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I spend way too much time at the theaters.
I'm a slave to the Hollywood Visionaries.  God help me.


Directed by Stanley Kubrick
Screenplay by Stanley Kubrick and Frederic Raphael
Starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman
My advice: Don't even bother
Zero out of

I cannot even relate to you how much I loathed this movie. I sneak away on the weekends with my husbandís blessing to watch new releases and, even knowing I had laundry and four kids at home to return to, I was ready to leave this flick in the first half hour and go mop my floors instead.

Eyes Wide Shut may be pretty to look at but the story itself is as flat as the screen it plays on. It plods along excruciatingly slow and for some odd reason they chose to musically accompany this by one key note on the piano, banging over and over and over again. I was looking for the Excedrin before the first hour had passed.

Dr. William Harford (Cruise) and his wife Alice (Kidman) are invited to a Christmas party by a virtual stranger to them, Victor Ziegler (Pollack). Once there Bill does all but engage in a threesome with two winsome models and Alice spends most of her time drunkenly ensconced in the arms of some wealthy foreign fellow.

After the bash they partake in some "weed" and Alice reveals to Bill that she has, in the past, thought of cheating on him. Bill is stunned by her revelation and spends the rest of the movie on a sexual-redemption escapade that takes him from one near naked body to the next. All of this interspersed with images of Alice in the arms -- naked, of course -- of this "other man."

I couldn't find a plot in this film. Oh, I tried and tried. Every single time I thought it was going somewhere it made a sharp turn and headed off in another confusing direction. The conversations were thick with boredom and the characters were one dimensional and uninteresting. And the ending? I imagine it was designed to shock and, perhaps, titillate but all I felt was relief this miserable near three hour blasphemy was finally over.

I'm shocked that actors of this caliber could allow themselves to be roped into a project as hideous and repulsive as this. There is nothing redeeming about Eyes Wide Shut and that's how I advise that you see it. With your eyes wide shut.


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