November 3rd, 1999
Look, Ma! I'm flying!
Hellllllllllllllllllllo journal readers!!!! Notice how I toot
my own horn there by making it plural?
<tumbleweeds blow across her journal and one can hear
laughter and music coming from the saloon down the block and around the corner>
Okay, truth is I doubt if anyone ever sees this journal much
less reads it so.........
<exposes her breasts>
<runs about naked>
Okay, enough of that. All kidding aside, here is my entry
for the day.
In a little over 48 hours I will be boarding a plane for New
York City. You know, that city with the sucky Picante Sauce? It's been about nine years since my last flight -
out to California, if you care - and, frankly, I'm a bit spooked.
I'm not a really good traveler. I actually went out, in preparation
for my three and a half hour flight, and bought an entirely brand new outfit. Shoes, socks, pants. Everything brand
spanking new. I did this because it is imperative to me I make as many friends as possible during the flight so
- God forbid - if something happens I'm not dying with a plane load of strangers.
My cousin, Nancy, feels the same why about flying. She usually
gets her doctor to prescribe her some medication for it. You know, something to take the edge off of the fear?
I mean, let's face it. As you're slumping in your chair with a barf bag over your head, giggling and "Moo-ing"
so you can hear the echo effect reverberate through the sack, you have very little to fear, right?
I can't do this. The meds, that is. Hell, I'll put on the barf
bag just for recreational purposes if the flight gets boring. I just don't want to arrive at my destination all
wacky and doped up. Truth be told, I do not have a personality conducive to mind altering substances anyway.
Nancy tried to put it in perspective for me once. She was recounting
a story of how she had boarded a flight for Canada, I believe. (I wasn't really listening because the very mention
of the word "flight" had started me hyperventilating) Anyway, she was on her way to a big church rally
of some type and she said, as she sat there surrounded by priests and fellow parishioners, she realized how silly
she was. Afterall, with all the prayer going on aboard her flight, what plane could possibly be safer?
I pointed out that, with all of the prayer on there, if God
wanted to reach down and bring someone home, what better pick than a whole plane full of Holy folk! Just think
of the time saving as far as sorting everyone out will go! Everyone straight up to the Pearly Gates! No picking!
No choosing! No nasty paperwork to file and submit for all of those loser rejects (many of which I have already
met on AOL.) Why, it'd be heavenly.
Nancy flew to Oregon or something last week. She's back
on the medication.
Anyway, Friday morning at 7:30 am I'll be on sitting on a Frontier
airlines jet. No doubt my plane will have a big Muppet or something on the tailend. Those Frontier jets just get
wackier and wackier but, in Frontier's defense, I imagine they are running out of real animals to use.
So, in closing, if you're flipping through the channels on Friday
and your local news is featuring a gigantic Kermit the Frog sitting in a cornfield somewhere, that'll be me. Just
look for the well dressed gal.
Oh, and on a footnote to my entry yesterday,
I finally found the lost freight. Apparently that black hole I was talking about is in New York City.
Great, something else for me to worry about on my visit.