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The Top Ten Menu Items at Salem Restaurants
Posted by Orion on 4/30/98

10. THE HILL-BILLIE: served at one of Salem's finest restaurants Che Vouz...this "mocktail" is made of sparkling spring water and comes with a complimentary olive..."it combines the sass of Billie and simplistic charm of Roman".

9.
STEFANO'S SPICY SEAFOOD MEDLEY: direct from the Salem docks, these fish sticks and crab cakes in disguise look like something served only to royalty..."watch out, these spicy fishies tend to rise up like the phoenix if eaten too fast...ewwww!!!"

8.
THE MAR BAR: delightful penicillin-tainted chocolate bar imported from England for those "days" when you need a little boost...can be found at any fine Salem Place establishment.

7.
THE AUSTIN: Most likely the best item on the Cheatin' Heart's menu, this club sandwich is made of "leftovers" from the previous day's orders...CAUTION!!! May leave you with a feeling of loneliness or utter stupidity.

6.
CELESTE'S MYSTERY MEAT PLATTER: A delectable dish from Salem's famous Penthouse Grill..."you'll need a psychic to tell you just exactly what the hell you are eating!"...eat at your own risk!...you may experience random headaches, dizziness, visions, deja vu, deja vu, or even worse...JUNGLE MADNESS!!!!

5.
THE BOPE: Another fine menu item at the Cheatin' Heart...this mixed drink is ALWAYS served "on the rocks".

4.
THE MINDBENDER: this appetizer is a favorite at Johnny Angel's, named after a dedicated customer Laura Horton...includes a bowl of mixed nuts, glass of pool water, and choice of an after dinner mint or placedin pill.

3.
FRANCO FRIES: these crunchy taters are a potato lover's delight...fried in the same greasy goop Mr. Kelly uses in his hair!

2.
PORKRIND SOUP: this new item on the Brady Pub menu is a sure win with any hungry customer after a long day at the docks or being locked in a secret room for a few days.

And the number one menu item at Salem restaurants is...

1.
THE SUPER SAMI SALAMI SUB SANDWICH: try sayin' that one five times fast!...this sub sandwich includes...well...everything!!!! You'll never be hungry again after finishing off this one!
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