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Jaycee's Week in Review

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November 20-24

SALEM, NOVEMBER 26, 2000 After Angela confronted Sami and Brandon and told them that the tape they had gone to so much trouble to secure was blank, they were able to convince her that Sami had coerced Brandon into helping her but that he loved Angela and wanted nothing but to make love to her right there in a public place. We were very grateful when they decided to move their little Love Is A Many Splendored Thing scene to the privacy of Brandon's apartment. Poor Brandon had to give himself to Angela to try to secure the tape for Sami. What a guy.

Brady stayed one step ahead of the Salem PD and had as many adventures out on the road as the guy from the old show, "The Hitchhiker". He first encountered a Lynda Carter look alike and then a Ma Barker look alike by the name of Ethel, who pulled a gun on him and demanded he "put out". He had to jump out of the car and came face to face with a rattlesnake. If I were he, I would take my chances with the rattler as I think it would be less painful. That Ethel looked like she meant business.

Nicole called in Mickey to tell him how they are going to handle all the offers she has been getting from Titan rivals. She wants all the offers to go through Victor so he will know she's being courted. Mickey balked but then gave in to her demands. Why is Mickey her lackey now? Maggie must have racked up a lot of debt at Tuscany and he is desperate for clients.

Sami and Nicole got together and decided to play a game of tag bitch at the Kiriakis Thanksgiving celebration. Let's just call it a dinner, as we all know nothing ever gets celebrated there because of the bad aura that permeates that place. They enjoyed putting everyone either ill at ease or on the defensive. Lucas was the easiest mark and for a minute it looked like he was ready to confess to everything from the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby to the reemergence of bellbottom pants.

Annie kicked the bucket on the high seas but not before she got another call from Declan reminding her where her loyalties should lie. The old girl popped a few more of her heart pills, made a hole on the boat's floor and conveniently keeled over. Bo and Jen gave her a funeral at sea and then saw they were taking in water. They didn't have to speculate long as to how they had gotten in that predicament as Annie left the manual drill lying around for them to see. They realized she had been deceiving them all along and wondered how long it would be before they would join her in her watery grave. Too bad Annie didn't make it back to Salem with Bo and Jen as she would have made it big in the Treachery Capital of the world.

Hope pressured Marlena into talking about what happened between her and John. Marlena felt uneasy but Hope pressed on, insisting that Marlena be honest about her feelings. Nothing much was resolved except that Hope got Marlena to agree not to tell Bo the truth about Johnny's paternity. Keep in mind that this woman is a psychiatrist and has seen first hand the disastrous effects that lying can have on a relationship.

Marlena, who was spiraling out of control for much of the week, walked out of her radio show, giving Nancy the opportunity she had been waiting for to take over. And take over she did. She made Morton Downey Jr. look like Mother Theresa. She was cruel, heartless and downright mean to the callers. They loved her, of course and she began to lay down the groundwork to take over the show permanently. I don't mean to rant on about how callous she was, but Al Gore asked her to head up his committee to get Katherine Harris.

Phillip confronted Victor about the way he has been treating Kate. His words must have struck a chord because Victor went up and announced to Kate that they had waited long enough and that he wanted her. He certainly has the gift of gab, doesn't he?

Kate kept feeling the lump in her breast but was too afraid to do anything about it except look at herself in the mirror.

Hattie had her nose job but when she hurt her new honker she ended up at the ER and who but Marlena would saunter by. She was of course taken aback by the presence of Hattie and demanded to know why she had her nose reconstructed. The answer to that seems pretty obvious as the last time I saw a "schnozola" like that it had an aardvark attached to it.

Belle, with a full head of hair, left the hospital looking fit as a fiddle. Her recovery can be rivaled only by Johnny's incredible recovery from surgery and death.

Other tidbits:

· Hope took out an ad in the Salem Spectator asking all the residents in Salem to keep her secret about Johnny's paternity.

· Nancy will have her own radio show based on the premise that people enjoy being humiliated on the air.

· All the mirrors in the Kiriakis Mansion refused to let Kate see her reflection in them until she makes an appointment with her doctor.

· Victor was asked to write the concession speech for whoever loses the presidential election. George W. Bush later stated that in the event that he loses, he would rather write his concession speech himself as he is sure he can come up with something more elaborate than, "I lost."

That's all for this week.

November 13-17

SALEM, NOVEMBER 19, 2000 Austin, with a haircut, and Greta returned to the castle when she became ill. Charles informed them that they did not have to go back to the Garden in order for her to receive her inheritance and title of princess. They would, however, have to relinquish the extra money, which was earmarked for the orphanage, and he would get the money. Greta refused to allow that and they went back to the Garden of Insignificance. Why doesn't she just use the money from her huge inheritance? Maybe we'll see the word "Avarice" on the next card they receive.

Victor was rejuvenated after his tryst with Nicole. He called his attorney to see how he can get rid of Lucas and Kate. Those two were conducting their own strategic meeting to figure out how they can get Victor to sign a codicil to his will and then conveniently keel over and cash in his chips.

Nicole spilled the beans to Lucas about the real reason she became Mrs. Lucas Roberts. A shocked Kate looked on and then sonny boy went berserk and tried to strangle mommy. In the end, they both realized that they have no choice but to try to navigate the stormy seas together and they made up. On a more serious note, Kate found a lump in her breast.

Speaking of stormy seas, Bo, Jen and Abby found themselves in the middle of a raging storm on Annie's boat. The old gal, who has a heart condition, may not be as wonderful as previously thought. She received a call from Declan urging her to return Bo and Jen to Ireland. She refused but started making that face that everyone on DAYS makes when they are supposed to be good but really aren't. It resembles the face Sylvester makes every time Granny is out of the room and he is alone with Tweety.

Angela told Sami that the tape was in a train station locker and the key was in her purse. She told her she would get it once she and Brandon were married. Of course, that was not soon enough for Sami so she and Brandon put together a plan reminiscent of something from the old show, Mission Impossible and they were able to get the purse away from her long enough to make a copy of the key. Unfortunately, the Neapolitan canoli is not as dumb as she looks and acts and it was all a part of a test she had prepared for Brandon and Sami. As she looked from afar at their treachery, she vowed to tell papa all, and have him deal with them. Their goose is as cooked as all those turkeys will be on Thursday.

Abe and Faye saw each other at the diner and he told her that she should tell Brandon that they know each other. Just then Brandon, who was meeting Sami there, saw them and tried to attack Abe. The police commander tried to get Brandon to cool down but he was defiant so he called for backup. Faye and Sami interceded so that Brandon wouldn't get his butt hauled off to jail. Even then, when Abe tried to call a truce Brandon would have nothing to do with him and warned his mother that she must choose between them.

A warrant was issued for Brady's arrest, and Roman pursued him with a burst of energy I haven't seen since Billie left town. Chloe found Brady behind a dumpster after he was mugged and attempted to take him to the emergency room but he took off with her bike instead. He later called Super John who helped him evade the police and took him to a shabby motel. With all his money, you would think he could come up with a safer plan rather than to make his son a fugitive from the law. Why doesn't he just get a bunch of expensive lawyers? He has to come down to Florida though, as they are all here.

John found Hope crying in the chapel. He explained to her that things were not as bad as she thought, for Stefano is not Johnny's father, he is. Hope failed to see the silver lining in that and she begged him to keep the secret and get Marlena to do the same. She thinks that if Bo knows John made love to her, he will always wonder if he wants to do it again. She must be a real dynamo in bed and men never get over her. Either that or she stinks in bed but has an over-inflated ego. Only Bo, John and Stefano would be able to answer that question. In any case, at least Johnny seems to have turned the corner and will be leaving the hospital very soon.

Belle was brought out of her coma and she remembered nothing about the accident. I was as surprised about that as when George W. Bush got snippy with Al Gore for recanting his concession. Marlena tried to call John to tell him his daughter would awaken soon but he was too busy playing fugitive with Brady. On her side, she was too enthralled with the thought of putting Brady behind bars to be willing to listen to any other theories about what happened on the railroad tracks that fateful night. Those two have a major communication problem they need to address. It will probably be hard for Marlena to get through to John as he was confused as to who the Salem PD was looking for and lurked in the halls of the hospital like the Phantom of the Opera. Relax John, it's Brady they want to arrest not you. Although, now they could charge you with aiding and abetting.

In Hormonesville, Phillip was confused about Chloe's erratic behavior every time they get close and Chloe was bewildered about what she feels every time she and Phillip kiss. I'm baffled as to why we have to be subjected to this storyline about raging hormones. We have enough problems with the amount of times John feels his oats and how many women he feels obligated to impregnate while being himself or Stefano's pawn.

Other tidbits:

· An election was held to see whether John or Roman should get Marlena and Roman lost. He immediately filed a lawsuit demanding a manual recount and insisted that all the votes meant for John be given to him citing as precedence the case of Gore v. Chads and the State of Florida.

· Victor visited his doctor, as he was sure that the aging process in his body had regressed at least 50% as a result of Nicole's dexterity. The doctor informed him that it was just a role in the hay and not a walk on the moon.

· Nicole, who is now contemplating a career in politics, began an affair with Strom Thurmond, the oldest member of the U.S. Senate. When the ninety-eight year-old senator was asked about the impropriety of their relationship he responded, "Well, if she dies, she dies."

· Lucas will be leaving DAYS to star in his own show called, Clueless Lucas. At the end of each episode they will show a montage of slides showing all the stupid expressions he uses when someone pulls the wool over his eyes. There must be enough slides there to keep the show going longer than Gunsmoke.

· Marlena will sit in for Judge Judy while the abrasive adjudicator is on vacation. The producers of the show defended their decision of hiring someone who has no judicial background by saying she is just as adamant in her belief that only she has a handle on what is right and fair in any given situation.

· John climbed on to the roof of the Penthouse Grill and yelled at the top of his lungs, "You'll never catch me alive, coppers!" Doctors from a nearby psychiatric hospital were called in to assure him that it's Brady they are after and not him. Marlena donned a disguise and quietly left town.

Happy Thanksgiving.

That's all for this week.

November 6-10

SALEM, NOVEMBER 12, 2000 Days Of Our Lives celebrated their 35th anniversary this week. We were treated to a few worthwhile flashbacks that only made us more despondent about what has happened to our favorite daytime drama. With that stated, let us move on to the review.

Bo and Jen pretending to be a married couple made it into Stefano's factory in Ireland, the Happy Clover. Now that's original. Why not, the Smiling Leprechaun or the Singing Bagpipe? In any case, as soon as Jen, who was supposed to be there for a job interview, mentioned the Bradys all hell broke loose. They held Bo, who was outside poking around, at gunpoint and they tried to stop Jen from leaving. She was able to get the car started and Bo created a diversion by making a run for it. When the factory goons shot at him, he went down like he was hit. He then motioned Jen to step on the gas pedal and ram the car toward them so that he could grab on to the bottom of the car and they sped off. Later, Ian, who told them to leave Ireland as soon as possible, came to their rescue and they were able to get Abby and leave. This was all very impressive but Bo has a sick child at home and a wife who asked him to return and her request fell on deaf ears, so you'll have to excuse me if I still think that Bo is an oaf.

After dinner at Tuscany, Victor and Nicole did the nasty in the limo. Those two really hit an all time low. What about Victor's professed love for Kate? She should have gotten it on with Nicholas when she had the chance. I'm sure Victor will try to pass off his little tryst with Nicole as a assessment of his working parts and say that they must be tested from time to time just like the emergency broadcast system.

Stefano pushed Rolf to finish up his work on Hattie because he needs Marlena out of the way as soon as possible. He also announced that he would like to run for office in Salem. I don't think they have a post for town villain but I am sure he will come up with something. I say if he wants a sure win all he has to do is move to West Palm Beach. Put some arrows on the ballot and those folks will vote for anyone. While he was berating Rolf, he received a call from one of his henchmen in Ireland informing him that Bo was there and he ordered that they get rid of him.

Hattie agreed to let Rolf give her a nose job. Of course, that will only be a drop in the ugly bucket but at least, it's a start.

Things between Phillip and Chloe heated up but when she told him they should cool it, he got mad and stomped off. The poor kid must have felt bad that his old man is getting more action than he is. During their conversation they both realized that the young man Chloe has encountered at the pier must be Brady. She was intrigued.

Sami and Angela sparred at Tuscany about Brandon and his motives for wanting to marry her and his interest in the tape. While there, Maggie told Sami that Austin is in Europe with Greta. Meanwhile, Vincent Moroni arrived in town and informed Brandon that he wants him to turn over his Chicago connections and he better not be scamming Angela. At the risk of sounding repetitious; What Chicago connections? Brandon is a counselor, for crying out loud!

And now for the brouhaha at Tuscany; Poor Maggie did only have to put up with John and Brady's verbal abuse, they also trashed her establishment. After about a dozen cops plus Roman were able to subdue John, both he and Brady were carted off to jail. In the paddy wagon John was able to free himself and his bipolar son out of the cuffs and when they got to the station he was able to get hold of the leg shackles Roman had requested for them and proceeded to swing them over his head while he ordered Brady to make a run for it. For once, Brady's brain functioned properly and he refused. When Brady yelled out, "Dad" John snapped out of his commando mode and they were able to cart the father and son terrorist team off to jail. They later, were able to get out on bail with the help of Victor's lawyer and they headed for the hospital.

Roman tried to get Brady to confess to trying to kill Belle but his lawyer intervened and said his case was weak at best and that he could find a dozen eyewitnesses willing to testify that the police used excessive force at Tuscany. I wonder who those witnesses would be because what I saw was John opening a can of whoop ass on Roman and his men in blue. Later, when Marlena returned to police headquarters looking for refuge, Roman admitted that he still loves her. That was as big a surprise as when Nathan Lane came out of the closet.

Marlena also arrived at the hospital and ran into Hope who begged her to tell her if it is possible that someone other than Bo is Johnny's father. Is Anna Nicole Smith a gold digger? Anyway, she tried not to say anything but by her evasion Hope guessed the truth. She immediately deduced that Stefano was the daddy and quite understandably freaked out. When Marlena told John what was going on he blamed her for that, as well as accusing her of being jealous of Isabella. If she were jealous of every woman he has lusted after, she would be greener than the Grinch, but I digress. John of course, played the victim and ran off to comfort Hope. She was frantic and said that as soon as Bo returned from Ireland they would leave town. This prompted John to protest that she would not take his son away from him.

Other tidbits:

· Al Gore just announced he would concede Florida to George W. Bush if John stops acting like a jackass. John refused but offered to help with the manual counting of the votes.

· Vincent Moroni and Brandon are starting a line of men's clothing that will make every man look like a Mafioso.

· After the anniversary show, Alice was overheard telling Marlena that she could lace some donuts with arsenic for John.

· Victor was overheard by his chauffeur getting too rowdy during his interlude with Nicole. He actually sighed out loud.

That's all for this week.

October 30-November 3

SALEM, NOVEMBER 5, 2000 Austin and Greta had to fight off extreme horniness after Curtis appeared and insisted that they give in to the pleasures of the flesh. At first they gave in to their arousal but then they backed off and Austin engaged Curtis in an aerial battle to the death. Austin emerged victorious but then Curtis came to life again to continue to torment them before they were able to destroy him with their chastity. Has anyone noticed that Curtis has more lives than Sylvester the Cat?

Sami returned to an empty apartment and found a note from Eric telling her he was going back to Colorado. She later ran into Roman and Marlena at Salem Place and they filled her in on the Brady situation. Roman told Sami to tell Brandon to get out of the situation with Angela or he could end up with cement shoes in the Salem River. She took his advice and asked Brandon to let her spend some time with Angela and try to get the tape from her. I feel bad for Sami as that girl is as boring as Al Gore trying to explain his lockbox theory.

Bo and Jen agreed to join forces to uncover what is going on in the Dimera factory. They made a pact not to try to delve into each other's romantic lives or lack there of.

Hope remained at the hospital, encouraged by J.T.'s fight to live. Lexie was not as optimistic. John and Hope talked about their respective mates and the problems they are having communicating with them.

Kate and Victor settled back into the mansion and it was obvious that their problems had returned with them. Lucas finally admitted to his mommy that Nicole knows they killed Franco and framed Sami for his murder. He also told her that the hussy wants money and plenty of it. Kate thought about getting Victor to sign a codicil to his will, leaving everything to her. When Lucas pointed out that wouldn't do them any good unless Victor was dead, Kate gave him a look as if to say that might be their next plan. Victor, who has no intention of going down with Kate and her son, decided to work on Nicole and find out exactly what her plans are. He took her to Tuscany for dinner and they ran into Roman and Faye who were there to commiserate about their mentally defective offspring. Nicole was rude to Faye, as usual, and Victor reprimanded her for it.

Brady went to see Belle again but had to leave when the security guard Marlena hired arrived. Later, Chloe and Brady, dressed up as Zorro, had a couple of encounters. First, in front of Brady's Pub and then at the pier, where they sang selections from the Marriage of Figaro before the cops came for Brady and he had to saunter off.

Rolf took Hattie to Tuscany to try to teach her healthier eating habits. While there, Rolf pushed her to try to emulate all of Marlena's mannerisms and the results were hilarious. She was as out of place as a virgin at a prison rodeo.

Marlena and Roman worked together to try to nab Brady so that he would explain what happened the night of Belle's accident. Marlena invited John out to Tuscany so that when Brady returned to the penthouse the police could apprehend him. Unfortunately, Brady got away and made his way to Tuscany where he proceeded to threaten Marlena with a sword in front of John, who thought his son was only joking. Yes John, and the USS Cole just hit a big rock. Maggie asked Roman to intercede but when he tried to grab him, John stepped in and bashed Roman's head into a nearby table. Marlena just stood there dumbfounded with a nervous twitch that invaded both her eyebrows.

Other tidbits:

· Rather than to face the possibility of a long prison sentence, Lucas decided to run away with the circus. He will be known as Lucas The Brainless Wonder.

· John remembered he was The Amazing Kreskin in one of his other lives and that is why he is able to read Brady's thoughts when no else can.

· Maggie was forced to close Tuscany after they discovered it was inhabited by an evil spirit that makes John abusive to anyone within earshot. Now everyone will be forced to return to the Penthouse Grill when they want a night out.

· Gepetto was called in to repair Roman's head but he was not optimistic because of the amount of sawdust in there.

That's all for this week.


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