March 24, 2000
This is an oldie but a goodie. Dusting it off as I am massively
overworked tonight. Enjoy!
In almost every household in America, there resides a pet. Being an extra special household we opted for four.
I even went so far as to use them for deductions on my W-2, a fact my husband found quite disturbing.
"Honey, I changed my withholdings. Since we always have so much money coming back I just totaled up the 2
cats, the dog and the guinea pig and claimed an extra four."
He was so staggered by this information that he actually took a step back.
"Well, what are we going to do at the end of the year? We don't have social security numbers for all of them!"
Some days you have to wonder. My father suggested we use their drivers license numbers instead. That sounds jolly
good to me. The only problem is my husband is concerned about them seeing over the wheel while taking their driver's
All of our pets are wonderful to have, with the exception of one at the moment. Our cat Elsa. Elsa was adopted
by our family through a shelter and had been given to them by a lady that said she could not keep a cat in her
apartment any longer. Having lived with this cat now, I can safely say that lady was a dirty, no-good liar! Elsa
had never been fixed and within weeks
in my home she went into heat.
"What? Can't you see I'm busy!"
"I think there's an ambulance out front but I don't see any lights."
Upon further investigation we found Elsa in my daughter's room trying to seduce a Furby. Now I am not sure what
Elsa was getting out of it, but I think Furby was ready to light up a Camel. He was shuddering and squeaking out
"Party!" with all the fervor of a drunken accountant on New Year's Eve.
It was at this point I stooped to a level I never thought possible. I became a cat pimp.
Grabbing the phone I jingled up my neighbor.
"Hey, Steve? What's your cat doing tonight? Is he free?"
See you on Monday!