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March 16th, 2000
Mammogram Man

Yes, it's true. Those of you who may have followed my hideous Super Boobs columns now have something extra special to look forward to. He's coming, at last. A worthy foe for Super Boobs derived by the hands of writer extrodinaire, Ben Baker.


In the deep dark recesses of a forgotten X-ray lab, a lone janitor busily tidies and cleans up. As he swishes his mop across the floor, he bumps into a rusty old bucket. The bucket slips a mysterious green goo on the floor which the janitor immediately mops up, wringing the glowing liquid out by hand into the mop bucket.

Later the janitor is on his way home when he enters a store. Moments later Super Boobs bursts into the store and unknowingly flings the poor man into a heap of Zeros and Munchos where he lays for hours unconscious. Finally the night crew comes to his aid.

"What the hell? Get yer ass outta here old man," a pimply faced teenager snorts.

The janitor stumbles out of the store, feeling sick. His body jerks spasmodically. Unknown to him, the radioactive goo has combined with the Zeros and Munchos and is altering his molecular structure.

He staggers into the alley and collapses into a dumpster. Later, how much later he is not sure, he is rudely awakened by a woman changing clothes. He hears the muttered phrase "Super Boobs To The Rescue" as the woman vaults from the dumpster.

His ailing mind roils with what he has seen. Being a janitor, he's not extremely smart so he adds 2 and a rotting banana peel and comes up with the idea that this woman is somehow out to get him.

He then glances down at his hands. They have transformed into massive almost plate-like appendages. He can feel the cold radiating from them as he picks up garbage from the dumpster. With massive strength coursing through his arms he reduces the garbage to the size of a Chinese Take Out Box. An evil thought crosses his fetid brain. Revenge. Revenge on the woman who has done this to him.

He will become MR. REVENGE! After a severe kick to the cerebral cortex by the narrator he changes his name to MammogramMan! Arch Enemy of Super Boobs!

Ben AKA MammogramMan! Baker


Ah. A foe. I shall run for the telephone booth in order to change and await him

See you tomorrow!
Maji
   

Unless otherwise specified, all material
Copyright 1999 by
Marijke Hildreth

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