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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ J A N U A R Y '00 ~ page 4

 

the silent treatment

Dear msX ~
Hi. I just started going out with this guy I have liked for a year. We have been friends for a long time and he finally decided that he wanted the same thing I wanted, a long term relationship with someone he really liked. We have gone out once before for about 3 months. Well now we have been together for 1 week today and he won't talk to me! he won't talk to me in school, he's never home for him to call me, and Iíve e-mailed him 3 or 4 times, and he won't write me back! So I had my bff call him one night when I was out with my family. She said that he told her that I was the sweetest person he knew and he really likes me. I can't figure it out! Please help me!
sincerely, confused

Dear The Silent Treatment,
His silence is a message in itself. He may think you're the sweetest thing since raspberry jam, but he doesn't want to talk to you. Perhaps he thinks he acted hastily in committing to a relationship with you now. Whatever it is, listen to his silence and stop being a nudge. He's not stupid either, hon, he knew your bff would be reporting back to you, didn't he? What did you expect him to say to her?
ms. X


GIRLS???

Dear msX ~
I'm a junior in high school, and I just don't understand girls. If they like a guy, why don't they just come out and ask them out instead of us doing all the hard work and looking like dorks when they change their mind about us. Girls know we are stupid and can't get this right. If I think a girl likes and won't come out and say it, what would be the best way to ask her out, phone or in person.

Dear GIRLS???
Because traditionally in most cultures men have held the power. With that comes the responsibility of being the one to initiate romantic contact. Times have changed, but many still cling to the old ways. Men get plenty of perks for just being men, so they learn to live with the negatives. BTW, not all women wait for the man to ask, but in high school most girls are still new to romance and insecure. Sorry, it's just the way things are.
ms. X


Dear msX ~
I am 16 and a senior in high school. I have know a guy for couple of years and my parents love him. He was with my18 year old sisters best friend for 5yrs. We will call him Greg. Anyway this summer I had a boyfriend of a year and my sisters best friend cheated on Greg with my boyfriend. So I was hurt and Greg was to and it made us closer. Anyway I got a little bit of a crush on Greg but he got back with his girlfriend. Well the next couple of months he became really close to our family and he would bring his friends around and I started seeing one of them. But then Greg and his girlfriend broke up. But I didn't let bother me or make my feelings known. Then my sister admits that she has always liked him despite her friendship with his ex and wants me to help get them together. I like the loving sister in a relationship help her out but he doesnít like her like that even though they are really close friends. Really really close. Anyway a new girl likes him now and they seeing each other. I am okay with that I want him to be happy and I am going out with his best friend. But last night he is taking me home from a party because he doesn't drink and I wrecked my car and we are talking about the girl he seeing and he tells me he thinks sheís fun but not someone he wants to be serious about and we talk. We have the same morals about drinking and not doing drugs and both the people we are dating think differently and think it is okay and Greg and I are both very religious. Anyway he said something to me that kinda stuck.... he said "_____ if you were a little older you would be my perfect girl friend" and with out even think I said....I know. And we were silent. I don't even want to try something and hurt so many people like I would and I care about my boyfriend alot. But this is love, that feeling that never goes away and I have been ignoring it for so long. I can tell he feels the same way....what do I do. He is such a good person and we have some much in common. We are completely compatible and I need that so bad. I fight with my boyfriend all the time and I know that my boyfriend love me but I think I am pushing him away. Help me....

Dear Too Much,
First of all, get rid of this boyfriend you fight with. There is no reason to stay with someone you have doubts about and argue with all the time. That's why you're pushing him away. Not because of Greg, but because it is counter-productive to be with anyone who you spend all your time arguing with. As for Greg, if the feeling is indeed mutual, then go for it. Not pursuing him because you don't want to hurt others is noble, but dumb. If what you have is the real thing with Greg, then they will be hurt in the long run when they find out where your heart is really headed. Be gentle, of course, but wasting their time on a pointless relationship is not being kind. If you and Greg are so compatible, then, in time, they will understand.
Good luck,
ms. X


How to Flirt

Dear msX ~
I am 16 and a junior in H.S. I liked this girl for a while and started to talk to her more and more. I told my friend that I was about to ask her out, and he asked if we were flirting together. I said yes but really I didnít know. I was wondering what flirting really is, and how can I do it, without looking like a big dork. I know I should know how to flirt, but I haven't been that social with the girls till now. I try to do something like flirting but always manage to screw it up somehow.
Please help

Dear Mr. Bad Flirting,
Flirting is just a more specific word for having conversational banter. It means making eye contact and letting the other person know you are enjoying the conversation. Occasionally, the conversation might move toward topics of a more suggestive nature, but flirting is just playful conversation with others...no big deal, you get better with practice.
ms. X


Help

Dear msX ~
My boyfriend isn't circumcised. I know that this is more natural and not abnormal but it is a first for me. I have never given anyone oral sex before but i want to do that for him. Before I was afraid I wouldn't do it right but more than that now I am scared of what to do? Is it any different than oral sex with a circumcised penis? I can't ask my friends because they have never had a sexual relationship with a male who isn't circumcised. What should I do? I know girl have done it for him before. what can I do to know that it is okay and that I do everything right?

Dear Help,
Times like this make me just wish there was a book out there..."Oral Gratification for Dummies" ~ but for some things there are just no instruction manuals. Just do what comes naturally and you'll be fine. How do you think the rest of us learned? Sex is all just discovery-learning and trial and error.
ms. X


trouble

Dear msX ~
One of my ex boyfriends is trying to get back with me. When we broke up he tried to get with my best friend. know he is calling me and I don't know what to tell him. I also have a boyfriend.

Dear Trouble,
Unless you want him back in your life, just say no.
ms. X


CONFUSED

Dear msX ~
What exactly is flirting?? How can guys do it well?

Dear Confused,
Flirting is conversational banter with lots of eye contact, sometime involving double entendre or bawdy humor. Between the lines the message conveyed is one of appreciation of the other person. There are lots of different styles of flirting, each of us has our own distinct personality and message to transmit. Sometimes the chemistry between two people is so strong that the flirting just happens of its own accord. That is the best kind by far.
ms. X


>?<

Dear msX ~
What would a teen do if he/she was approached with peer pressure? Would he/she just walk away or would they respond to it and try it for the first time?

Dear Peer Pressure,
A strong teen with a mind of his/her own would just walk away. Doing something potentially dangerous or with consequences simply to be one of the crowd is the behavior of a follower. Followers are weak and let other people make their important choices for them. Why would you want to allow someone else to make your decisions for you? Especially those choices with serious consequences. Do the right thing.
ms. X


Urgent

Dear msX ~
I was at the beach with this guy. Yeah, kisses here, kisses there...we had those hot kisses, yeah could count on fingers. The problem is since then I haven't got my period and my breasts got bigger, my stomach let's not even talk about it. I told my mom that my period was way too late... and she said it could be the sun? Cuz I was at the beach everyday, from 9am to 12, 1pm, and after that I would go to the pooh! Mann Iím really confused. I know there's no way I could be pregnant. Is it the sun? Is it just one more late period?
What is it?! Reminder: it's not the 1st time, every time I go out with those hot guys, with hot kisses, my period goes away...hehehehhe... Please answer me as soon as u can!
Thanx!

Dear Urgent,
If there's any shot that you are pregnant, you'll want to know for sure as quickly as possible. Go to the drugstore and get yourself a pregnancy test. And, in the future, know your limits and keep to them. And, please drop the hehehe's...too juvenile for anyone old enough for hot kissing.
ms. X


Dear msX ~
I have a friend and she is one of my really close friends and I really think she is cool and I like to hang out with her...but the problem is that anything I tell her she tells her other friends and some of my other good and I don't want them to know. she also lies to me. what should I do should I be her friend or should I just stop being her friend

Dear Trouble with a Friend,
You don't have to end the friendship if you can remember not to tell her anything you don't want repeated. She is just not someone to confide in.
ms. X


lord help me

Dear msX ~
Thereís a lot of people at school that don't like and I just can't get over it Iím getting tired of people talking about me it really hurts me a lot.

Dear Lord Help Me,
Criticism is only hard to take if you empower the people who are dishing it out. I always stop and consider the source. If a bunch of jerks at school are giving you a hard time, consider that they may be hot stuff in school, but in the greater world and, especially, in the future, they are probably zeroes. Why should you care what a bunch of zeroes think of you anyway? My advice to you is to find a place where people recognize your value out of school. Join a club or get a job. Go to church. Pursue a hobby that will lead you to people with similar interests. Volunteer. Fill your out-of-school time with people and activities that validate you and put you with classier people. Learn to ignore the stuff you overhear in school like you couldn't be bothered if you had the time to care.
ms. X


this guy I like...

Dear msX ~
Thereís this guy I like a lot but so does one of my best friends, should I tell her how I feel about him. I really donít want to hurt her feelings.

Dear This Guy I Like,
If neither of you is committed to him yet, what's wrong with having the same taste in guys? All it means is that you girls think alike. It would be another story if he had reciprocal feelings for either one of you. In that case, it would be a betrayal and I could see feelings being hurt, but liking the same guy from a distance shouldn't be a big deal.
ms. X


the young-ins

Dear msX ~
I have a younger sister in 8th grade with a lot of cute friends who in a couple of years will be drop dead gorgeous, and I'm in 11th. Next year they will be freshmen and I will be a senior. My mom says I should go out will them because it just isnít right until they are in H.S. But even next year I don't know if I will be able to be with them. Maybe when we are all out of school, it will be fine, but what should I do, try to forget it until later in life, or wait till next year. I like girls who are freshmen now, but it doesn't feel as bad
Please help.

Dear The Young-Ins
What is a vast age difference in your teens will seem inconsequential in a couple of years. When you're sixteen and someone is four years old, the age difference equals one-quarter of your life. As you get older, the percentages drop drastically and an age difference is less important. But, for now, be cautious. Those eighth and ninth graders might look mature, but they aren't really as close to adulthood as you are. Your sister will always be younger than you and, thus, you will have an pretty ample quotient of young ladies to pick from in future years.
ms. X


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