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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ F E B R U A R Y '00 page 3

 

MY LIFE

Dear msX ~
Well here's my story. I'm 29 years old and I used to go out with this guy who was 23. Well the only reason he wanted to go out with me was sex and then I broke up with him and now he's not speaking to me, only when he has to like to say Hello but he's more interested in my brother's life. Every one of my friends thought it was great that I had this wonderful guy in my life and they wanted to meet him but he never wanted to do anything with them. I haven't told them yet that we aren't seeing each other anymore. But I did take a pregnancy test and it came back negative but I was hoping I was. Now I'm trying to get my life back to normal but it's hard. I'm trying to get some more money, like getting a job but if I did get a job then how would I get there. I don't live in the city but I would love to. My dad gives me $100.00 every two weeks for me helping cleaning the house and for doing the laundry, making Dinner and Lunch. What I need to do is put the money in my accounts and not spend them but it's hard when you don't really have alot of self-esteem. I also stay home all day and mostly all night while Mike goes out all the time. He works and then he heads off to Raxx's. He only comes home on Wednesday nights. I think and feel trapped and isolated here. I do get depressed alot of the time. I hate asking people to take me places but when I have a doctor's appointment no body seems to want to take me anywhere. What should I do? I'm also trying to stop eating chocolate and potato chips and pop but it's also hard. The main problem with me is I don't like myself very much and I don't think I'm pretty and guys won't go out with me. My best friend is a guy and he only treats me like I'm his little sister. My dad and brother get along great and I don't get along with my dad at all. I think it would be more easier for me if I had a better life then this one. I'm done taking a bartender's course but no one will hire me because I guess they don't like me or they don't think I can do the job but I can learn while I go. I'm a fast learner, when I put my mind to something I think to myself and say I can do this. Well what do you think I should do with all of this?
VERY KIND PERSON.

Dear My Life,
If you don't like where you're at, it's time to make some changes. Stop talking about it and do it! If you always do what you always do, you always get what you always got, to quote someone whose name I can't remember. Instead of focusing on what's wrong, start focusing on how you can change it. Therapy helps, too. Get moving. You've wasted enough of your time.
ms. X


My crush

Dear msX ~
My name is Sam and I like this girl in my class, and all of my friends know now and are annoying me with trying to give me advice. I just want to act normal and get her to notice that I like her, so soon I can ask her out. Also, what should I do for valentines day?

Dear Sam,
Friends, while well-meaning, can ruin any chance of romance. Their involvement seems to escalate things prematurely, when all one really needs to do is continue on their course and show a little patience. It puts you and this girl in the spotlight and the uncomfortable feeling of being everyone's entertainment can be a huge turn-off. Next time, keep your crushes to yourself or only tell one trusted friend. As far as Valentine's Day, a note or card that tells her why you like her would be appropriate. Since she undoubtedly already knows that you do like her, throw a sincere compliment her way by means of a personal message and see where that takes you. Don't ask a friend to deliver it, though.
ms. X



PIMPLES HELP

Dear msX ~
I have pimples and I was wondering how I could get rid of them please help me!

Dear Pimples Help,
A dermatologist (skin doctor) can make them vanish, or at least get rid of most. The doctor will give you medicine that will help clear it up from the inside, as well as topical medicine that is stronger than any over-the-counter remedies. She will also advise you about cleansing products and instruct you about a diet that will limit breakouts. If your parents have health insurance, they should look into this. There is really no reason for anyone to suffer with acne if they have access to a doctor or clinic. If your parents are not able to afford or access a dermatologist, then perhaps they can try looking at what is available in a health food store. There are books that will tell you what vitamins and foods promote healthier skin. Do some research yourself and see what you learn before presenting it to your parents. And, keep your hands off your face...popping and touching pimples always makes them worse.
Good luck,
ms. X



boy trouble! PLEASE help me out

Dear msX ~
I am SERIOUSLY head-over heels for a guy in a bunch of my classes named Danny. First off, I am VERY VERY VERY shy. I'm always known as the innocent one. Anyway, I think we've become friends....This is the first year we've known each other. I have NEVER been out with a guy. I've been asked by several guys, but they just weren't my type...But, Danny...I just CANNOT stop thinking about him.. I have dreams EVERY night about him. I can't tell if he likes me, but I'm starting to get talkative around him. He always says hey when class starts....& he always says talk to ya later, or bye when class ends....& we even sometimes get in trouble for talking & laughing in class. He just cracks me up! He makes these very silly faces at me for no reason in the middle of a test or something.....& then, I just burst out laughing....I can't figure him out....I hope he likes me. I wish I could ask him out or something, but I can't do it! I've never asked anyone out....&, the fact that my over-protective parents think I'm too young to date doesn't help much. I just can't get up the courage to ask him out it. If they say no or something, I'll never be able to look at them again. That's just how I am, I can't help it. Danny & I have exchanged e-mail addresses, & we've talked for a few.....seconds online... But, he's always whispering in my ear how he likes some girl named Lea. But, he talks to me way more than he talks to Lea! When he was whispering to me one time, he was saying stuff like God, she's hot (about Lea girl)...... then, he said, You know who else is....? Then he said, NA, I can't tell ya. That's not for you. That kinda makes me wonder if he was going to say me. In the classes we're in, we sit by each other, laugh, giggle, talk, etc...we work together when we can, & we've done a project together. I just cannot tell if he's into me or not.....I just know that I cannot get him out of my head. It's driving me absolutely crazy. Please reply to this message. Thanks a bunch, Robin

Dear Robin,
Sounds to me like he's interested. You have the rest of the school year to continue this flirtation. See where it leads. If you're still unsure when you break for summer, you'll be a little older, know him a little better, and can tell him you'll miss your chats when school is out. That will certainly give him the opportunity to pick-up the ball and run with it, if that's what he wants to do.
ms. X



Ready For Dating

Dear msX ~
All my life I've been very shy and reserved, and because of this I have never had a boyfriend or anything like that. I've come out of my shell a little more since high school started (I'm 16) but I'm still known as goody-goody and prude, and guys don't pay much attention to me as being more then just a friend. I want a boyfriend but w/this reputation, no guys seem to look at me as girlfriend material. I think this is because they assume I'm not into having a boyfriends, which is not true. I'm still pretty shy around guys, but I want a boyfriend. How can I get more guys to realize I'm ready for them, and that I'm not 'that girl that doesn't like to date' anymore?

Dear Ready for Dating,
Sweetie, when you say you want a boyfriend, it makes me think you'll settle for just anybody. Don't. As you overcome your shyness and socialize more, you will find that not all boyfriends are created equal. You want a good one and sometimes that takes time. But, it's worth it to wait until it's a particular person you're wanting and not just filling a position.
ms. X


how do I get her to like me

Dear msX ~
I am in love with a girl named Sarah and she is 2 years older than me she is my really close friend but I want to go out with her what should I do

Dear How do I Get Her to Like Me,
Ask her out. You'll never know unless you try.
ms. X



over protected parents

Dear msX ~
I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible BUT I donít think I can make it 2 short! Okay Iím a 16 year old female who lives in a very small town where nothing ever happens...okay my parents are like very very very protective. My curfew WHEN I get to go out is 11 at night that is if Iím lucky. They won't let me go mid-night bowling because they say its to late for me being out. I would understand this if I lived in like NY or somewhere big like that but I mean this place only has like 15,000 people if that many!!! I try telling them that my curfew is not fair but they keep on saying the world isn't fair. My mom lest me away with things sometimes but me and my dad are constantly fighting. Most not all but most of my friends have late curfews and when I go out with them they have to drop there plans for me so I can be back before 11:00. this is only one of the problems the other one is my mom I love my mom to death we are like best friends BUT she try's to take up for me and then her and my dad get into it. I just feel so depressed right now I even thought about running away or killing myself BUT I came to my senses with those choices. I feel like the only escape to this is my friends and Iím so scared of losing them I feel sometimes I am getting used BUT I won't say or do anything to make them mad at me! I dunno I just feel dead kinda... in a sense.... if you will. If you have any advice any would be greatly appreciated BTW I love your web-site I come here and read up on everything about once a week so keep up the good job and thanx!!!

Dear Over-protective parents,
You're not always going to be sixteen. Talk to your dad, if you can. Tell him how this is making you feel. Maybe since he is the one you have to convince, a direct approach would be better than having your mom go to bat for you. Explain that you are talking to him because you don't want to be the cause of any fighting, but you are growing up and have shown yourself to be responsible and would like to negotiate privileges. Maybe you could set a timetable with him for the granting of privileges or maybe you could work a deal where as you prove yourself to him, you earn the right to stay out later. Give it a try, you have everything to gain, even a better relationship with your dad.
ms. X


An older guy

Dear msX ~
I fancy an older guy, and he likes me too. Just there is such a big age gap and I don't know what to do? I am 17 years old, he is 30+ years.
Mary

Dear Mary,
At seventeen, I think thirty plus is too old for you. Maybe in a couple of years, but that big an age difference means more when you're young. Once you're a grownup, then if you can manage the age difference and the different points of view that are likely to erupt, then it's your decision. I would be suspect about a guy wanting to be with someone who was half his age...often it is a sign that he would not have the same success with his own peers or that he is looking to take advantage of a girl with little worldly experience.
ms. X

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