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January 29-February 2

SALEM, FEBRARY 4, 2001 As Austin and the soon to be Princess Greta got closer, the endless preparations for the coronation continued. The highlight is sure to be all the mob hits that are scheduled to take place. Ingrid and Lilli pushed hard to make sure that Greta got her prince of pure heart and empty head. Kate joined in and even suggested to Austin that he propose to Greta before the coronation. Austin reminded her that he is still very committed to saving his relationship with Sami. I personally think that he is the one that should be committed, but that's another matter. Charles also lurked around, vowing revenge on Greta for dismissing him after he terrified her and tried to get her and Austin killed on various occasions. What did he expect? That she would recommend him for knighthood?

After Angela was unable to convince her father to give her the tape, Sami walked in and pointed a gun at him while demanding that he do just that. Moroni called her bluff, as he knew she would not shoot. Sami collapsed into Moroni's arms and he offered to help her get Will back. She told him Kate would never allow that and stormed off. When she later ran into Phillip, her thoughts of revenge went into overdrive and she sent him over there hoping he would find Kate in a compromising position. Phillip walked into the townhouse and saw his mother with Moroni. Question: Don't they have door locks in Paris? At some point, I'm not exactly sure when, Moroni decided that Sami was a liability and ordered that she be killed along with Victor. Later when his hit man informed him that he had overheard Sami and Brandon talking and that they had feelings for each other, Moroni added Brandon's name to the hit list. Are you all keeping up with this? The coronation is going to look more like a Francis Ford Coppola movie than the crowning of a princess.

Alice Horton celebrated another birthday and proved that she has no intention of slowing down. First, she told Jen that she would not be able to attend the coronation and convinced her to go in her place. Then she found out Jack's whereabouts and planned to have them "run into each other" in the city of lights. It's obvious the old girl has not lost her touch. I say, more power to her.

John and Marlena tried to have a romantic time in Paris but it was difficult. When it wasn't Bo and Hope going on incessantly about JT and how they are the perfect family, Brady and his antics would inevitably work himself into the conversation. His plans to sue Abe and Roman did not sit well with Marlena and she warned John that such a suit would tear their family apart because the Bradys and the Blacks are so intertwined. He insisted that he must back his son. Way to go John, sue a Brady after Shawn and Caroline continued to welcome you into their home even after you had wrecked their son's marriage. You would think that out of deference and gratitude for them he could tell his bratty, ill guided son to put a sock in it and show a little respect. But the idea that Roman is still in love with Marlena is stuck in his craw so he doesn't care who gets hurt. This father/son team is becoming as palatable as castor oil. Oh and by the way, someone needs to tell Brady that Marlena has no need for John to love her like he loved Isabella as that love faded only weeks after her death when he started pursuing Marlena.

Victor and Nicole planned to get revenge on Kate. It was very droll to see Kiriakis tell Phillip how he was devastated that Kate had taken up with Moroni while he conveniently made no mention of his own indiscretion with Nicole, a woman more that half his age and his stepson's ex-wife. Never mind that she was still Lucas' wife when they first made whoopee. He played the victim so well that he actually believes it himself and goes around wielding his righteous indignation like a sword of integrity. The man must be getting senile as he forgets what a jackass he has been for months and how he instructed his lawyer to make sure he could disassociate himself from the woman who stuck by him for years as he recuperated from his stroke. It must be all the Viagra he is ingesting. Ironically, Kate tried to persuade Moroni to call off the hit on Victor, as she was afraid of what it would do to Phillip if he lost his dad after learning that he has a slutty mom. How much can that poor boy take?

Lexie contemplated the possibility that she might leave some things behind in order to keep Isaac. One of those things might be Abe. While she has a problem with being called a Dimera, she appears to have no problem with acting like one. In the meantime Rolf and Bart dissolved Marlo's body in acid. While stirring the brew Rolf let it slip that he has a thing for Hattie. Too bad Hattie is head over heels over Roman, so much so that she called Rolf to move up the final touches of her surgery so that she can take over Marlena's life.

In teenybopper land: Shawn showed Belle how he can be as debonair as the French by kissing a willing Mimi. Phillip clung to Chloe as his world careened out of control. He told her what he saw at Moroni's townhouse and she comforted him.

Other tidbits:

· Vincent put out a hit on the carpenter that installed his front door.

· After everyone from Salem ate at the same bistro it was revealed that they were all enticed by the waiters' bad accents.

· John and Brady were both invited to go on the show Survivor so that they could instruct the others in how so be as cutthroat as Rich.

· Marlena, John and Roman were invited to Temptation Island but Doc was confused as to who would be the injured party if she slept with both men.

· After seeing the behavior of Salemites this week, the French once again reaffirmed their dislike of Americans.

That's all for this week.

January 15-19

SALEM, JANUARY 21, 2001 Bo and Hope got good news from JT's doctor. It seems that now he may not have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome after all. His recovery has been so incredible that they now think the holes in his heart may have been because of a congenital condition. The doctor said that further tests were necessary. Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't they already confirm that he had FAS? Silly me, I should have known that the writers would not be able to handle having someone with a permanent medical condition as opposed to all those miraculously short bouts of paralysis, blindness and amnesia they are always so apt to dispense.

Lexie continued her battle of good versus evil with evil winning. Her fear of losing Isaac supersedes all prior ethics or morals so we are in for another Kristen who went from being a kind, sensitive social worker to a conniving, heartless witch in a matter of months. She did object to Stefano's idea that they use sulfuric acid on what's left of the body so that it will be impossible to identify. She said she didn't want her son's mother to be a science experiment. Such qualms would have been more useful when she found Marlo's body at the bottom of the stairs and she allowed daddy to take care of things. In any event, her worries are far from over as the Salem PD has decided to go full speed ahead with the case of the Lady in the Lake.

Hattie, who almost blew her cover when she saw Roman with Marlena was summoned to the Dimera Mansion so that Stefano could see her and start training her to take over Marlena's life. When she arrived with Rolf she saw the corpse and created quite a ruckus.

Austin and Greta went to Naples to visit an orphanage. Little did they know that Sami was so near. By week's end they all converged at Moroni's restaurant and though Brandon and Sami were able to make a quick getaway one of the chatty waiters let it slip that there had been many visitors from Salem lately, one of them being Sami. Austin was justifiably upset about Sami's return to her old ways and decided to stay and be close to Greta for her coronation.

Angela decided, for the umpteenth time to move up the wedding and wanted Moroni to let her marry Brandon that same day. He told her that was impossible, as they would be leaving for Paris for Greta's coronation.

Marlena decided to give up her practice but John convinced her to give herself three months leave instead. He told her their love would get them through their difficulties. He also spewed other pearls of wisdom such as, "Love is the greatest power" and "Today is a brand new day." That guy should be writing for Hallmark. Unfortunately, all his pretty words aren't getting his wife or his son the help they desperately need. Oh well, "There is no worse blindness than for he who chooses not to see."

Brady's reign of terror continued as he convinced John that they should sue Roman for his part in the shooting. He worked on John's insecurities and told him that Roman is disrespecting him by blatantly going after his wife. Marlena overheard this and told John that he is letting Brady manipulate him. They argued and she went to see Roman to warn him. Why doesn't John just place Marlena on a silver platter and give her to Roman?

Kate and Moroni signed papers sealing their deal. I wasn't aware that you could draw up a legal binding contract when you are conspiring to kill someone. Victor and Nicole were taking care of business of their own in Mexico. Nicole got her divorce and Victor announced that he was returning to Kate. An earthquake interrupted their conversation and a bookcase fell on Nicole. Since they say only the good die young, I'm sure she will escape unscathed.

In Teeny Bopper Land: Chloe and Brady continued their fighting. Phillip gave Chloe his varsity jacket and followed her around like a lovesick puppy. Jan advised Mimi to sleep with Shawn to get him away from Belle. Were all these kids dropped on their heads when they were babies?

Other tidbits:

· Chloe doused Phillip with Downy to see if he would become less clingy.

· Austin announced that he would dress up as Gumby for Greta's coronation. Ingrid informed him that it was a coronation not Claymation.

· President Bush was excluded from the list of guests for Greta's coronation because he could not find Paris on a map.

· Someone put axle grease on the tips of Brady's crutches.

That's all for this week.

January 8-12

SALEM, JANUARY 14, 2001 Greta and Austin partook in the events leading up to her coronation. He escorted her as she was introduced to Paris high society. It was nice to see them in a normal setting. They danced on a terrace and enjoyed a fireworks display, which at first I thought might be in honor of New Year's Eve, but there was no mention of the holiday. Charles reappeared to beg for Greta's forgiveness and to ask to let him stay at the castle. She told him he would receive his pension but banished him from the castle. I hope things pick up for her coronation because so far phase two of her challenge is as exciting as dew on a rat's ass.

Lexie went to see Stefano and told him about the discovery of the body in the canal behind Bo and Hope's house. They put two and two together and he promised her that Marlo's body would be disposed of. He sent Bart and Rolf to take care of things. The usual high jinks ensued as they stole the body from the morgue. Bart had to pose as a corpse, which is not such a departure for him as he is partially brain dead. Lexie spent the rest of the week fretting about how she could get the Salem PD to drop the case and wondering if she has become a true Dimera. No Lexie you are not a true Dimera and Charles Manson had nothing to do with the Tate-LaBianca murders.

Roman was in the hot seat with the police commissioner for his handling of the Brady Black case. Abe, who is now back on the force, stood up for his friend but the commissioner still wrung him out, telling him he should have removed himself from the case, as Brady is his ex-wife's stepson. Roman stuck to his guns and insisted he would have followed the same procedure had it been anyone else. He neglected to mention that if Brady would have gone to trial and had been found guilty he was going to let Marlena administer the lethal injection.

Angela called Brandon and asked him to come to Naples with Sami so that they could begin wedding preparations. Brandon accepted and he and Sami flew over in first-class. Where does he get all that money and how can he and Sami get so much time off at the hospital? Kate also flew to Italy to get Vincent to turn the tape over to her. She plans to use her feminine guiles to get what she wants which is the tape and for Moroni to bump Victor off for her. So Vincent better get that angioplasty done right away so that he can start taking the massive doses of Viagra he is going to need to handle that minx.

Speaking of Viagra, Victor let Nicole invite herself on the trip to Mexico. He was salivating at the thought of the sexual romp before them. There's another one who is playing with fire. If Nicole's sex kitten act doesn't get him, Kate's plan for revenge will. He better put his "family jewels" in a lockbox because in either case they are in danger.

John ran into Jen and they talked about their lives. No details were given on either side but it was evident that trust had been broken in their respective relationships. They decided to walk over to Salem Place and there they saw Marlena with Roman and John went ballistic. In spite of his little scene he was able to convince Marlena to return home with him. Once they got there, Brady and Marlena spoke alone for the first time since the accident. It was clear that he has no interest in trying to get along with her and plans to use psychological warfare to destroy what is left of her sanity. Marlena told John that Brady is still after her but he assured her all would work out. Doesn't this man see that his wife's world has collapsed and she is trying desperately to remain standing amid the rubble? Whatever happened to all that intuition he used to have when it came to Marlena? Now, he is as tuned in to her as Calixta Flockhart must be to full figured women.

Now for the young'ums: Chloe and Brady fought because he insists on knocking her singing ability. Phillip was jealous of Chloe's intensity when she fights with Brady. Shawn told Phillip that they are too young to get serious about girls. I know you all await this section of the review with bated breath.

Other tidbits:

· The Vatican issued a statement saying that it cannot condone having so many evil people in the Holy Land all at once.

· Shawn and Phillip decided to start dating each other as the girls are giving them too many problems.

· Victor was hospitalized in Mexico with a rare condition known as, Impossible Dream Syndrome.

· John was honored by the American Psychological Association for his uncanny way of trying to solve all problems by uttering meaningless clichés.

That's all for this week.

January 1-5

SALEM, JANUARY 7, 2001 Bo and Hope's wedding reception continued as a grim discovery was made by Shawn out on the lake. A body, Marlo's I'm sure, floated up underneath the ice holding the famous can with the Sanskrit on it. What ever happened to that storyline, anyway? But I digress. Abe and a hysterical Lexie also witnessed the find. While no one had an idea of who the corpse might be, the illustrious Dr. Carver had a pretty good idea. It's too bad she doesn't have such good instincts when it comes to discerning babies' lineage, as this whole Isaac/JT paternity thing would have been resolved. The coroner confirmed that it was indeed a female corpse and the "Lady in the Lake" saga commenced. JT will probably be in college by the time he learns that is his mom they found. Bo and Hope still found time to partake of the usual wedding traditions with a couple of exceptions: Hope decided to give her bouquet to Alice instead of throwing it at random and Shawn revealed that the couple was already married.

Vincent Moroni suffered a heart attack and decided to go back to Italy with Angela. Brandon assured her that as soon as the time was right he would fly to Naples and they would marry. Never mind the fact that he had proposed to Sami the night before and had been eyeing Jennifer all week at the hospital. How many women is this guy going to make a play for? His lustiness makes Bill Clinton look like a choirboy. Before Angela left she told Sami that she retrieved the tape from Vincent and that she'll get it as soon as she and Brandon get married. I am as sick of hearing about that tape as I am of Raid commercials at dinnertime.

As Victor prepared to fly down to Mexico, to assess the damage to one of Titan's printing plants as a result of an earthquake, Kate decided that it was time she secured her future. She put the codicil in with some papers and got him to sign it. Now all she has to do is get Victor rubbed out and she will inherit everything. The fly in the ointment here is Nicole, who is determined to get Victor's money herself and she certainly made no secret of it this week as she paraded around in outfits she must have bought at Victoria's Secret career suits department. Her ensembles included a red backless shirt with ostrich feather cuffs and a halter-top under a pantsuit. Why not go to work in her underwear and be done with it? All this ammunition was used to get Victor to take her to Mexico so that she can get a quickie divorce from Lucas. She told Victor she could be his translator. Gee, all that fashion sense and bilingual too. That girl is a gem.

Bo and Hope spent their wedding night as only they can: Dancing a choreographed version of Tonight I Celebrate My Love. Fred and Ginger would have been proud but I personally thought it was a bit much. Hope did say that she was a little nervous and maybe he was trying to get her to relax but couldn't he just use alcohol and candles like everyone else? Anyway, it was nice to see them so happy. It won't be for long though, as Bo uttered those famous words we all have learned to fear, "Our love will last forever". I'm guessing the marriage will fall apart by spring.

John went to see Marlena at the Salem Inn to ask her again to return to the penthouse. This time she finally opened up about some the threats Brady has been making to her and John was furious with his Golden Boy. He stormed out, determined to have it out with Brady. He must have cooled down on the way home as he found time to get a haircut. When confronted by John, Brady lied and said Marlena was twisting his words so that she can play the victim. He would know all about that as that is all he has done since he waltzed into town.

Austin was slayed by the Creature from the Black Lagoon but Greta was able to heal his wound with her touch. They were transported back to the castle to embark on phase 2 of their challenge. Please no more. I'll mortgage my house to help those orphans if they just promise to coronate Greta and send her home with Austin as soon as possible. Austin did finally reach Sami but she was so embroiled in her scheme to get the tape from Angela that she blew him off.

And now for those ever entertaining teens. Shawn and Belle almost kissed about twenty times. Jan and Mimi broke into the girls' locker room and installed a camera near the showers to film Chloe in the buff. Chloe was skeptical of the endurance of her relationship with Phillip. Maybe if he had gone with the traditional Christmas gift instead of that sappy poem he wrote for her maybe he'd have a better chance. I have a poem for him:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Stop being a wiener
And learn how to woo

Other tidbits:

Austin was asked to co-star in Gladiator 2. He'll play the dummy Russell Crowe practices on.

Nicole was promoted to Vice-President in charge of seduction at Titan.

Kate had to return her suit to the Joker.

DAYS fans around the country cheered as a stranger took the tape from Angela, threw it on the floor and stomped on it until it was mush. Ok, that was just a dream I had.

That's all for this week.


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