Tell a FriendLeigh AnneLeigh Anne Jasheway ~ Queen of Stress

Iím Okay, Youíre Socially Dysfunctional

If you are hypercritical of people, but donít have the nerve to express your disgust to their faces, the Internet has something just for you. For just a few bucks a crack, a number of web services will anonymously e-mail anyone who offends you with your complaint about their unseemly personal habits, infuriating management techniques, or inability to please you because youíre an overly-judgmental anal-retentive freak.

I logged onto one of these web sites, iNudge.com, to see how they work. iNudge.com promised that "Without revealing your identity, Ms. Nudge will send the recipient a kindly worded letter and gift item to help them on their way to solving their (and your problem.)" What kind of gift item do you give someone after youíve just told him heís a sexist egomaniac with horrible body odor and no fashion sense? Is there a flower for that?

Ms. Nudge nudged me to check out the BAD BOSS category and since my boss is a bitch (itís hell working for yourself), I decided to see what advice she would offer. Hereís what she had to say:

"Now can tell your boss what you have always wanted to say without risking your job. Send your boss a little nudge to let them know that their behavior is having a negative impact on the workplace."

Methinks Ms. Nudgeís boss should be proofreading her work before it gets posted on-line. The two grammatical errors in her work (go ahead and find them, Iíll wait) made me wonder just how effective her "respectfully-worded letters explaining the recipientís management dysfunction" would be. I can only imagine:

"Dear Sire or Madam or The Person Who Reads This:
One of your employs who witches to remain unanimous (but you can figure out pretty easy if you read this letter aloud at your next staff meeting and look directly into his eyes Ė not that Iím saying itís a he) has told me that you are dishonest and abusive. But Ms. Nudge knows that recieving this letter from someone you donít know via e-mail will immediately cause you to straighten up and flie rite. Thanks. And hereís a cheap plastic frog for your trubble. P.S., please donít fire Mr. Martin, as I promised him you wouldnít." [Please note: All typographical and grammatical errors in the above letter were intentional. Donít send me mail correcting my writing. Thatís my momís job.]

You may think Iím being a little mean to Ms. Nudge. Well, thatís because you didnít read the actual sample letter she includes on her website. The topic of discussion is flatulence. The letter is reprinted below, with my snide comments in parenthesis:

"Dear friend in need (looky, I spelled ĎFriendí right and thatís a hard one!):
Someone in your life thought you could use a little nudge. This person wants you to know you have a problem with flatulence. Basically, you pass a lot of gas (Iím pretty sure youíre so stupid you donít know the meaning of the word flatulence, but since I have a dictionary right here, I looked it up for you.)

This is nothing to be ashamed of. We all pass gas (except for Ms. Nudge who has had that part of her body surgically removed to avoid embarrassment at parties.) In fact, passing gas 14 to 23 times is normal. However, due to either the frequency of the blasts or the uncommon odor, your problem has become noticed. You can relax, though, (although not too much because you know what might happen) because Ms. Nudge is here to help you (by pointing out your social faux pas and providing you condescending advice.)"

Then thereís helpful tips such as cutting down on gassy foods, drinking plenty of water, and reducing the amount of air you swallow such as when you gulp large quantities while reading this degrading letter. She ends with this:

"Follow these tips and you too can have a happier, odor-free life. I have enclosed a package of Gas-X to help you on your way. (And hereís the business card of the surgeon who took care of the problem for me.)

I guess my point is this: People who live in glass web sites shouldnít throw virtual rocks. Now, Iíve got to go have a chat with my boss about her constant micromanaging.

 
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