ask msX the ARCHIVES
msX home
to page 3

THIS MONTHS DILEMMAS ~ J A N U A R Y '00 page 2

 

I'm Ready (I Think)

Dear msX ~
So there's this girl (it always starts out this way). I've had a crush on her from the moment I saw her, which was exactly a year and a half ago, on the freshman trip. First days of school. So Freshman year sucks, and I'm shy and depressed. Crush continues. I talk to her occasionally. She gets more beautiful. I catch her staring at me all the time.

Then sophomore year starts, I'm fifteen sitting in the batting cage, nothing has happened. I slowly become a better person. Over Christmas vacation I spend hours talking to friends, and my self confidence and happiness skyrocket. I now have the confidence to ask her out. (Side note here. At my school, when you ask someone out, I can't just be for the movies or something. It means a full blown relationship)

My school starts in three days and two days into it is a semi-formal dance. What should I do? I probably could get the nerve to ask her out the moment I saw her. But that would mean she wouldn't get to meet the "new" me, and would be more likely to say no. What should I do? What approach should I take?

Dear I'm Ready (I think),
I hope you've asked her out already. Or at least flirted with her. Your evolution should never be complete and there will always be more of you for her to know. Get started.
ms. X


Help me

Dear msX ~
There is this guy who I like but he just got out of this relationship with some girl who he was going to propose to. She doesn't want to have anything to do with him. I don't know what I should do. Do you think it is to early to start something with him?

Dear Help Me,
Statistics show that rebound relationships seldom last. I'd stay friends with this guy and let him rebound with someone else. Then, if you're still interested when that relationship's over and you have made progress in getting to know him as a friend, a romance between the two of you will stand a better chance. And, it will be more likely that he's over the first girl.
Patience,
ms. X


Future

Dear msX ~
Lately I have been thinking about my future it scares me. I am afraid of growing up and being responsible. I am afraid that when I grow up I won't find a job or a husband. I am afraid of the responsibilities I guess you could say.
Sincerely
Future Weary

Dear Future Weary,
That's because you are thinking of the future as one enormous horizon you have to get to at once. The future, in reality, really arrives in smaller, more manageable increments, not all at once. Things happen little by little as you become ready for them. Responsibilities come with rewards. It is not all work and bleakness, growing up. Take it one day at a time.
ms. X


Afraid

Dear msX ~
There is this guy I totally dig and I think he knows but he is giving me mixed signals he lives on the other side of the country. How do I tell if he like me back. ~Afraid

Dear Afraid,
It is unrealistic to expect either this guy or yourself to stop your day-to-day lives for a cross country romance. You can have your long distance relationship, but understand that real life is important, too. If, when you're older, you want to pursue a chance with this guy, then you go for it! But for now, you are both geographically undesirable to each other and neither of you should be losing out on your local social lives. That's why your signals are mixed. He knows this and you don't.
ms. X


Over Protective Parents

Dear msX ~
I know I'm young and there only looking out for me but they refuse to trust me. I've finally started dating and they have met the guy several times and his parents and they say they like him. But they don't trust me alone with him. And it gets me mad if our date chances I call them and tell them where I'm going and they ok it. But when he came over to my sisters house she went to go pick up her kids and left us alone. When I told my mom she was really mad saying that he could have raped me or something else. She Always tells me that if you give a dog a long leash to roam they will come back but if you give a dog a short leash eventually the dog will break free well she has got me on the shortest leash ever. And it's not fair all I want is Freedom and thereís nothing wrong with that right? Please answer me as soon as possible I need help on this and thereís no one else I can turn to.
Sincerely
Troubled Teen

Dear Over Protective Parents,
Hang in there. Give your parents reasons to know they can trust you and they will have to. It's only a matter of time. Right now, they do have your best interests at heart and this is new territory for them too. You will be gaining more and more privileges as you get more older. Don't rush it.
ms. X


depressed

Dear msX ~
Here's my problem my friend is so beautiful she can have any guy she wants and she is thin. She makes me feel ugly and fat. She and I have been friends forever but she makes me feel depressed. She went out with my crush and it just made me think I can't compete with her. Should I still be friends with her even though she makes me feel this way?

Dear Depressed,
It is not your friend's fault she is attractive. Some people bloom earlier than others, but wilt sooner. Your day will come, too. While it is not her fault that she's pretty, I'd question why she went after your crush. But, don't dump a true friend over a short-term crush. This might be something you girls will laugh about in future years.
ms. X


Confused

Dear msX ~
Well, my problem is this boy and I are in the same class so we are friends sorta. He has been nice to me and talked to me more lately. On the bus to one of our field trips I was sitting in the back and he was sitting in the front and when I looked at him he winked at me. Should I ask him out or is he just being friendly.

Dear Confused,
He was just being friendly. Wait and see if he becomes even friendlier before you make any moves. Patience!
ms. X


confused

Dear msX ~
Every day at school I see other girls with cute, kind , boyfriends that care for there feelings and I feel so alone I even pray for my love to come around but he never does; Is this normal and what can I do? Am I doing any thing wrong? I am very shy and I am very alone. I'm am always looking for someone to be very kind and honest and also very hot!!! Help me please

Dear Confused,
Get yourself a life doing something outside of school. Volunteer at a animal shelter. Register for a walk-a-thon. Your love is not going to find you sitting alone at home. Get out and be productive and life will begin to happen.
Good luck,
ms. X


Too Soon

Dear msX ~
I have a problem. Iím 13 and me and my boyfriend was going together for a week and Iím having this great urge to have sex and I told him I wanted to. Do you think itís too soon? He is so nice, heís 18 and I think he has a lot to offer me.

Dear Too Soon,
You are years too soon. An eighteen year old has no business playing sex games with a child. You are dangerous to him and yourself. All I can see him offering you is exposure to sexually-transmitted diseases, risk of pregnancy, and loss of reputation. He could go to jail for that, whether you asked him to have sex or not. Get a Barbie and be patient.
ms. X


HELP!

Dear msX ~
My boyfriend and I have been going together now 2 months and me and him had sex before once. But he found out that I was 12 and heís 17. But then I made a fake ID for high school and now I guess he believes me now. The thing is I donít want to lose him and Iím in love. Heís so nice. Please help me. I donít know what to do.

Dear HELP!
Love relationships are built on honesty. You are a child and having sex with you is dangerous to this guy's freedom and future. Lying to him about your age is not the answer. Before you wind up in a serious mess, give this relationship up.
ms. X


How Often

Dear msX ~
At what age does masturbation occur and how often?

Dear How Often?,
It is believed that it begins in infancy. How often is another matter. Different strokes for different folks. However, it is a safe and healthy alternative to sex with strangers. Enjoy!
ms. X


I don't know what you would call this!

Dear msX ~
Dear Ms. X, I don't know what to do, see, I met this really great guy a while back, and he just treats me like a Princess, he makes me soo happy! I know he really loves me, and I truly love him also. But he is having a hard time right now with college, he's really really stressed out about it, and he thought that me seeing him like this isn't fair for me. But I told him that I want to be there for him no matter how bad it gets, and I really do. Well, he decided that we should be friends for a while, till he gets his life straightened out, but he just doesn't understand that even breaking up doesn't make me just step back for awhile. I love him so much, and I know he feels the same, I just don't want to lose him, and he doesn't want to lose me.
Thank you for taking time to help me, I hope you see where I'm coming from, please help me, I just want to do what is right for him and I.
Jessica

Dear I Don't Know What You Would Call This,
This guy is giving you a message...NOT NOW. Leave him alone until he seeks you out. He's asked for a time out and, if you really care, you'll give it to him. Maybe he really is stressed out or maybe he's just looking for a way out, but he's made himself clear for the moment, hasn't he? Give him some space and perhaps he'll be back when things lighten up.
Good luck,
ms. X


body image

Dear msX ~
What is bulimia and anorexia? Are there any other eating disorders? And advice for someone who is considering to do one of those.

Dear
Body Image,
Don't. These are serious medical conditions that need immediate attention. You could damage your health irreparably doing either. Better you should find a counselor to talk about your body image and a nutritionist and gym to help you make changes. Changes that come about in healthy ways, via exercise and balanced diet, are positive ways to improve one's body. But, anorexia and bulimia can kill you.
ms. X


Help Fast

Dear msX ~
Me and my bf of 14 months just broke up, and I'm crushed. He all of a sudden just got all mad and said he wanted to break up, I am totally confused. I tried to call him, and talk to find out why, but he just started naming things off that were wrong with our relationship. Please help me figure out what's wrong, and how if ever can I talk to him. Oh, by the way I know for a fact it's not another girl, because he says he loves me, and care for me, and is not made at me. How confusing!!!

Dear Help Fast,
Young people go in and out of relationships quickly, sometimes before their partner is ready to let go. I understand you're hurt, but his message is clear. He doesn't want a relationship with you now. Knowing why isn't going to change that.
Move on.
ms. X


IMPORTANT

Dear msX ~
I need help. To start out, I need to say this. I made a millennium list of all the things I wanted to change this year. But the list was so long...i think it'll take me 'til the next millennium! I don't know where to start on my list. These things on the list are important. But very hard tasks. Every time I look at the list, I cry because none of them are crossed out & because they seem impossible to do for a person like me. Here they are: 1.) get a boyfriend 2.) lose a LOT of weight 3.)Get Popular. Anyway, I want them so bad. Sometimes I feel like if I want it bad enough, I can make it happen! But other times (a lot) I feel like I should just give up. since I am ugly, fat, and Have 1 friend, these will be the hardest things for me to do. Should I just give up and be miserable? Sometimes, I feel like I should. I am so scared and losing hope every second. I don't know What to do. Please help me. luv, ~~~"A Friend ~~~

Dear Important,
Take smaller steps, one thing at a time. Start to exercise. Do some volunteer work to put yourself out in the world with people. Once you get some positive feedback, you will be motivated to do more. You cannot do everything at once, though, it is unrealistic to expect overnight results. Get started and don't give up, even the most monumental of tasks begin with baby steps.
Good luck,
ms. X


troubled past and future

Dear msX ~
I have had been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year and just when I thought things couldn't get any better they seemed to of gotten worse. Just one day out of the blue his whole demeanor had changed, it was as if he wasn't the same person anymore. So one day I had sat him down by ourselves and talked to him one on one about what was bothering him. He started to tell me that he was having feelings for his ex girlfriend. I was flabbergasted, I could barely speak. We have always had an open relationship, not many qualms, and we both had our freedom when it came down to anything. I had always had a weird feeling about him talking to his ex just about everyday for an hour or two at times, but I always just blew it off with the thought, well he is with me, what could I have to worry about. Little did I know I had lots to be worried about. So after our brief conversation I told him that he should have some time by himself to evaluated the situation and see what he wanted. He agreed, but was afraid that I had taken the news a little too well. (just being considerate no matter how hard it truly was) About 3 days had past, I hadn't heard anything from him and he finally called me in tears claming that he didn't want to be without me and that he wanted to be by my side from that moment on with no doubts. I was confused, shocked, and happy all at the same time. thoughts filled my mind; How could he make his mind up so quickly? Is he sure? Will he change his mind again in a day or so? Will this roller coaster ever end?
Some how I just let the thoughts clear my mind and reluctantly went back to the way we were. Then about a month later he is lying in my bed and he turns to me and says "would you still loved me if I wasn't perfect?" I was like Whoa, back that one up. I knew something was wrong or he had done something to make a comment like that. I just sat up and said "what did you do?" He said nothing don't worry about it. I couldn't leave it at that. He eventually broke down and told me that he had lied to me about 1/2 a month ago and said he was out by himself when he had really gone to his ex's house and had sex with her. I didn't know what to say. I cried, (normal reaction), and I asked him if It was worth it to him to of lost me for it. He cried in my arms, and one thought came to my mind: people make mistakes. I said I am only going to do this once and only once, I will give you another chance. Things were going great and next thing I know his ex is calling me saying things that he had told her that I meant nothing to him and that I could never amount to her. But when we are alone he says the same to me about her and other girls. He tells me that he doesn't speak to her anymore at all, but yet she tells me of their conversations and sends e-mails to me. I was deceived once how can I know that I'm not being again. What should I do? Stay with him or let everything just go??
In need of serious help.

Dear Troubled Past and Future,
Unless you like being lied to, cheated on, not to mention being exposed to STD's, then run from this dude. Quickly. He is bad news. I think you know this.
ms. X


 to page 3

the ARCHIVES

johnny's

theScene

msX home

angst

BoardHop

coffeerooms home

 


LinkExchange Network