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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ F E B R U A R Y '00x page 8

 

Boy Problem

Dear msX ~
I'm 17 years old and I have a friend who's a male and he's 19. He has a girl friend I've never met. She doesn't know about me, but I know about her. We spend hours and hours on the phone he says if he didn't have a girlfriend we could become serious. The guy and I kiss, hug, go out and do a lot of other things, should I stop this or keep doing it and which of us do you think he likes the most?

Dear Boy Problem,
Now how many guys would want to trade places with your friend? Seems he's in an enviable position. I would suggest that you don't give up girlfriend stuff unless you have girlfriend rights. You may be hooked on him, but his telling you he has a girlfriend is making things very clear. As long as he's being honest, you do the same. Tell him that while you enjoy his company, you're going to have to set boundaries. Then do it. He will either shrug his shoulders and move on or realize that it's you he really longs for.
ms. X


Long Distance

Dear msX ~
I have a huge problem. You may think Iím crazy but I think Iím in love. When I was in 8th grade (Iím now in 10th) I met this guy. His name was Evan. He was absolutely perfect. We went out for eight months but broke up because I thought that we should meet other people over the summer and see if we still loved each other the next year. All summer, we talked and said we still cared. Then, as school got closer, my parents told me we were moving to Chicago, which is 1000 miles away. I broke the news to him and we cried and I left. By Christmas time when I was in 9th grade, he had called me and said he couldnít get over me and that he still loved me and I said I did too. I later found out that he started going out with someone else and gotten over me. We talked every so often but eventually lost touch. Then during the summer between 9th and 10th grade, I visited him and it was like old times. I then left and I called him from Chicago but he never called back. I am now in 10th grade and I cant get over him. I really am not sure what love is but I think I do love him. Ive been waiting to get out of high school. Should I keep waiting or am I really too young to be in love?

Dear Long Distance,
As much as one tries, it is extremely difficult to maintain a long distance relationship. The fact that he has not responded should speak volumes to you. Don't take it personally, but in the delightful years of youth, it is hard to stay hooked when there's a veritable ocean of other fish swimming between you. Maybe when you graduate and are able to travel freely, you will meet again and continue your relationship. As for now, make some connections closer to home.
ms. X


I need your help

Dear msX ~
Me and this guy have been dating for about 5 months and we have been friends for a long time. We are really close and I luv him with all my heart and he says he loves me to . Bbut his ex girlfriend and him have a child together and she is always trying to get between me and him. She uses the baby against him telling him that if he doesnít do certain things she wont let him see his little girl and it really aggregates me. Well about a month ago we had sex and now I am scared that I may be pregnant. I want to tell him but than I get this feeling like I shouldnít until I find out if I am or not. I know that if I am he will be there for me but for the past week he has been real moody and I am scared to tell him. He has also been covering up the fact that he has been going to see his little girl and I donít know why. So do you think he could be cheating on me and should I wait to tell him I think I am pregnant until I find out or should I tell him?

Dear I Need Your Help,
Wait until you are certain beyond any doubt. If you are, you'll have to discuss options with him. If you're not, go to the doctor and get yourself some definitive birth control. You should not be conceiving babies until you and your fellow are ready to provide for them, and certainly not as a way to catch this guy. He sounds like he has too much going on his life to be the kind of person who can give you all the attention you will want. The baby will need his attention and the baby's mother has every right to expect communication and input from the father. These ties of his are not going to go away by your wishing. Face the reality.
ms. X


Getting married

Dear msX ~
I'm 17 and in Nov. I want to get married, but my parents don't want me to get married, what should I do? They don't understand that I'm ready I've been with the guy now for 3 years, and we really want to get married. I'm going to be 18 in July and he is 22, what can I do or say to my parents about this? They say that I'm to young and haven't lived life at all. I'm in love and he loves me we haven't had sex at all, but what should I tell them.

Dear Getting Married,
I understand your parents' concern just as I understand your insistence that your wonderful love will endure. But, in this age of divorce, when fifty percent of all relationships end, it is unrealistic to expect happily ever after. There are skills, education, and experiences your parents want you to have before you commit to a marriage, I am sure, stuff that would be great to bring into any relationship. What I get from your letter is that they are saying not now and not not him, am I right? So, why not show a bit more patience? If you really are destined to be together, you can wait, at least until you are eighteen, before you make any drastic moves. Marriage, in reality, hon, is a lot of work and not something to go into ill-prepared. Yes, he may be the love of your life, but a little more time is not going to hurt, will it?
ms. X


should I take it further?

Dear msX ~
I'm a 14 yr. old girl and yesterday which was 9 Feb I met this guy at the beach. I was with my best friend and so was he. Somehow my friend and the other guy organized to hook me and this guy up (we'd never met them) and anyway I got with this guy and my friend got with his friend. When I was with him though I felt like I'd known him for ages and I was really close to him. I know I like him and I think he likes me too cos he wants to meet me again at the beach but I'm grounded so I can't. I have his phone no. but I'm nervous about calling him because I wouldn't know what to say. I don't know if I should try and make this work. Is it just a summer fling or could it lead somewhere? We live 10 minutes away from each other and I could get to his place easy but I'm just not sure.

Dear Should I Take It Further,
I see no problem with calling him and telling him not to wait for you because you're grounded. After that, the rest is up to him.
ms. X


how can I get a girlfriend?

Dear msX ~
How can I get a girl to notice me? And if I like her how to ask her out?

Dear How Can I Get A Girlfriend,
Talk to her. But ask her questions about herself. People feel good when others are interested in their stuff and most people like being around those who make them feel good themselves. Don't overly flatter her though, just be a good listener, and let her get to know who you are, too.
ms. X


How to tell if a girl like's you

Dear msX ~
How can I tell if a girl like's me or not? How can I tell the girl with out getting hurt? How can I get a girl to notice me?

Dear How to Tell if a girl likes you,
Sometimes you just have to take a risk. Talk to her. See how she responds. Do it in small steps, of course, and let your intuitions tell you if she's interested. Yes, sometimes you will be rejected, but if you don't try, you won't connect at all.
ms. X


mothers

Dear msX ~
Why is my mom such a b***h? Ever since she got remarried everything has changed. She is close-minded and never looks at my side of things. She knows I didnít want to go to counseling, so whenever she gets mad at me she threatens me with it. Today you should have seen her. I could see (literally) the moment the wind was knocked out of her when I told her I didnít care about counseling. That I was looking forward to it. Sure I lied, but it was very satisfying.

Dear Mothers,
Personally I think counseling is a great idea! Don't let your animosity toward your mother allow you to spite yourself by turning down the counseling. Take it and enjoy. Having someone out-of-the-picture listen to your problems and thoughts and offer feedback is a gift. You deserve having someone there to listen to you.
ms. X


My Baby?

Dear msX ~
My name is A and I am 14 years old and I just had a baby 4 weeks ago, on the 19 of January, and I just moved back in with my mom and my step-dad and he is not very happy about it so when he gets mad he takes it out on my mom by talking crap to her about me saying that she needs to take care of her problems and that it's her fault that I got pregnant. So now I feel like Iím in the way, what should I do?

Dear A,
You need to humble yourself and be thankful that your mother and stepfather are being supportive. Getting pregnant at fourteen was not a good move and it is one that will be with you for life. Now is the time for you to grow up. You have a baby and need to get your life on track so you can be a proper mother. Look into some parenting classes and show your family that you are working on becoming more mature. Be thankful that they are there for you, even if they are not entirely delighted with the situation. Stay out of your mom's marriage and earn the respect of your step-dad. Things could be alot worse.
ms. X


My man

Dear msX ~
Me and this boy got together and three days later we had sex. I had sex once before but that was a year ago. So we started doing it every week and one time he wanted to do it but I was on my period and I didnít want to tell him and every since that happened we donít talk as much. He tries to be all hard in front of his friends. We been together for about 7 months. He says he loves me all the time but I feel that he's only using me for sex but I donít know I really like him but I donít know what to do. Should I leave him or work it out. Help

Dear K,
Just because you said yes once, or twice, or a thousand times, doesn't mean he has an open invitation to your body whenever he wants it, does it? If your intuition is telling you he's using you, you are probably right on target. There is no reason to continue having sex with him, unless it is something that you want to do. He doesn't sound sincere. He sounds horny.
ms. X


One-sided friendship

Dear msX ~
My best friend at college doesn't bother herself with me unless I visit her at her house. This might be ok but we live in the same street and she has to pass my house on her way to and from class. I saw her today for the first time in a month; some of the other girls I live with have said that they have seen her about in the last few weeks, but she never called around. I upsets me because the last month has been very difficult for me because of exams, and my granny died. I call around on her a lot, and leave her messages if she isn't in, but she doesn't acknowledge them. When I do see her she is always very pleasant and friendly, and told me recently that I was her best friend. I am confused, because if I was her best friend, surely she would make some more effort? She doesn't know that my granny died, because I have not been in contact with her. All my other friends, my mum and my boyfriend say that if I continue ti run after her, she will let me, but I feel bad for not letting her know about my loss. What should I do?

Dear One-Sided Friendship,
Don't personalize and assume that your friend is not giving enough to you. Maybe she has some trouble in her own life now that stops her from paying more attention to you. Sometimes our paths cross and diverge and then cross again later on. I wouldn't write her off yet. You might want to ring her up and make a date to do lunch together. Sometimes one person has to reach a little further than the other party. That doesn't always mean the relationship is one-sided. Give her another shot and have a talk with her. Catch each other up on all your travails and you'll probably be giggling like old friends before you know it.
ms. X


SHE TRICKED ME

Dear msX ~
I WAS GoiNG OUT WITH THIS GIRL AND I DUMPED HER TO GO OUT WITH THIS OYHER GIRL. WELL EVERy THING WAS GOING WELL THEN SHE GOT SICK SO SHE WAS GONE FROM SCHOOL FOR ABOUT THREE AND A HALF WEEKS AND I DIDNT KNOW WHERE SHE WAS AND I WAS ALL WORRIED BUT THE OTHER GIRL WAS WATCHING AND AS SOON AS SHE WAS GONE SHE MADE HER MOVE. SHE STARTED FLIRTING WITH ME AND I FELL IN TO HER TRAP. WHEN THE OTHER GIRL CAME BACK TO SCHOOL AND FOUND OUT THAT I HAD BEEN FLIRTING WITH THIS OTHER GIRL SHE GOT MAD AT ME AND DUMPED ME. IT WAS TWO DAY LATER I FOUND HER PLAN TO BREAK ME AND THE GIRL UP SO SHE COULD HAVE ME. IM REALLY MAD AT HER. WHAT DO I DO. I WANT TO BREAK UP WITH HER BUT I DONT KNOW. SHE TRICKED ME

Dear She Tricked Me,
Oh come on now. You're not that easily manipulated, are you? It does take two to tango. You're just pissed that you got caught and now you have nothing.
Get over it.
ms. X

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