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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ F E B R U A R Y '00 page 5

 

will I ever be discovered??

Dear msX ~
I have always wanted to become a successful poet. I knew I would have to gain experience along the way since I am too young to really do much since I have to concentrate on my grades. I always felt that if someone in this world should be discovered for talent it should be me because of the praise I always get from people when I read then my poetry. But not long ago a friend of mine, who barely writes, entered a contest and won $100 barely trying! I have entered so many contests and I never won any money! I feel like such a failure, HELP! please, tell me what should I do to reassure myself I'm still a good writer, please respond!

Dear Poet,

The only advice I can give you is to keep writing...poems, journals, letters, whatever. Learn as much as you can about good writing and literature while you are in school. Take classes. Hone your craft. But, be realistic. Most writers struggle a long, long time before their work is appreciated. And, don't be jealous of your friend's success. There's room for more than one more writer in this world.
ms. X


curious

Dear msX ~
I wanna know if teens in Texas can legally move out at 17?

Dear Curious,
You need to speak to a lawyer or other child advocate. I don't know the answer to this question, but once you are eighteen, it will be a moot issue. It's getting closer every day.
ms. X


Shyness

Dear msX ~
Hi...I am in 11th grade. I have been shy my whole life and it is something that I have really struggled with. In ninth grade, I decided to talk to a teacher about how it was bothering me. It really helped to get it all out and stuff. It was probably the bravest thing that I have ever done. I am still working with this teacher and she is helping tremendously but we are running out of ideas. We have read into a tape recorder and done role playing. Do you have any other ideas. Shyness is this horrible thing that plays an active role in my life daily. I would never wish it upon anyone. I would really like to keep working with this teacher and hopefully overcome my shyness. Please help me!
Colette :)

Dear Shyness,
I agree it is a terrible thing and commend you're being proactive in changing your life. What helps many is to realize that no one's judging them who really matters and whatever action they do today is more often forgotten tomorrow. Acting classes have helped many people...pretending you are someone else is very liberating. Also, I've heard of people using biofeedback and anti-depressant drugs (under medical supervision) to combat extreme shyness. Reward yourself for being so brave and refusing to let yourself be pigeon-holed as a shy one for the rest of your life!
Good luck,
ms. X


New State

Dear msX ~
I don't even know where to begin. I just recently moved to another state about 1/2 a year ago. I'm currently a senior in high school and I have tried everything to make friends. I'm not used to this at all. I used to be liked and I had a lot of friends in the past. I have tried to hang out with a couple of people and they seemed to like me when I met them at parties and clubs but the next day in school they wouldn't speak to me, not even the guys. I just don't know what to do. I'm beginning to think that there is something wrong with me. I'm not a very outgoing person and I know that's not the reason for this. I have just tried every possible thing, and I just can't find anyone here, and what I want to know is what I could do to be part of their group. Please help me! Thanks

Dear New State,
Senior year is almost half over. Next year you will be working and/or in college and will be meeting new people galore. People who won't see you as the new kid or someone intruding into their little set clique. So it is only a matter of time. You might still want to befriend someone from school, but I would approach people individually and not in groups. People act differently when they are surrounded by their friends, but when they are separate, the absence of peer pressure makes them more receptive. Give it a shot, and remember, this won't last forever.
ms. X


close friend

Dear msX ~
I am a junior in high school, and 16 years old. I went to school with a girl in 7th and 8th grade, and haven't really talked with her a lot until lately. Now I see her every weekend because we play volleyball. I talk with her a lot and we are good friends again. When I see her playing I get turned on and really want to be with her. I'm pretty sure she likes me but not sure. What should I do?

Dear Close Friend,
Ask her to have pizza with you after volleyball.
ms. X


confused

Dear msX ~
I like this guy and heís a friend of the family. its hard to talk about it around my mom because Iím trying to keep it a secret. I donít want her to know because sheís good friends with his mom and Iíve known them since I was five. I donít get to see him that much either. should I just keep it quiet or should I just leave him alone?

Dear Confused,
Don't let your mom stand in your way, but don't advertise the fact until it's a done deal. That will save everyone the embarrassment should it not work out.
ms. X


My Best Bud is a Liar

Dear msX ~
I'm 16 and I've been best friends with this girl for 13 years but she's been lying to me and telling me that she doesn't smoke cigarettes or pot but I know she does, and it's been going on for a long time. I don't know why she hides it because I don't care...I just want her to tell me the truth because we are supposed to be best friends. I want to confront her but I'm afraid that we'll get in a huge fight about it and I don't wanna lose her as a friend (i don't have that many friends as it is). What should I do/say? Help!!!

Dear My Best Bud is a Liar,
Maybe she is embarrassed to tell you the truth. Go easy. Friends forgive each other, most anything. You can say you're worried about her, but you must accept her right to screw her own life up if that's what she chooses to do.
ms. X


should we be more?

Dear msX ~
I do admit I feel kind of selfish when I ask this because I know that there are many people in the world with problems worse than mine but it is really getting to me. There is this boy in my school who I am quite good friends with but lately I have become more and more attracted to him. So been the obnoxious person that I am I told him . We left it a couple of days until we found the courage to discuss it and he said he didnít want to be more than friends with me...BUT...this week he has told his friend who is in my form that he regrets saying that and he does want to be more than friends. Simple, you may think but in the time that we were back to normal(just friends) I came to realize that maybe its best if we stay the way we are. After all if we were to fall out as a couple then I have lost a great friend. I am in two minds about it because I think it would be great if we were a couple, as do all our friends, but then again I donít want to lose a great friend. Help me please because its making me crazy.
Lots of love

Dear Should We Be More,
I'd just leave it alone and see what he does with it. Making no move is a good move. See what develops and choose your words carefully in future situations.
ms. X



confused in love

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, off and on. The problem is my love has a baby with another female, he says he loves his child but does not care for the mother of his child any longer. Here is the problem.... The mother and his baby now live in his house, he claims it is because her parents no longer approve of her. I told my boyfriend that I would no longer be with him, which hurts very badly. Recently he has told me he is going to move out and get his own place to live and that everything will be the way that it used to be. So in the meantime, he is at his house with her and talking to him is impossible unless I see him in town or he calls me from a pay phone. I love him very much and I have given everything to him, although he has not treated me right in the past. I know he does love me also. All of my friends say that when we are together my face lights up and I am a different person. So my question is this.....should I stick in there and endure these hard times or should I go on because I am still young and there are plenty of people out there? I have tried doing that several times before but it hurts too bad and fells as if something is missing.
Please help!

Dear Confused In Love,
This is not a healthy situation. I would absorb the hurt now and get it over with, because it's likely to hurt more if you wait. That child will always be there, even if the mother isn't. I'd move on and find someone who doesn't have all these encumbrances even if it hurt like hell. There's someone out there for you who can love you and make you the center of his world. This guy is in no position to do that now or in the future.
Good luck,
ms. X


in love with good friend

Dear msX ~
I met a guy about two or three months ago and we became really good friends. When he came home from school for Christmas break, we hung out almost everyday of the vacation and towards the end of the time off we started to cuddle a little bit when we watched movies together. Then he went to school, and I went to visit him the second weekend he was away from me because I missed him so much, so I spent the night at his dorm. We really didnít do anything interesting that night except watch 4 movies and we were up til all hours, but we ended up kissing that night. I had such a good time with him and I think that was when I realized that I liked him alot. I went home the next day and we still spoke everyday afterwards, then one day he said something to me about what had happened. He told me that he liked me alot but he has so much fun with me without hooking up that he didnít want us to become a solely hooking up relationship, and that he didnít want to do anything to ruin our friendship. He also said the last thing he would ever ever want to do would be to hurt me. I asked him if he wanted anything more than friends and he said he thought that we would be better off as friends. Of course I was a little upset but I wasnít going to push anything. This past weekend I went to visit my other friend that goes to school with him and we ended up spending the night together again, just kissing and small fooling around--same as last time, only this time I was intoxicated. This encounter totally screwed things up because now I donít know what he was thinking. He isnít the type of guy to do something if he knows it would hurt me or our friendship so I figure he hooked up with me because he feels the same way as I do for him. I donít know how to act around him, whether or not I should continue to talk to him, or even hook up with him, what he is thinking....I just really need help. all my friends say to leave it alone and go with the flow but I donít want to leave it be and then miss my chance with him. I have a feeling that he does feel the same way for me but he wants to have a good time at school and have the freedom to kiss other girls without having to worry about his girlfriend back home. What do you think I should do?

Dear In Love With Good Friend,
If you are willing to accept being the body he turns to when there's no one else, then do it. But, I have a feeling that if you make a life for yourself with other friends, he will begin to pursue you more. When you're always there and available, you get used. When you are hard to get, you might find yourself more desirable to him. I think it's worth a try.
ms. X


too much cousin

Dear msX ~
I have a problem with my cousin. She is the only girl cousin my age I have so we are kinda forced to be friends. She is always bossing me around and being rude. She always comes over my house and stays for a week b/c she lives in Pennsylvania and I live in new jersey. She asks her mom if she can come to my house for a week and her mom talks to my mom so its all set-- she is coming over. nobody asks me if I want her over. They just assume I do. My other friends are so much nicer than her so I tell them my problem. I grow to hate her when I don't see her too. You see, a long time ago when me and my cousin were 8, she asked me(right in front of her mom like she still does so I have to say yes)if we could be Christmas vacation, pen pals. We still are. Now she is being rude and bossing me around in her letters. She ruins my Christmas vacations. She come over and I can't have any fun. We just have to do everything she wants to do. This past Christmas vacation, she came over my house and I had just gotten a new computer game. Every morning, she would wake me up and say Jenny if you don't get up in ten seconds Iím going downstairs to play the computer alone and she did--so I didn't come down until 30 minutes later.:) then she was rude:( if something doesn't happen her way--she's mad. She is a jerk to her mother and acts as if her dad is dead, complains about the full-page front and back letters I send her and say as they are a little bigger than a paragraph. She's the one who sends me a half a page letter double spaced. I give her stuff alot and she doesn't say thank you. She does so much mean rude and bossy things that I wish she would move far far away. She calls me annoying all the time when I hardly ever do anything. Usually when she says that I didn't do something annoying I just--here Iíll give you an example: I have to brush my teeth she already has its 8:00 and she has to sleep. So I get up and turn on the light to go brush my teeth and she says: Jenny stop turn it off Iím serious Jenny stop your so annoying gosh Jenny whatís your problem. She makes me fall asleep crying. :'( We are completely different I don't mean to be mean or self centered but she is all flower power and Iím well cool. She buys anything w/ hearts stars bears happy faces, etc. I can't not be friends w/ her can I? because my mom and hers are sisters so Iíll get in trouble and never hear the end of it. Please help me what should I do?

Dear Too Much Cousin,

What are you, a doormat? You have to speak up for yourself. Tell your cousin directly that you don't appreciate her input and negativity. Who appointed her God? Be firm. People like that are usually very insecure themselves and have a need to put down others to feel superior. Don't let her get away with it.
ms. X

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