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Mom
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December 29th, 1999
It's news to me!
Interesting note. On the drive into work yesterday I heard myself on the radio. My local call in morning show is
running "best of" episodes due to the Holiday and they have used one of my phone calls. How disturbing.
I sound like fingernails on a blackboard.
I'm sick.....again! Flu or something this time. Stuffy head, sore throat, general malaise. Ugh. Went to bed super
early last night and felt a tad better this morning but it truly was a long evening.
My mom and dad return from Florida today. Most excellent news, the plant is alive! Ah ha! And here I thought I
couldn't do it. Well, it was still alive when I left there last night. We've had our differences so it wouldn't
surprise me if it somehow drags itself off the table before mom and dad arrive home. It just seems like the kind
of vindictive quasi-bush that might do such a thing.
Returning to my radio stint, I am disappointed in now knowing I have no chance of being an on-air personality due
the horrible whining squeak of my voice. And, since I'll never get my chance live on air, I've just decided to
bring the news to you here. Enjoy.
CLINTON GETS STIFF...OR SO WE'VE HEARD: Moving to tame the Wild West nature of cyberspace medicine, President Clinton
is set to crack down on illegal sales of prescription drugs over the Internet, requiring sites to get federal approval
or face stiff fines. Not so stiff is the sanctioning on all Internet tobacco sales. New regulations require a box
of fine Cuban cigars be shipped to Clinton with each Yahoo E-Sales order!
PUFF THE TRAGIC DRAGON: The hip-hopster rapper and his singer-actress squeeze Jennifer Lopez were arrested and
charged this week with criminal possession of a gun following a late-night club shooting that left three people
wounded. The charges against Lopez were later dropped due to lack of evidence, and she was released. Puffy remains
behind bars. Puffy's lawyers indicate that when further investigation is done it will become clear there was no
gunshot at all; it was merely Jennifer's head exploding when she realized what an ass she has been for hanging
out with Puffy.
TWO'S COMPANY, TREES A CROWD....BUT NOT HERE: Sylvester Stallone has agreed to replant hundreds of trees and bushes
cut down on his property without city approval. Stallone's legal representation claim "Mr. Stallone had no
knowledge that the trees had been taken down. Someone on his staff removed the approximately 2,000 trees and bushes
on his own.'' Clearly the "not working, not succeeding, burnt out, hasn't had a hit since Rocky" Stallone
has been too busy to look out his windows lately. Unless they removed all those trees with a nuclear blast.
ZETA JONES-ING? Welsh actress Catherine Zeta-Jones has fueled speculation of a rift with her U.S. film star boyfriend
Michael Douglas by returning home for Christmas alone, British newspapers reported on Friday. The Daily Star newspaper
said when Zeta-Jones arrived in London this week she was no longer wearing a diamond ring which Douglas bought
her earlier this year. When attempts were made to confirm this story, Zeta-Jones' publicist said she could not
be reached as she was touring the local old folks home to secure a date for New Year's Eve.
OH DEER - Actor Jason Priestley pleaded innocent Tuesday to felony charges of drunken driving in a traffic accident
earlier this month that wrecked his sports car and left his passenger with a broken arm. Priestley, 30, former
star of the TV series "Beverly Hills 90210,'' has said the crash occurred when he was driving home from a
concert and swerved to avoid hitting a deer. Tori Spelling has publicly objected to this statement, indicating
Jason hasn't called her deer since he left the show. Jason? Next time, no need to swerve.
LET'S EAR IT FOR THE BOY - Boy George, the flamboyant frontman of pop band Culture Club, was nearly killed when
he was hit by a giant 68 pound disco ball that plunged from the ceiling of a British concert hall. "It would
have been both ironic and glamorous to be finished off by a four-foot glitter ball,'' he told the Sun tabloid on
Thursday. Further investigation indicates the aforementioned ball was actually one of Linda Tripp's earrings. It
appears she had been leaning heavily against an upper rail in an effort to listen to a conversation on the lower
level when the bauble was lost.
SNL - STILL NOT LAUGHING: After a complaint from the Anti-Defamation League, NBC earlier this month vowed that
a portion of a Dec. 4 "Saturday Night Live'' segment parodying the CBS Yuletide special "And So This
Is Christmas'' would be edited out of all future repeats of the program. However Monday, NBC did an about-face
and issued a release stating that "Today's environment makes our judgment calls in these situations increasingly
difficult because we must find a balance between being politically correct and being funny in a nonhurtful way.''
Hey, SNL? Um....when was the last time you were funny?
NOT ONLY THE MARRIAGE IS UP IN FLAMES: A mansion built for Mariah Carey and her former husband was reduced to ashes
over the weekend in a fire believed to be accidental. The home sold for $20.5 million after Carey's divorce from
Tommy Mottola, Sony Music's chairman and chief executive officer. It was vacant when the Saturday blaze began.
There were no injuries. Speculation to date has the fire starting within a storage unit that housed Mariah's summer
clothing which was boxed up for the season. This was later recanted when the math indicated 52 "bandages"
couldn't fuel such a high intensity blaze.
LOT'S OF SPACE NEEDLE - Seattle's mayor has canceled the city's New Year's Eve celebration in the park below its
landmark Space Needle, citing the possibility of terrorist acts in a city rattled by demonstrations and a border
arrest. "It is safer to be prudent,'' Mayor Paul Schell said Monday. "This is already an unprecedented,
unpredictable New Year's, and we did not want to take chances with public safety, no matter how remote the threat
might seem.'' All previous celebratory events will now be replaced with the raising of mayor Schnell to the top
of the Needle where the city will plant him on the tip ass first.
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