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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ J A N U A R Y '00 ~ x page 6

 

Dear msX ~
I am having difficulty understanding my mom. She will not let me see my boyfriend, even if I am going out with a bunch of people. I have tried to talk to her, but she won't listen. She won't even let me go to my best friend's birthday party because he will be there. I am at the point where I have to get out. I don't want to runaway, but that seems to be the only thing left.

Dear Difficulty with Mom,
Running away can only make her even more adamant about your limits when you get caught. And, if you don't get caught, life on the streets for teens is dirty, dangerous, deadly, and not the picnic without parents you imagine it will be. So, that should not even be more than a passing impulse. Act on it and your troubles will multiply, without a doubt. All I can seriously suggest is a little patience. Talk to mom when she is approachable in a calm and civil manner. Demonstrate through your good attitude that you are mature and deserve privileges. You are getting older everyday and she can't limit you forever, but if your approach lacks maturity, she might not think you're ready to be trusted.
ms. X


Me and My boyfriend

Dear msX ~
okay, I have been going out with this guy for almost a year.. next month will be a year exactly! Well I really love him and I tell him that all the time and he tells me that he loves me too.. but lately we have been getting into a lot of fights.. see he says that I don't show him that I want to be with him and that I don't love him.. like when we go out or when we are in school.. well I mean I am always hugging him, kissing him, holding his hand, talking to him, laughing with him and etc.. so I don't know what else to do to make him realize that I really do want to be with him and that I love him.. What do u think I should do? Please help!!

Dear Me and My Boyfriend,
That kind of insecurity comes from deep within and there is little you can do to abate it. I am not going to tell you to leave this guy, just realize that until his self-confidence issues are addressed from within, he will always question how you could possible love someone like himself. All your reassurances are only Band-Aids when he needs major surgery.
ms. X


race

Dear msX ~
I really like this boy, and according to my friends, he likes me, too. I wouldn’t mind him asking me out, but he's Vietnamese, and really short. I'm afraid of what people will say. What should I do?

Dear Race,
There's obviously something about this boy that makes you happy. Ask him out and screw what anyone else has to say.
ms. X


I like my ex

Dear msX ~
Ok, I was with this guy for about a month. I ended up breaking up with him because I thought that he was cheating on me. After I had broken up with him then I found out that he didn't cheat on me. He wouldn't talk to me because I had accused him. Well, a couple days ago my friend asked him if he still liked me. He said that he will always like me forever. I like him too, but I don't know if the relationship will work out if I do hook up with him because of what I did to him before. Please help! Always, Me

Dear I Like My Ex,
No one knows how any relationship will work out beyond today. Even long-term, mature relationships can flounder or explode. So, there are no guarantees. Talk to him and if there's still chemistry, won't it at least be worth a try? You never know.
ms. X


Anorexia

Dear msX ~
I'm 5'4 and I weigh 103lbs. The group of guys and girls I hang with and go out with, are all so skinny and thin and pretty, and I feel fat and ugly when I'm around them. Around my house, and at friends houses I don't eat much because I think I'm fat. My mom and dad and doctor say I'm very underweight, but I don't think it shows and my friends don't even say anything. I still have the muscle fat on my legs and upper arms, and I'm trying not to eat as much but all I want is to lose weight and be thin. Am I anorexic??

Dear Anorexia,
I don't know if you are anorexic, but you certainly are overly obsessed with your body. I'd talk to a counselor and maybe you could be directed toward a support group for girls with body image issues. You're not supposed to care that much.
ms. X


What Happened?

Dear msX ~
I wrote you a couple weeks ago asking you for advice or help regarding my boyfriend and my inability to have sex. I wanted to let you know that I think it's really lame that you conveniently choose to leave that question out of your responses. It's a real question really causing a real teenager a large amount of angst. You may feel like it's your privilege to censor my life, but seeing as I don't have that same ability, I was really unimpressed with the way that you handled this situation. I will not attempt to consult with you again. I will recommend the same course of action to my friends who frequent this board.
Sincerely, Legitimate Question...where's my answer?

Dear What Happened,
Threat or promise? Seriously, I'm sorry you didn't get the response you expected. But, me censor your life? Never? But, if you wanted instructions for how to have sex, there are many other sites you could have gone to that could answer that question more explicitly. And, I still do believe that some things are best learned through the discovery learning approach.
ms. X


Shy girl seeks shy guy

Dear msX ~
I am a Freshman in high school and I had a crush on this guy for 2 years. On the first day of school I saw the most interesting person that I never met!! I was totally over the two year crush the minute I laid eyes on the most adorable guy I have ever seen. I kept it quiet and limited the amount of friends I told, but by late November he found out. I am still puzzled and don't know how he found out. Well I haven't ever talked to him because I am way too shy. He said that he thought I was really pretty, but there's a catch. He is perfect in every way, and I am a tad bit overweight. It's noticeable , but I am losing weight because I got a pass to this gym and the pounds are shedding. I don't know what to do. He is really shy and he won't talk tot me even thought we have the perfect chances to talk at the school basketball games. He always sits near me. Well one day at his basketball game all my guy friends went up to him and were saying, oh do you know her (meaning me).. well she has a big crush on you, and it is so embarrassing. Now I seriously can't talk to him because I am way too shy so what should I do, should I wait until I get skinnier and have a better self-esteem or should I forget him, or what??
thanks for listening.

Dear Shy girl,
I think you're well on your way to becoming a swan. Disregard everyone else and wait for your moment with this guy. You'll know when the time is right. Not that I am by any means guaranteeing his response. But, you can be sure that you won't know unless you try. And you entire ego should not be predicated on one fellow's reaction to you.
Good luck,
ms. X


I have a problem

Dear msX ~
I’m pregnant, I don't know what to do.

Dear I have a problem,
Do not waste a minute more. Get yourself to a doctor, after you tell the boy and the grown-ups responsible for the two of you. It will be scary, no doubt, but the sooner you lay the cards out in the open, the sooner everyone will get over it and get down to making plans. There are many things to consider and the earlier you begin, the more options you will have and the sooner you can get pre-natal care, which is important for the baby. the main star in this drama. Abortion, adoptions, as well as seeing if it is at all feasible and beneficial for you to keep this baby, all have to be discussed with everyone concerned. Not everyone is going to agree, so you must think about what you really want to do and then fight for it. You might want to enlist the counselor at school to approach your parents together with you, if you are afraid.
Good luck,
ms. X


BOY TROUBLES

Dear msX ~
I JUST MET THIS GUY YESTERDAY, BUT I REALLY CLICKED WITH HIM. THE PROBLEM IS THAT WHEN I LIKE GUYS I NEVER KNOW HOW TO ACT AROUND THEM. I REALLY WANT TO GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER, BUT I GET NERVICE AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO/SAY. PLEASE HELP AND WRITE BACK SOON!
XOXO

Dear Boy Troubles,
You may think it's cliche, but just be yourself. The problems start happening when you try to be someone else and can't sustain it. If he doesn't like you the way you are, move on. This stage of your life is about figuring out what you like in people and what you don't like. Kids keep trying on partners and friends to see what suits them. Don't invest your entire ego in one person until he knows and accepts you in your natural state of being. Otherwise, it's just too much work.
ms. X


Does he or doesn't he??

Dear msX ~
Okay there is this guy that I like beyond imagination. He knows I like him and he has known for a while. He is always looking at me and I am always looking him! WE always seem to make eye-contact and we see each other everyday and almost every period of school. One time my friend even said that he kept moving closer to me at this b-ball game. But there is a problem, I have hard time believing people will like me because I am pleasantly plump!! But all of my friends say that I am so pretty and they wish they could look like me, well I guess that means my mirror has been deceiving me for 8years!! Do you think that he might like me but be afraid to tell anyone or is he just curious and trying to figure me out a little? Please help!!
Sincerely,THE GIRL WHO HAS NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND

Dear Does he or Doesn't He,
Your mirror does not lie; however, all those teen girlie magazines do. Not everyone in the world wants a Skinny Minnie. Only a small percentage of people look like models in magazines anyway. It is very possibly that he doesn't even see you as you see yourself.
ms. X


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