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Austin Powers Has Taken Over My Life


Austin Powers has made a dramatic impact on my families life it seems. Not a day goes by that I don't hear something from either the first one, or the second. But the scary thing, is they use it all in the proper context.

I was scratching Lucifer's back. Even though he has about 10 backscratchers, it's always better done "The Dave Way". Or so I am told.

Mindlessly scratching away, while he wiggles, squirms, ahhhhhh's and "Yeay baby, that's the spot!" Geez.

He comes out of the bathroom after a rather long and tedious pee, staggering out while pulling up his zipper, stating "Evacuation complete". This from an 8 year old.

This is a very entertaining movie. It really is. It's quite funny... both episodes "Austin Powers" and "The Spy who Shagged me". Luckily they're not quite sure what "shag" means. I'm lucky, at least they haven't asked.

My kids always get after school snacks. For some reason, they are ravenous when they come home. And lately, it's been treats I have to either cook or warm up.

Casually pulling open the fridge, I ask what they would like.

Damian: "Try the hot pockets, they're breathtaking."

I'm considering burying the movies in my back yard.

They have pizza lunch forms that have to be signed and
returned along with $3.00 for their share of the pizza price.
I filled out the forms, and placed them and the money in
envelopes in their backpacks.

Lucifer approaches me and asks for his.
I tell him it's already in his backpack, ready to go.

Lucifer: "Throw me a fricken bone here, I'm 8, need the info!"

He's tempting fate. I'll throw him something and it won't
be a "fricken bone"!

"Yeah baby" is a regular response to "Would you like dinner?", "Was school good today" or "Did you change your underwear".

Damian, the 11 year old would state "I'm going to have a shower, time to give the undercarriage a little "hows your father". This is one that makes me wince, "undercarriage???" I don't know how or why he remembers these lines when his times tables are unfathomable to him.

The worst really, is when they try to name the characters from the movies. Felicity Shagwell I can tolerate. But Alotta Fagina? I won't have them repeating that one. They mutter, under their breath and giggle alot, but I won't have that one uttered aloud. Nor "Fat Bastard". They just call him FB for short and unfortunately can carry off his entire speech about how the size of his.... bowel movements... are larger than "mimime" This is just gross, however enjoyable to the ears of little kids.... And some big kids I suppose!

We had a wedding to go to on Saturday. I don't dress up often, but decided on a black suede skirt and a red silk top for the dance. Comfy, looks nice, a good ensemble. I made the mistake of asking their opinions.

"Shagadelic baby! YEAY!"
"Danger's your middle name!"

I miss the days of Disney.... The Lion King.... I mean, it was ok when we were eating dinner to have them say "Hmmmm slimy yet satisfying"... that was easy to take.

Damian will be a teenager in two years. Somehow I hope this Austin Powers thing will shake loose and disappear by that time. I do not want some girl's parent calling me about my son, complaining that he approached their daughter exclaiming:

"Do you I make you horny baby???"

God give me strength.

 T O P

M O R E from D A V E


Unless otherwise specified, all material Copyright 2000 by Dave



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