10/12/78 10/18/97 10/26/97

October 6-10

SALEM, October 12,1997 Well, here it is for you people who have lost all patience with DAYS and rightfully so. Iíll fill you in so you donít have to do all that rewinding only to fast forward it all again.

Marlena is once again torn between two lovers and an owl is hooting. (Not sure what that is all about.)

Kate has misplaced her backbone.(Itís probably with Carrieís and Austinís brains.)

Mike and Bo are trying the Salem cure for a broken heart, "If you canít be with the one you love..." well you know the rest.

John and Hope have grown gills.(There must be water everywhere on that island so John can go around shirtless.)

Sami has grown tired of pretending she is a good mother.

Jack is still jailed at the Salem Hilton.(He may not have his own key to his cell but overnight guests are welcomed).

And finally, if Stefano needs me, Iíll be happy to fly down to the jungle and help him rub out that annoying, hysterical Kristen.

October 13-17

SALEM, October 18,1997 Marlenaís turmoil continued. She loves John but her place is with Roman right now, even if he is the most boring man alive. Eric tried to comfort her but they were both overwhelmed by the horrendous script and broke down in each otherís arms.

Kristen, Hope and Stefano argued about whose fault Johnís predicament was. Hope found more clues to what she thought might be her past. (Personally, I think Stefano has an inflatable Marlena doll under the tarp.) John remained in the jungle at the mercy of those strange, torso-less natives.

Bo and Mike convinced each other that they were doing the right thing by staying with women they donít love. Bo is being swept away by Billieís vulnerability and Mike is being swept away by Debraís tight, low-cut wardrobe.

Celeste had another premonition. John was in terrible danger! Since there were no tea leaves around I wonder if she read it from the spots on her leopard print coat.

Abby had a birthday party, but Will, Brady, Belle and Phillip were not there. I guess they werenít invited or simply could not be found. Maybe Abe can put an APB out on them.
Jen and Jack continued their jailhouse rump while TC planned Jackís demise.

The Queen of Mean arrived in Rome. She promptly broke into Austinís and Carrieís room and stole Carrieís diary. She almost got caught and was forced to hide under the bed while the horny, I mean happy couple did the mattress mambo. She later disguised herself as a nun and no one noticed her blue nail polish. ( Must be a new order).

Which brings us to the honeymooners. Yes, Boinkfest 97 continued. Whatís even worse is their behavior in public. If were the Rome government, Iíd have their visas revoked.

Well, thatís it for this week.

October 20-24

SALEM, October 26,1997 The theme for the week was "settling":

Mike was willing to settle for Debra.
Bo was willing to settle for Billie.
Kristen was willing to settle for a delirious John calling out for his "Doc".

Marlena knew both the men she loved deeply were in terrible danger and she couldnít do anything about it except whine, complain and feel guilty about it.

Romanís life hung in the balance while Jacko, Wacko and Dot (Stefano, Kristen and Dr. Rolf) paced the evil laboratory, each with their own agendas.

Eric wrestled with an ethical dilemma. Should he keep his promise to his annoying father or should he spare his mother from once again trying to be Mother Teresa?

TC and Travis struggled to figure out what Jen and Jack were up to.(Do these guys share a single brain cell?).

Abbyís precociousness proved to be very dangerous for her parents. (Hasnít anyone ever told that kid that loose lips sink ships?).

Celeste and Susan provided some comic relief. After Celeste drew a map of what looked to me like Mr. Rogersí Neighborhood, they embarked on a search for little Elvisí biological dad.
The one breath of fresh air this week was John. Staying true to his love for Marlena and actually drawing the strength to survive, from it.

Oh yes, letís not forget the Odd Couple (Franco and Sami) they continued their conspiracy while Mike, Debra, Billie, Bo, Austin and Carrie acted like they were in the joke wall from the old "Laugh-In" show.(Did you see all those windows closing and opening?)

Well, thatís it for this week. Sorry the column was a little later than I hoped but we have a new addition to the family. A beagle puppy named Odie and he is keeping us all pretty busy.

Copyright © 1998, w3PG, inc.

LinkExchange Network