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Jaycee's Week in Review

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October 30-November 3

SALEM, NOVEMBER 5, 2000 Austin and Greta had to fight off extreme horniness after Curtis appeared and insisted that they give in to the pleasures of the flesh. At first they gave in to their arousal but then they backed off and Austin engaged Curtis in an aerial battle to the death. Austin emerged victorious but then Curtis came to life again to continue to torment them before they were able to destroy him with their chastity. Has anyone noticed that Curtis has more lives than Sylvester the Cat?

Sami returned to an empty apartment and found a note from Eric telling her he was going back to Colorado. She later ran into Roman and Marlena at Salem Place and they filled her in on the Brady situation. Roman told Sami to tell Brandon to get out of the situation with Angela or he could end up with cement shoes in the Salem River. She took his advice and asked Brandon to let her spend some time with Angela and try to get the tape from her. I feel bad for Sami as that girl is as boring as Al Gore trying to explain his lockbox theory.

Bo and Jen agreed to join forces to uncover what is going on in the Dimera factory. They made a pact not to try to delve into each other's romantic lives or lack there of.

Hope remained at the hospital, encouraged by J.T.'s fight to live. Lexie was not as optimistic. John and Hope talked about their respective mates and the problems they are having communicating with them.

Kate and Victor settled back into the mansion and it was obvious that their problems had returned with them. Lucas finally admitted to his mommy that Nicole knows they killed Franco and framed Sami for his murder. He also told her that the hussy wants money and plenty of it. Kate thought about getting Victor to sign a codicil to his will, leaving everything to her. When Lucas pointed out that wouldn't do them any good unless Victor was dead, Kate gave him a look as if to say that might be their next plan. Victor, who has no intention of going down with Kate and her son, decided to work on Nicole and find out exactly what her plans are. He took her to Tuscany for dinner and they ran into Roman and Faye who were there to commiserate about their mentally defective offspring. Nicole was rude to Faye, as usual, and Victor reprimanded her for it.

Brady went to see Belle again but had to leave when the security guard Marlena hired arrived. Later, Chloe and Brady, dressed up as Zorro, had a couple of encounters. First, in front of Brady's Pub and then at the pier, where they sang selections from the Marriage of Figaro before the cops came for Brady and he had to saunter off.

Rolf took Hattie to Tuscany to try to teach her healthier eating habits. While there, Rolf pushed her to try to emulate all of Marlena's mannerisms and the results were hilarious. She was as out of place as a virgin at a prison rodeo.

Marlena and Roman worked together to try to nab Brady so that he would explain what happened the night of Belle's accident. Marlena invited John out to Tuscany so that when Brady returned to the penthouse the police could apprehend him. Unfortunately, Brady got away and made his way to Tuscany where he proceeded to threaten Marlena with a sword in front of John, who thought his son was only joking. Yes John, and the USS Cole just hit a big rock. Maggie asked Roman to intercede but when he tried to grab him, John stepped in and bashed Roman's head into a nearby table. Marlena just stood there dumbfounded with a nervous twitch that invaded both her eyebrows.

Other tidbits:

· Rather than to face the possibility of a long prison sentence, Lucas decided to run away with the circus. He will be known as Lucas The Brainless Wonder.

· John remembered he was The Amazing Kreskin in one of his other lives and that is why he is able to read Brady's thoughts when no else can.

· Maggie was forced to close Tuscany after they discovered it was inhabited by an evil spirit that makes John abusive to anyone within earshot. Now everyone will be forced to return to the Penthouse Grill when they want a night out.

· Gepetto was called in to repair Roman's head but he was not optimistic because of the amount of sawdust in there.

That's all for this week.

October 23-26

SALEM, OCTOBER 29, 2000 Kate and Victor returned to Salem and by coincidence were on the same flight as Brandon, Sami and Angela. Isn't that special? Of course, the usual verbal sparing between Kate and Sami ensued and Victor realized that they were all in trouble so he called his lawyer to see how he could extricate himself from the whole sordid mess. Once they arrived at the mansion Victor was greeted with a smooch on the lips by Nicole. All this in front of a disbelieving Kate and her buffoon of a son.

Angela planned to hold on to the tape until she gets her man to marry her. Sami and Brandon had no choice but to play along and plan the wedding. That Angela is as clingy as a snail and just about as fast in the brain department. Brandon again confessed his love for Sami and they kissed.

Nicole confirmed once more that she married a spineless jellyfish and plans to blackmail him for all she can. Lucas, still off the wagon and drinking like Eddie Fisher, after his divorce from Liz, is at her mercy. Those loose lips of his, drink too much and talk too much.

In Ireland, Twidledee and Twidledum revealed some information about the Brady/Dimera feud. It seems that Shawn was a hero in the struggle to free the local workers from the stranglehold the Dimeras had on them. No details were given so we will have to wait for more clarification. Jen was able to get Bo out of the pit and he made it to a phone and called Hope. She was angry with him so she did not tell him about JT. After he hung up, he was almost recaptured but Jen again came to his rescue and he finally saw her face.

There was a vigil at the hospital all week for Little John and Belle. Belle remained in a coma and JT, as he has now been dubbed, was dead for about two days and then was revived by the incredible heroics of his doctors.

Lexie and Hope decided to baptize the babies right away and so they did. Johnny's full name is John Thomas and the Carver baby is Isaac Theo. John not only stood in for Bo as JT's father but also as Isaac's godfather. So now John is godfather to his own son, if Isaac is indeed his son. Confusing? Not in Salem.

Rolf asked Hattie out to dinner to try to get her to eat healthier so she will lose weight, therefore enabling him to proceed with the surgery. Stefano returned from Hong Kong and was not pleased with the news that the meaty waitress had still not been turned into Marlena's double. If I were he, I would be more worried about what the doctors might find out concerning JT's paternity, as that would disintegrate his hold on John.

Marlena called Belle's closest friends, Mimi, Chloe, Phillip and Shawn and they put together a birthday celebration for her in her hospital room. I wonder what it must be like to have a party while your brain is inactive but then again Belle goes through life like that, so it must have seemed normal to her. Mimi and Chloe engaged in their usual bickering, as Mimi was furious that Chloe had not told her of Belle's accident.

John tried once again to reach out to Brady but he insisted on blaming all his problems on Marlena and John's obsession with making her happy. What ever happened to that cute little boy who called Marlena, mommy? Maybe aliens abducted him.

Brady remained close-lipped about the accident, making Marlena more determined to have him arrested. Roman went to the penthouse to try to interrogate him but John interfered and Brady got away. He went to see Belle and read to her like a good big brother. If Marlena would see this side of him, she would realize that while he is indeed strange, he would not hurt Belle. Things got gnarlier for Brady when the train engineer called Roman and told him that he saw two kids on the tracks and it looked like the boy was holding the girl down. Marlena wanted him taken into custody immediately but Roman insisted that they must have more proof. They went to the site of the accident and they found a shred of clothing Marlena was sure was a piece of Belle's pants. She told Roman that the rest of Belle's clothes were in her office and took off determined to pin the rap on Brady. When she got to the hospital she saw Hope and John all cozy in JT's room.

Chloe was more confused than ever when Nancy tried to have a talk with her about the birds, the bees and uncontrollable urges. She decided to go out with Phillip on a school night but told him that there would be no more kissing for a while. The last time I was so mesmerized, I was watching a documentary on pet dander.

There was no news from the Garden of Eden. I was as happy as a tattoo on Richard Gere's still firm body.

Other tidbits:

• Roman decided to score points with Marlena by saying that Brady not only hurt Belle on purpose but he was also responsible for the show Tucker on NBC.

• Victor finally cracked a smile at the prospect of bedding Nicole. He was hospitalized immediately for more collagen injections.

• Marlena's red suit got her into the running of the bulls in Pamplona. All the participants voted to have her lead the crowd.

• The ghost of Halloween Past paid the writers of DAYS a visit and put a curse on them for destroying the show. I don't know the details of the curse but it includes boils on posteriors.

Have a happy and safe Halloween.

That's all for this week.

October 16-20

SALEM, OCTOBER 22, 2000 Greta was spared the gargantuan responsibility of bringing into the world a messiah when she stated that she is too young and inexperienced for such a task. Las Vegas Guy (I don't know what else to call him) was impressed with her gesture of humility and the Garden dwellers were awarded another day of relaxation. Maybe their next challenge will be to bring lasting peace to the Middle East.

Victor ordered Kate to tell Lucas that he has to give up custody of Will in order to get Sami off their backs. Kate decided to work on Angela and get her to distrust Brandon, but the little spitfire would not take the bait and decided to go to Salem with her "amore" and Sami instead. A distraught Kate then declared that she would not return to Salem where she runs the risk of being arrested. Victor told her that he would remain by her side and she let him have it for the way he has been treating her and accused him of not wanting her anymore. She implied that they should have already done the wild thing. Of course, in Victor's case, it would only be the thing.

Roman showed up at the Kiriakis Mansion and proceeded to try to pump Nicole for information about Franco Kelly's murder. She told him that she had not come forward earlier because she fears Lucas. Of course, he walked in on them and threw a fit when he realized that his dear wife is ready to turn him in. He threatened her but that probably impressed her as much as Yasmine Bleeth's acting in Titans.

Marlena and John ran out of gas on the way to the hospital and things only got worse from there. John remained in his commando on steroids mode and managed to tick her off continuously. When they got on the way again, they ran into Brady and an unconscious Belle. Once they got to the hospital they fought about Brady while they waited for news about Belle. The doctor told them that her brain was swollen. Now I know where she gets the big head. And all the time I thought she had inherited it from John. Brady refused to divulge the details of Belle's accident, which only made Marlena more suspicious. John kept running around like a chicken with its head cut off. He wanted to be with all three of his children at once but only succeeded in infuriating an already distraught Marlena. Later, when both Belle and Johnny were in surgery they called a truce and Marlena even acceded to accompany John as he stands by Hope for the baby's christening. It looks like Belle is going to make it, although she will have to be put into a drug-induced coma to slow down her brain activity. I'm going to take the high road on that one and refrain from making a comment. As for Johnny, they did manage to repair the hole in his heart but he died on the operating table, technically, as I'm sure he will be revived on Monday. If he truly were John's child wouldn't he have holes in his head instead of his heart? Just a thought.

Bo remained in a pit in a warehouse. Jen brought him some food but did not reveal her identity. We did find out that she and Jack are on the skids again and that she has a secret, just like the rest of all the people in Salem. What would be unusual would be for someone from that town to return without any subterfuge or smoke screens.

Hattie and Rolf met again and they discussed what she needs to do in order to take over Marlena's life. He advised her to become more cultured and well rounded. She looks pretty well rounded to me, albeit it in all the wrong places. I have to admit that while I hate the thought of Marlena being carted off for her yearly kidnapping, I have taken a liking to Hattie.

Phillip went to see Chloe and they talked. I'm not sure what they talked about as I nodded off. I did see him fall off a tree. No need to worry though, he's all right. He must have landed on his head.

Other tidbits:

• The hospital offered John a powered wheelchair so that he can travel between operating rooms.

• Hope revealed that the reason for her atrocious new hairdo is that she mistook an electric eggbeater for her curling iron.

• Shawn offered to donate his brain to Belle. She immediately came out of her coma to graciously refuse his kind overture.

• So many people paraded through the hospital chapel that a contractor was called to make support beams for the floor.

That's all for this week.

October 9-13

SALEM, OCTOBER 15, 2000 Nicole paid Roman and Abe a visit at the station. She told them she was doing research for an article for Bella magazine about Franco Kelly. It looked more like she was doing Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, complete with sprawling legs and sexual innuendo. She proceeded to pump them for information on what would happen if someone who knows about a crime turns state evidence against the person who actually committed the crime. She doesn't want Victor to go to prison until she has been able to finagle him out of his money. Kate has plans for Victor's money too, so I guess his charm and wit are wasted on those two vixens.

Greta and Austin were given a day of reprieve from the Garden and were transported to a beach for some relaxation. It was short lived though, and Alice put in an appearance as a guardian angel to help guide them through another crisis when Greta almost drowned as a result of some nasty rip currents. Alice used her now famous line, "Listen to you heart" to advise them. I've said it before and I'll say it again; What about their brains? Why must they always remain silent? When they returned to the Garden, a poker dealer who looked straight out of Las Vegas, dealt them some cards to make sure they were the right people to bring another Messiah into the world. Greta made the comment that the man was not playing with a full deck. She made a funny. Austin made the cut because of his pure heart and Greta because she has chosen to remain a virgin until she finds true love. Does everyone know about Greta's virginity? Eric must have taken out an ad in the Salem Spectator before he left town. When Greta protested that she is not ready to become a mother, the Las Vegas guy told her that her part would be of a surrogate nature. I suppose an Immaculate Conception will be employed. Some higher power is pulling out all the stops on this one.

Sami and Brandon collapsed on the floor of Moroni's restaurant. Miraculously, there was a doctor there with his medical bag and he took charge. He somberly announced that Sami had lost a lot of blood and might not make it. This news shocked Brandon so much that he snubbed Angela and followed Sami to the hospital. Once there, her condition stabilized. Was there any doubt? Brandon continued to profess his love for Sami until she saw Angela out of the corner of her eye. They then put on a show about how they are only friends and she can't wait to get back to Austin. Angela bought it hook, line and sinker. Lucas must be her relationship advisor. Speaking of Lucas, he decided to return to Salem with Will.

Victor and Kate remained calm in the face of Brandon's accusations in the restaurant. They insisted they didn't even know that Sami and Brandon were in Italy and they feigned shock at Sami's "accident". Later, they invited Vincent Moroni over to the villa so that they could continue to build his distrust of Brandon. My guess is that they are planning to have Vincent do away with Brandon and Sami once and for all. Poor Victor wasn't even able to try out Little Victor with all the chaos.

Hope and Shawn remained behind to take care of Johnny while Bo went gallivanting off to Ireland to investigate the Dimera/Brady connection. The baby showed signs of labored breathing and had to be rushed to the hospital.

Bo arrived in Ireland and wasted no time in trying to get information from Ian O'Rourke, Shawn's friend, about the Dimeras' operations in Dublin. Ian faked ignorance and sent Bo back to his hotel, suggesting he take the shortcut through the alley. It was there that he was attacked by the Irish version of "Dumb and Dumber" while a horrified Jennifer looked on.

Phillip went a courtin' Chloe and decided to serenade her with the old Everly Brothers' song "Dream". I found myself dreaming that he and Chloe would pep up their relationship, as it is as exciting as Ben Stein. Nancy advised her to continue to see Phillip, if that is what she really wants.

Brady took Belle to his secret place near the railroad tracks. He told her how he used to challenge the trains. He even demonstrated for her by getting on the tracks and yelling, "Beam me up!" Belle was intrigued by her brother's behavior and decided to imitate him. Unfortunately, her foot got caught. Film at eleven.

Brady confronted Marlena at Salem Place and called her some pretty nasty names. She warned him that she would not back down and that she will protect Belle at any cost. That Brady is an enigma. Just when your heart begins to soften toward him because you see his genuine affection for Belle, then he acts like a thug and disrespects Marlena by calling her a slut. Although after seeing Marlena's behavior later when John manhandled her at Salem Place you can't help but think that the lad wasn't very far off the beam.

And this brings us to the John/Marlena saga. After arguing to no end, she declared that she needed time away from him and he responded by throwing her over her shoulder and carting her off to the penthouse. When they got there, she protested that he was acting like a caveman he told her that he was acting like any red blooded American male who was being given a hard time by his wife. He started forcing himself on her and she resisted for about 30 seconds but then I guess his manliness was too much for her to resist and she melted under his body. Oh my God, I sound like a Danielle Steel novel! They argued some more afterwards and then he got a call from Shawn telling him about the baby. He jumped out of bed and rushed out, forgetting to leave Marlena's money on the dresser. I know that was a low blow but I can't hide my disappointment at what they have done with Marlena's character.

Other tidbits:

• Marlena announced that she would file charges against John for sexual harassment. He told her he would defend himself and use the argument that this time the glove did most definitely fit.

• The makers of Irish Spring soap hired Jennifer. She will deliver the famous line, "Manly yes, but I like it too!"

• Greta and Austin were encouraged by a higher being to accept the challenge of bringing everlasting love into the world. They were reminded that they certainly couldn't be expected to bring intelligence when they share a single brain cell between.

• Alice pleaded with the writers to exclude her from the Greta/Austin storyline. She asked them to listen to her heart which has learned swear words.

That's all for this week.

October 2-6

SALEM, OCTOBER 8, 2000 The Garden of Eden continued to deteriorate and Greta and Austin had to take on more challenges. First, they found themselves in the middle of an ice storm. Austin's heavily insulated pure heart was able to get them through. Then, Sami appeared as a witch and tried to seduce Austin by drugging him. Talk about déjà vu. She also dropped Greta in a small volcano but once again Austin's words encouraged Greta and gave her the will to fight her way out. In fact, Greta was so encouraged that she became a Xena clone and fought Sami with a laser sword like the ones used in Star Wars. When the battle was over Greta found Austin's limp body in what looked like a large bird's nest. This storyline is quickly becoming as imposing as a UN resolution.

Chloe and Nancy called a truce after "Gloom Girl" realized that her mother had remembered her birthday. Chloe read from Nancy's dairy, which was all about her and how she envisioned her growing up. She also called a truce with Phillip who is still determined to win her over. I wish Belle and Shawn would also make peace as their constant insipid bickering is getting on my nerves.

Bo pressed on with his plans to go to Ireland much to Big Shawn's displeasure. In fact he made a call to Ian's Pub and it seemed like he was trying to get someone there to stonewall Bo's investigation. By the way, the barmaid that answered the phone when he called sounded a lot like Jennifer Deveraux with an Irish accent. Do I dare to delude myself with wishful thinking and believe that Jennifer's return will inject the show with some real emotions and reality based plots instead of this mumbo jumbo of ill conceived storylines we are being subjected to? Well, a girl can hope can't she?

Kate broke the news of Sami's "death" to Lucas who was shocked by his mother's lack of remorse. Victor was also invigorated by the news. So much so, that he invited Kate out to dinner to propose to her and to inform her that "Little Victor" is back and in perfect working order.

Brandon not only single-handedly rescued Sami by carrying her back up the cliff but he also figured out that Kate, Victor and Lucas must be in Naples and behind Sami's recent hallucinatory episodes. Why doesn't the Salem PD snatch up that guy? Not only does he possess supernatural physical strength but also his powers of deduction make Sherlock Holmes look like Barney Fife. By week's end he triumphantly entered Moroni's restaurant with Sami in his arms and accused Kate and Victor who were having a small celebratory dinner in honor of Sami's demise. Moroni and Angela were also there discussing the upcoming nuptials. The plot thickens… like day-old oatmeal.

Lexie is still having regrets about keeping quiet about the circumstances of Marlo's death but Stefano kept the pressure on. I just had a thought; Since Lexie is a doctor, doesn't it stand to reason that she would be suspicious that both Isaac and Little John were born on the same day and that while Isaac was the one with the alcoholic mother, it was Little John who was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I suppose that would be expecting too much from her since she is so fatigued with all the offers Isaac is getting to become a professional model.

Hattie ran into Roman at the diner. He commented that she looked like she had lost a few pounds and this gave her the fortitude to proceed with her new diet and exercise regiment. It was while she was jogging in Salem Place that she ran into her nemesis, Marlena.

Brady saw how Marlena had misread his roughhousing with Belle and stormed out of the penthouse. Belle followed him to the park and they talked about his feelings of isolation. Belle spoke warmly of Isabella and told him that when John first showed her a picture of her she thought she was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. I expected Marlena to emerge from the bushes and exclaim, "What am I, chopped liver?" but that's another matter. It was evident that the affection between Belle and Brady is genuine and that Marlena's feelings of betrayal regarding John were clouding her judgment.

John and Marlena spoke in Salem Place about Brady but they both held their ground. She thinks Brady is a serious threat to Belle and John is convinced that Marlena's anger at him is hindering her objectivity. His failure to control his anger did not help matters, prompting Marlena to say that Brady gets his irrepressible anger from him. The rest of her day at Salem Place was a disaster as she tried to get ahead of people who were in line to make a purchase and then verbally abused a saleswoman for forgetting to remove an item that was being held for someone. I'm sure Hillary Rodham Clinton would sympathize with how a cheating husband can unnerve you.

Other tidbits:

• Marlena was banned from Salem Place and when she tried to call the Marlena Show for advice, Nancy hung up on her.

• John contacted Al Gore and advised him to put a little more emotion into his speeches. The Vice-President retorted that only girlie men cry.

• Brandon was inducted into the Super Hero Hall of Fame.

• Angela decided to go around naked to make herself more accessible to Brandon.

• Victor tried once more to smile and cracked his face. He was rushed to a nearby hospital for emergency collagen injections.

• Jennifer sent Bo and Hope an eviction notice.

That's all for this week.


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