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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ F E B R U A R Y '00x page 9

 

what's my problem? what should I do?

Dear msX ~
I've liked this guy for about a year, but only kind of. About a month ago at one of my friends parties I started to REALLY like him again like alot. He knows I like him and for a while people said he liked me and there were a bunch of different stories about if he was going to ask me out or what. At school he acts just like hi but at parties he flirts and stuff. Since I started liking him two guys that I would normally like have asked me out. The first one I turned down but for other reasons also. Now the other one has and I don't know what to say. I really like Casey. (guy I like ALOT in first place) but I don't even know if there is anything there any more. I'm going in circles, obsessed with Casey, knowing I should like the other people but I don't know what to do. Please HELP me!!

Dear What's My Problem?
What Should I Do? Just because someone likes you, doesn't mean you are obligated to like them, does it? That goes both ways. Casey is under no obligation to return your feelings, as you are not obligated to like Guy #2. Obsessing is boring. If the feeling is not reciprocated soon, move on. It doesn't sound like you will have a problem attracting guys.
ms. X


Gotta Dump Him....ASAP!

Dear msX ~
I am 14 and in middle school. My bf is 14 too and in high school. Heís really sweet to me and always sending crap and giving me gifts. There is only one problem I feel like he is crowding my space all the time. I tried to be equally sweet to him when we first started to go out but now I cant take it anymore heís gotta go. All of his friends say that heís always talking about me and loves me sooo much but I donít feel the same about him and I really donít want to brake his heart. I wish he would quit liking me and dump me so I wouldnít have to do it to him but thats not gonna happen. Should I break up with him now or wait until he wants to be through with the relationship and just stick with I until then and lie to him about how I feel. Please help me

Dear Gotta Dump Him...ASAP!
It seems you already know what you know what you have to do...break it off with him. Staging fights and wishing he were ready to move on is a coward's way of dealing with it. Just do it and don't prolong his agony. The sooner you do it, the sooner he will move on with his life. He may be hurt at first, but don't flatter yourself. Some other girl will soon be the recipient of his gifts and affections. Just be sure you are really done with him and are not going to play yo-yo with his feelings when you see he's over you.
ms. X


problems with husband

Dear msX ~
My husband repeatedly does not give me flowers for Valentines Day and he knows how much I love them. He hurts me almost on purpose when he avoids making me happy. I want to get an apartment and leave him but my heart tells me no that we can work this out but it gets worked out even after we talk about it. By the way he never talks about anything except himself.

Dear Problems with Husband,
Getting a separate apartment is a serious step, when all he may need is to be educated in what will make you happy. Some men don't know how to gift a woman. Maybe he never saw courtship and romance in his own family. Don't assume he knows what you want, men are particularly bad at reading minds. Flowers are not the real issue here, are they? His self-centeredness is making you have doubts. Sometimes it helps to go to counseling and put all your feelings on the table in front of an objective expert before taking drastic measures.
ms. X


friend (tracer)

Dear msX ~
I wanted to be friends with a certain person. the problem is she's a teacher in our school and I don't even know if she wanted to be friends with me cause I never have her in any of my class. Every time I see her and if I try to talk to her I get nervous. what should I do??

Dear Friend (tracer),
Find a friend who's in one of her classes and get an introduction that way. Teachers have to be very circumspect about their friendships with students, so understand and don't take it personally if she cannot be the kind of friend you desire.
ms. X


home

Dear msX ~
Iím a 17 year old girl who has a lot of really BAD stuff at home. My dad doesnít live here with us and Iím the oldest out of six kids there ages are me 17, 15, 13, 11, 9, 8. The 8 year old is a boy and I donít have any probs with him but the girls are awful. The 9 year old has a prob still not known, so I canít complain about her, the 11 is going to get her rags soon but the other 2 are just jerks. The 15 year old just had a party and 1 of her friends took mums phone. To get herself out of trouble she said my b/friends friend took it. Now here is the big prob - mum didnít want to hear it but she always is like that. We donít talk like we should and Iím really depressed at home.

Dear Home,
You sound like you have alot of anger in you. You need to release it constructively before it makes you explode. Anger does more harm to you than it does to the recipients of your wrath. Think about how your body feels when you're all pissed off...you feel clenched and tight. That is a message your body is sending to you to get rid of the anger. Get yourself a counselor even if the rest of your family chooses to ignore the problem. You need to get rid of your anger. Soon enough you will be eighteen and can get yourself a job and move out. Look forward to that day and prepare for it by dealing with these problems now.
Good luck,
ms. X


Does he or doesn't he

Dear msX ~
There's a guy in one of my classes, I sorta started liking about a few weeks ago. Mike told me Sam likes me and then I guess I started liking him more. I asked my friend if he was for real and he said that Sam did say he likes me but wasnít sure if he meant it or was just playing. So I wrote Sam a letter saying I like him. I did sign my name on it but the following Monday he asked the person who gave him the letter if it was me. Why would he ask the person, if I had signed the letter? Anyway Mike told Sam I liked him just to see what he would say and Mike told me the next day that Sam said No but smiled. Finally the question is, is Sam trying to hide that he likes me to other people? The only thing is whenever he sees me and he's with a friend he starts talking and looks at me. So does he like me or no. I would talk to him but we kinda stopped talking since he found out. Mike say's he's just nervous.

Dear Does he or Doesn't he,
Maybe Sam can't read your handwriting. But, since you have this intermediary in Mike, I would just give it a rest. Third parties can rally mess up things. Sam knows how you feel. If he's interested, he'll take the bait. He might be a bit more interested if you weren't such a sure thing.
ms. X


the girl

Dear msX ~
I am sixteen and a junior. I took your advice and asked the girl that has been my friend for a couple of years to bowling instead of pizza. Now I think it might really work. what would be the best way to find out if she thinks it would work. and then ask her to be serious. please help.
hopeless

Dear the girl,
Congratulations! Just keep taking small steps and eventually you will reach your destination. Remember, don't rush her or make it uncomfortable for her to be with you by moving too fast. Each step should get easier, too.
Relax a little and be yourself,
ms. X


Boyfriends Parents!!

Dear msX ~
I'm 17, a junior in high school, my boyfriend is the same. I lived in this town for a year and 2 months now...and ever since I started school here, I've liked him, and he liked me. Well, we finally hooked up in October...and we've been together ever since. My boyfriend and I spend all our time together. or as much as possible. He has to work sometimes, and that's when I spend time alone with my friends, or my family. And he does the same. But when we're together, we spend time with our friends together, and we spend time with his parents. Well, a couple days ago, they called him at his work, and told him that he had to go home for his lunch break, instead of to my house. So, for his lunch break, he got to sit with his parents and listen to them complain. The whole time, they were complaining about how we're getting Too Serious and we need to calm down, because it ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT WORK OUT for us, and we're just going to end up getting hurt in the end, because things won't work out. Another thing...while they were talking, I guess one of my boyfriendís friends said something in front of his mom about him and I being in my room with the door closed, which they don't like. So, they asked him, what do you do in her room with the door closed that you couldn't do in our basement? And he said Well, I don't exactly feel comfortable kissing my girlfriend in front of my parents Then his dads reply was, Oh, is that all that goes on? You can't tell me that she doesn't grab your d**k!! His dad isn't the kind of person to say something like that. But, now I'm afraid that they are going to try to tear us apart, because they are keeping him from going to my house now. Even after he does all his chores, and everything at home...they said he doesn't need to go to my house. I don't know what to do, he is the only one that I've ever loved, and I know that it is love, because he's the only one I ever think about, and he's the only one that I've been able to tell anything to. He's the only one that I've ever wanted to spend forever with. I don't know what to do, I'm so scared of losing him, and he feels the same. His parents are going to try their hardest to break us apart, because they did that to his brother to. So, I'm scared. Please Help Me.

Dear Boyfriend's Parents,
Meddlesome parents sometimes mean well. These people, undoubtedly, think they know what is best for their son. I will assume they are operating out of concern for him. They see you as someone who's distracting their son from the path they've set for him. He obviously cares about what they think and wants to please them, but is torn. What a difficult situation! I think that you need to make it easy for your boyfriend as he is the one in the middle. Go along with their rules for the meantime and show them that you are both committed to each other and sincere in your feelings. Maybe once they see that you guys will stick together regardless of whatever obstacles they toss at you, they will come to accept you. If they don't, then perhaps your boyfriend will see that his parents are not allowing him to grow up. But, if you pressure him against his parents, that just may make him turn against you. You be his refuge and peace. Don't push, he probably feels awful enough. In any case, you guys will be eighteen in a short enough time, at which time, you will have the right to make your own choices.
Good luck,
ms. X


new girl steals

Dear msX ~
There is this new girl that comes to my school now. She seemed nice at first, but she grew up in the tough part of town. Recently, she stole one of my close friend's expensive shoes. Now I am missing my address book. Every time she is confronted she started to cry and acts like no one cares and everyone ends up feeling sorry for her. what should I do to confront her without her starting a scene or me hurting her feelings? Please answer ASAP

Dear New Girl Steals,
Talk to a dean or a counselor at your school. They should have someone trained in conflict resolution. Give the problem over to a grownup. They may be already aware of her light-fingeredness, it might be the reason for her transfer to your school. Whatever issues she has, they are not your problem. Watch your valuables when she's around, no one has a right to take your things without your permission.
ms. X


Friendship

Dear msX ~
My friend thinks I'm mean. And for some reason she's really mad at me about it. I tend to joke around alot, and sometimes I don't realize that I may hurt people's feelings. Most of my friends don't let it bother them, because they know that's just how I am, and that I'm just joshin' them. But I would like to stop this habit of mine, because I know it's a problem. But I don't know how...please help me out.

Dear Friendship,
Meanness and humor...that's just how you are, huh? Well, then accept the fact that this combination is not going to win you any popularity contests. Maybe your other friends appear to accept this, but maybe they don't appear to mind because your relationships with them are only superficial. But, your girlfriend is hurt because she expects more (and rightfully so) from a close friend. Humor is fine, but when it treads on someone else's toes, don't expect everyone to be forgiving. Using your friends as an audience is one thing, using them as victims of your sarcasm is another. Who wants to hang around someone who ridicules them to elevate herself? Think about it and get your act together.
ms. X


I thought she was my friend

Dear msX ~
There is this girl, (J) we have been friends since 3rd grade. Now we are in High School and she has had this boyfriend from a different school for about a year. She is always telling us (her friends) about how she is on the pill and stupid stuff like that. No one really cares. That is all we hear about everyday. Now she is on a diet and won't eat. We just leave her be. But she is always saying how much she weighs. Just this week J has been sick. On Tuesday morn. she normally has Show Choir, but she road the bus. I asked her why she was riding and she started to complain about the girl (D) who normally takes her in. She didn't pick her up because J never told D to! At school J got yelled at for missing show choir and is blaming it on D. All day long J was complaining and calling her a b****! I was getting sick of it. (My friend is known for calling everyone a b****) I told her to knock it off, and that everyone is sick of hearing about it. She didn't say anything to me. I left and my friend Becky came up to me later and asked if I heard what J said about me? I told her no, and she said I was the biggest b****, and I was the reason she want's to move. It bothered me a lot, but I got over it. Then, just today, she was telling everyone lies about me, and that I follow this boy around like a puppy dog! I was sick of her lies and confronted her. She admitted it and walked away. As she walked away she said, God, Your Such A B****! I said, Why thank you! The teacher in the class heard her say that and later that day told me that it was true. He thinks I am one too! He said it in the middle of class. Is that right? And what should I do about my friend? She calls me a b**** everyday. Then about twenty minutes later is all nice and sweet! I just ignore her! Is that right? Please right back ASAP! She is ruining my reputation!!!!!!!!!!! Should I tell anyone about what the teacher said? Thanks

Dear L,
Sounds like you need to distance yourself from J. She is treating you like a yo-yo and it's time for you to cut the string. Not to fight back or go head-to-head with her, but to back off. She may have a big mouth and nasty disposition, but you are letting her engage you in her own little drama. Go about your life without getting into disputing what she says. If she is as you describe, other people know to discount what comes out of her mouth. Stop caring so much about what other people say and think and move forward with your own business. When you let her engage you in dispute, you allow her to take you down to her level. Just refuse to be drawn into it and, at the same time, maintain a cheerful disposition. It will drive her crazy.
ms. X



Dear msX ~
I have recently found a certain fetish . The fetish is wearing diapers. Is this normal? What should I do about it?

Dear Fetish,
No, it's not. But, that's what a fetish is. I'm tempted to say, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, but I think you first need to examine why this behavior is attractive to you.
ms. X



Dear msX ~
Do I get talked back to right away on this?

No. There is no immediate gratification. Ms. X answers letters in a timely manner, but she cannot respond to your questions in real-time.
Ms. X
 

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