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Type F
There are two kinds of people in the world: people who think
there are two kinds of people and people who aren’t really sure.
I fall into the latter group. I’ll give you an example. A
couple of years ago, some scientist decided that everybody is either an apple or a pear shape. I’m not so sure.
Me, personally, I’m shaped more like a kumquat (it runs in the family). And among my close personal friends,
there’s a banana, nectarine, and a prune. Where are we supposed to fit in?
I feel the same way about the "Type A/Type B" personality
thing. Psychologists and heart surgeons say that Type A’s are aggressive, driven, workaholics, while Type B’s
are laid back, easy-going, slackers. Well, I’m no psychologist, but I think there’s another personality type:
Type F. Type F’s have a fear of committing to a single personality and like to play the field.
Because you don’t read anything about Type F’s in the news,
I’ve developed my own personality profile so you can determine whether if you fit into this category:
1. Do you own a meditation, yoga, or relaxation videotape?
2. When you play your tape, do you fast-forward through the boring parts?
3. Have you ever made yourself a pot of tea in the middle of day from a blend with the words "Calming"
or "Soothing" in the title?
4. Did you feel guilty immediately afterward your tea break and decide to do something productive, like dust or
patch the hole in the ozone?
5. Have you ever taken a class in yoga or T’ai Chi?
6. Were you kicked out for being too competitive?
7. Do you take one or more long, relaxing bubble baths a week?
8. Do you try to fit your baths in during commercials breaks?
9. Do you chant a mantra every morning to become one with the universe?
10. Is your mantra something like "Ohm…my gosh, I’m thirty minutes late for work and the kids have missed
the bus…?"
11. Do you get regular massages?
12. Do you keep your beeper on the whole time?
13. Is there a tabletop waterfalls anywhere in your house or office?
14. Is it unplugged because instead of relaxing you, it makes you have to go to the bathroom every ten minutes?
15. Does your alarm clock wake you to the sounds of birds chirping?
16. Do you bolt upright out of bed and grab some paper towels to clean up the bird poop before you realize it’s
just the alarm clock?
17. Do you enjoy new age music?
18. But do you wish it was a little louder and a little faster?
19. Have you ever tried to clear your mind?
20. Were you afraid you’d never be able to remember important stuff like your name, address, and favorite Ben &
Jerry’s flavor again?
21. Do you take mini-breaks each day to do some deep breathing?
22. Have you ever breathed so deeply, you once inhaled the cat?
Scoring: 1 point for every odd-numbered question; 2 for every even question.
0-10 You are a Type A personality and darned proud of it. When
you see a
flier for a relaxation class, you probably spend your time checking the grammar and spelling, before tossing it
in the trash. The last time you actually relaxed was in utero. You don’t have time for things like yoga, meditation,
or breathing. You will probably become CEO of a major corporation or a spokesperson for Starbucks.
11-22 You are definitely a Type B personality. Not only are you laid back and
peaceful, but you spend all your money buying things to make sure you stay that way. You’ve meditated, visualized,
chanted, drummed, harmonized, and rebirthed, without even messing up your hair. You will never be chosen for jury
duty because you tend to nap during opening arguments. Your friends call you The Zen Goddess, but they never call
you before noon.
23-66 Congratulations, you’re Type F. You’d like to be easy-going and at one
with the universe, but you’re afraid if you let go, you’ll fall off. You think calm and peaceful are a great place
to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there. And although you might go back to yoga class and give it another
try, this time you’re taking a crowbar so they can pry you out of the lotus position without calling the paramedics.
I’d like to stay and tell you more about the Type F personality, but I’m late to my Relaxation Class. I hate it
when that happens!
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