October 26-30

Salem, October 31,1998 Billie was able to keep anyone from finding out what was in the crate. Hope was sure she was up to no good but Roman defended her, once again proving that he missed his calling by not going to Mayberry to help Andy and Barney tackle those difficult cases involving missing chickens and cuss words on the bathroom walls of the town's movie theater.

Nicole told Eric about Taylor being her sister and said that she had kept it from him at Taylor's request. Later, she tried frantically to locate Taylor so that she could corroborate her story but as luck would have it Eric saw her first. Why is it that in Salem everyone goes around saying that the truth will always come out in the end, yet they all lie anyway? Are they all pathological liars or just plain stupid? My guess is that they are all pathologically stupid.

Lucas decided he wants to pursue a relationship with Nicole. Obviously the alcohol abuse affected his brain more than was previously thought. Why does he always get involved with conniving, mean-spirited and hard-hearted women? He must be seeking someone who resembles his dear mother.

Carrie was livid about Mike's relationship with Ali and she went as far as to tell him that he was compromising his position at the hospital. He basically told her to put a sock in it and said that he is no saint and has needs just like anyone else. Ali also had words with Carrie when she told her that she would never use her relationship with Mike to further her career at the hospital and Carrie told her she believes she is doing just that and that furthermore she is not qualified for the position. I don't think Ali deserves the job based on the fact that she asked Craig and Nancy to keep quiet about her relationship with Mike. She might as well have asked Linda Tripp the same thing.

Marlena and John had a slow week as usual, except for the fact that John groped her at the Penthouse Grill. Marlena, ever the consummate professional, moved his hand to a more appropriate spot and continued to dance without skipping a beat. I don't know about the rest of you but that scene made my week! On a more serious note she did warn him to beware that his vendetta against Stefano could have dire consequences.

Stefano, just like a child with a naughty toy, could not resist the urge to use the mood altering device on Vivian which turned her into a female version of Don Rickles and she slammed everyone at the Penthouse Grill. I was appalled at her behavior but I have to grudgingly concede that she made perfect sense when she said that Austin was a french-fry short of a Happy Meal. She did push her luck when she zeroed in on Sami who smacked her when Vivian made a crack about her ingenious way to get men into bed.

Other tidbits:

  • Taylor had to seek psychological help this week when she thought about accepting Kate's offer to be Lucas' paid companion. The therapist reminded her that she already has two other jobs and that furthermore it's not normal for people to look in the obituaries for possible job openings. Taylor's condition will be featured in next month's Journal of the American Medical Association.
  • NASA revealed this week that one of their main objectives on this week's mission will be to see if they can find some alien matter which will infuse DAYS with compelling and interesting storylines lines. I have only four words to say to that, "God speed John Glenn!"
  • Jonesey has been appearing so often lately that he asked for his own dressing room. They gave him a small cleaning closet as only his head is ever seen.
  • The Keystone Cops will be brought back and Roman has been asked to head the "Dumber than a Doornail" division.

That's all for this week.


October 19-23

Salem, October 25,1998 Greta revealed this week that not only is she Princess Gina's daughter but that she knows John from his days as a priest. I was as shocked by the news as when I heard that Paula Jones now wants money. She talked warmly about her relationship with Father John but unfortunately he could not remember her. John was elated by the thought that maybe Greta can fill in the blanks to his past but Marlena feared that she might be one of Stefano's pawns or that there may be something in John's past that might tear them apart.

John assured her that nothing would ever change his love for her. As soon as those words were uttered I could hear the collective gasp from all the John and Marlena fans.

Stefano brought Gomer and Goober, I mean Wayne and Earl back from the bayou so that they could find Greta and take her back. They went to the Pub to look for her but Bo was able to get her safely to Alice's house. Later, Stefano decided that their garbs were too conspicuous so he had Bart dress them as the Blues Brothers and sent them off to continue hunting for Greta. Little did he know that the boys had an agenda of their own to return Billie's baby to her as per Mama Earlene's instructions. I can't believe that out of all the people Stefano could have hired to do his bidding he decided Wayne and Earl were the right ones for the job. I'm beginning to think that either Stefano is beginning to lose it or the International Goon Union refuses to send him
anymore members until he stops calling them "stupid idiots."

Mike and Ali, while still in the afterglow, talked about her "qualifications" for the Head Nurse position. She thinks she can have Mike and the job. Mike seemed more concerned with keeping their relationship a secret. Meanwhile, Nancy and Craig continued their plans to have Ali appointed to the position and then hinting to the hospital board members that Mike only did it because he is sleeping with her. The board members should point out that if those hiring guidelines are good enough for the White House then they should be good enough for a small town hospital.

Nicole was quite a busy beaver this week as she mounted a campaign to get Eric back and to insure the future of her modeling career. She started with Taylor when she invited her to her apartment to try to convince her to tell Eric that it was Taylor's idea to keep familial ties a secret. Later, She told her sad story about Jay to Sami who was sympathetic and offered to intercede with Eric. Just to make sure she had covered all her bases, she later went to see Lucas and encouraged him to fight for Will. Taylor marveled at her sister's manipulation and refused to be taken in by her. Nicole was able to soften Roman after telling him that the only mistakes he and Eric are able to forgive are those made by Sami. Touché.

Sami delivered a low blow to Lucas when she sent him the guardianship papers signed by Austin and Carrie. Kate immediately mounted a counterattack and had Sami's office cleaned out and then fired her. Sami insisted that Kate was doing it out of spite and tried to pull the old blackmail routine but Kate held her ground this time. It must be hard for Kate to justify to her board of directors how she has her whole family working there yet they never show up for work.

Carrie and Austin's marriage continued on shaky ground as she thought about Mike while they were making love. Mike wasn't faring much better as he felt guilty for sleeping with Ali.

Hope went to the Kiriakis Mansion to confront Billie about why she wants Greta to leave Salem. While she was there, the coffin arrived and Billie opened it. It will be very interesting to see how Billie gets out of this one. Maybe she can blame Hope again and say that she made her forget where Georgia died.

Other tidbits:

  • Kate was asked by the Olympic committee if she would donate her hoop earrings to train young gymnasts.
  • Eric and Taylor concluded their month long conversation on honesty.
  • Greta's flashbacks show John speaking fluently in French so NBC announced that it has hired Pepe LePew to help him with his accent.
  • Kate put Austin in charge of the New Faces campaign. She had to remove him after he hired Jack Palance, Charles Bronson and Lucille.

That's all for this week.

October 12-16

Salem, October 18,1998 Stefano convinced Vivian to go to a rejuvenation clinic and to show everyone how noble he is, he sent Celeste with her. He also sent Dr. Rolf to keep an eye on them and to give Vivian a serum that will make it appear that she is totally recuperated. Dr. Rolf is such a genius at curing all woes that I wish he would come up with a serum for the writers to perk up these trite storylines.

Mike succumbed to Ali's charms and they made love. The usual three people were in the bed; Mike, Ali and of course Carrie, whom he thought of during most of the activity. Ali was on a roll that night. Not only was she able to get Mike into bed but she also got news from Craig that she is on Nurse Rose's list of possible candidates for the head nurse position. She did not tell Mike about the call, of course, as her "Kristenization" is going along splendidly.

Nicole took her Scarlet O'Hara routine ("I'll get him back.") to prison when she went to visit "Him." She showed him what Jay had done to her but "He" insisted that all he wants is for her to get him a lawyer so that he can get out of the big house. I know all this "He" stuff is pretty dumb but when was the last time a new character came to Salem and just walked up to people and introduced himself?

Lucas began his physical therapy with Taylor who can crack the whip with the best of them and kept him on his feet, literally. Later she and Eric went to a prayer meeting and the topic of discussion was forgiveness. I tell you these writers are as subtle as an ingrown toenail and just about as interesting.

Greta, Hope and Bo spent most of the week going back and forth about how she should stay in Salem because it is safer there. Little do they know that Stefano already knows that Greta is alive, so now the only way she might be safe is if she bumps John Glenn out of his seat on the shuttle.

Carrie and Austin's marriage problems didn't improve much as they can't seem to agree on anything. Carrie did accede to sign the papers that give them custody of Will but this only brought home the point that she doesn't see herself having children with Austin any time soon. In the meantime, Austin went around sounding off about how he is never going to let Lucas near Will. This is going to be harder than first thought, as Gregory Charmiane was able to get Lucas off with hardly more than a slap on the wrist.

Roman and Billie talked about picking up where they left off in Paris. Later they arrived arm in arm at the Brady Pub. Marlena seemed a little annoyed at this. I can't figure out if this is because she still has feelings for Roman or if she thinks that even Billie doesn't deserve such a sap. I'm inclined to think it's the latter.

John kept looking longingly at the picture in which he is dressed as a priest and wondered if he will ever remember. If he keeps acting so idiotically, I think Marlena herself will get him a one way ticket out of town. I haven't seen John so depressed since Marlena told him they would have to trim back their lovemaking to five times a day as it was interfering with her practice.

Sami, after being coached by Austin who in turn had been coached by Kate, decided to plead guilty to voluntary manslaughter but then decided against it. It's a good thing the District Attorney was Monty Hall and he is used to all this back and forth about which door will be chosen, I mean which plea will be entered.

Other tidbits:

  • Greta's scars kept moving around this week, which prompted the Navy to challenge AAA for her likeness on their recruiting brochure. They keep insisting one of her scars looks remarkably like an anchor. AAA held their ground about the scars looking like a road map. Judge Judy will decide the case in court.
  • Craig was disappointed when he was told that it may take a while before he can have Mike removed as C.O.S. In the meantime however, he and Nancy were given the Kinky Couple Award by the hospital staff who has to put up with their constant double entendre dialogue and public amorous displays.
  • It was revealed this week that Agent Orange was spilled by mistake in the bayou. This explains Billie's fluorescent hair since her return to town. She might keep the new look as she has been offered the leading role in an autobiographical film about Raggedy Ann.
  • The static in Roman's hair this week caused a power surge, which left Salem in darkness for several hours. Sunset Beach asked if they could use this in their show. It will be their latest destruction storyline.

That's all for this week.


October 5-9

Salem, October 11,1998 The gig was up for Nicole when Eric saw the tattoo on her derriere. She tried to explain that she was only trying to keep secret a very painful part of her past but he, a stickler for honesty in a relationship, was unmoved and announced that they should not see each other anymore. It’s too bad for Nicole that Eric was not raised in Salem and therefore did not pick up the town’s customs. If he had, he would have taken her to the Penthouse Grill to celebrate her duplicity and lack of moral content.

Billie continued dredging up her version of the past and tried unsuccessfully to make Bo think that there is no optimism for his relationship with Hope. Bo, who was enjoying one of those infrequent moments of lucidity, told her that there is no possible way they can ever be together again as he loves Hope.

Greta recognized Hope as someone who was very kind to her while she was at Maison Blanche. That place was almost as big as Marlena’s penthouse, which keeps taking in tenants without getting the least bit crowded. Greta also remembered Hope combing her hair with a silver comb. Hope asked her if she knew anything about a compact but Greta fell prey to Billie’s rigid hounding and she kept quiet. She has only been in town for a few hours and she is already keeping secrets.

Lucas sneaked in to see Will and Sami caught him. An argument ensued when she told him that she is going to give Austin full custody of Will. Lucas lost his temper and after a few nasty remarks about her lack of warmth and sexual prowess, she went for his neck. It was hard to cheer for either one of them. I couldn’t decide if I wanted the witch or the mama’s boy to win. Roman came in and broke it up but it was too late for Sami as Lucas had already decided to keep his mouth shut and let her take the fall for Franco’s death.

Ali campaigned hard for a shot at the Head Nurse position. First, she tried to seduce Mike but they were interrupted and then she helped to diagnose a patient’s ailment with facts she had read in a medical magazine. This girl isn’t wasting any time. I wonder how long it will be before she starts making Carrie look bad in Mike’s eyes.

Craig and Nancy have a new plan to get rid of Dr. Mike. They want for him to be intimate with Ali and then they plan to get her appointed as the new head nurse. That way they can accuse Mike of playing favorites. Will Mike be called to testify in front of a Grand Jury? Only time will tell.

Sami had a dream in which she saw herself shooting Franco and began to believe she really did pull the trigger. Of course, she doesn’t realize that it was Kate who planted the idea in her head. Kate was so good at reenacting the crime that she has been offered a recurring role on Matlock if the series is ever brought back to primetime.

Vivian’s mental health hit an all time low. She was so incoherent she made Farrah Fawcett look downright intellectual. She went to Marlena’s office but promptly forgot what she was there for. When Marlena tried to draw her about Stefano she made a dramatic exit into the closet and then reappeared quoting lines from "Mommie Dearest."

Austin told Carrie about Sami’s plans for them to raise Will and that bit of news went over as well the word impeachment in the Whitehouse. They also argued about her hesitancy to get pregnant. I can see her point on the pregnancy issue, as we don’t need anymore Reeds running around with total vacancy of the cranium.

Austin convinced Roman to let him tell Sami about Franco’s reason for wanting to marry her. Thank goodness she didn’t go for his throat, too.

Other tidbits:

  • Militant astronomers who were protesting her use of the constellations for her outfit accosted Celeste.
  • Billie made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for using the line, "It’s all Hope’s fault" one billion times.
  • Mike and Carrie came in close second with their lines, "Want to talk about it?" and "I don’t want to burden you with my problems."
  • Hope and Billie entered a contest to see who could squeeze her breasts into a shirt three sizes too small. It was a draw as they both succeeded.

That’s all for this week.


September 28-Ocober 2

Salem, October 4,1998 In the interest of all DAYS fans who have remained loyal to their soap even when watching it has become almost unbearable, I feel compelled to begin this week’s column with Bo and Hope’s reunion. It made me remember why I keep watching. The love, passion and undeniable chemistry are still there and intact, unfortunately the writers don’t seem apt to capture it for any rational amount of time. We were left wondering if there is still optimism for a great couple who is struggling with mediocre scripts and dialogue that would make even the most consummate actor wonder if it’s still worth going on. I will humbly get off my soapbox now.

Bo and Hope saw each other at Alice’s house and spoke about what each had uncovered in their respective quests. Bo made it clear that he wants them to continue the search together but Hope seemed uncertain as if she feared that Stefano is not quite finished with her. I don’t blame her for being wary, as that guy seems to have his hand in everything from the abrupt end of bell-bottom pants to the hole in the ozone.

Vivian’s health continued to falter after the derailment that Stefano provoked on the Empress Express. He convinced her to give her power of attorney to him but since they had given Hope a ride back to Salem on his private jet, her constant vigil prevented him from getting Vivian’s signature on the document.

Jay forced himself on Nicole but Eric came to her defense. The burning question now is whether she will be able to continue conning the gentle twin or will he finally get some of his sister’s street smarts and see that girl for the lying, manipulative little vixen she really is. I have to say that I was impressed with the emergence of Nicole’s human side but I still find this couple trite.

Lucas was on a gargantuan guilt trip for most of the week. Even Kate’s tenacity, which is only rivaled by that of Paula Jones, was unable to persuade him into thinking that railroading Sami is some sort of noble cause. Kate makes Don Quijote seem ambivalent and unfocused.

The “Kristenization” of Nurse Ali began this week when she took credit for Carrie’s idea for Mike’s birthday celebration without skipping a beat. They all headed to the Penthouse Grill and Carrie fantasized about being in Mike’s arms. Nancy and Craig schemed to get Ali to help them. Lexie and Abe wondered when they would finally be alone. And poor Austin toiled all evening trying to figure out how much gratuity they should leave as he had left his Winnie the Pooh calculator at home.

Billie worked on Greta, trying to keep her from divulging her secret about where Georgia actually died. Billie needs to realize that just because Greta was in the bayou all those years, it doesn’t mean she’s as gullible as Salem residents.

A tornado hit Bayou Dugar after Greta left and Wayne figured out that the woman Bo had told them was Hope was really Swamp Girl. Were you all as shocked, as I was to see that there is some brain activity in that head?

Maggie went to see Lucas in the hospital and told him that he must make amends to all the people he has hurt. She also told him Alice’s favorite passage from the Holy Book is “the truth shall set you free”. That particular line is omitted in Bibles sold in Salem.

Roman tracked down INS Inspector Raskin and found out about Franco’s immigration problems so he realized the real reason behind his desire to marry Sami. Did he really think Franco wanted to marry Sami because of her kind heart and sparkling personality?

Other tidbits:

  • Plastic surgeons from around the world united to put out a contract on Billie after they saw the make-up job she did on Greta.
  • Miss Manners asked Greta if she could use some of her quaint habits in her next book. She was particularly interested in the way she drank her soup and how she refused an unwanted dance request.
  • Billie’s analogy of the compact and Bo’s heart might be picked up as a movie of the week. It’s running a close second to Roman’s “Bad Cop” routine.
  • Will came out of his coma and the first words out of his mouth were, “Oh no, those two are still my parents!”

Note: If my writing seems disoriented it’s because I finally found out what a Kir Royale is and I knocked down a few.

That's all for this week.


Copyright © 1998, w3PG, inc.

LinkExchange Network