What My Kids Really Hear
by Wendy Surber
|1. I say. . . Get
dressed, you'll be late for school.
They hear. . . Play with your toys, and
when you decide to get dressed, move slow as molasses! They can't really start school without you!
2. I say. . . Sit down and eat your dinner.
They hear. . . Run around the living room!
When you're done doing that, sit down, take two bites and say you're done!
3. I say. . . Get undressed, it's time for
They hear. . . Fight over who will pee
4. I say. . . Go in your room and play that
They hear. . . Wait until mommy and daddy
are trying to hear something on the news and then come back out screaming.
5. I say. . . You're interrupting, please
wait your turn.
They hear. . . Wait for mommy to take a
breath and then start rambling on about how you're wearing shoes and have baby teeth.
6. I say. . . Pick the pretzels up off
They hear. . . Throw the pretzels as high
in the air as you can so that they will fall in unreachable corners of the living room.
7. I say. . . Help mommy pick up the toys.
They hear. . . Sit down, make yourself
comfortable, and watch mommy clean up.
8. I say. . . Stop fighting or I'll take
They hear. . . Keep
fighting and who ever is still alive gets the toy.
9. I say. . . Be
quiet. Don't wake up the baby.
They hear. . . Make as much noise as you
want. When you have successfully woken up the baby fell free to roll over and go to sleep.
10. I say. . . Stop teasing the baby.
They hear. . .
Make her scream herself into a frenzy and then throw it over her head.
Unless otherwise specified,
all material Copyright © 2001 by the author
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