MOM to MOM
November 23rd, 1999
Y2K is A-OK
Let it snow, let is snow, let it snow! We had about eight inches of snow down here in Denver yesterday! Very nice!
It's a shame I am never appropriately prepared and have to spend my already hectic morning climbing around the
refuse in my closet in search of that wayward snow boot.
On a nicer note, it's a short work week. After Wednesday I have four glorious days with no work and, to top it
all off, I'm having an early Christmas! The parents are going to Florida for most of December so we're doing a
Thanksgiving package exchange.
I called my mom the other day.
"Mom? What do you and Dad want for Christmas?"
Insert typical stock Mom answer here.
"Nothing, honey. Don't you worry about your Dad and me."
I hate that answer. I get it every year.
"Mom, come on. Seriously now. I can't just come over there empty handed, take all your stuff and then just
And then I thought about it.
"Hey, you know what, Mom? Yes, I can. I've been doing that for years."
And I normally don't even wait until Christmas.
So, on a Holiday note and with the end of our Millennium approaching, I offer you this.
It's coming! Run for the hills and take your money with you because Y2K is almost here! Pack up your children and
pets and make a beeline for local bomb shelters! On second thought, you might want to leave those kids behind.
I've watched mine snap those unbreakable combs in half with very little effort. Lord knows what all four of them
could do to a bomb shelter given time.
I know what some of you are thinking. You're thinking, "Sure. Go ahead and mock but when your neighborhood
ATM spits your life savings into the street don't come whining to me!" Well, jokes on you because my life
savings is quite safe. ATM's can't spit out nickels.
I'm actually looking forward to a little "shaking up" of things. I mean, after this many years with MY
kids, what can possibly frighten me any longer? If I can live through a four year old shoving her hand in a vacuum
-- while running -- for experimental purposes, what could possibly unnerve me? I'm a seasoned veteran of catastrophe.
Just this past summer my now three year old glued his hand to his privates. I'm not going into great detail here
but his privates are fine and he can look forward to a long life of procreation thanks to Mom's quick thinking!
Now, after something like that, don't you think I can handle anything Y2K throws at me?
I actually have great hope for Y2K. If all of the financial institutions are going to fold like a house of cards
I can tell you right now January 1st will be the day I buy my new Porsche. I'll drape myself in diamonds and you
can bet I'll be buying that new waffle maker I've had my eye on....and I'll buy it on CREDIT! <smug satisfied
look> Y2K could very well be my time to shine!
And now I am going to let you in on a closely guarded secret. Are you familiar with all of the diehard Beanie Baby
collectors out there? Those of us who you think are crazy for investing our time in little bags of beans? Well,
we've been stocking up for Y2K and we plan on using them when the new barter system comes into effect. When the
world shuts down and commodities are tight it will be those of us with Chops the Lamb and Blue Faced Spangles who
will control the universe! We'll have the best tree houses and the real toilet paper while the rest of you are
living in refrigerator boxes and wiping your butts with leaves!
And here you thought we were just stupid.