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July 24-28

SALEM, JULY 30, 2000 Victor went ahead with his plan to fly to Naples with Kate, Lucas, and Will so that he could put a stop to Sami's snooping. Unfortunately Gary, the thug he hired to tail Sami and Brandon, decided to get his own agenda and planned to do away with the "Insipid Duo". Just in case anyone still had hopes that the Brandon/Sami pairing might ignite fireworks, they subjected us to an encore performance of the dancing routine those two love to do and let me tell you, I was as riveted as during a Depends commercial.

Nicole, confident that she has 25 million dollars to spend with Eric, insulted, belittled and tortured Lucas, demanding that he give her a divorce. Lucas was driven to drink and not even that softened that witch's heart. Meanwhile, Victor played her like a fiddle wishing her luck with her newfound fortune. He even said that all this subterfuge made his blood rush. I'm sure Kate is hoping that it rushes to the right part of his body. Or maybe not since now it seems all she's interested in is getting her share of the Kiriakis fortune. They've assassinated her character too, as while you could say all you wanted about her dealings with other people, her love for Victor always seemed genuine. The writers have decided to make it a massacre and do away with the credibility of all the main characters.

Eric went to see Roman to tell him that he could no longer fight his love for Nicole and that he planned to have a life with her. An argument ensued and when Roman called Nicole a whore, Eric slugged him. There is an old Cuban proverb that says, "He who strikes his parent will die with his hand raised so that he can be reminded of his ghastly deed for all eternity". I hope Eric is planning on an open casket when he passes. In the end Roman softened and even admonished God that he better take care of Eric. I'm sure our creator was shaking in his sandals.

Greta confronted Eric about his relationship with Nicole and called him a user. He tried to convince her that he had not realized that he was still in love with Nicole and that he never meant to use her. His pleas went over as well as an ice cream vendor at a support group for diabetics. She wasn't even moved when he went to say goodbye before he left town. Oh, by the way, Greta also called Nicole a whore. Maybe we should all pitch in and take out an ad in the paper stating the fact that Nicole is indeed a whore but what is the use of printing what everyone in Salem, except for Lucas and Eric, knows.

As you can see Eric was having a horrific week so he decided to perk things up by trying to beat a train to the crossing. Smart, right? I guess all that fornicating with Nicole clouded his sense of speed and distance. You'd think it wasn't just a roll in the hay but a walk on the moon.

John went to visit Hope and the baby. While there, he saw that baby John was jaundiced. Lexie, who was also there, concurred with "Dr. Black's" diagnosis and Bo and Hope rushed the baby to the hospital. After evaluating the baby's numerous symptoms the pediatrician told Bo and Hope that Little John has fetal alcohol syndrome. While it is too soon to know the exact effects of the illness on the baby it seems likely that he will be at the very least developmentally delayed. Hope was crushed and she blamed herself for the lifestyle she led as Gina. Bo tried to comfort her as they braced themselves for the tough road ahead.

Just as expected the Lockharts accepted the Wesleys' offer to move in with them until their house is built. I'm sure there will be more suspense at the GOP convention.

Now let's look in on the lackluster youth of Salem: Mimi decided to run away because she can't stand the idea of living under the same roof as Chloe. I can't wait till she calls a teenage runaway hotline and tells them that. Phillip's second date with Chloe hit the skids because she still doesn't trust him. Shawn announced to Belle that the lot that John is buying for the Lockharts to build their house on is haunted.

Other tidbits:

Mimi's parents told Habitat for Humanity that they would give up the house if they could just make their daughter a little more pleasant.

God decided to punish Roman by depriving him of a storyline with a woman for an undisclosed amount of time.

Mimi and Belle will be joining the Archie comics. Their characters will be called Dipsy and Moronica.

John pleaded with Marlena to return to Salem but she said she would rather face famine, death and pestilence than the prospect of returning to her non-existent storyline.

I will be on vacation for the month of August so the review will return after Labor Day.

That's all for this week.

July 17-21

SALEM, JULY 23, 2000 Eric broke into the warehouse where the raw footage of Nicole’s porno flick was stored. He saw how afraid Nicole was before the shoot and how her father had to sedate her in order for her to be able to perform. After seeing that, he was drawn to Nicole like Luther Vandross to a new diet. He asked her to come to his apartment so that they could watch the footage together and he could convince her that she was not responsible for anything she did, as she was a minor and her father used her. It was evident that his feelings for her are as strong as ever and it didn’t seem to faze him that he had to lie to Greta to see Nicole. Why did they have to spoil Eric? He went from a decent, levelheaded young man to a lying, spineless jellyfish in a matter of weeks. I must say that now he fits in better with the rest of the Salem men but that’s beside the point.

Sami continued to lie to Austin about the real destination of her trip and whom she was going with. I must say that I was impressed with Austin’s astuteness, as he was well aware that she was up to something.

All the scheming and lying that the Brady twins engaged in helped to bring Austin and Greta closer together. How did those two become so deceitful? I know Marlena lied to Roman about her affair with John but at least she felt guilty about it. Sami is so sure that her mission to get Will back is nothing less than holy, that she doesn’t even see how wrong it is to lie to the man who stood by her in her time of need. As for Eric, we know what he is thinking with so he has no time to second guess his actions.

Nicole got good news about her biopsy but decided to keep quiet about it so that she could seduce Eric. Just when you start feeling sorry for that tart she does something to make you hate her again.

Shawn and Belle took Mimi’s brother to the hospital and made sure that he got medical care. Alice gave Mimi’s mother money so that she could rent a hotel room as The Horton House is closed for some undisclosed reason. Actually, it might have been disclosed but I was probably switching channels hoping to find a special on larvae to keep me entertained, but I digress.

Alice talked to Mrs. Winston and told her that she thinks Craig should be ousted as C.O.S. of the hospital because he is cold and tyrannical. Nurse Brenda immediately went and told the Wesleys about this and they realized that they needed to do some PR work to improve their image. Nancy, in her infinite wisdom, decided that they should publicly invite the Lockharts (Mimi’s family) to stay with them until they can find a permanent residence. She is confident that Mimi will never accede to live under the same roof as Chloe so she thinks they will get off the hook by generously donating to a local shelter. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the Lockharts accept the Wesleys’ offer? Why that would be as witty and whimsical as an outbreak of athlete’s foot.

Lucas chewed out Victor for the way he has been treating Kate. Victor seemed unimpressed and called him a buffoon. He told mother and son that his sources informed him that Sami and Brandon are on their way to Rome so he asked Kate to go with him there so that they can keep their eyes on them. He told Lucas to come along and bring Will as this will play an important part in his plan.

The Little Rascals, I mean Shawn, Belle, Chloe and Phillip went to the Salem affiliate of Habitat for Humanity and were able to convince them to build a house for Mimi and her family. The only hitch was that Mimi’s father seemed to have abandoned his family but not to fear, Shawn tracked him down and it was all an unfortunate misunderstanding. Now all we need is for Lassie to come and bark to us that Timmy has fallen in the well.

Stefano was unable to obtain a DNA sample from little Isaac.

Faye called Abe to warn him about Brandon’s vendetta against him but he put her off.

Other tidbits:

Dr. Wilson was honored by the New England Journal of Medicine for performing the fastest biopsy in the history of modern civilization. While the biopsy came back negative it did reveal that Nicole is still a slut.

Victor was inducted into the Sourpuss Hall of Fame.

Marlena called a press conference to impart how delighted she was that she had signed her new contract with invisible ink.

Shawn and Belle reported their parents as missing.

That's all for this week.

July 10-14

SALEM, JULY 16, 2000 I was a bit confused when I came back from vacation as I realized that DAYS has become foreign to me and makes me feel like I am watching a really bad episode of "Saved By The Bell". Most of this week was dedicated to those lovable rugrats at Salem High. We will get back to their enthralling and captivating saga, later.

Dr. Bader frightened Nicole when she called and told her that she wanted to perform a biopsy. Poor Nicole became
distraught as she thought she might have breast cancer. This would be very interesting since her discomfort is in her side. I think we have another case for the Mayo Clinic. As if that were not enough to contend with, Rex remembered that he knows her from her porno days as Misty Circle. I would have suggested that her name be I.B. Loose but I digress.

Victor read Nicholas' farewell letter to Kate and realized that they did not sleep together. While he's not ready for a complete reconciliation, he did offer to stand by her in order to pummel Sami if the need arises. In the meantime, he will wait to see if the anti-impotence medicine kicks in. It's obviously not working yet as Nicole showed him her wares and he was not perturbed in the least.

Kate decided that she will not stand for Victor's treatment of her (I wonder if she'll lie down for it) and sought legal counsel. She wants as much as she can get if she has to file a palimony suit.

Brandon convinced Sami to go to Europe with him to track down the girl that was with Roberto the night Franco was murdered.

Austin and Greta enjoyed each other's company in his apartment while she taught him how to use his cappuccino machine. I could go on endlessly about that one but I will limit myself to saying that I will be happy to come to his apartment and teach him how to use that paper towel dispenser.

It was evident that Sami and Austin's relationship is beginning to show signs of stress. He thinks she might have
something to hide and he's right as she lied to him and told him she has to go to Chicago. Also, she has the hots for Brandon so Houston we have a problem.

Little John stopped breathing and Bo and Hope had to rush him to the hospital. They were informed that he might have had a seizure. Earlier they had been discussing trying to hire some help, as the baby is quite a handful. Since Stefano is very interested in what is happening in the Brady household for fear that some DNA testing might be done on the baby, I guess we will be seeing either Bart or Rolf dress up as Mrs. Doubtfire and become the new Brady nanny.

Eric wanted Roman to help him get the outtakes of Nicole's flicks so that she would forever be free of her sordid past. What about her sordid present? She is trying to seduce men left and right and cheated on Lucas with Rex. Roman let him know that he was getting in over his head but that did not deter Eric who accepted an offer from the scummy porno producer to star in his next project. Later, Greta visited and they almost made love before she got cold feet again.

Craig and Nancy hit an old time low as they mounted their campaign to win over Alice who is wary of Craig's lack of compassion with the hospital staff. They even made cracks about her donuts. As far as I'm concerned this is war! I hope Alice sends Craig packing with his conniving little wife in tow.

The Geek Dance, I mean the Last Blast Dance ended with Phillip and Chloe being crowned king and queen. Jason then tilted a bucket of chicken blood meant for Chloe but Shawn pushed her out of the way and Phillip got it instead. I would have added some cow manure to the blood that way he would have been doused with the same thing he is full of. Jason then blackmailed Phillip into silence about who had done the prank as he threatened to tell Chloe about the tournament and why he asked her to the dance.

Mimi's secret is out; her family is homeless and her father, a victim of downsizing, seems to have deserted his family. Belle vowed to save her friend and so Mimi became Belle's summer charity project. I'm sure the writers thought they could reel us in with this human interest story but as Belle would say, that is SO not going to happen.

Other tidbits:

Greta and Austin opened up their own Starbucks coffeehouse.

Belle told Shawn that she would give Mimi all her left over make-up but Shawn gently reminded her that what she really needed was a place to live.

Mimi and Little John competed to see who could be the loudest.

Alice laced some donuts with Ex-Lax and gave them to Craig and Nancy.

Victor dislocated his personality when he tried to be nice to Kate.

That's all for this week.


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