to him because I am afraid I will sound dumb! All I think about is him, and I want to know if he likes me. He asked for my phone number about two months ago, and he hasn't even called. Help me.

Dear A Really Great Guy,
First, you have to undo the message you sent him by hiding behind your shyness. He's been trying to see if you're interested and your shyness is sending him mixed signals. What I propose will take you dropping that shy act and being a little bit bold. The shyness is something you should get over anyway, it doesn't serve you well in life to be shy. If it helps, pretend you're acting out a role when you deliver your lines. After a while, it will become natural. Now, what you should do is just come out and ask him why he asked for your number and when he's going to call. You can inject a little humor, say something like, If I waited any longer to find out why you wanted to call me, I'd have finished college. (or something like that) You are not going anywhere with him until you give him the green light, girl.
ms. X

A very long secret romance

Dear msX ~
I have had this crush a very good friend for 6 years now. He knows it and returns my crush but I recently moved and I miss him so much. He begged me to come back when I visit him in the other town and I keep telling him that I had a problem w/ my dad. And He'd say yea- I know your dad beat you and you two fought. He understands why I moved but doesnít understand that I HAD to move. I think its love but Im not sure, we would be going out if I still lived there but I donít and I didnít went to burden him w/a long distance relationship. I thought it was fate and still do that we known each other all this time. I tell my mom and dad that heís my future husband and I love him. In 5th grade we went out and he moved to middle school (he was in 6th) and when I got to middle school I met his former g/f and became best friends with her but was scared to tell her I knew him or even talk to him. When I saw him in the halls I would run, then in 9th grade he got a job at the mall and I used to go there just to see him but never let him see me. Well this year in 10th grade he came to my school. His bro recognized me and reminded him who I was and thats how weve known each other for 6 years. Well, I want to go out with him but I donít want to be a burden, he knows that I like him but not how much and I want to tell him that I love him but I donít know if I should or not.

Dear A Very Long Secret Romance,
Slow down! This romance can't go anywhere anyway at the moment to geographic inability, so just chill a bit. Of course, you can still talk to him, write to him, or whatever you do to keep in touch, but keep things on an even level. If you two are meant to be, you'll still be communicating when you're out of high school. You are right not to burden him with confessions of love. Your actions and friendship can speak for themselves.
ms. X

two different sizes

Dear msX ~
This may be a strange question, but here goes. I am a 14 year old girl and my breasts are two different sizes. They are a complete cup size different and this is extremely noticeable. This lowers my self esteem down to nothing basically. Well, I was wondering if this problem will correct itself as I get older by maybe evening out so that they are the same size or will I need surgery to have this corrected permanently? Please help me and answer this for me. I have spent many sleepless nights worrying about this, because I absolutely do not want to have surgery. HELP!

Dear Different Sizes,
Normal, normal, normal. They will probably even out, although most women are a trifle asymmetrical anyway. Relax. Ask mom to take you to talk to your doctor if you wish for extra reassurance. Go to the library or a bookstore and find yourself a book that talks to adolescents about their physical and emotional changes. I am certain that different-sized breasts will be among the common problems you will read about. Please do not lose any more sleep over this. It is not good for your development.
ms. X

relationships

Dear msX ~
my cousin told my mother that I had a boy over and I had sex with him. Yet we didn't. we are just good friends. Do I forgive her or forget her?

Dear Forgive or Forget,
That depends on how the rest of your relationship with your cousin is. Is this a pattern? Why is it her business? Forgiveness is always better for the injured party in that it's not good to hold onto to anger. But, I'd watch my back around this cousin, even if I decided to forgive.
ms. X

QUESTION???

Dear msX ~
I'm having a problem with a certain girl! Recently there was a new girl who came to our school (High School (9th grade)), and even on her first day almost every guy liked her (literally). But I had a friend(s) talk to her for me and she though I was cute. After a few days though (after her and I talked a little bit) I found out that she also liked another guy! When I confronted her about this she admitted to it but also said that she liked me. I am very very VERY picky about the girls I go out with and this one was absolutely mesmerizing! Now it is as if this is a contest of with guy is going to get her first out of us two. My question is should I give up on her due to the competition of this other person, or should I keep talking to her and not give up until I am with her??? I often have the tendency to give up on girls too quickly however Iím not completely sure what I should do in this situation?!?! what do you think Ms.X???

Dear Question???
She's new, she's exotic, and everyone wants her. But, no one really knows her yet, do they? Get to know her a little better and see if you still are mesmerized. Right now, she's enjoying the benefits of being the new girl in town and getting lots of attention. Let her keep the spotlight a bit longer while you examine the situation. Do you really want this girl or is it just the challenge of the competition that stokes your fire? Once she becomes a familiar face, will you give up again? Being discriminating about who you spend your time with is healthy, only all your false starts could be avoided if you thought it out before you acted perhaps.
ms. X

asking a girl out

Dear msX ~
how do you ask a girl out when you donít know her?

Dear Asking a Girl Out,
Knowing her is a requisite to asking her out. Get someone to introduce you or, if there's no one around, introduce yourself.
ms. X

lost in love

Dear msX ~
I met this guy and we both found out we both never dated anyone before. So things were kind of cool. We became really good friends but I always wanted more than that. Lately he seems to be crushing on me but won't make a move. We lay by each other and I give him blow jobs sometimes. we are really close. Now I want him to ask me out but I know he is scared of commitment and other things of that nature. He keeps telling me he's going to ask me out but lately all he really wants is not the title but I want the title for everyone to know. I love him and I waited 19 years to find someone (he waited 20) and I finally did. But I want more and I think he does also. Should I just let time take its course? should I ask him out? or should I just let it all go. I am so confused. I know what I want but how do I figure out what he wants. It seems like his feelings change everyday. please try to help me out thanks.

Dear Lost in Love,
Unfortunately you got the sequence wrong, kiddo. You're supposed to go out with him before you give him a blow job. I am not sure if this is a repairable situation. Why should he date you if you allow him sexual access without the hassle of taking you out? Call me old-fashioned, but even in the new millenium, being easy ain't the way to fly.
ms. X

need help

Dear msX ~
well I like this girl but I donít know her as a friend, go to school with her, or any thing. she rides the same train as I do and Iím just wondering how can I get her to notice me and what should I say to her?

Dear Need Help,
Find something about the train ride to initiate a conversation about - a person on the train, or a sign, or event. Use it as an icebreaker. Did you see that lady with the vampire costume? or some other observation will show her that you've noticed she's on your route. Once the ice is broken, you can continue your conversation on the ride home.
ms. X

about my boyfriend

Dear msX ~
how do I know when my boyfriend wants to break up with me? I mean he doesn't want to be with me and is that a sign I need help. he sometimes lies to me saying that he wants to see me but then I tried to see him and he just didn't say anything to me he just looked at me and stared and didn't say anything.

Dear About My Boyfriend,
Don't hold on to someone who doesn't want you, hon, it isn't good for you. If he has to lie and give you the silent treatment to avoid your reaction to the bad news, do yourself and him a favor and let him go yourself. There is no percentage in making someone stay with you against their will. Let him go, so you can heal and move forward.
ms. X

What should I do?

Dear msX ~
I'm writing because I need some friendly advice. I'm 19 years old and I still live at home and I desperately want to get out. The reason I can't get out is because I don't have a car or a job. Without a car, I can't get to a job (and I live way out in the boonies, so there is nowhere to really walk to) And without a job, I can't get any money to get the car or to get out. I don't have any family except my mom and my little sister, and my mom treats me like trash and refuses to help in any way. I've had a few jobs but lost them quick because of no ride or something to that effect. She sees me as someone to babysit her daughter for free every night that she goes to work. She pays me nothing, but I don't expect anything since I live there for free. But I hate the life. I would rather pay. But she doesn't want to lose the free babysitter. I had very high dreams of going to college and I feel very trapped. Like it's so far out of reach so I shouldn't bother. And I get more and more depressed by the minute.

I don't expect my mom to give me any handouts, nor anyone else. And I know it sounds like I'm blaming her for everything but I'm not. She treats me awful, but I can live with that. I have for so long. I just need advice on how to get out on my own from the point I'm at and do things for myself. I'm not exactly real world wise due to it all. So if you have any advice on what my next steps should be, even if I've sounded really stupid for asking, it would be very appreciated. I thought about the army or something like that, but is that really my only option? Thanks again.

Dear Down in the Boonies,
It occurs to me that if you can't work because you have no car, and you can't get a car because you have no money due to unemployment, then you need to be a little creative. You could take a job that provides room and board, such as being a live-in housekeeper or nanny or caretaker. It doesn't have to be a longterm solution, although many people find it suits their needs. That way you'd have income and a place to live, so you could save your salary for that car that you need. Or you could join the military, let them provide room and board while they train you for a career. Some people thrive when they get that kind of structure in their lives. I'd talk to a recruiter and see what my options are before I'd sign anything. Even if you and your mom were the best of friends, it would still be time for you to think about planning for your own future. But, since you are living in conflict and unhappy about it, it might be time for you to escalate your growing up a little bit faster.
Whatever you decide, good luck,
ms. X

Teen Pregnancy

Dear msX ~
I am a 13 year old girl who needs help doing a pregnancy project for my health class in school. I need to know about teen pregnancy without marriage. I have to tell the good and bad points on the subject. I must have specific information. Maybe you can name places to attend for help ad some view points of yours that are both good and bad. I need the two sides of the topic. I need substantial information and it must be as specific as possible. Thank you for all your help and I would really appreciate if you give me some information on the subject.

Dear Pregnancy Project,
All you have to do is type in the words teen AND pregnancy in any of the search engines on the net and you will be presented with a plethora of info. I can't do your homework for you, kiddo, even the research part is yours to do on your own. All I can do is point you in the right direction.
ms. X

Boys!!!!!!!

Dear msX ~
Ok, well where do I start....I am a 13 year old girl with a major crush on this kid in my school. he is the same age as me and is in the same grade. he knows I like him but doesnít talk to me that much. I just wish he would notice me. Sometimes I notice that in the hall he looks at mea but he never says anything to me. I always want to say Hi to him but its like I am nervous, donít wanna embarrass him in front of his friends and I donít want him to have a nasty reply to me. I really want him to like me and I am always trying to impress him. How do I get him to notice me and to like me and maybe even ask me out? Please help me. Thanks

Dear Boys!!!!!
Wishing is not going to make it happen. If you want him to notice you, you have to take some initiative. Talk to him. If you get rebuffed, that's the breaks. There is no gain without risk in this world.
ms. X

do you think he likes me

Dear msX ~
it's this boy I really like alot at NY school. I have this note talking about him how much I like him and everything. his best freind got a hold of it but he didn't tell him about. but why do he want to know he know it's about him but why do he want to see if for. we talk on the phone he tells me thing about him and his family and things in school that happens. we make eye contact all the time. but the thing I didn't get was when we was at a party he came all the way from downstairs just to say bye to me. what does that mean? but that was in October. and at my birthday party he asked me to dance but I said no I don't know why that was my goal for my birthday. listen to this I brought him a birthday card for his birthday rigth he made me a card off the computer and it was about 5 boys name on I felt so bad he couldn't even spend 2 dollars if me Iím so confused

Dear Do You Think He Likes Me,
I think he may like you, but I'd be concerned about his bad gifting. If he doesn't spend money on a card now, this might show up later as a problem. Men who don't know how to reciprocate in gift-giving usually have other (selfish) things going on. I'm not sure if you should be investing much more in this fellow.
ms. X

why?

Dear msX ~
I told my friends that I was going to kill my self. now their acting like bitches and won't talk to me. I would tell them that Iím going to a shrink but I don't want it to get it spread around the school. all I ever wanted was a real friend! now Iím all alone. I try to avoid them because I don't want to get another fight started between us. I wasn't really going to kill my self. I just wanted to see if they were really my friends. that day they were ignoring me, all day! how can I get my friends back? I was thinking of going to another school but mom don't like people running away from their problems, but she said it was my choice. why did I do such a stupid thing? my marks are going down. and according to the shrink it's because of my self-esteem. how can I boost my self esteem? I miss the way my friends and I enjoyed life. does your advise always work? what would happen if I went to a different school? why are my friends acting like bitches? why do I fell all alone? well they be my friends again? please help

Dear Why?
You did a terrible thing by trying to emotionally blackmail your friends. They are not equipped to handle friends with problems of that magnitude and you frightened them away. Talk to your shrink about ways s/he thinks you can salvage the situation. I'd call my friends privately, one by one, and apologize and explain that I was seeing a counselor for reasons I'd rather keep private. That respects each of your friends and allows them to react on their own without waiting to get a consensus from the group. If it gets around, so what? It's already probably all over school that you threatened suicide, isn't it better they should see you are doing something positive about it?
ms. X

helpless

Dear msX ~
my mum and dad keep falling out all the time and I am powerless to stop it.

Dear Helpless,
You are not supposed to stop it. You didn't start it. And, you are not their referee. It is not fair for them to involve you in their drama. Tell them separately that you are upset by their fighting and wish they'd keep you out of it. Maybe family counseling would be a good thing. Just understand that their feelings for each other are independent of their love for you. Don't let yourself get drawn into their fighting.
Take care,
ms. X

A new me!!!

Dear msX ~
I have a really bad problem that has been bothering me. I'm only 13 years old and at school it's only about popularity and I'm a total loser. Like for example when someone says something to me I have no clue of what to say and I really donít wanna go to the library at lunch period because Iíve been there since the beginning of school and I want to become someone who is really popular but I donít know what to do and if I want to change what should I say or what kind off clothes do I wear?????

Dear A New Me,
Self-improvement is admirable. But, let it come from within, not from trying to fit in. Being popular is not necessarily the best outcome. A good outcome would be for you to have more confidence in the self you present to the public. Part of being able to face the world successfully is the knowledge that everyone else is just as human as we are. Even the popular ones have their flaws and insecurities, you better believe it. Sometimes it helps to pretend you are acting when in a public situation, by allowing you to try on new traits that are not part of your current repertoire. Give that a try and see if it doesn't loosen you up a little. Also remember that most people your age are very self-involved and probably don't notice even half of what you think is embarrassing you!
Good luck,
ms. X

Best Friends

Dear msX ~
My problem is my best friend has been majorly (physical and verbally) flirting with my crush of 5 years and my crush is one of my close friends. I can't take that flirting any more it bothers me. How do I approach her or how can I make the pain stop?

Dear Best Friends,
I think a direct approach is best here. Tell her that she's crossed the line with you. If she knew how you felt, that is pretty nasty of her. I usually say a friend is more important than a boy, but I'd wonder about her loyalty if she knows how you feel about this guy.
ms. X

Guys or Best Friends?

Dear msX ~
I'm 15 and from Brooklyn New York. Ok, see, me and my best friend , are in a little argument. We have tons of crushes, and one happens to be on the same guy. He's in our school. I truly know that he likes me, I donít want to sound conceited but I know when they like me or not. He flirted with me today, right in front of my friend. So I couldnít help but brag. Then I ASKED, if she would mind if him and me were ever to go out would she get mad. And she said she would. Now, the whole day, we been arguing, but in a playful way. She said that the only way I can go out with Andrew and she wont get mad is if I break up one of her other crushes from his girl. And the way I could do that is by telling him that his girl is playing him with another guy (thats a fact) and that she might be pregnant

Dear Charlotte,
You have no business playing in this other couple's lives, nor does she have a right to ask you to. Talk about chutzpah! Whether it is true that Leo's girl wants to end the relationship and/or that she is pregnant is none of your business. Just imagine how you'd feel if this was done to you! Your girlfriend is trying to get you to do something that will be very bad for your karma. If she wants to destroy her own, that's for her to decide, but to try to blackmail you into compromising your values by doing it for her is even lower. If you like this guy, the hell with her feelings. She sounds like a huge loser to me.
ms. X

Old Friend New Want

Dear msX ~
I've known this guy since like the third grade and were totally close. We hang out in the same crowd so we see each other all the time. Recently I discovered I have feelings for him that are a little more than friendly. I'm afraid if I tell him how I feel that it might mess up our friendship and if I donít I might blow one of the best relationships I'll ever have....HELP!!!!

Dear Old Friend New Want,
Be a little patient and a little bit more flirty in your dealings with him. See if he takes the bait. If he doesn't, no loss of face. If he does, well, your foundation of friendship can only add foundation to your relationship.
ms. X

all the girls

Dear msX ~
Iím a junior in high school, and just lately my personal life just got a lot more interesting. The last couple of years I havenít really been the ladies man and only had one real girlfriend. In the last couple of weeks I have been getting girls phone numbers like crazy. Almost all of them are good looking, and in this situation, I really cant go out with more than one of them. If you can help, what would be the best way for me to pick one of them.

Dear All the Girls,
Defer making any choices until you get to know who you want to choose. Continue flirting and playing the field until you figure out which one interests you the most. Some romances are fleeting and you wouldn't want to give up something genuine for a two-week infatuation, would you? Enjoy the attention. No one says you have to make a choice immediately.
ms. X

What went wrong? Is it really truly over forever?

Dear msX ~
I've written a few times before. My problem is, I had serious feelings for this guy who was 9yrs younger than me. He was 20 I'm 28. We started off as friends, then eventually he started liking me and something evolved.
He wanted a non-serious relationship without being tied down to me, and I wanted a full time boyfriend. Things were great at first and despite the fact I wanted to spend more time with him than he did with me, things were great. That lasted a few months. Suddenly out of no where the phone calls ended, and it seemed as if he dropped off the face of the planet. I called and left messages on his machine over the last few months. He never officially called it quits, or told me it was over forever. I don't know what to do! I still have serious feelings for him and want to be in a relationship with him, do I try to work things out? Do I try to call him and find out what the story is between us?
I can't force/make him call me or want a relationship with him, but I'd like to know for sure whether its really over forever. If I can't be his girlfriend anymore, I'd like to be his friend. Things between us didn't end badly and I don't have anything bad to say about the guy. He was good to me and was the best boyfriend any girl could want. I just wonder if its too late to try and be friends again after all this time. I wonder if all these months of him not speaking to me, is his way of ditching me forever, without having to do the ditching face to face. I still want a friendship, but don't want to harass him, I haven't called him in months, and don't know if trying to start a friendship with him again would only drive us further apart than we already are. How can I talk to him and find out what he wants, if he won't return my calls?? Maybe I just don't want to see the writing on the wall and believe its really over for good.
I'm still having a really tough time emotionally accepting it's really over. I've been pushing away my feelings for months because I don't want to deal with the pain of letting go and saying goodbye. All of these emotions are finally hitting me now, and I've been having a hard time dealing with my emotions. Could it be, I want a friendship because it would be easier than having to say goodbye forever? Should I try to start up a friendship again, or would it be a waste of time?? I just want to let the guy know I would like us to still be friends despite everything that had happened between us.. If he takes the bate and wants to be friends.. great. If he doesn't than I know its over forever. Sigh.. I can't imagine my life without him.. We've known each other for 8months.. How do I just live life without thinking about him all the time? Hmm.. Heartaches sure aren't easy.. My heart is shattered in a thousand pieces.. Now how do I pick up the pieces and move on?
I'm willing to take any advice ya got.. Wish me luck!!
~Confused in Love~

Dear Confused In Love,
Get a grip. He is giving you clear messages that it is over. Maybe this is a temporary request and you will get back together at some time in the distant future, but for now, you have to honor that request. People who need a relationship to complete their mental health put an unfair burden on the other party. He is only twenty, just beginning his adult life. Your neediness might seem a big burden to him at this point. Get your life together and find yourself some interests. Get busy and stop pining away for him. If he is to reconsider your relationship, he is not going to want to come back to a clingy, needy, suffocating older woman, is he? Making your life full will make you more attractive to him and any others in your future.
ms. X

why?

Dear msX ~
why cant I talk to women, I donít know what they want to discuss?

Dear Why,
Maybe it is your assumption that they want to discuss different kinds of things than men that is getting in the way. Approach them as human beings before you approach them as sexual objects. See if that makes a difference.
ms. X

AIDS?

Dear msX ~
a guy that I slept with told me that he is going to get tested for aids and that I should too and what I want to know is how soon should I go and get tested.

Dear Aids Test,
Immediately. The sooner you know, the sooner you can deal with it. And, you might just find you have nothing to worry about. But, you might also be contagious to others. So go NOW. Waiting and worrying are not going to change the outcome, and you might be happily surprised to find you don't have anything to worry about. Next time, know your partner well and practice safe sex.
ms. X

?????

Dear msX ~
When I start with a women I am always in control....but when I fall in love and start to do all the things someone in-love would or should do
She losses interest in me and I end up getting my heart broken...My last girlfriend, it took 4 years for this to happen, it is not the first time but I want it to be the last

Dear ??????
There is no blueprint for a successful relationship. Just because you show a pattern in previous ones, doesn't mean you are doomed to repeat it, especially since you are so conscious of it. It could also have to do with your choice of a partner. All the advice I can give you is to be aware of what you really want in a partner and be careful in your choices. Falling in love with love (and not an individual) often leads to uneven relationships. Get to know the person well first.
ms. X

grades going down

Dear msX ~
I have a 11 year old son, that use to be a straight a and b student, now that he is in 5th grade he is a f student it was like that in 4th grade too, we took things from him , it did not work now it is the 3rd marking period and he is giving me a hard time going to school what can I do, I am lost I really donít know what to do , I been to the school, I am really concerned.

Dear Mom,
You have to show him how important you believe school to be. Present a united front with the school that he must get serious about school. Reward usually works better than punishment, so maybe you can set a reward system for doing well. Small incentives or privileges for doing well may be a form of bribery, but it often works. Sometimes a kid needs to be held over so that they can do the grade over with a little more maturity. Do not give up on him or give him the idea that he cannot succeed. Support him, but do not let him give up on school.
Good luck,
ms. X

I love my ex so much

Dear msX ~
I'm 15 years old in 10th grade, my ex is in 11th, we went out last year(my freshman year) while he was a sophomore. We first became slight friends then he asked me out. We went out for a little over a month. Lets say around 5 weeks. It went great I thought!! But I guess he didn't think so. It may just be that he wasn't ready, because He is more into hanging with guys then girls, he never goes out with any girls. But I still liked him so much!! I still do!! It's over a year later.. We arenít enemies, in fact we hang out sometimes with our mutual friends, but I Wish more than ever he would just someday feel the same way, he only sees me as another person, a friend, I guess I'm happy we aren't like enemies or something. I have no idea how he feels, I am pretty sure, he doesn't think of romantically at all, please help me!!! I don't know what to do, he is hard to talk to.

Dear I Love My Ex So Much,
Instead of sitting around conjecturing about how he feels, why don't you just get it over and talk to him about it? If he's that unapproachable and difficult to talk to, what is it you see in him? Yes, we love people in spite of their shortcomings, but five weeks is a small investment in the greater scheme of things. Get over him and move on. Investing your time loving a guy who feels indifference toward you is a no-win situation.
ms. X

what people will say

Dear msX ~
I have a problem, It's kind of a fault that I have. Whenever me and a guy are interested in each other, I always worry about what people will think. I know many people are like this, but I hate that I do it, It shouldn't matter if we are very different, or anything like that, please help me try to fix this.

Dear What Will People Say,
When you worry about what other people think, you empower them. You give others the right to limit your lifepath. While sometimes we seek input from other people, these generally are trusted friends or family. It is okay to worry about what those closest to us will think, as their happiness is important to us and ours is to them. But, if you're worrying about what acquaintances think of you, you are giving them too much control over your life for free. No one outside your inner circle should have that much impact on what you do.
ms. X

Bugging Out

Dear msX ~
I have a friend who travels to Manhattan everyday to attends FIT college. Now, I love this girl so much and my problem is that she thinks she is crazy in the head. She thinks to the extreme of subjects concerning life and at time it becomes so overwhelming that she cant even control it. I donít know what is going on with her and how she is acting what should I do? Please help me I donít know what I could do to help her

Dear Bugging Out,
I am not sure I understand what the problem is. Some people are just deep thinkers and get overwhelmed pondering the meaning of life. That's who they are. That could just be your friend's individuality surfacing. But, if you are describing someone who is exhibiting new and out-of-character behavior, then maybe she needs to see a mental health professional. Sometimes short-term counseling is just what a person needs to set them back on track and see that what they're experiencing is not uncommon. If she's enrolled at a college, there should be student services with an assortment of counseling options, such as peer counseling, group therapy, individual assessment. Check into it.
ms. X

skills needed

Dear msX ~
what skills do I need to survive in the real world after I graduate from high school?

Dear Skills Needed,
You need to be employable. Whether or not you choose to go to college, you need to have some basic life skills that will get you a job should the need to support yourself arise. Basic job skills at the lowest level would mean knowing how to read, write, and do simple arithmetic, probably at a grade school level. Understand, though, that these skills are for the low level jobs and to earn more and have potential for advancement, one must possess more skills. Knowing how to speak to people, both in grammar and in attitude, make one even more employable. Other skills, such as knowing a trade, another language, computer, make an individual an even more desirable applicant. That is why it is good to acquire as much of this stuff when you are young as you can. The opportunity for learning is there for free and everything you learn increases your worth in the job market. You need to know how to balance a checkbook. And how not to abuse a credit card. Financial immaturity can ruin many future years. It is good to know how to save money, invest if possible, and stretch your dollars. The years after high school are not called the lean years for nothing. Going from your parents providing for you to supporting yourself is usually a lowering of your standard of living. You need to learn the difference between your needs and your wants and to prioritize. Everyone should know how to feed themselves. Even if it's just living on peanut butter and jelly. And, you should know how to procure the necessities of a household, i.e. milk and toilet paper, and how to clean up after yourself. These are just the basics that, I think, every adult should begin with. The reality is some do, some don't. It is good that you are looking to the future with a plan.
ms. X

His Friend

Dear msX ~
my boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 6 months now. And ever since we started going out, you could tell a lot of people didn't approve, I guess you could say, of us being together as much as we are. Now, most of our friends have gotten used to it, and they've stopped complaining, I think because, they know it's not use to complain, because my boyfriend and I aren't going to stop spending time together. Anyway, to get to the point. Within the last month, my boyfriends friend (he's my friend to, but more his friend) has been writing me e-mails telling me little things like...Tell your boyfriend to get his head out of his ass. And that's all he will say in the e-mail. Then, a couple weeks ago, my boyfriend finally got fed up with it, and told one of his friends that had class with him the next period, to tell him that he's going to kick his ass, if he doesn't shut up. So, his friend wanted to fight him for a while...but now, I guess he doesn't. But anyway, the other day, he went up to my boyfriend and told him that they were still friends, but he just needs to stop being a b*tch to his friends. My boyfriend just walked away. But, now he says they're cool, but he still writes me those e-mails, and talks a lot behind his back. I just want to know what you think about this. Thanks

Dear His Friend,
First of all, don't expect your boyfriend to fight your battles for you. Tell his friend to bug off yourself. Stop passing information between them and let them work out their own relationship. Whenever you involve third parties in a relationship, it stirs things up. Keep your relationships to yourself, both romantic and platonic.
ms. X

DEPRESSED

Dear msX ~
I am really depressed at the moment-if it's not 1 thing, it's another.- I can't get a boy to even look at me anymore (this has been happening for months now) which I'm not used to, I am not happy with my friends but I have no-one else except them, also my school depresses me (all girls) I just don't know what to do. Please help.
14 year old girl.

Dear Depressed,
You've got to learn to count your blessings. You're not sick. You're not destitute. There's food in your belly and clothing on your back. Start there and add to it, I am sure once you start, you will find you have many things to list. If you can't focus on the positives, then I suggest you look at how some other, less fortunate, people have it and then come back to your list. All the stuff you're depressed about is temporary. It'll be over with before you can blink. Nothing on your list that's permanent. Put things in perspective, dear. Maybe you can't see the end of the tunnel, but it's there. You can accelerate the process by helping yourself. Find new friends. Volunteer somewhere. Do something that really interests you, not just something you think will lead to boys and popularity. Write in a journal. Before you know it, things will have changed for the better.
ms. X

 

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