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THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ J A N U A R Y '00 page 3

 

what's his problem

Dear msX ~
Last Monday I went to the movies with this boy that Iíve been interested in for a long time we used to talk on the phone everyday. When we went to the movies he was all over me "touching" me and kissing me we were having a really good time. It's been a week and a half and I haven't heard from him, when I call him his sister always says umm... well...he's not here, so I ask her to tell him to call me but he doesn't. I don't know what's going on he told me he liked me and now he won't even call me back. Can u help me?

Dear What's His Problem?
His problem is this girl (you) who keeps calling his house with expectations. All he wanted was to cop a feel and a kiss. Next time don't give it up so quickly or expect so much back if you do.
ms. X


So Confused

Dear msX ~
OK, this is the deal, I am sixteen years old and I am sexually active with my boyfriend who is seventeen years old. He says that he is ready for a baby so we had sex without a condom and now i think Iím pregnant. The problem is that I'm not ready for a child. Should I get an abortion or what. I don't know what to do. Help me Please

Dear So Confused,
I hope you're not. But, you need to see a doctor to find out if you are. Then you can deal with decisions about what should happen to the pregnancy. But, I guarantee that neither he nor you are ready for a baby. He's got an awful lot of nerve, too, I'd worry about what kind of father he'd make. Whatever you decide, know that babies require a lot of work, love, and maturity. It is not something you do on an impetuous lark. Talk to your parents and see a doctor IMMEDIATELY.

ms. X


friends and girlfriends

Dear msX ~
I'm 16 and get along with some girls great but others don't even know my name in school. There are some girls who are great friends that I really like and think we can have something good together but don't talk with them enough to know if they like me. I was wondering if there are any pick up lines, or something I could do that would attract them to me. I'm a pretty handsome guy but I just can't get the girls I want. Please help me in any way possible.
WANT THE GIRLS

Dear Friends and Girlfriends,
Be patient. There are no single pick-up lines that don't make a guy look like a jerk. Just learn to be yourself, do some gentle flirting, and take the time to get to know a girl. Ask questions and listen to her responses. Women are suckers for guys who really listen to them. Practice these social skills and when you're a bit older, you'll have tons of girls.
ms. X


Can't Trust

Dear msX ~
I just met this guy. he's 19 and really cute and sweet and all that. I think that I like him and all that but I used to go out with this guy some time ago and he hurt me real bad and I'm afraid to trust guys again. what should I do?

Dear Can't Trust,
You have two choices. You can give him a chance and see where it goes. After all, you just really met him and don't really know him that well. Or, you can decide that what happened in your past is so powerful and important that it's going to color in the rest of your future forever and you can never trust another guy again. Either way, there are no guarantees you won't have a lousy outcome, but if you do give him a chance, there's a shot you might have a good one. So, you decide.
ms. X


My friendship in trouble

Dear msX ~
I've been hanging around with this group of girls for 2 years now. Then I got another friend to hang out with us but I didn't think she would turn into the "queen" if you know what I mean. They follow her around everywhere and whenever she talks they don't let anyone else talk until she's done. The other day I had to go to my locker at the end of the hall and I asked someone to go with me but no one did because the "queen" didn't have to go to hers. But if she did they would have gone. I don't feel like I fit in with them anymore. They don't talk to me as much or anything. Should I hang out with someone else? Please help!!!! Also I'm not the kind of person to tell them that because the way they react to people that do. Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear My Friendship In Trouble,
Sounds like you're sorry you introduced Queenie to your crowd of friends. Sometimes we get envious when our friends meet other friends and they hit it off well. Especially if we are no longer the middleman between the two. This is something you can think about for the future, but for now, it seems that Queenie and the girls are having fun. Maybe if you stopped resenting her enough for you to join in with them, you'd be having fun too.
ms. X


In Love!!

Dear msX ~
Hello, I am desperate to find an answer to my problem!! I hope you can help me! Alright, it all started when this senior guy started talking to me in the hallways (I am a sophomore)and he isn't the most popular football guy - he is the cross country church group guy - the kind of guy I never would have thought about getting involved with since I was a starter on my volleyball team playing all around and did track and softball, competition cheerleader, gymnast, and basketball on my own. One day he was like I am coming over after school and we just hung out at my house - me and some of his friends and then almost everyday or every other day they would come over after school and then one day all of his friends left and it was just me and him and we just sat there and talked about anything and everything. After that I decided I liked him A LOT. But the thing is that he had a girlfriend that was a senior also and they had being going out a year and their relationship was kind of rocky. But then he didn't come over that much and we didn't talk as much - only on AOL and on the phone about twice. And I have not lost my feelings for him and I think I am truly in love - I have never felt this way before - now I have liked him A LOT for 2 months and I don't see me losing my feelings for him anytime soon. Then we started talking at lunch and anytime we saw each other...about a week ago his girlfriend broke up with him but they could still maybe get back together. This guy isn't the kind of guy who would express his feelings to me and there was a basketball game last night and we were going to do something afterwards and he told me that he was going to his friends house and I should to and I told him I didn't know - but then I did go and he never showed up and people said he might be with his x girlfriend. I went home I couldn't get any sleep and he is all I think about. I can't tell him about my feelings because I don't want to ruin our friendship and I am sure! He knows partially about my feelings from the way I act and his friends . I also don't think I can wait my whole life for him so I don't know what to do - do you have any advice for me so I don't die regretting that I never told him I like him!


Dear In Love!
Give him a chance to clean up from his old relationship before you go off declaring your love for him. It sounds like he likes you, just that he has unfinished business. Respect that and continue to be his friend. I am sure it will all be resolved soon enough and you will know where you stand.
Good luck,
ms. X


how can I get a girlfriend

Dear msX ~
A lot of my friends have girlfriends and I donít think Iím ugly what do I do?

Dear How Can I Get a Girlfriend,
Learn how to be a friend to a girl first, before you go looking to make her a girlfriend. Cultivate skills that girls like...humor, music, kindness, and honesty are some skills that come to mind. Learn to be kind and respectful and really listen to them. In time, you will get lots of girls.
ms. X


boys

Dear msX ~
I'm actually wondering if I should call this guy it totally crazy what can I do?

Dear Boys,
Wait for him to call you. Or forget him. If you have to call him, keep it casual. Or you will scare him away.
ms. X


ex-boyfriend

Dear msX ~
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up on New Year's Day. He told me that he would want me back after he gets situations straightened out with his parents. I told him that I would wait for him because I always heard that the good things are always worth waiting for. Is that true? Should I really wait? He is a wonderful person, and we get along great. I know we should spend time along and let stuff straighten out, but I still have to keep in touch because I had a wreck and I have to go through him to talk to his uncle. His uncle is fixing my car. I am in love with him, but I'm also not sure if he is in love with me. We had a wonderful Christmas together and about 4 days after he began acting weird. What should I do? I want him back

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
Give it some time. You sound like you ended it really amicably. Maybe it's just something he needs to get worked out. By not pushing, you are giving him the space and freedom he may need now. That gift may be what makes him look at you in a whole new light. The dealings with his uncle should be strictly business and not involve your ex in any way. That way, no one has to feel uncomfortable about your break-up. Be patient. Good things do come to those who wait.
ms. X


Boy Troubles

Dear msX ~
I was seeing a guy for 6 months and we broke up and I can't get over him no matter what I do. Well we started dating on and off for about a year after that. Now it is a year later and I am going crazy because I cannot get over him. I purposely seem to run into him and at the dances I find myself wandering toward him before the slow songs come on so i can dance with him. I do anything to be with him and I think I am in love with him. One night we were dared to kiss and I thought it was just going to be short and we just kissed for a long time one of my witnessing friends said. We spent the whole night cuddled together and that was when I was trying to get over him. I think we have something really special together because I am having an impossible time getting over him. I have never had a problem getting over a guy before, and I can't get emotional or like another guy because every time I do i just think of HIM. What should I do, talk to HIM or what?? Thanks!!

Dear Boy Troubles,
Maybe you should talk to him, just to see why you're getting such mixed signals. Before you invest any more of yourself into falling in love with this guy, find out where you stand in his life. He must know that you are nuts about him and, if it's not reciprocal, he's not acting fairly toward you. Put the topic out for discussion and see what he has to say.
ms. X


A Tub of Rocky Road

Dear msX ~
Have you ever had one of those weekends? It is the weekend that you thought you would be spending with your significant other and then those dreamy plans fall through. Canceled by Mr. Wonderful himself. At first it is okay because you figure he really is sick and that his parents really won't let him go out with you that night. You figure you can just do something the next evening and you spring that upon him. He is quick to decline by saying he has to take a member of his family to the doctor. Now you have become skeptical
but you just ask him to give you a call, hang up and continue to eat the Tub of Rocky Road Ice cream all night. The next day you wait for the telephone to ring although no sound ever occurs. He didn't call and now you are second guessing yourself and your worth. Normally you wouldn't let it get to you but you find yourself in love with this boy but your inability to trust or have faith makes your heart churn in self doubt. You have been burned too many times in the past for it not too. So what do you do? You stay up late with you Lucky Charms cereal and type away at the keyboard in hopes someone will hear you.

So maybe you can help me Ms. X or maybe I will have to live with my Handicapped view on relationships.
Always,
a bias of love

Dear A Tub of Rocky Road,
Your self-worth should not be tied to Saturday night, a phone call, or any other person. Granted, it hurts to be rejected but one should always consider the source. What makes you think this guy is Mr. Wonderful? Being inconsiderate, evasive, and insensitive seem mighty flawed behavior to my eyes and ears. Put him under a social microscope and you'll find plenty of imperfections, I'd bet. So, you're going to let this flawed jerk determine what you think of yourself? Make him the scale by which you judge yourself. Keep doing that and you allow others, people with absolutely no clue as to who you are, to keep you in your place for their own selfish agendas. Not healthy. Get yourself some back-up for times like these, i.e. a life. Find a hobby that you love and are good at. A sport. A gym. Take a walk. Volunteer. Bicycle. Gather up your girlfriends and act silly together. Shop. Dance. Take up a political cause. Go back to school. Join a club. Find stuff to fill your life with that you love to do and you'll find you feel so good about yourself that you're not sure you can find the time to squeeze Mr. Wonderful in. Let him and any others stand in line for your attention. Be a busy woman. Busy women are interesting and attractive. Find things other than food to fill-up on. Do not put your entire ego into the hand's of one egotistical ape.
ms. X


Is He For Real?

Dear msX ~
I met a guy, "Jim", through an extracurricular activity about two years ago. Four months later, he asked me out but I turned him down. About six months after that, I realized I did have feelings for him and we started seeing each other steadily. I realized I was in love with him, that he could be THE ONE. Nine months into the relationship, "Jim" told me he was in love with me as well. However, about two weeks later, two of our best friends who were dating broke up with their girlfriends, which caused us to really evaluate our relationship. He has a lot of emotional baggage from his earlier childhood, and he told me that he felt that I was the only one he would ever want to live his life with, but he couldn't deal with the intensity of our relationship. So we ended up breaking up, but remained friends.

That was this past summer, and now he is a senior in high school and I'm a junior. In October, he called me to find out something about some class, and we ended up talking for two hours. He brought up our former relationship, and he told me he was still very much drawn to me. "Jim" told me that if we were five or ten years older, he would have asked me to marry him now. I feel the same way. He said that he will more than likely, once he feels more able to handle the relationship, he will pursue me again. He isn't the kind of guy to talk freely about this stuff, so it's very doubtful that he made it up.
The problem is, I don't know what to do with myself until then. I'm trying to move on, and have a relationship with another guy for a while. Jim and I were at the same New Years Party, though, and it was still pure torture to watch him turn to the girl next to him and nearly suck her face off.

Do you have any advice to lend?

Dear Is He For Real?
I cannot tell you if he is the one. Your intuitions may be right on, but you need to be patient. Sometimes people do find their soul-mates when they're young. Early in life, though, it's hard to recognize what is a true connection and what is essentially rooted in hormones and popularity contests. Not everyone has the judgment as a teenager to know the difference between what's genuine and what's fleeting. Maybe you do and you've found your soulmate. Now is the kicker. What you do with this recognition is up to you. You may have met your soulmate, but that doesn't mean you get to keep him. Circumstances of youth sometimes get in the way. Now, go on with your life. Have fun, date others, move on. Because if this guy's your soulmate and you're destined to be together in the end, it'll happen in time. Keep your lines of communication open with him, and when you're both at a place where you can finally act on your feelings, it will happen if it's meant to be. If not, and it turns out he was just masquerading as the one (which often happens), then you've lost none of your youth waiting for this guy to settle down. This is the only way it can be a win-win situation.
ms. X


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