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Jaycee's Week in Review

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September 24-29

SALEM, OCTOBER 1, 2000 Austin and Greta's adventure began when they were hurled through a psychedelic doorway and landed in the Garden of Eden. Once there, Lillith a serpent-like woman who said she had been Adam's first love interest tried to tempt Greta to take a bite of an apple. When the pure of heart Austin tried to stop her, Lillith tried to convince Greta that he would only use her and make her his whore. She should have known there was little danger of that, as Greta's legs are glued tighter together than Svetlana Khorkina's on her dismount from the uneven bars, but that's another matter. The Garden was pretty busy and Charles the family retainer showed up in a drop of water to taunt them. Princess Gina showed up too, but Greta and Austin were able to make it through the first tests. The next test should be having them go to the DMV and try to obtain new licenses. Five will get you ten that they won't be able to pass that one.

After learning about the bet, Chloe burned all the new clothes Nancy had bought her and ran away to the pier. She ran into Brady there and they irritated each other for a while. Those two go well together as they both light up a room…when they leave it. Later, Craig found Chloe and convinced her to return home. As soon as she arrived she got into it with Nancy and told her that she hates her and was hurt that Nancy had not remembered her birthday. I wonder how she felt when she got to her room and saw all the birthday decorations.

Hope and Lexie took the babies in for their checkups. The doctor was concerned about Little John's breathing and he might need further testing. After the visit to the doctor they went to Salem Place and Hope told Lexie about Bo's aloofness with the baby and John's constant visits. When Hope got home she was discontented that Bo did not even ask how the baby's checkup had gone. I want to interject here that I am also discontented with Bo's behavior toward Little John. If he couldn't handle the fact that he was not the father of Hope's baby, why did he perpetuate the lies and deceit? He should have told Hope the truth and they could have worked through it together. Now all he does is whine and complain and call the baby, "that kid". Frankly, he's getting on my nerves. The sooner he leaves for Ireland the better. Maybe over there some of Stefano's thugs can beat some sense into him and remind him that the baby bears no blame.

Over in Italy, Brandon called Nicole and asked if there was anything going on in the Kiriakis Mansion. She told him there was no one there as they were all in Europe. Brandon put two and two together and realized that Kate and Victor must be on their trail. He told Sami to leave as soon as possible while he continued to work on Angela. Lover Boy might be in over his head as Angela asked him to make love to her. If Moroni finds out he deflowered his little girl Brandon's next job might be as a eunuch in a harem.

Kate, who had a very busy week, convinced Moroni that Brandon is using Angela to get to him. He took the bait. She also decided to take matters into her own hands and dispose of Sami once and for all. So she took Dummy Will and Real Will and headed to the cliff determined to make a drugged Sami jump off. That woman makes Saddam Hussein seem mild mannered. She also wears more leather that Ricky Martin.

Marlena held John back from pummeling Brady and then probably wished she hadn't. When she and John were able to continue their conversation, he finally blurted out all that he remembers about Hope and the submarine. Marlena was shattered not so much by the fact that he had made love to Hope but by his conscious effort to keep the truth from her. John played the role of the injured party and asked her not to divulge anything to Hope or Bo. At that point she lost it and smacked him. He left the penthouse and went to Tuscany to drown his sorrows. While he was there he managed to insult anyone he came into contact with and was particularly brutal with Maggie, whom he called a "born again boozer" because she was trying to get him to lay off the sauce. Brady returned home to announce that he is not returning to college and to go one more round with Marlena. She threw her drink in his face and told him if he didn't go back to school he would have to move out. Marlena arrived at Tuscany at Maggie's request and tried to reason with John about Brady's disruptive behavior. The one thing I notice throughout their conversation was his harshness with her. I don't recall ever seeing him treat her that way and I don't understand why she is putting up with it. He went as far as to say that she doesn't like Brady because he doesn't treat her like a goddess. Anyway, when they arrived back at the penthouse they saw Brady and Belle roughhousing and misinterpreted the situation.

Other tidbits:

Brady and John will compete in a new Olympic event, Synchronized Obnoxiousness.

Marlena gave up her license and her practice after taking a good look at her family.

Shawn and Phillip made another bet and this time the winner gets to belt Jan right on her big mouth.

Madonna held a press conference to announce that she too was in the submarine and John is the father of her new baby.

Marlena will be featured in the upcoming movie, "Everyone Knows What My Husband Did Last Summer."

That's all for this week.

September 18-22

SALEM, SEPTEMBER 24, 2000 The soon to be Princess Greta and Austin embarked on a trip to Paris after it was revealed that among the many stipulations in Prince Von Omburg's will, she would have to travel there and perform several tasks. She was instructed to go with a male companion that is pure of heart. Since she took Austin it must be that the knight in shining armor must also be lacking of brain but that's another matter. Once they got there it was evident that this is going to be a story of romance and intrigue. Well we can hope, can't we?

Hattie and Rolf met to further discuss their plans to make her over to take over Marlena's life. If they spent more time actually working on her ever-changing nose and less time flapping their gums maybe we might get a little more interested. For now, I think the unveiling of an oil painting of Al Gore would be more exciting.

Bo, who is becoming more resentful of Little John, decided to go ahead with his plans to go to Ireland. Hope was very disappointed in his behavior toward their son and was convinced that it was all tied in to her life as Princess Gina. She was also perplexed by John's doting over the baby and she told Julie that maybe she and John were intimate when thought she was Gina. Gee, you think?

Over in Italy, Moroni and Angela were practically picking out china patterns for Angela's upcoming nuptials to Brandon. In the meantime, Sami and Brandon put on a little show for Angela so that she would think that things are really over between them and she would warm up to Sami. Later, Moroni welcomed Brandon in to the family and said that they spoke fondly of him in Chicago. How would any Mafiosos know who Brandon is? I don't know why I keep worrying about these minor details.

Nancy has her sights set on Marlena's show. She told Miles she could do a much better job of introducing scandal into the format. He told her he needed a doctor as host but if she could manage to get the title in front of her name, then they would talk. She immediately called her daddy to help her out. He must be a forger as well as a renowned doctor. I wonder what Nancy's slogan on the show would be, instead of, "We are here to hear, to help and to heal. Maybe, "We are here to scheme, connive and step on whoever gets in our way.

Nicole continued her little game with Victor and announced that she is being courted by a rival company. I must be very dense because I don't get any of this. First, she becomes a genius in the corporate world in a matter of weeks, and then she threatens to leave Titan if she is made to feel unwanted. Didn't she take over Sami's job as Director of Imaging which was nothing more than making sure the copying machine had toner and the paper clips were all accounted for? What happened while I was on vacation? Oh by the way, she almost belted Austin because he called her indecent. That's like Dr Ruth getting angry because someone says she has an accent.

Marlena caught John observing surgery at the hospital and even giving the surgeons pointers. After he mentioned that he might know who the father of Hope's baby is, she became more convinced than ever that he has been holding back something and they fought all the way back to the penthouse. The argument was interrupted by an irate Brady who accused his father of killing Isabella so that he could take up with Marlena again.

At Salem High: Belle, Shawn and Phillip tried desperately to get to Chloe and tell her about the bet before one of those many obnoxious students who go to their school had a chance to. Of course they were too late and a trio of girls, who are in dire need of acting lessons, beat them to the punch. It's too bad because Chloe was so happy about having "Philly" in her life that she was going to mend fences with Mimi and Nancy. Will Chloe become disillusioned with boys her age and go after Victor because of his sparkly personality and radiant smile? Stay tuned.

Other tidbits:

John was arrested in front of a Salem supermarket for accosting the customers. He tried to explain to the police that he remembered being a bag boy and was trying to help people with their groceries.

A DNA test was conducted on Brady and it was revealed that he was Muamar Kaddafi's son.

Chloe and Phillip were inducted into the Sap Museum.

Marlena decided to go back to Roman if they bring back the real one.

Rolf decided to use the extra fat from Hattie's thighs to give new breasts to all the women in New Guinea.

That's all for this week.

September 11-15

SALEM, SEPTEMBER 17, 2000 Brandon, using his unique method of interrogation, got Angela to reveal that Roberto made a tape before his death stating that Kate paid him to confess to Franco's murder. That crime is taking as long to solve as the murder of Nicole Simpson. It's ironic that in both cases we all have known who did it, for years.

Lucas drugged Sami again but this time she almost died when she wandered to the cliff. I will happily jump with her if I have to sit through one more session of "Dummy Will" crying blood and begging his mommy to save him.

Kate tried to seduce Victor but he kept thinking about the time he saw her with Nicolas and it spoiled the mood. I guess he thought that maybe "Little Victor" might not be able to measure up. Pardon the pun. I think she is better off if she sticks to her plan of getting him to sign over Titan stocks to her. By the time Victor's medication kicks in, Puerto Rico will be a state.

A depressed Hattie threw herself off a bridge and was rescued by Roman. He later went to check up on her and she blurted out that she loves him. This would seem odd by regular standards but since Hattie is a couple of baskets short of a picnic, I guess it was to be expected that she would fall for the first man that would be nice to her. She is now more determined to have Rolf operate on her to make her look like Marlena. She even read the book that Rolf gave her about a woman that undergoes surgery to take over another woman's life. I wonder if the author is Susan Banks. Haven't we gone down this road before?

Big Shawn forbade Bo to go to Ireland. There is something there that he does not want Bo to find out about. He even made Caroline call Hope to get her to convince Bo to cease and desist. Could it be that Shawn stole his famous recipe for chowder from the Dimeras? I'm on the edge of my seat.

Stefano revealed some of his plans involving Marlena and Isaac. For the esteemed doctor it sounds like another kidnapping is on the way. As for Isaac, he wants John to groom him to take over the Dimera empire. What about little Elvis? I suppose when you have offspring scattered all over the world, it is hard to keep up.

Nancy was hurt and angry when she heard Chloe telling Craig that she feels closer to him and how Nancy only makes her angry. Craig tried to speak up for Nancy but of course a big misunderstanding ensued. That poor man is stuck between two of the most unstable women in town. And in Salem that is saying a mouthful.

Nicole was able to get Marie to divulge where Kate, Victor and Lucas are. She went on with her plans to put together a merger between Frontier Meridian and Titan. Isn't it amazing how quickly she has become an expert in business dealings? She must be taking a night course at the community college and sleeping with the professor.

Austin, who has been enjoying quite a bit of clarity lately, went to see Roman to tell him that he was sure that Sami was out of the country with Brandon and not in Chicago. With the help of one of his ISA buddies Roman was able to confirm that Sami had indeed left the country and was in Italy. Austin was incensed and vowed to wash his hands of Sami and her schemes once and for all. After further consideration, however, he decided to fly to Italy. Greta announced that she would go with him.

Lexie feared there was something wrong with Little John's breathing, but Hope assured her that nothing was wrong. Who's the doctor around here, anyway?

In Teenybopper Land: Phillip and Chloe kissed. Mimi let it slip to Belle that the only reason Phillip went with Chloe to the Last Blast Dance was because he lost a bet with Shawn. Jason and Jan decided to tell Chloe about the bet. Blondie and Dagwood bought a new house…oh sorry, my mind must have wondered.

Other tidbits:

Italy issued a statement barring Nicole from traveling there as they feel they have enough with Angela living there. It seems they have a quota for floozies.

John was out of town this week so that he could tour with Wayne Newton as he discovered that he was also a lounge singer when he was Stefano's pawn.

Marlena began packing for her upcoming abduction. She called Stefano to ask him if she would need winter clothing or beachwear.

That's all for this week.


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