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Got a Cold?


Got a head cold? I sympathize. I've been in bed for the most part of two days with a head cold. "So what Dave" says you? Well hey, even in bed with a cold, I've learned a thing or two.

You can't drink ginger ale, out of a can, with no straw, while lying down. All you manage really is to have it dribble all over your chin, shirt and bed.

Blowing your nose while lying on your back sorta backfires on you if you don't get it *all*. 'Nuff said.

When taking Nighttime Contac, be prepared to pass out. Don't begin dinner, don't even sit in the bathroom for any prolonged period of time, or be prepared to wake up face first on the tile three hours later. Not that I did, but you know me, that would be quite the "Dave Moment"

Don't answer the phone if it happens to wake you up during your "passed out phase". First of all, you won't even remember the call, secondly, nobody understands "mphhhthmph uh huh plabert" unless they too are stoned on Contac.

Answer no questions, from *anyone*, until you are sure the effects have worn off. You may have just given your 7 year old permission to shave.

Don't watch funny movies. You'll laugh till you start coughing, and you don't stop till you choke up a lung.

These are all things I learned today. However the most important lesson I learned is rather embarrassing.

I'll tell you, because everyone has done it. Well, not the way *I* did it, but everyone has done this with kleenex.

I know what you're thinking, that's disgusting.

Everyone's had a 'drippy nose'. So you roll up a little wad of kleenex and sorta stuff it in, so you're not constantly blowing. And hey, that's ok, that's socially acceptable in your own home. I wouldn't suggest an evening at the theatre, or dancing the night away with kleenex stuffed up your nose, but in the sanctity of your own sickroom... it's ok.

I have one suggestion, if this is something you practice. Don't..... I repeat..... DON'T forget it's there. I also suggest you don't smoke while you're nostril stuffing. Especially if you forget you have one currently stuffed. Regardless of the moisture content, if you light a cigarette and draw the lighter too close, it WILL catch on fire. It will at least spark. If it doesn't burn you, it will scare you and you will be left feeling like a complete and utter fool.

Not that I would know.

Having the plague (ok so I'm over dramatizing, that's my job) sucks, but these tips ought to make it a little less uncomfortable for you.

It's ok to take nighttime Contac, it's ok to nostril stuff... just try not to let anyone on the planet know anything about it.

*sniff* *cough* *sneeze*

I'm off to get drugged up again.

 T O P

M O R E from D A V E


Unless otherwise specified, all material Copyright 2000 by Dave



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