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Family Ties Quotes


Alex: Skippy, do you remember when we were little kids and I accidently ran over you with my bicycle?
Skippy: Yeah.
Alex: I drive a car now.

Steven: If these had been pop tarts, we'd both be dead men.

Alex: There are women in need of my attention lined up all over this city.
Greg: Who are you kidding, Alex? You haven't had a date in three months.
Alex: Can you imagine what that's doing to these women?

Steven: Hey, hey, A-Alex, where you been?
Alex: Oh, we had a meeting at the debate club that ran a little long. Kept arguing over what time to stop.

Alex: Girls don't shoot ducks, Mallory. Men shoot them, dogs retrieve them, women cook them -- that's the food chain.

Jennifer: I told you to run a down and in, Skippy. You were supposed to go to the pole and stop.
Skippy: I did! I stopped when I hit the pole!

Alex: So, this is a great sorority. All girls, right?

Mallory: Here's some juice, Jeff. I squeezed the oranges myself.
Alex: You know what? That is a very nice thing to do for someone, Mallory. I'm sure he appreciates it.
Jeff: Yeah, I really do. May I squeeze something for you?

Steven: Kids are growing up too fast. Half the teenagers in America are sexually active today. I mean, what's going on with these kids today? Wait a minute. Do I sound like Alex?

Timothy: Well, Erwin, I've been explaining to Alex that a monk must take sacred vows of obedience, poverty, and chastity.
Skippy: So you mean do what you're told, always be broke, and never have a date?
Timothy: Um, hum.
Skippy: I may already be a monk and not know it.

Steven: I-I-I was having a nightmare. I dreampt I was Nick.

Steven: Elyse?
Elyse: Yes, Steven?
Steven: You know that pact we have? Always resolve all our differences before we go to sleep, never go to bed angry?
Elyse: Oh, Steven.
Steven: Well, it's off!

Elyse: Mallory, that was history in the making. There were people from every state in the union at that protest.
Alex: What were you protesting? Good grooming?

Elyse: How much sleep did you get last night?
Skippy: Nineteen hours.
Elyse: [to Alex] You see? [realizes what Skippy said] Nineteen hours?
Skippy: I came home for lunch yesterday and took a nap. I just woke up a few minutes ago.

Stock Broker: Alex, take it easy! So it's dropped 28 points.
Alex: He bought it at 29!

Alex: What? Am I a weatherman? I'm just a kid in high school!

Alex: He had such a cute walk -- one foot in front of the other. And then when he ran it was the same thing only faster.

Alex: Think what we're doing. We're taking a simple peasant girl and we're transforming her into somebody who could even have a conversation with me! 
Jennifer: I think you're gonna have to give her a little more incentive than that.
Mallory: Come on, Alex. You're getting a little too pompous even for yourself.

Alex: Good evening. Keaton Manor. Oh, Dad... I meant, in a manor of speaking, hello... Keaton.

Steven: The fat man has landed. The eagle walks alone.

Elyse: Steven, tonight you're going to get lucky.
Steven: I don't care about that Elyse, I want food!

Mallory: Alex, I told you whenever you take a message to write down who called, when they called, and what it was about.
Alex: I did. Somebody stupid called, sometime today, about something trivial.
Mallory: Alex, you know that could be *ANY* one of my friends!

Steven: Nick, when did you first become interested in art?
Nick: I don't know.
Steven: Could you expand on that?
Nick: I-I-I-I-I D-O-O-O-O-N-T K-N-O-O-O-O-W.
Steven: I see...
Mallory: Dad, don't interrupt him!
Steven: I'm sorry, Nick, what were you going to say after I-I-I-I-I D-O-O-O-O-N-T K-N-O-O-O-O-W?
Nick: I-I-I-I-I D-O-O-O-O-N-T R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R.
Steven: So, Nick, do you go to school?
Nick: No.
Steven: Could you be a little more specific?
Nick: Yeah, like, when school's on, I'm not there.

Nick: I'm sorry I'm not the type of guy you want Mallory to go out with. You know, I ain't no Charles Bronson.

Alex: All right, Mallory, Subaru me.
Mallory: It's Shihatsu.
Alex: Bless you.

Nick: How you's doin'?
Alex: We's doin' fine Nick.

Nick: A - lex
Alex: Ni - ick

Nick: A-a Alex, how's my little friend?
Alex: A-a Nick, how's my little neandrathal?

Alex: So Ellen tells me you're rich... richly deserving of many compliments, that is. 
Mr. Reed: So you're Ellen's boyfriend. 
Alex: That is correct. 
Mr. Reed: What are you a dancer, poet, communist? 
Alex: No sir, I'm against all those things. 
Mr. Reed: Well, that's refreshing. 
Alex: I stand before you as a representative of all that is decent in this country and I might add I'm very sympathtic to the upper classes. Getting back to your wealth, Ellen tells me you're a coorporate lawyer. 
Mr. Reed: That's right we deal in... 
Alex: Acquisitions, anti-trust matters, takeovers, statutory mergers. 
Mr. Reed: Are you interested in the law? 
Alex: Yes, sir... as it pertains to money.

: What did you mean when you said you weren't a woman?
Alex: I'm not. I hate to break it to you this way.

Elyse: Steven, what are you going to do? She's eighteen! What do we do? Ground her?
Steven: Oh yes, we can ground her. Ground her as she's never been grounded before. Ground her deep, ground her long, ground her hard.

Steven: Since when did he start going by Bob?
Elyse: Steven, does it really matter?
Steven: Yes it does, Elyse. I'd like to know if I'm talking to my brother Rob or Disco Bob.

Mallory: How rich?
Alex: Well, Mal, you know how much money Nick will make in his entire lifetime? I should pass him by Thrusday.

Alex: It's hard to be humble when you are going to make seventy five thousand dollars a year.
Steven: Alex, that is a lot of money, it's very impressive. But don't forget to ask yourself this question: Will it bring you fulfillment?
Alex: Dad, it'll bring it, it'll clean it, and it will have it pressed for me in the morning.

Mallory: Don't play martyr with me Alex, you used me to get out of your bet with Skippy.
Alex: I used you?! You used me first to go out with Sherry to get you into Pi Nu.
Mallory: That's only because Sherry was using me to get to you.
Alex: Exactly, Sherry used me, you used me I'm the only one who got used twice. And I wasn't even trying to get into anything...well, you know what I mean.

Amy: What are you, Pre-Law?
Skippy: No, I'm sort of pre-mature. What I mean is I haven't really found the classes I want to take.
Amy: That's ok, choosing a career is a big decision.
Skippy: No, I mean I physically can't find my classes.

Alex: Do you know what happens to boys who play with dolls? They become men who play with dolls.

Ned: What are you working on?
Mallory: Algebra.
Ned: What's the problem?
Mallory: Algebra.

Alex: What is the most exciting part of it all?
Ned: I have two secretaries.

Lady: Do you know where gate 27 is?
Alex: He doesn't speak English.
Lady: Well then maybe you know where it is.
Alex: I don't speak English either.

Ticket Man: Do you want something?
Alex: Nah...Oh yeah, there is one thing. I need an airline ticket.
Ticket Man: What a break. I happen to sell airline tickets. Where do you want to go?
Alex: What do you mean?
Ticket Man: I think the question is pretty self explanatory.

Ticket Man: Name please.
Alex: Alex Keaton. No not Alex Keaton.
Ticket Man: Not Alex Keaton?
Alex: No, Ned Donnelly...No no, not Ned Donnelly, my name is definitely not Ned Donnelly.
Ticket Man: You had less trouble picking a city. Look kid, relatively speaking, this is one of life's easier questions. What's your name?
Alex: Alfredo Gomez.

Alex: See ya' pal.
Andy: Hey, send me a picture of the first guy you step on as you climb up the corporate ladder.

The last line of the last episode of the last season of Family Ties.
Alex: I love you guys.


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