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JAYCEE'S WEEK IN REVIEW
February 26-March 2

SALEM, MARCH 4, 2001 The weary travelers began to trickle back to Salem. I know I have used that line before but if DAYS writers use the same storylines over and over, can't I be allowed this small indulgence? They were all able to find private jets so I guess the shortage is over.

Brandon and Sami kept focused on their plan to get Lucas and Kate to turn Will over to them. There was a small detour as Brandon dropped his towel after yet another one of his famous showers and Sami lost her composure. They almost made love but Mickey arrived and interrupted them. That Brandon may not be clean of mind but he sure is clean of body.

Austin returned and continued to be perplexed about what Sami is up to but then again Austin is perplexed as to how Tweety can keep his little wings going continuously around the dial and never gets tired. Sami again told him that Kate and Lucas framed her for Franco's murder and he said that if she could prove that to him then Kate would no longer be his mother.

Kate's plan to get Lucas out of country with Will was foiled by Sami who had them served with papers ordering Lucas to surrender Will's passport. This only pushed Lucas closer to the breaking point as he drank like Prohibition was going to be imposed again. Kate considered this a small setback but her most pressing problem was to neutralize Sami and Brandon. In fact, she mused that if she had to turn Will over in order to avoid prosecution she would. I think that the ostrich feathers in her outfit are creating a breeze that is blowing all sense and reason out of her brain.

Victor reemerged this week and you could have knocked me over with one of Kate's feathers. He was wearing a bulletproof vest and that is how he was able to escape getting killed. I'm sure he would have safe even if they had aimed at his head, as all that hairspray would have certainly made the bullet ricochet. He is now resting comfortably in Gene Driscoll's vacation home and making plans to destroy Kate.

Lexie admitted to Abe that the sketch of the woman in the lake reminded her of Marlo and she tried to get him to stop trying to find out who she was. Abe, who is under close scrutiny from the department, was unable to squelch the investigation and the sketch began to circulate. Lexie was livid and went to see daddy to ask for his help but not before she had let it slip to Hope that she is worried that the lady in the lake might be Marlo. Hope promised not to say anything to Bo and yet she almost spilled the beans as soon as he got home. Doesn't anyone in Salem subscribe to the theory that loose lips sink ships? Lexie doesn't even know the extent of her problems as her father has plans for her to leave Abe and marry John so that they can raise Isaac together.

Chloe arrived home and Nancy was very happy to see her but their usual conflict ensued when Nancy refused to reveal who is Chloe's father. Chloe said the usual hurtful things and assured Nancy that she will never love her. She must be preparing to lavish her weirdness on Phillip.

Phillip returned to the mansion and Kate tried to reconcile with him but he saw through her act. He then went to find Chloe and there was a storm brewing which must have affected them because they got all hot and bothered. Phillip told Chloe he did not want to wait any longer for them to be together and they went off.

Belle and Shawn stayed on track for most of the week as a jealous Mimi watched from afar. She is still hung up on the kiss Shawn gave her in Paris and interrogated him with a precision and tenacity that puts the prosecuting attorneys on Law and Order to shame.

Brady kept the pressure on Marlena and wasted no time in making her look bad. On the trip back home he played the martyr and John lapped it up. When John finally sought Marlena out it was to issue an ultimatum that if she doesn't accept his precious son then their marriage is in trouble. Gee, I thought their problems began when he fathered a son with Hope and then acted as all they had done was go to Burger King together. Marlena has to overlook that and must accept the fact that Brady is disrespectful and cruel. Why doesn't he just take her to Stefano so that Rolf can perform a lobotomy on her? At least that way the woman will feel no pain as she sees the man she loves become a stranger.

Other tidbits:

· The other tenants in Brandon's building started a petition to get him evicted from the building. They said they are tired of his exhibitionism and his voracious use of water.

· Hillary Clinton called Kate to congratulate her on her insatiable need for power and greed.

· Mimi was asked by congress to head up a special committee to investigate the significance of a kiss.

· Marlena appeared on Oprah to find her hidden spirit. Oprah told her to dump John and belt Brady again for good measure. You go girl!

· Roman remained in hiding as he waited for his bad haircut to grow out. It was reported that he had been confused with Beaker from the Muppets several times by Professor Honeydew.


That's all for this week.


JAYCEE'S WEEK IN REVIEW
February 19-23

SALEM, FEBRARY 25, 2001 Let me preface this week's review with an apology for its brevity. The show lost most of its punch, excuse the pun, after the smacking fest that Marlena and Kate engaged in with their respective children (I know Brady now doesn't remember but he did use to call Marlena mommy).

So here it is in condensed version.

Brady arrived in Paris with his usual obnoxious attitude and called Marlena a slut one too many times and she belted him one that knocked him off his feet. She then proceeded to throw him into a nearby wheelchair and cart him off to the waiting room where she warned him to stay quiet or she would make his life a living hell. As soon as Brady was in John's room he told him how mean Marlena was and that she had hit him. John, of course, took Brady's side and informed Marlena that whatever HIS SON does or says does not give her the right to hit him. Every time he says his son with the arrogance of a king referring to the heir to his throne I want to reach into my TV and rip his lips off. I usually do not condone violence but John and his progeny are really getting on my nerves. In any case, John had a relapse and began to cough up blood. Must be from all the crap he was talking.

Now to Kate and Lucas. Chloe, whose mouth has a knack for uttering what it shouldn't, told Lucas that Phillip was angry with Kate because of her affair with Vincent Moroni. Lucas confronted Kate about it and she hauled off and hit him across the face. I know Kate is no prize as a mother but for Lucas to judge anyone's behavior is like Zsa Zsa Gabor giving advice on marriage. By the way, whatever happened to the lump Kate discovered in her breast months ago?

Lexie and Stefano returned to Salem and were greeted by Abe who had a sketch of Marlo as the lady woman found in the lake. Lexie insisted Abe look the other way but he insisted that just because he is trigger-happy doesn't mean he's willing to tamper with evidence.

Brandon and Sami attempted to scare Kate with the tape but it takes a lot more than that to scare that cobra.

Phillip and Nicole were robbed of Victor's "ashes" while eating at what appears to be the only bistro in Paris.

Chloe's friends wondered how she could seem so detached from all the suffering around her, while Chloe wondered what Phillip was keeping from her. I just wonder why they waste my time with such dribble.

Other tidbits:

· Paris officials revealed that a contaminant, which makes parents want to beat up their children, was inadvertently dumped into the water supply.

· Kate was asked to join the Golden Gloves Of America.

· Marlena was approached by several strangers volunteering to hold Brady while she beat him up.

· The only bistro in Paris burned down and tourists were forced to eat at McDonald's.

That's all for this week.


JAYCEE'S WEEK IN REVIEW
February 12-16

SALEM, FEBRARY 18, 2001 The long awaited moment arrived and as Princess Greta received her crown she also got a little gift from that wacko, Charles. Moroni's hit men were confused as to who the other shooter was so it took them a couple of minutes to open fire on their intended victims. They were able to shoot Victor twice but Angela covered her beloved Brandon and took the bullet that was meant for him. In all the tumult they must have forgotten about Sami because she got out without a scratch. Not so fortunate were Ingrid and Mimi who got caught in the crossfire. Mimi will make it but Ingrid died at the scene. Detective Chevalier arrived and commenced the investigation. Are they kidding with that name?

The hit men got a little carried away and started shooting at everything and anyone that moved. Moroni tried to intercede when he saw the carnage but to no avail. He went looking for his bambina and found her breathing her last breaths in Brandon's arms. Sami also lurked nearby, waiting to get her hands on the tape. Kate tried to get him to give it to her but it was Angela's dying wish that he give it Sami so Brandon now has it. I bet Kate was hoping Angela would have taken a bullet in the mouth but no such luck. Moroni was devastated by his daughter's death and since he blamed himself, he did what any self respecting Mafioso would do and took his own life. Brandon was devastated also but his grief only lasted a few minutes and then he started thinking about how to use the tape to get Sami to choose him over Austin.

Kate, who was drugged by Sal, made it back to the room in time to see the entire hubbub. She called her boozer son Lucas to fill him in on the events that had taken place. They decided that their only chance would be if Victor dies, not knowing that he is already on to them and the fake codicil no longer has any legal value. Kate hightailed it to the hospital to confirm Victor's demise but was informed that he was taken to another hospital. Nicole later announced that Victor was dead. If any of you believe that, I have some oceanfront property in Nebraska you might want to purchase.

Sami and Austin ran into each other and she took off her disguise so that he could recognize her. At first he was livid with her because he thought she knew more about the shootings than she was letting on, but then he softened his position when she offered to donate blood for Greta. Poor Greta as if she doesn't have enough problems, now she has Sami's blood flowing through her veins. Will she become devious and nasty too? Sami stayed close to Austin and Greta could see she was up to her old tricks again but Austin was as clueless as poor Nicole Kidman.

When John saw what was going on he went into his mercenary doctor mode and began assisting the victims even though he too had been shot. He barked orders and was as abrasive as Drano on a porcelain basin but at least he saved lives, unlike Marlena who went around telling the injured that they were hurt and needed to remain still. I'm pretty sure that when you have a couple of slugs in your gut you are aware of it and the profuse loss of blood keeps you immobile but it's nice to have a professional around to remind you. John finally collapsed and was taken to the hospital. He had to be put on a respirator but then made one of those now famous recoveries.

During the bloodbath, Bo and Hope were sipping coffee at a bistro and so were Jen and Jack. So we at least knew they were ok. In Jack's case we would only be able to account for his physical health as it has been quite evident since his return that the guy is still crazy after all these years. Will he ever grow up? I think we have a better chance of seeing Alec Baldwin conduct a symposium on anger management.

Stefano and Chloe also strolled over to the bistro and listened to opera while people were dying. The Gruesome Twosome excused their behavior by saying that they would not be welcomed at the hospital. I can understand Stefano saying that as he has managed to alienate most of the Western Hemisphere but you'd think Chloe would want to be with Phillip. That girl is as predictable as an avalanche and sometimes, just as pleasant.

Shawn and Belle were inseparable and they prayed together in the hospital chapel. I'm sure that surge of goodwill won't last for long as Mimi's first words out of her mouth were that she expects another kiss from Shawn. He had offered the kiss to her while she was unconscious. That girl has a keener sense of hearing than a beagle.

Back in Salem: Brady saw Abe and Roman in Salem Place and went over to harass them. During the course of the argument, Roman let it slip that John had been hurt in the massacre. I'm sure "Bratty" will be on the next flight to Paris. Hattie and Rolf talked about her plans when she takes over Marlena's life. She wants to divorce John and marry Roman. Isn't that what Marlena did but in reverse?

Other tidbits:

· Lexie was honored by the International Red Cross for being able to help so many injured people without removing her humongous jewelry.

· Marlena was honored by the Redundantly Pointless Society for telling people what they already know. Way to go, Doc.

· Greta was overcome with an irresistible urge to ruin people's lives.

· Victor had to convince his doctors that he wasn't dead; he just doesn't have any facial expressions.

· John needed a blood transfusion but they were unable to locate Superman.

· Paris authorities politely asked all Salemites to please leave their city as soon as possible and never come back.

· Detective Chevalier announced that the investigation would have to be halted until he sang, "Thank Heaven for Little Girls".


That's all for this week.


JAYCEE'S WEEK IN REVIEW
January 29-February 2

SALEM, FEBRARY 4, 2001 As Austin and the soon to be Princess Greta got closer, the endless preparations for the coronation continued. The highlight is sure to be all the mob hits that are scheduled to take place. Ingrid and Lilli pushed hard to make sure that Greta got her prince of pure heart and empty head. Kate joined in and even suggested to Austin that he propose to Greta before the coronation. Austin reminded her that he is still very committed to saving his relationship with Sami. I personally think that he is the one that should be committed, but that's another matter. Charles also lurked around, vowing revenge on Greta for dismissing him after he terrified her and tried to get her and Austin killed on various occasions. What did he expect? That she would recommend him for knighthood?

After Angela was unable to convince her father to give her the tape, Sami walked in and pointed a gun at him while demanding that he do just that. Moroni called her bluff, as he knew she would not shoot. Sami collapsed into Moroni's arms and he offered to help her get Will back. She told him Kate would never allow that and stormed off. When she later ran into Phillip, her thoughts of revenge went into overdrive and she sent him over there hoping he would find Kate in a compromising position. Phillip walked into the townhouse and saw his mother with Moroni. Question: Don't they have door locks in Paris? At some point, I'm not exactly sure when, Moroni decided that Sami was a liability and ordered that she be killed along with Victor. Later when his hit man informed him that he had overheard Sami and Brandon talking and that they had feelings for each other, Moroni added Brandon's name to the hit list. Are you all keeping up with this? The coronation is going to look more like a Francis Ford Coppola movie than the crowning of a princess.

Alice Horton celebrated another birthday and proved that she has no intention of slowing down. First, she told Jen that she would not be able to attend the coronation and convinced her to go in her place. Then she found out Jack's whereabouts and planned to have them "run into each other" in the city of lights. It's obvious the old girl has not lost her touch. I say, more power to her.

John and Marlena tried to have a romantic time in Paris but it was difficult. When it wasn't Bo and Hope going on incessantly about JT and how they are the perfect family, Brady and his antics would inevitably work himself into the conversation. His plans to sue Abe and Roman did not sit well with Marlena and she warned John that such a suit would tear their family apart because the Bradys and the Blacks are so intertwined. He insisted that he must back his son. Way to go John, sue a Brady after Shawn and Caroline continued to welcome you into their home even after you had wrecked their son's marriage. You would think that out of deference and gratitude for them he could tell his bratty, ill guided son to put a sock in it and show a little respect. But the idea that Roman is still in love with Marlena is stuck in his craw so he doesn't care who gets hurt. This father/son team is becoming as palatable as castor oil. Oh and by the way, someone needs to tell Brady that Marlena has no need for John to love her like he loved Isabella as that love faded only weeks after her death when he started pursuing Marlena.

Victor and Nicole planned to get revenge on Kate. It was very droll to see Kiriakis tell Phillip how he was devastated that Kate had taken up with Moroni while he conveniently made no mention of his own indiscretion with Nicole, a woman more that half his age and his stepson's ex-wife. Never mind that she was still Lucas' wife when they first made whoopee. He played the victim so well that he actually believes it himself and goes around wielding his righteous indignation like a sword of integrity. The man must be getting senile as he forgets what a jackass he has been for months and how he instructed his lawyer to make sure he could disassociate himself from the woman who stuck by him for years as he recuperated from his stroke. It must be all the Viagra he is ingesting. Ironically, Kate tried to persuade Moroni to call off the hit on Victor, as she was afraid of what it would do to Phillip if he lost his dad after learning that he has a slutty mom. How much can that poor boy take?

Lexie contemplated the possibility that she might leave some things behind in order to keep Isaac. One of those things might be Abe. While she has a problem with being called a Dimera, she appears to have no problem with acting like one. In the meantime Rolf and Bart dissolved Marlo's body in acid. While stirring the brew Rolf let it slip that he has a thing for Hattie. Too bad Hattie is head over heels over Roman, so much so that she called Rolf to move up the final touches of her surgery so that she can take over Marlena's life.

In teenybopper land: Shawn showed Belle how he can be as debonair as the French by kissing a willing Mimi. Phillip clung to Chloe as his world careened out of control. He told her what he saw at Moroni's townhouse and she comforted him.

Other tidbits:

· Vincent put out a hit on the carpenter that installed his front door.

· After everyone from Salem ate at the same bistro it was revealed that they were all enticed by the waiters' bad accents.

· John and Brady were both invited to go on the show Survivor so that they could instruct the others in how so be as cutthroat as Rich.

· Marlena, John and Roman were invited to Temptation Island but Doc was confused as to who would be the injured party if she slept with both men.

· After seeing the behavior of Salemites this week, the French once again reaffirmed their dislike of Americans.

That's all for this week.


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